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Just thought I would resurrect this post, because it was just so funny first time round, it deserves another airing.
This was back in the good old days of 'having a laugh!!'
Mal
wink

Chaps...
I've come over all funny.... :silly:
I've returned after a marathon two hour battle to get the cat to take his kidney pill to read all today's shattering events in The Cafe, Lets Meet Up, the now AWFUL, bungling attempted abuse of our ads system and my mind is pondering the question...
"What's it all about, Alfie?"
If your name is Alfie, I think the public need the wisdom of your input here.
:bounce: :bounce: They're coming to take me away, ha ha, he he, ho ho! They're coming to take me away!! :bounce: :bounce:
P.S. Does anyone know of a likely cause of 'runaway cursor'? It's driving me nuts!!
Hxx'
P.S. Does anyone know of a likely cause of 'runaway cursor'? It's driving me nuts!!
Grubby mouse balls?
lhk
Well, well
Lucky all funny !! is all I can say really !! wink
Sorry, someone is bound to say it dunno
Cheers Dan xxx
That's all very well for you to say, Wilma! I'm the one stuck with my arm in the cat's bowels!
P.S. Does "To Be Taken Internally" mean top to bottom, or bottom to top?
I figured the bottom end was the nearest to the kidneys but the cat dissagrees.
Any thoughts?
With cat medicine, I believe "taken internally" means the cat rips open some holes in you, glares at the medicine until you get the message, then wanders off to lick itself and complain loudly that it hasn't been fed yet.
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
I needed that belly laugh Heather - thanks!!!
Sorry - no advice to offer. My beloved cat, Buttons, died many many many years ago but I can recall pill hell.
x xx
Hiya
The only way I can get my cats to take pills without my arms becoming painfully perforated is to wrap them in a towel, then tip thier heads back until theu open their mouths and then drop the pill in......... still easier said than done (gives you good practice for the perserverence required on some areas of this site !). Just when you think youve done it the cunning gits will walk to the other side of the room, remove the pill from under their tounge and spit it out.
As for your runaway mouse, if you are using a laptop, then the mouse pad could be wearing out sad
Don't do cats!
Cat + Pill + Towel, soft words and gentle coaxing = Cat snears in contempt.
Cat + Pill + teflon coated NBC suit, visor, stun gun and rolled up newspaper = dead Cat.
Either way, I'm stuffed... rolleyes
The best results, however, involve four people - 1 to grip Cat's front legs and keep him static, 2 to tilt Cat's head backward and pinch his nose so his mouth opens, 3 to insert pill as far as it will go with aid of tweezers and, 4 to rub cat's throat so it swallow.
If you are thinking about getting a pet, always go for a Dog as they are dumb and will eat any old shit put in front of them.
P.S. The 'runaway cursor' isn't anything to do with the mouse - as I'm typing it 'runs away' backward as if I've got my finger on the key with the little arrow pointing to the left. I've been told it may be my keyboard shorting...
P.P.S... Any cat owners out there...? Do you know the expression they give you when you're trying to wire a plug?.. the "oh, you're doing it THAT way, are you?" expression? How do you stop them doing that?
Hxx
How to Give Your Cat a Pill
1 ) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm hoiding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.
8 ) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and get new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture store on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
heather i hope you are doing it right because this is what happens when a pill meant to be given orally is administered analy........................dont say you wasn't warned
Quote by slyman
heather i hope you are doing it right because this is what happens when a pill meant to be given orally is administered analy........................dont say you wasn't warned

Thats a bloody big cat! Far too hairy as well.
Steps for pill insertion into cat.
How can such a small animal (well maybe not in the pics case) cause so much grief.
I thought we were the master race!!! LoL
Yip!
If you imagine that cat as tabby, you've got a more or less accurate image of my Tigger... Now can you see what I'm up against? Next door's Poodle spends all day whimpering in a cupboard and his owner is trying to sue me for the cost of a dog psychiatrist.
Also...
He's taken to climbing on my chest to sleep at night time and I wake up thinking I'm having a heart attack.
And the Cat's Protection League have said they have every sypathy but I should have read the small print...
rolleyes
As somebody with three cats please multiply these problems by 3.I tend to sit on top of my cat to do this,it seems to work for a stray claw does get to the nether regions :shock:
For real fun have you ever had to use the aerosol spray to get rid of fleas.I didn't believe it was possible for a cat to defy the laws of gravity
Hiya H,
Sorry to pick up on your troubles so late. Have you tried explaining the benefits of the pill to your beloved cat, and perhaps negotiating an appropriate treat for afterwards?
lhk
Kat
Heather,
So sorry to hear of your troubles.
My sister and I were very worried about our cat when we were younger as she wasn't eating, we decided to encourage her telling her how lovely the kitekat (lol) was and she really should eat it up. Unfortunately my sister got a little carried away and somehow put the cat food in her mouth rather than the cat's, by accident .......BLEUGHHHHHHH :shock: :shock: :shock:
Thought I would share this with you just incase you get tempted to encourage your Tigger and find yourself trying to take the pill for him/her!!! Its not advisable LOL :idea: :!:
Love Fran
xxxxxxx
SiGo1
Cats and aerosols... :taz: :crazy: duel surpriseduch: :censored: Anyone would think they LIKE being infested! ... But what about vacuum cleaners? The stupid bastard sleeps on it when it's switched off! Yet if I so much as pick up the hose, he's off!... ascending the curtains with a speed that would make the Heathrow Express green!
The worst thing was when he brought his 'mate' home for tea. "Tiddles" from number 32. "Tiddles" is half ginger tom, half persian, and half pissed Serbo Croat henchman... Tiddles took one look at my bed and chose it for his billet. I spent the night with a pillow in the bath.
Kat.... I've searched high and wide for a negotiator. They all say possitive things at the time and say they can help... then when I call back to make the appointment they have suddenly changed career and are manning Help Desks at Microsoft.
rolleyes It's a hamster next time for sure!
Hxx
It's a hamster next time for sure!
Ahhh, that will work!
1) Feed the pill to the Hamster
2) Feed the hamster to the cat
8)
find some food the cat LOVES....do not feed it on time, to make it so pissed off with you, crush up the tablets and mix into the food....let the cat moan lkike shit for its dinner, and watch it eat...they may be smart little buggers, but hunger is hunger...
LOL
RH
Ahhh, that will work!
1) Feed the pill to the Hamster
2) Feed the hamster to the cat

Sir, you are indeed a scholar beyond our worthiness :smug: :cheers:
And I believed I'd thought of every angle!
:twisted:
(Note to self... get around to petshop before they close!)
Hxx
Talking of strange things our cats do,does anyone else have a cat which wets themselves in their sleep?Or is it just me that has this pleasure confused
Also talking of cats friends mine have a gang that consists of themselves a cat with no ears and a rabbit.I think they are like the local weirdos that group together cos' nobody likes them lol
Quote by Heather
Ahhh, that will work!
1) Feed the pill to the Hamster
2) Feed the hamster to the cat

Sir, you are indeed a scholar beyond our worthiness :smug: :cheers:
And I believed I'd thought of every angle!
:twisted:
(Note to self... get around to petshop before they close!)
Hxx
Not so fast Heather...
firstly you'd have to let cat kill the hamster.... that is half the fun for them ( miserable horrible savage mean sadistic crapping in my garden beasts)
and you'll have to starve you cat beforehand so that the bastard cat will actually eat the hamster, cos otherwise they would just kill it for the sake of killing it. horrible mean nasty things that they are
can you tell I am a dog man?
sod the pill
shoot it drown it do something, and especially neuter it....
I love driving along the roads when I see the crows taking birds revenge on the squashed remains ot tiddles
so that has alienated me from every cat lover in here!!!
they are the devils spawn
Gmanxxxx
Quote by KitKat
It's a hamster next time for sure!
Ahhh, that will work!
1) Feed the pill to the Hamster
2) Feed the hamster to the cat
8)
End of this Thread - there's the solution!! :grin: rotflmao :grin:
PS - I think cats are the greatest pets in the universe smile
Gmanxxx you aint alienated me,theres not a day goes by that I don't consider at least one of the executions for at least one of the cats
Take the time one of them shite neatly in my shoes, or put holes in my clothes, or peed all over my clean clothes-Oh how I laughed mad :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x
We are in two categories in life Dog or Cat,each annoy and delight their owners in equal measure
JQL - that was an absolute masterpiece rotflmao I was in tears reading that. I was just about to comment on Heather
If you are thinking about getting a pet, always go for a Dog as they are dumb and will eat any old shit put in front of them.

Then on
P.P.S... Any cat owners out there...? Do you know the expression they give you when you're trying to wire a plug?.. the "oh, you're doing it THAT way, are you?" expression? How do you stop them doing that?

give the cat the screwdriver.
But yours was a real classic :grin:. This must be one of the funniest threads on here for a very long time. Brilliant !!!
Mal
wink
Quote by SiGo1
As somebody with three cats please multiply these problems by 3.I tend to sit on top of my cat to do this,it seems to work for a stray claw does get to the nether regions :shock:
For real fun have you ever had to use the aerosol spray to get rid of fleas.I didn't believe it was possible for a cat to defy the laws of gravity

Even when I've tried to emulate the vets way of spraying, ie. Hold by scruff of neck, spray up, spray down, shift cat round, repeat for other side... When he does it the cat just looks shocked; when I do it the cat goes from suspended to mid air back flip, to virtically upward... its as though its got invisable propellors (perhaps its like a bee, becuase it doesnt know it cant fly it doesnt care and just does so) I swear if the cieling wasnt there I think it would carry on upward to it went into orbit rolleyes
Rocky...
...they may be smart little buggers, but hunger is hunger...

You've never had a cat, have you, Rocky?
Have you any idea what it makes you feel when they look up at you with those sad little faces? Then you look at the puke-like mush you've just slopped in their bowl. And then you look back into their eyes.... those eyes full of trust, unconditional trust and love. Pretty soon your own eyes start to well up... :cry: You feel mean. Spiteful. Ungrateful for all the years of purring. The comradeship. The quite nights beside the fire when all your mates where out and you where all lone :cry: :cry: But Tiddles was there, wasn't he..? Curled up on your lap. Asleep. Contented. Faithful to the end... :cry: :cry: :cry:
You reach into your pocket, pull out a hankie and wipe the tears from your face. You look down.....
AND THE BASTARD'S ON THE TABLE MUNCHING YOUR FILLET STEAK!!!!
Quote by rocky horror
find some food the cat LOVES....do not feed it on time, to make it so pissed off with you, crush up the tablets and mix into the food....let the cat moan lkike shit for its dinner, and watch it eat...they may be smart little buggers, but hunger is hunger...
LOL
RH

I wish this worked, but if you crush the pill the blody cat will just sit inches from the bowl mewling pittifully as tho it was starving to death and as if you hadnt put any food in, 3 days later the cat is still there and you relent and throw the dried up mess away, and put fresh food in, cat wolfs the food down in 20 seconds and glowers at you for being so evil. mad
If you hide the pill in the food, the blody thing will eat every last drop of cat food and all thats left in the bowl is a small pill looking as clean as when you took it out of the foil. :x
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!!
It's hurting! I'm in tears!!
Please, please - no more! Bring back boring drab 'fancy a shag' posts that can be glossed over unemotionally.
I give in! Why did I get another PC for this torture? What can I do to stop this? Tell me - anything, it's yours!
Mal
wink
Weak and emotional and surprisingly sober