Hi
I’d like some thoughts/advice/opinions from you good people especially the single guys because it is more relevant to them.
I’ve been playing, off and on for about 6 years. I can’t remember why and how I strayed from the ‘normal’ sex life path. My sex drive is not practically high, I’m not a dog with 2 dicks, I have never had problems attracting women, yet this way of life, if I’m honest, has become somewhat of an obsession.
Sex with a partner, although enjoyable, rapidly becomes unfulfilling and I find myself needing that extra thrill of being with a couple or a group. It’s not a moral dilemma, I don’t think this lifestyle is wrong and pretty much all the people I have met over the years have been fantastic, open-minded, intelligent people with levels of liberation I envy. It’s just that at 36 I know that I’ve pretty much screwed my chances of giving someone what I want from a partner: trust, loyalty and honesty. When a partner asks me (hypothetically) what sexual fantasies I would like to act out, I have to wrack my brains! Is it healthy to have practically lived them all out?
When I look through this site and see the (oh so obvious) ads from single guys pretending to be couples/females for whatever reason, pictures, w**k material whatever kick their on, It congers up a vision of some sad social retard sitting in a bed sit hunched over his PC whacking away and I think shit! That could be me one day! I don’t think I will end up as one of those unsavoury characters, but I bet they didn’t either.
I’m waffling on a bit now and I’m still not sure what I really want advice on! I know I don’t need justification for my lifestyle and I’m not after salvation It’s just that it’s not the sort of thing that I can talk over in a pub with my everyday friends.
Although I’ve never joined in with any of the chats on this forum I have observed them and have come to the conclusion that the majority of users seam to be switched on, intelligent folks who’s opinions I would respect.
If you made it to the end of this message, thanks and any constructive advice/thoughts would be appreciated. I’m working nights for a few days now so PM me and I’ll read them soon as I can.
Take care
Mils x
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Advice, thoughts and opinions from all please!
Hello
A very interesting subject, and one I've sort of wondered about too. If it doesn't work out with my current partner for some reason, how on earth would I explain my past? what effect would that have on a new relationship? would it scare people off? intimidate people? could I ever be seen as someone who geinuinely does want a long term secure trusting relationship?
I don't know the answer, I'm just agreeing with the quiestion!
Maybe you will have to think up some even mpre weird and wonderful fantasies, now you've carried out all yours?
A very interesting subject, and one I've sort of wondered about too. If it doesn't work out with my current partner for some reason, how on earth would I explain my past? what effect would that have on a new relationship? would it scare people off? intimidate people? could I ever be seen as someone who geinuinely does want a long term secure trusting relationship?
I don't know the answer, I'm just agreeing with the quiestion!
Maybe you will have to think up some even mpre weird and wonderful fantasies, now you've carried out all yours?
Since arriving on SH and sleeping my way through the crowd my views on relationships have got more and more distorted.
To the extent that I've "sabataged" myself and I'm definately NOT relationship material now.
Also realised that I'm more "hungry" than most men can keep up with. So those images of a lonely bedsit are kinda too bright right now.
Which is why I work so damn hard. Now way in hell will it be some lonely bedsit!
I'm thinking maybe Fiji
To the extent that I've "sabataged" myself and I'm definately NOT relationship material now.
Also realised that I'm more "hungry" than most men can keep up with. So those images of a lonely bedsit are kinda too bright right now.
Which is why I work so damn hard. Now way in hell will it be some lonely bedsit!
I'm thinking maybe Fiji
Mils.... i honestly believe that life is way too short to be worrying about stuff.....
Join in the chat etc., and be yourself... i'm sure that most people in here are just run of the mill ppl from all walks of life....
Whatever turns you on.... people in here won't judge you.... thats the great thing about SH.......
At 36.... you're hardly on the relationship scrapheap..... lol..... but whatever you choose to do... its your life..... live it.... and enjoy it.....
equi-princess xxx
Join in the chat etc., and be yourself... i'm sure that most people in here are just run of the mill ppl from all walks of life....
Whatever turns you on.... people in here won't judge you.... thats the great thing about SH.......
At 36.... you're hardly on the relationship scrapheap..... lol..... but whatever you choose to do... its your life..... live it.... and enjoy it.....
equi-princess xxx
if you enjoying it...keep doing it
When you stop enjoying it..Stop...and do something differant.
Easy really...and if you decide to do something differant you don't have to explain your past in detail to anyone but yourself.
When you stop enjoying it..Stop...and do something differant.
Easy really...and if you decide to do something differant you don't have to explain your past in detail to anyone but yourself.
well, for me I'm going to carry on doing it when not in a relationship and enjoy myself. If I do meet someone and we don't want to, then fine we don't, but I do think I would find it hard not to be tempted back in to the scene so to speak..........
The only way I wouldn't, unfortunately is the bolt of lightning, coup from above love struck thing :P The one!, I know she is out there :P and yes, one day I will find her :twisted:
Har har har (Dr. Evil Laugh)
well, just going to enjoy myself till then
The only way I wouldn't, unfortunately is the bolt of lightning, coup from above love struck thing :P The one!, I know she is out there :P and yes, one day I will find her :twisted:
Har har har (Dr. Evil Laugh)
well, just going to enjoy myself till then
Sex God
Quote by mils
My sex drive is not practically high, I’m not a dog with 2 dicks, I have never had problems attracting women, yet this way of life, if I’m honest, has become somewhat of an obsession.
Sex with a partner, although enjoyable, rapidly becomes unfulfilling and I find myself needing that extra thrill of being with a couple or a group. It’s not a moral dilemma, I don’t think this lifestyle is wrong and pretty much all the people I have met over the years have been fantastic, open-minded, intelligent people with levels of liberation I envy. It’s just that at 36 I know that I’ve pretty much screwed my chances of giving someone what I want from a partner: trust, loyalty and honesty. When a partner asks me (hypothetically) what sexual fantasies I would like to act out, I have to wrack my brains! Is it healthy to have practically lived them all out?
You are who you are Mils, and you seen to know yourself pretty well. That's a good start :P
The monogamous life obviously isn't for you.... you have, in psycho-babble... an "unrestricted socio-sexual orientation". That means you like sex with different partners and as you say.... sex with one person quickly becomes unfulfilling....Also, as you say, this type of orientation doesn't mean that you are sex crazed with a massive sexual appetite, cos actually, it is as much about "attitude" as it is about satisfying your sexual urges.
Plenty of people also have unrestricted sociosexuality as part of their psyche, though many never come to terms with this and spend their lives lurching from one unhappy unfaithful disasterous relationship to another. I suspect that many members of this board (including myself) also have the same kind of sociosexuality as you, and have (or are in the process of) opening their minds to all the wonderful experiences that this type of orientation brings them.
Mils, embrace your sexuality and accept it as a positive part of you. The "normal" monogamous life is not for you so don't look for partners who want that........ it will ALWAYS end in failure. You will one day meet someone who you can give trust and loyalty to, AND who will understand your sexuality too........... it does happen... look at all of the couples on this board! :P
I have also lived out practically all of my fantasises and I'm 3 years younger than you
, but that does not stop me from developing new interests and meeting new people. Be honest with yourself and others and people will re-pay you a thousand-fold. Don't try to change.... that is what will get your into shit. You sound like a decent guy to me. Stick around and chat some more on the board. If you want to talk there's always some sad insomniac sod on here with nothing better to do, that will reply :lol: :lol: . You have found friends..... use them :P
Sad social retards, Unsavory characters, whilst I understand your feelings in other points you have made I do not see the need to say such things of people you evidently do not know or the circumstances of them being in a situation where they are on thier own in front of a PC.
When I was younger there used to be a tramp that lived on some waste ground behind some local shops. All the kids used to torment, taunt, and abuse this man simply because in their eyes he was a sad old tramp.
The truth of the matter was that this old man was, some years earlier a proffessor at the university, He lived in a large splendid house and had a wife and three children.
Then one day his life ended when a drunk driver caused a crash and his wife and children were killed.
But there he was, A sad old tramp, to those who (Thought!) they knew him.
There are a multitude of reasons why some of the people on here live on thier own, either in bedsits, flats, Houses or a tent, Some have had bad splits and probably feel they can`t trust a partner again, some have probably been through a dirty divorce and been cleaned out, or some may even have been through a real trauma like the old tramp.
Yes, one day you yourself may even find yourself in the same position and have to listen to knowalls who paint a picture of you and your life without even having a clue of the truth.
I myself never judge anyone, and certainly don`t judge a book by its cover. I believe everyone is an individual and has a right to live thier lives in a way that seems fit to them without the need to justify themselves to others,and if that means some bloke sitting in his bedsit giving himself hand relief over some pics on the net then thats fine, its his own affair and he`s hurting no one in the process, which is more than can be said for the accepted normal type of bloke who goes out and gets pissed and then physically hurts someone for nothing. I also live in what you may deam as a fantasy world where I would like to see everyone tend to thier own business and get on well with others.
I will not ramble on further I have had my say, its my opinion that I am entitled to as is everyone else.
Mike.
When I was younger there used to be a tramp that lived on some waste ground behind some local shops. All the kids used to torment, taunt, and abuse this man simply because in their eyes he was a sad old tramp.
The truth of the matter was that this old man was, some years earlier a proffessor at the university, He lived in a large splendid house and had a wife and three children.
Then one day his life ended when a drunk driver caused a crash and his wife and children were killed.
But there he was, A sad old tramp, to those who (Thought!) they knew him.
There are a multitude of reasons why some of the people on here live on thier own, either in bedsits, flats, Houses or a tent, Some have had bad splits and probably feel they can`t trust a partner again, some have probably been through a dirty divorce and been cleaned out, or some may even have been through a real trauma like the old tramp.
Yes, one day you yourself may even find yourself in the same position and have to listen to knowalls who paint a picture of you and your life without even having a clue of the truth.
I myself never judge anyone, and certainly don`t judge a book by its cover. I believe everyone is an individual and has a right to live thier lives in a way that seems fit to them without the need to justify themselves to others,and if that means some bloke sitting in his bedsit giving himself hand relief over some pics on the net then thats fine, its his own affair and he`s hurting no one in the process, which is more than can be said for the accepted normal type of bloke who goes out and gets pissed and then physically hurts someone for nothing. I also live in what you may deam as a fantasy world where I would like to see everyone tend to thier own business and get on well with others.
I will not ramble on further I have had my say, its my opinion that I am entitled to as is everyone else.
Mike.
Thats ok steph, I realy wished to point out the same point you have just made, in that in the third para of mils post, and the manner in which he has put his opinion, it may be take badly by many of the single blokes that use this site.
I think sometimes we could all do with sitting back for a moment and choosing our words more carefully.
We anrn`t all that sad, I cry sometimes but its not from being sad, its usually over some of the hilarious posts in this forum.
all the best.
Mike
I think sometimes we could all do with sitting back for a moment and choosing our words more carefully.
We anrn`t all that sad, I cry sometimes but its not from being sad, its usually over some of the hilarious posts in this forum.
all the best.
Mike
Thanks for your opinion mike, and as you pointed out, we all have the right to have one.
My analogy of the habits of single guys on this site wasn’t directed at them as a whole (I am one!) but rather at the small proportion of them that do (and there can be no doubt or argument here) sit hunched over their PCs whacking away over photos gained by lies and abuse of the faith and trust of the people on this site.
It wasn’t an attack at people who live alone, I’ve done so myself many times over the years nor one on people who use their PCs a lot, guilty again.
As your response was the only negative one I received I ask you to read through my original post again and maybe my point will be clearer as it was not my intention to offend anyone and I would hate to think that I have.
Mils x
My analogy of the habits of single guys on this site wasn’t directed at them as a whole (I am one!) but rather at the small proportion of them that do (and there can be no doubt or argument here) sit hunched over their PCs whacking away over photos gained by lies and abuse of the faith and trust of the people on this site.
It wasn’t an attack at people who live alone, I’ve done so myself many times over the years nor one on people who use their PCs a lot, guilty again.
As your response was the only negative one I received I ask you to read through my original post again and maybe my point will be clearer as it was not my intention to offend anyone and I would hate to think that I have.
Mils x
The trouble with conversing like this, through email or texting, is that you don't get to see the person's body language or facial expression, and the inference in someone's voice. That means that people and posts are so easily misinterpreted.
I read the email as an attack too Steph, but I think I understand what people were trying to say now.
Live and let live :love:
I read the email as an attack too Steph, but I think I understand what people were trying to say now.
Live and let live :love:
Mils
On that Point I will agree, there are those who lie and decieve and they are the bane of the site and our lives, but we must not forget that there is also the same point that can be made of (not wishing to offend)some single women and some couples (or pretended couples)
We would all hope that sites like this would be visited and used by likeminded people but this is not an ideal world and there are those out there male & female that can make things miserable for others at times.
I do understand your feelings on the matter, but it is something which we cannot stop,
How do we stop the piccy hunters, do we stop posting pics, stop sending a pic to people we would like to meet, Pictures are a big part of what we do in our hunt for sexual fullfilment, and 90percent of ads state "no pic no answer", so we have to put up with the piccy hunters, and if at times there is some lonely soul sat quietly jacking off over them take it as a compliment that you are good looking enough for them to feel the need to do it in the first place.
We are always going to see and fall prey to the ones that mess people about but as in anything else we must take the rough with the smooth.
I do understand, and I understand the fact that you are a single as I am, I was not trying to be negative in a nasty way, I was just making the point that there are genuine guys who could take offence because of the way in which we are slightly stimatised anyway,
Being single and putting an ad on a site like this, then sitting there and answering lots of ads, sending pics etc. and getting no answers can at times make even a genuine single bloke feel like one of those you describe, sometimes I feel like a sad muppet and I freely admit that I keep some of the pics of people on here, but that is when I have answered their ads so I know who they are and what they look like, (a good thing when you have answered 8-10 ads in a day)(mind you, have you seen vix, Yes I have saved her pics from her site etc, She is georgous, what red blooded male wouldn`t want her pics.) But then I think to myself "ok, so they have no intention of replying, but there are some genuine people on here, sooner or later I`l click.
Its all in the way you look at things, if someone messes you around move on, if someone is collecting pics, move on, it does`nt have to get to you, ok people have put their faith & trust in some of these undesirables but that`s life it happens to us all and we have to move on, I do!.
all the best.
mike.
On that Point I will agree, there are those who lie and decieve and they are the bane of the site and our lives, but we must not forget that there is also the same point that can be made of (not wishing to offend)some single women and some couples (or pretended couples)
We would all hope that sites like this would be visited and used by likeminded people but this is not an ideal world and there are those out there male & female that can make things miserable for others at times.
I do understand your feelings on the matter, but it is something which we cannot stop,
How do we stop the piccy hunters, do we stop posting pics, stop sending a pic to people we would like to meet, Pictures are a big part of what we do in our hunt for sexual fullfilment, and 90percent of ads state "no pic no answer", so we have to put up with the piccy hunters, and if at times there is some lonely soul sat quietly jacking off over them take it as a compliment that you are good looking enough for them to feel the need to do it in the first place.
We are always going to see and fall prey to the ones that mess people about but as in anything else we must take the rough with the smooth.
I do understand, and I understand the fact that you are a single as I am, I was not trying to be negative in a nasty way, I was just making the point that there are genuine guys who could take offence because of the way in which we are slightly stimatised anyway,
Being single and putting an ad on a site like this, then sitting there and answering lots of ads, sending pics etc. and getting no answers can at times make even a genuine single bloke feel like one of those you describe, sometimes I feel like a sad muppet and I freely admit that I keep some of the pics of people on here, but that is when I have answered their ads so I know who they are and what they look like, (a good thing when you have answered 8-10 ads in a day)(mind you, have you seen vix, Yes I have saved her pics from her site etc, She is georgous, what red blooded male wouldn`t want her pics.) But then I think to myself "ok, so they have no intention of replying, but there are some genuine people on here, sooner or later I`l click.
Its all in the way you look at things, if someone messes you around move on, if someone is collecting pics, move on, it does`nt have to get to you, ok people have put their faith & trust in some of these undesirables but that`s life it happens to us all and we have to move on, I do!.
all the best.
mike.
Sex God
I'm sorry this is one of those pointless threads - 'Please everybody tell me what to do with my life' (is just about it).
How can anybody do that FFS? If you are talking to people that know you then you might get some reasonable advice. You would do that in a PM on this site, which is where most of this thread should be, in my opinion.
How can anybody do that FFS? If you are talking to people that know you then you might get some reasonable advice. You would do that in a PM on this site, which is where most of this thread should be, in my opinion.
Mike - have come to realise that I may be a thread-killer, so won't hurt in this case! As a single fem and sometimes part of a couple - I was very interested in your comments. You see, since linking up with a guy who enjoys swinging (something I didn't know anything about until a year ago), I've not looked back and I suspect that other women may feel the same. it's difficult at first to get over the hurdle of 'does he still love me?' if you are involved in group-type activities. But I now know that he does regardless of what we get up to (mostly at clubs). When you meet someone new, be open with them - offer the opportunity to look over a club or 2 (it's been on TV of course!). If you've already clicked sexually, you may find this ok. If not, time to move on. I personally don't regard myself as abnormal, and I think most women who love sex are of the same opinion. So, try it and good luck!
Hi walnut.
I agree, and I would never dream of calling any woman who loves sex abnormal, There are men aswell who love sex to such a degree that they feel they cannot get enough, and i certainly would not call them abnormal either, I fall under the same catagory otherwise I would not be into swinging.
In fact the only point at which I mentioned women was to point out that not only can there be men that would lie and decieve, or just simply mess people about, but their are some of the fairer sex that can be guilty of the same thing.
it was a case of being fair to both sexes about comments that were made.
Someone said earlier about how easily things can be taken out of context, and I believe that this posting is basically going nowhere but getting peoples backs up through reading what they want into it rather than seeing the points for what they really are.
but i do take your good advice onboard and would have basically said the same things, in a roundabout way this is the essence of what I was trying to tell mils.
thanks.
Mike
I agree, and I would never dream of calling any woman who loves sex abnormal, There are men aswell who love sex to such a degree that they feel they cannot get enough, and i certainly would not call them abnormal either, I fall under the same catagory otherwise I would not be into swinging.
In fact the only point at which I mentioned women was to point out that not only can there be men that would lie and decieve, or just simply mess people about, but their are some of the fairer sex that can be guilty of the same thing.
it was a case of being fair to both sexes about comments that were made.
Someone said earlier about how easily things can be taken out of context, and I believe that this posting is basically going nowhere but getting peoples backs up through reading what they want into it rather than seeing the points for what they really are.
but i do take your good advice onboard and would have basically said the same things, in a roundabout way this is the essence of what I was trying to tell mils.
thanks.
Mike
I thought you were going to say no more on the subject Mike? Mils,
I believe I am right in saying that you are concerned that your strong preference for swinging sex will prevent you from ever entering into a stable relationship, which will result in you ending up alone in the future?
My advice would be, you have to make your choices in life and live with the consequences.
lhk
Kat
Sex God
Quote by mican
Sorry, tried kat, but had to answer the ladie, I hope that will be the end of that one, I`ve never had to open my mail box so much, lol.
Yeah - express a strong viewpoint and yer Pm box fills up - s'great innit
If you can run before you can walk it's OK.
If you've tried all your fantasies already, then you don't have to let her know. You can always drop a few hints at what you like/have done. Start slowly with a 3rd person rather than tell her you fancy being in a huge orgy.
But if you always crave excitement, variety etc with sex then I'm sure you'll find plenty of women who're the same.
Just remember, there's always someone dirtier and more perverted than you out there. All you have to do is find them :wink:
But if you always crave excitement, variety etc with sex then I'm sure you'll find plenty of women who're the same.
Just remember, there's always someone dirtier and more perverted than you out there. All you have to do is find them
:wink: 
Sex God
Quote by deancannock
if you enjoying it...keep doing it
When you stop enjoying it..Stop...and do something differant.
Easy really...and if you decide to do something differant you don't have to explain your past in detail to anyone but yourself.
Spot on dean
:wink: I wish i could think in such an uncomplicated and simplified manner :smile2:
H, red x
Im such an analyst
