Abuse

5 Dec 2005

I dont normally post much, but after reading the thread, my thoughts go to Kaz.
It is appalling that someone thinks that they can do something like that and get away with it.
(I think that it does put a lot of us nice single males in a poor light).
It is a testament to this community, reading the comments that people make and how supportive they are.
If i might make one final comment., if someone would point out the person in question to me, the phrase balls, rusty knife and a bath of TCP springs to mind. smile

Fuzzy

5 Dec 2005

mark
NO means NO.............
regardless if it is male on female, female on male., female on female, male on male.....
we all dress niceley when we go to munchs as we want to meet people, and show how nice looking we are. I kno wi tend to wear more ironed shirts/titer tshirts
personally i am still unsure if the person shud be named and shamed.....i can see the pro's and the cons but like dawn said the site has made clear they wud not name and shame on maiin thread.....
MikeC

5 Dec 2005

As a man I am shamed by men who pray on others, men or women.
But an delighted when I hear that someone comes to the aid of a fellow person who needs help.
I am sorry to read of abuse in any form, and I am please that someone was at hand to help you.

5 Dec 2005

Kas,
We havent met but i wanted to add my thoughts on your troubles, first i have to say i admire you for letting people know what you had gone through, that couldnt have been easy for you, Please dont let one guys behavour sour your feelings, not all single guys are like that as you know, unfortunatley it only takes one pig to spoil things for the rest of us.
As to you naming and shaming him, perhaps that isnt a wise thing to do, if the mods and ops know and can pass on his details to other sites it should stop him repeating his loutish behavour on any other women.
Personally i think he should have been taken out side by some of the bigger guys and taught the error of his ways! As it is, like all the other single guys who were not there all i can do is say that i am deeply sorry your enjoyment of the evening was spoiled by one stupid idiot and hope that you quickly recover form the ordeal!
Perhaps after your experience organisers should give some thought to security but as all those at the munch were members of SH its hard to know what more could have been done.
In the meantime by cyber post i send you a box of Belguim Chocs, a bottle of Champagne and a dozen Roses!
If they dont arrive by firt post let me know and i will shoot the vitual carrier pidgeon!
Love and kisses
Luke
xxxxxxxx

5 Dec 2005

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Kz, I have only just read this thread, and I feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. I am so very, very sorry that this happened. I just dont know what to say!
As the Munch organiser, I have always felt that I had an duty of care to the members who were coming and this is why we restricted the invites only to people who had joined the site before 1st September, or those who had joined after that date but had become regulars. The person concerend did fit into this category and in his pm, quoted another Munch he had attended. From his friendly pm's and his previous posts, I felt that he was 'suitable' to come to the munch, and as I have always felt that I am a pretty good judge of charactor, I did not see anything wrong with inviting him.
Obviously from reading this, I am not such a good a judge of people as I first thought. I am so very sorry that my actions put you in this position and I know that an apology will not make things right for you, but I seriously dont know what else I can do!
If I had known on the night that his behaviour was like this, I would have asked him to leave, but I was not made aware that he had actually abused you (I understood that he had been making suggestive comments) I did try to find the bloke to ask him to leave, but was told he had already left the venue.
I dont know what else I can say, apart from offering my apologies for this. Kaz, I am very, very sorry. I was going to put another post on today about an idea I had for a theme for another munch, but after this, I really dont feel that I can trust my own judgement anymore.
Please look afteryourself, you are wonderful person, who has helped so many people on here, I truly hope that things are going to be alright for you.
Di
xxxx

OMG NWC please please dont in anyway blame yourself. It was in no way your fault. We have to trust ourselves and give members the benefit of the doubt. If that trust is abused then 'punishment' comes hard and swift.
Unfortunately in all walks of life people are trusted and they abuse that trust, you see it on the news and in the papers all the time.
I spoke to you that night after the fact because other people dealt with it. One thing that came out of previous threads is: if anyone has any problem that they cant deal with get help and inform the organisor or their helpers. This happened, you HAD security in place, you did everything humanly possible.
I will ring you tomorrow to reassure you that in NO way do I think either yourselves or your helpers were in anyway at fault, nor could you have done anything to stop it.
Roll on the next wigan munch, if it is humanly possible WE WILL be there and any help you need will once again be offered. NO ONE is going to stop me being who I am or enjoying myself with my friends, if nothing else the last couple of days have shown me this community is absolutely fantastic
NWC kiss

and (((((((hugs)))))))
So when is the next one and what is the theme biggrin

5 Dec 2005

Well I too want to say I am sorry to hear you have had to suffer this experience Kaz.
Its been one of my greatest fears coming here as my knowledge of swinging has only come from I guess prejudiced opinions from people who weren't part of the scene and coming here I have been learning a lot and having my whole way of thinking changed. Its a set back for me as i am still very afraid of being 'forced' to do what I don't want to do but I did feel safe last Saturday .. now totally confused as to whether I really was safe or not sad

Coming in effectively as a single woman is hard and I often feel fear but still try cause I need to live not just exist. I have found some people I am beginning to trust but its still early days for me and I am still very unsure about all of it here. People have been nice but I have come from a site previously where a lot of bad stuff happened so I am wary.
I just hope Kaz is alright and this can be prevented from happening again.
DD

5 Dec 2005

sounds like a complete bastard..... we're not all like that thank god
take care
richard xx

6 Dec 2005

Kaz so sorry to hear of this incident , no one should ever be subject to someone else invading ones personal space when their attentions are clearly not wanted!!
If we are to maintain a the wonderful and succesful society we have here then respect for others must be the first rule by which we operate.
I think we should let Kaz move on from here now . Kaz strikes me as being a very well adjusted level headed individual that has posted this thread for the benfit of others rather than for her own cathartic reasons.
Let the name and shame debate drop as it will just be a source of further consternation and distress to Kaz . If individuals are worried about the identity of the guy in case they have him on msn surely they can check any guys out by contacting them on here ....I assume as he is banned they wont be able to ???
kiss

for Kaz
:therethere: for NWC ...don't reproach your self you are in no way responsible . ...look at the governent we elected ...how wrong can we be on characters ..FFS wink

6 Dec 2005

Quote by sexyluke
Personally i think he should have been taken out side by some of the bigger guys and taught the error of his ways!
xxxxxxxx

Quote by fuzzy2177
If i might make one final comment., if someone would point out the person in question to me, the phrase balls, rusty knife and a bath of TCP springs to mind. icon_

Whilst I understand the sentiments of these guys this is the other reason I would resist naming and shaming

6 Dec 2005

I was wondering if the police were informed.....sexual abuse is a criminal offense.

6 Dec 2005

Quote by niceguysdoexist

Personally i think he should have been taken out side by some of the bigger guys and taught the error of his ways!
xxxxxxxx

Quote by fuzzy2177
If i might make one final comment., if someone would point out the person in question to me, the phrase balls, rusty knife and a bath of TCP springs to mind. icon_

Whilst I understand the sentiments of these guys this is the other reason I would resist naming and shaming
A very good point, whilst we all have the right to defend ourselves or others, that right definitely does not extend to taking physical revenge after the fact, and naming and shaming could potentially be considered incitement to violence or worse, depending on how it were phrased.
Could I also make a plea for people to consider their language a little more - I'm not sure comments about castration (whether or not combined with torture) are necessary or appropriate in this context, though some, possibly many of us may have thoughts along those lines.

6 Dec 2005

i'm new so if i offend i'm sorry.
i'm sorry to hear what happend but a NO is a NO and anybody still trying it on after they have been told no should have sissors taken to them imagine what could have happend to you if nobody else was there do you think the person in question would have stopped and what if they arrange to meet somebody else (that's if there off here)what if they do meet this person on there own not knowing what they are capable of.
please if the person is somebody off here get in contact with the modorators and see how you stand on nameing and shameing people like this can not be left out there.
D.L.M xxx

6 Dec 2005

thanks steph.
its just i have nothing but hate for people that dont understand the word NO.
D.L.M xxxx

6 Dec 2005

Kaz, i really am sorry to hear about the incident you had to endure. In all the time i worked at the club we only had one incident of that nature and it was nipped in the bud swiftly. Needless to say membership was taken back instantly. Yes, the idea of giving the person a smack in the mouth did cross my mind but you have to rise above that and not lower yourself to their yobbish ways. You have lots of nice people who are supporting you through this Kaz. Stay strong girl and dont let one idiot spoil your good days to come. xxx

8 Dec 2005

hi kaz we didnt get chance to say hi , but will nxt munch , its awful some people just think people who swing are cheap n easy , it really gets to us , we had something a bit like that happen in a club with us , the guy just thought coz there were a few cpls there he could help himself (he was kicked out) and like u said no one can really tell what someones like inside , out of 150 people invited one bad egg out of all them shows great selection on people invited by wigan cpl , things like this do and will still happen but i think everyone will be more on the lookout for the sad arses who try these things ,
sam n lucy xxx

8 Dec 2005

sorry kaz only just got to hear what happened on sat,it was my first munch and i met so many new people i cant remember if i spoke to you, everyone was having such a good time i cant belive somthing like this was going on, mad

,idiots like this would get all us new munch members you seem to be putting a brave face on it,and i am sure it will not put you off attending the next munch...why i will even buy you a drink surprised

.take care...see ya soon