Well said, Fabio. My g/f loves fucking black guys and prefers older guys with a young outlook.
There's someone for everyone in this world, and hopefully in SH!
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Sex God
I think the best way to deal with people who make the kind of remarks trix reported is to totally ignore them. If they don't get any reaction then they don't have an audience.
Sex God
As usual Fabio is the voice of reason in this and similar threads . Trix has to learn to react in the same way , he shouldnt have to , but he does have to cos thats just the way it is . Otherwise this thread and others like it will only serve to build a perception that black men in swinging 'create a problem' . Im sure the likelihood of anyone sharing this womans view changing their mind because of a thread here is very slim . What is productive is the way Fabio demonstrates once again his measured and realistic view of the situation , and in doing so simply confirms that her view is wrong .
Anti racist rhetoric is perhaps reassuring for Trix , but Fab's advice is from experience , somthing of course I for one cannot really provide. Hopefully Trix can prove her as wrong as Fabio does .
Peace
Anti racist rhetoric is perhaps reassuring for Trix , but Fab's advice is from experience , somthing of course I for one cannot really provide. Hopefully Trix can prove her as wrong as Fabio does .
Peace
Sex God
thanks for that.... the brain cell does work sometimes...
in general swinging is like life in the fact we all have to deal with stuff... and peoples perceptions... whether it is colour.. or size.. or age.. or anything else.....
it is was me in the situation trix i would have looked at it this way......
1) if the people involved doesn't see me for anything past the colour of my skin... that is their problem, not mine!! there loss since they are missing out on seeing what a nice person i am... concentrate on the people who are worth concentrating on.....
2) like i said before... if you know that is what the person is like, would you really want to be friends with them anyway....turn around, think "phew that was an escape" and go out and have a blast with other people who see you for you.....
i know it probably grates you.... it has done me in the past... but stuff like this will in the end only make you stronger.......
stick with it mate......
sean xxxxxxxx
in general swinging is like life in the fact we all have to deal with stuff... and peoples perceptions... whether it is colour.. or size.. or age.. or anything else.....
it is was me in the situation trix i would have looked at it this way......
1) if the people involved doesn't see me for anything past the colour of my skin... that is their problem, not mine!! there loss since they are missing out on seeing what a nice person i am... concentrate on the people who are worth concentrating on.....
2) like i said before... if you know that is what the person is like, would you really want to be friends with them anyway....turn around, think "phew that was an escape" and go out and have a blast with other people who see you for you.....
i know it probably grates you.... it has done me in the past... but stuff like this will in the end only make you stronger.......
stick with it mate......
sean xxxxxxxx
Quote by Happy Cats
In the name of the scouse indian - Hangonamo!
The guy (trix)has not answered any questions relating to this at all.
If I had posted a thread about something as important as this I would have checked and replied - he got 3 replies within 20 mins!
Am I alone in being sceptical?
no not at all happy cats.....spent a month waiting..never told anyone at the time...and now has sympathy of all and next time he attends a meeting anywhere people would maybe scared to say..to young for me...in case he took that to mean no coz your not my skin colour type. So no Happy ctas I'm as sceptical as you.....open minds eh !!!
Sex God
I guess we'd have to take the opinion of someone who had met Trix and felt they knew something about him to really cancel all scepticism . Im sure weve all experienced a mistaken use of the race card by people we have met , but it would seem he was fairly explicit about what she said . Unless he is just bare faced lying ( cant see why he would in this case) it would seem he hasnt mis read the comment , but who knows ?
How many of us post a thread and dont look at it?
Yes, there could be a good reason why he hasnt but the chances are - he has read it.
I know this is a good opportunity for some to say how they are PC and against racism (I have!) but I would take this, on the evidence I can see, as a pinch of salt.
Racism is one of those topics that can make some people be that little bit more tolerant, patient and believing (without any facts) than they would be of other subjects. The last thing most want is to open of accusations of racism.
I am merely wondering what this is all about based upon the facts I have read
Yes, there could be a good reason why he hasnt but the chances are - he has read it.
I know this is a good opportunity for some to say how they are PC and against racism (I have!) but I would take this, on the evidence I can see, as a pinch of salt.
Racism is one of those topics that can make some people be that little bit more tolerant, patient and believing (without any facts) than they would be of other subjects. The last thing most want is to open of accusations of racism.
I am merely wondering what this is all about based upon the facts I have read
Quote by Happy Cats
How many of us post a thread and dont look at it?
Yes, there could be a good reason why he hasnt but the chances are - he has read it.
I know this is a good opportunity for some to say how they are PC and against racism (I have!)
You know, I don`t think I have
I`ve just had fun studying today`s contentious topic, and have been practising `objective` :mrgreen:
Poor bloke probably has stage fright now! :giggle:
Ignore me, I`m on the rose` :lol:
Venusxxx
Master of Sex
Quote by BigBoi
In fact i applaud you on your balls...
Ouch!
Sex God
Quote by deancannock
In the name of the scouse indian - Hangonamo!
The guy (trix)has not answered any questions relating to this at all.
If I had posted a thread about something as important as this I would have checked and replied - he got 3 replies within 20 mins!
Am I alone in being sceptical?
no not at all happy cats.....spent a month waiting..never told anyone at the time...and now has sympathy of all and next time he attends a meeting anywhere people would maybe scared to say..to young for me...in case he took that to mean no coz your not my skin colour type. So no Happy ctas I'm as sceptical as you.....open minds eh !!!
guys.. i am sorry that you both feel so sceptical...... like i said before, i have been thru it, and i did mull over even contributing to this thread..... there been times when i have posted stuff and waited a long time to reply..... and stuff that had been bugging me for a while before i posted, when i asked if big men were accepted in swinging circles as much as big women being a case in example...
it is such an emotive subject, and i was really tempted to so say until you have been in my shoes for a day then you might have a better understanding... me personally i feel i have to deal with it everyday, in work i feel that i am having to prove that i am the best person for the job, and maybe that is the reason why i am good at the job i do....but this is one of the few places that i don't feel that way and i can relax..... it what had happened to trix has happened to me in the back of my mind i would be doubting myself.. and for anyone to put anyone down like that is wrong period.......
sean
Fabio if it happened I think 99.9% of people on here would comdem it outright. I think we all know that. Thats why I do think it unusual that nothing was said at the time. also if you look back at the Leicester munch thread afterwards....Trix says great time and EVERYONE was great and friendly !!!!!
And he now posts this a month later and does not come back and answer any of the questions raised.....sorry mate but it does sort of make you think and wonder.
And he now posts this a month later and does not come back and answer any of the questions raised.....sorry mate but it does sort of make you think and wonder.
Quote by fabio grooverider
2) the colour thing... i am really sorry that trix had to deal with this,because he is a nice guy
i have dealt with it when i first came on here with the ads, which is why i rarely use them anymore.. and still deal with it every so often in the chatroom...but i suppose i am fortunate to never have to deal with this in the forum and at munches......
Hold the phone!!!!
You're telling me that Sean is black? Why did no one tell me this for fucks sake!
There must' ve been loads of people that saw me talking and laughing with him, I was even in the sauna naked playing in close proximity to him at one point! You bastards must've been laughing at me all the time, why did I have to wait until now to find out he was black?
:x :x Quote by deancannock
no not at all happy cats.....spent a month waiting..never told anyone at the time...and now has sympathy of all and next time he attends a meeting anywhere people would maybe scared to say..to young for me...in case he took that to mean no coz your not my skin colour type. So no Happy ctas I'm as sceptical as you.....open minds eh !!!
I'm reminded of a Lenny Henry anecdote from when he was at school ing Dudlaay,
LH: Will yo goo out wi' me?
Girl: Nao!
LH: It's bicuz of my skin colour aynit?
Girl: Nao, it's bicuz yam an ugly bastard!
Quote by deancannock
Thats why I do think it unusual that nothing was said at the time. also if you look back at the Leicester munch thread afterwards....Trix says great time and EVERYONE was great and friendly !!!!!
I see your point there Dean but I would like to point something out from experience.
People can be bullied and not say anything due to the fact they feel it is drawing more attention and more people may jump on the bandwagon and join in to make the victims life even more hell. In fact victims of bullying can often try to give the impression that everything is fine for that very reason.
Now I'm not saying Trix was being bullied at this munch, not at all, it sounds like an ignorant person made an ignorant comment if it indeed happened as said, but how much abuse dose constitute bullying 1 comment, 5 or 6 or until the victim breaks down. I only say this last part due to Fabio mentioning he has had to put up with it and on more than one occasion by the sounds of it, so how many times has Trix put up with it in every day life and has had to learn to keep a low profile due to fear of more unwanted attention.
Just a couple of my thoughts there, maybe I'm wrong.
This was an unfortunate event for you. It sounds as though the woman was under stress and used you as a victim. Which is easy to do. It is possible that she did not want to find herself involved with you under group conditions so she was just anticipating this event and defending her patch, but somewhat vindictively. Or just wicked behaviour.
Alternatively it may have been a constructed but odd angle to get involved with you. Because you walked off you may have missed an opportunity to see the situation out. I know you felt pretty crap and angry, but she was there in front of you, presenting herself; albeit rather antisocially. Some sub/dom relationships are based on these dynamics. So may be next time, hold your ground and just see what happens.
Alternatively it may have been a constructed but odd angle to get involved with you. Because you walked off you may have missed an opportunity to see the situation out. I know you felt pretty crap and angry, but she was there in front of you, presenting herself; albeit rather antisocially. Some sub/dom relationships are based on these dynamics. So may be next time, hold your ground and just see what happens.
Quote by trix
h hi everyone i have something that has been playing on my mind for a while now i was under the assumption that if you are over 18 you are an adult and that SH members will agree.I was surprised when some one at a munch said to be iam too young to be there and besides as a black man your chances are next to nothing so forget having fun here and go home.i just looked at the lady and smiled ,walked away befor e i could do something very you think i should have said something sooner or was i right to just walk away .oh and for the record iam 26
Hmm colour, not an easy topic, but it should be, as if we really are tolerant as a society we should be able to talk freely. Personally on a physical level I prefer white skin, but I like red heads, and prefer my ladies freckled. This is fine and reasonable as we are talking attraction, and God help us if we all found the same thing atrractive
When this is not fine is when we start bringing perception into it, i.e. only redheads are intelligent, or only red heads are nice to talk to. What was said was wrong because it was put in a general context, your black, your young, so you got no chance is just bollox. If you were chatting her up and she said no thanks hunni you a bit young for me, all fair and good. After all physical attraction is a highly personal thing (although see my previous quotes re sex with a person, not a body, I have not only ended up with people on my 'perfect' list and had wonderful relationships with people of all colours, hair or skin).
Racism is about putting people down, preconceptions, and trying to box people in (I think, correct me if I am wrong). I think you will find very few people who would agree with the lady you met, so knuckle down and put it behind you. I know it hurts, I have been called fat and ridculed in my work life (not here on SH) and it cuts to your being. I hope the series of responses here will show you that you have a shot at a lot of friendships on SH, regardless of colour or age, and anything else that may follow on from it.
All the best in your future here.
Sex God
Well Trix is online now and has been for a while - long enough to read through his own thread anyway. Do you have any comments Trix?
sorry it has taken me a while to respond to the thread have been busy .Deancannock is under the assumption that iam looking for sampathy and FIY dean i didnt wait a month i have spoken to some people about it this is ecxatly why i had not said a thing i guess i was ill advised to say something about would certainly have delt with it but i prefer the way i handled it ingnoring a stupid remark from an ignorant person.I donot impose myself on anyone iam not illeterate i can actually converse with people i only play when invited i only touched people who invitedv me.,some say i said because of rejection iwasnt rejected at all it was an episode that happend and i dealt with it my way and i carried on its not the first time remarks like this have beeen made and it wont be the last .I apologise for having not said things in the open forum cause clearly some people think i need bottom line is the good outweighed the bad and i soldered on and all those that spoke to me on the day will clearly tell you that i do respect boundaries no one owes anyone an explanation why they wont play with anyone and that is that.
Sex God
Quote by trix
sorry it The bottom line is the good outweighed the bad and i soldered on
So why bother mentioning it after so much time has passed?
Surely you could have done as Sean suggested and just forget it. An ignornant remark by a most ignorant individual should not blight your enjoyment of the occasion.
FWIT I wouldn't give it a second thought if such a remark had been said to me. If people are so bigoted as to make such comments, they are simply not worth the air they breath
Chin up mate. You know you're better than they are. Don't let it dwell on your mind for one minute longer. It's simply not worth it :?
Tracy-Jayne
Sex God
iam not illeterate i can actually converse with people
What on earth does illiteracy have to do with the ability to converse with people? Looking at the mistakes on your post, I'd say you have a problem with the basics to say the least
Sorry for the hijack but I can't see the connection between illiteracy and being able to hold a conversation.
And I agree with Redhot on this one, why say something if you'd 'soldiered on'
i cant understand why Bev has got to be personal IF I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH BASICS AS YOU SAY its non of your bussiness and it doesnt change the fact that what i said was true and the reason i have said something is because i spoke to some peoplee and they felt i should say something i had no intentions of saying anything because i know there is people who become personal about things like bev and deancannock stop being judgemental you have never been in a situation like that before have you?.Happycats yes i have been in contact with the woman .Since some people are taking it so personally i feel i dont have anything else to say to anyone and i will not be responding to this thread anymore lets just give it a rest and forgot it ever happened
