All the single males? Really single?

15 Oct 2007

Hi All
I very rarely post on here but had to comment on this one !!
What is with the 'attitude' - I can look to shag around but wouldn't like my Mrs to do the same ????? and also that he satifys her but not the other way round?
Maybe she doesn't have a high sex drive because he's not that good with her , ie does not make the effort to fulfil her!
I only hope that will he is on here sniffing around, his Mrs is on another site - What goes around, comes around!
Can I also add that we meet up with single guys as a couple but if there is a hint that they have a partner that does not know what they are doing then they dont get a look in !!
Sorry for the rant..........I'm calmer now mad

Megasexy xx

15 Oct 2007

Quote by Megasexylady69
if there is a hint that they have a partner that does not know what they are doing then they dont get a look in !!
Megasexy xx

Couldn't agree more..
But how do you find out if the partner knows??
Do you
a) Ask the male?
b) Ask someone who knows the male and female? confused

c) Ask bugger all
c) Listen to rumours? :?
d) Ask the female?
e) Ask both of them?

15 Oct 2007

You can find out if they're really single from the profile (some do mention it) or from mails or chatting. ie they may not always be available, at obvious times, or to answer phone. Im not sure how you really tell, its just instinct! and when I have asked, up to now, Ive not been wrong. One occaision, we found out after the event, he let it slip in conversation, and I explained how I felt etc etc and he's not been invited since. Like all things in life, you take a chance and rely on your instint.
Megasexy xxxxxx

15 Oct 2007

Quote by Megasexylady69
You can find out if they're really single from the profile (some do mention it) or from mails or chatting. ie they may not always be available, at obvious times, or to answer phone. Im not sure how you really tell, its just instinct! and when I have asked, up to now, Ive not been wrong. One occaision, we found out after the event, he let it slip in conversation, and I explained how I felt etc etc and he's not been invited since. Like all things in life, you take a chance and rely on your instint.
Megasexy xxxxxx

I'm not always available to answer the 'phone, or may not be available at 'obvious' times (whatever they are confused

). Just because you've not been wrong up to now, doesn't mean that you can use the same benchmarks/clues.

16 Oct 2007

nice to see an honest post,
biggrin

i dont think its the single men having partners at home that bothers people so much its all the lying aboutit the deceit (to them) and if they can lie about that what else can they lie about etc...well it is for me anyway
some people will not play with single married men
some people will
me n dek sometimes play with singles confused

: on our own (but its slightly different cause we both no) and we probs have about the same sex drive but sometimes like different things dek likes all the build up of sex and things can go on for hours (dress up teasing taking pics etc and maybe not having sex until hours later) when i meet single males i like to basically cut the crap out n get straight to it basically if im horny i want it there n then not 4 hours after winding him up redface

i get all that extra stuff from dek so i recon i dont need it from a quickie we do this because its right for us and thats what you have to do i play with married males if they are honest about it and only in a nice way (not those who come on n say things like "my wife does not understand me" etc
am going on a bit now :shock: just do whats right for u without trying to or hurting your partner u never know she might suprise you

20 Oct 2007

Quote by Cherrytree
Excellent informative reply, MSA.
And what an avatar! Is it you? :shock:

Thankyou, you are very knid.
Yes it's me in the avatar pic.

20 Oct 2007

Quote by oneniteonly
I read your post and the subsequent replies with interest and it has spurred me to 'break my duck' and make a virginal post myself
If you look at my (tongue in cheek) profile you will see that I was in a very similar situation to you, with a long term partner who had a much lower sex drive than me....so I wondered into SH for 'top ups' so to speak.
My profile actually stipulates that I am not looking for a relationship and I most definately wasn't. However....I met someone on SH that became much much more than a 'top up' and whilst I am not suggesting that he was the main reason that I have now left my long term partner (I wont bore you with the reasons) he was certainly a huge contributing factor in the final split.
So I suppose what I am saying is.....that the intentions that you start out with are sometimes overtaken by circumstance and you never know who you will meet if you invite that level of contact. Regardless of your initial intentions feelings are very strong and sometimes uncontrollable and you don't know what may happen.
Think about what is most important to you...sex or your marriage. Is a 'top up' worth the risk?
Unfortunately things haven't worked out with my SH guy either :cry: and while I certainly don't regret leaving my partner I am on my own now and starting over....
Good luck whatever you decide.
I really must update my profile! :D

I know what your saying.
I was talking with a female mate about that at work last year... there was a program about fcukbuddies on the TV basically about no strings but a sexual only friendship that some people have with each other.
She said but at some point maybe she would want more than just sex with that person even if from the start that wasn't the intention.
Fair enough... something to consider.

20 Oct 2007

My opinion on men cheating on their partners changes more often than I change my knickers.
I've been cheated on so my first reaction is wrong, wrong, WRONG! Let's take you outside and beat you with sticks.
As a single female meeting single males, I totally appreciate and respect your honesty.
I wouldn't purposefully set out to meet an attached male for one-to-one, but I have done before and I probably will do again. :shock:
Clubs - i don't care. Don't ask nor care whether they are married, single, don't even ask their bloody name tbh.
That's how I feel today.

20 Oct 2007

Quote by Megasexylady69
Hi All
I very rarely post on here but had to comment on this one !!
What is with the 'attitude' - I can look to shag around but wouldn't like my Mrs to do the same ????? and also that he satifys her but not the other way round?
Maybe she doesn't have a high sex drive because he's not that good with her , ie does not make the effort to fulfil her!
I only hope that will he is on here sniffing around, his Mrs is on another site - What goes around, comes around!
Can I also add that we meet up with single guys as a couple but if there is a hint that they have a partner that does not know what they are doing then they dont get a look in !!
Sorry for the rant..........I'm calmer now Megasexy xx

I am not asking for your approval.
And who said my partner didn't enjoy sex or that I didn't make an effort to satifys her???!!!
I think you might be flattering yourself as well.
People don't get a look in? What do you think your irresistible or something?
I only hope you get someone just being plain nasty to you as well, in your own words what goes around come around :wink: .

20 Oct 2007

Thanks for the comments by the majority of people so far but as it's getting to people resorting to having pops at me I think it's better to end the thread here.

20 Oct 2007

Quote by MSA
I only hope you get someone just being plain nasty to you as well, in your own words what goes around come around .

A bit like this you mean rolleyes

Quote by MSA
I only hope that will he is on here sniffing around,
I think you might be flattering yourself as well.
People don't get a look in? What do you think your irresistible or something?

20 Oct 2007

Whatever and whenever you put yourself in "the public eye" so to speak, you open yourself up to criticism. . Not everyone is gonna tell you what you want to hear. The thread will meander in any direction, not just the one you want it to.
That's life. cool

20 Oct 2007

Quote by Marya_Northeast
Whatever and whenever you put yourself in "the public eye" so to speak, you open yourself up to criticism. . Not everyone is gonna tell you what you want to hear. The thread will meander in any direction, not just the one you want it to.
That's life.

I have no direction I want it to go in that was the whole point of the topic.
Open mind, investigating what might be the best option. Asking for advice from people in my situation etc etc
So far had been so good, good comments and things to consider from most people.
As I expected most people here were open minded especially on a sensitive subject.
We are not all the same, with the same circumstances... Is it so bad to seek help/advice/answers from like minded people?
Comments I have had via PM have been very understanding and obviously these other folks are troubled in the same way I am.
But the 1 post was just a dig if you read it.
Opinions are one thing. Making things up and wishing me the worst is more on a personal level.
I am very appreciative off all the comments people have taken the time to think about and reply and that has been from negative angles as well... but that post was on a differant level.

20 Oct 2007

MSA, are you MSA1 as well?

20 Oct 2007

The reason why I joined Swinging Heaven was due to previous relationships when I wanted to expand my sexuality by meeting that elusive of things in my opinion within British Society:
Sexuality Liberated Single Women.
Due to some of the ‘quality’ if you would call it this on this site it makes my life difficult. Due to me being ‘painted with the same brush’ as being either a timewaster or just having no class / manners.
Quite a large amount of Single Males believe that by joining this site they will actually experience what they regularly watch in a Rocco Siffredi movie.
Due to this they behave in an unrealistic manner between towards
Single Females & Couples.
Members of this site need to take a leaf out of ‘vanilla’ dating sites where people contact each other by actually being interesting via using their brains.
Due to my own attitude I had managed to find a relationship with a Single Female… that’s now over but you can meet that right person but just be yourself.
Like me take time to actually type something that shows your intellect.
Also on this site there are members that are very unsure about how to behave or make contact with people. So like me I’ve gone through a lot of
‘no-shows’ & disappointments.
I’ve met many great people & had experiences that will stay with me forever.
So just change the attitude & go with the flow,
Wunderhorse.
Note: I've also enjoyed discovering my Bi side.
Yet only with Couples.

20 Oct 2007

Quote by MSA
fabio - risk/reward... hmmm, I'm not sure. If found out then deffinatly not. You would see the point if you didn't want to give up your relationship. And I wouldn't be happy roles reversed. Reason for post is maybe to here from others in the same boat if they are there not validation unless validation was other people opinions, here for opinions.

so you basically want your cake and eat it.....if you don't want to give up your relationship why are you having the conversation with a relative bunch of strangers... and not with your partner?
I just wanted to take what you wrote to my reply.....and put in bold the bit I was interested to see
So if it only worth the risk if she doesn't find out... we all talk about honesty in swinging, and honesty is one of those funny things that can be twisted to suit the situation.... you are being honest with us, however you are not really being honest with your partner now are you..
if you are saying that you wouldn't be happy if the roles were reversed... then I don't see why you would consider putting the person you profess to love more than any other thru this...
You said you wanted opinions... well not everyone is going to have an opinion you are going to like.. like megasexylady
me personally, It does trouble me what you are doing... and I hope that your partner doesn't find out... because if it was to hurt her as much as I think it may, then it is a hurt she can do without....
I have been cheated on so yes it may cloud my judgement, but it is not a nice experience, you partner is the one i truely feel for.......

20 Oct 2007

Personally, I'm only troubled by the "I wouldn't be happy for her to go elswhere for sex..." part. Like most of th eothers. I'm not judgemental, and everyone's situation is different, and, yes, there are times when you have to 'talk to strangers' before you can talk to your partner, but there's no escaping the fact that me doing something whilst not 'allowing' my partner to do it is hypocritical. Whether you decide to tal to your partner or not, this is something you need to sort out in your head; and I do believe that sorting that out will lead to sorting a few of the other issues, too.
Good luck.

20 Oct 2007

Perhaps MSA (thread originator) should confess to his partner his desire to "have sex with others" so to speak. Either as a couple or by himself.
If she shows interest then great. The discussion can grow from there.
If she is disgusted by the very idea and considers it impossible to carry on their relationship with this new knowledge, then he's now a viable single.
Granted these are the two diametrically opposed possible outcomes, naturally there may be others.
I think the latter is what strikes fear in to many a man in his situation.
As I said earlier in this thread; "what's said can't be unsaid".
Perhaps what MSA would like know is how to broach the subject with his partner.
Maybe couples could describe how they got started, who said what to whom first.
Was it well received or indeed did it turn out badly?

21 Oct 2007

Quote by lynchburg
Perhaps what MSA would like know is how to broach the subject with his partner.
Maybe couples could describe how they got started, who said what to whom first.
Was it well received or indeed did it turn out badly?

Good idea and welcome to the forums btw biggrin

Right MSA here goes, if only in the hope that this may avert your partner from severe heartache if she were to find out you had been "looking elsewhere" for sexual gratification.
From a previous post of mine edited to save time and get to the point.......
"I (mr srne) had a pretty wild time during my teens, and friday and saturday nights were spent down the park chatting up the girls who used to always seem to be around.
One week you would be having a bit of a feel or grope of one girl then the next week or even night it would be her best friend and your mate would be with the girl you were with the night/week before.
This really didn't seem wrong or bad in anyway and in fact was pretty bloody enjoyable, and very erotic!!
As we started getting a bit older and people would have teenage parties when their parents went out, the sexual shenanigans started escalating to what would now probably be akin to a swingers party. Oral and full sex would be quite common and even on occasion (if you were a bit popular) you could have the company of two or more ladies in the space of a night before whoever's party it was' parents came home and booted you out!!
Miss srne had a pretty sheltered teenage life and in her neck of the woods it was the "norm" to have a steady boyfriend who you would be faithful to and all her friends would hang around together with the boyfriends who all tended to be friends as well.
Needless to say Miss srne had quite limited sexual experience before i met her and her experimentation was also very limited. When we started talking about past sexual experiences she was shocked (and more than a little turned on) by what I told her about mine.
This is really where our swinging experiences started as I understood her desire to want to experience these things (were all only human after all)."
Maybe MSA you could try out fantasy role play and introduce the IDEA of another partner into your sexual fantasy and see how she responds.
I dont think saying "oh id love another woman to lick your pussy" is the way to go, I mean, try tying her up blindfolding her and EROTICALLY talking to her about your ideal fantasy.
Remember women are mainly turned on by thought, whereas with men its visual so make sure your VERY descriptive, down to the mood, clothing or lingerie and even description of how you are feeling at the moment in the fantasy.
Make it as erotic and sensual as you can without being porno style and really put in the effort, when your done and laying there, with her being all doey eyed and fulfilled (HOPEFULLY)ask her how it was for her and if she is positive casually say "maybe we should try and do it for real sometime" gauge her reaction and again if it is positive you MAY be onto a winner.
If not however, and she dismisses it out of hand, Im afraid you will have some STARK choices to make!!
I have read the thread and replies a few times and in all honesty I just don't think that lying or deceiving your partner is the best course of action for either of you!!
Maybe you have to accept that for her to be fully happy you may not have to happy yourself (ie NOT "look elsewhere"). This life is too short not to be happy, if you were to break up she would be unhappy for a while yes, but im sure she would find happiness with someone else possibly with a matching sex drive and would leave you free to search for your happiness elsewhere.

21 Oct 2007

Secrets usually come out in the end. Better to discuss it with your partner.
Plimboy

22 Oct 2007

Quote by Plimboy
Secrets usually come out in the end. Better to discuss it with your partner.
Plimboy

:jagsatwork:
I agree with Plimboy
vert2go

23 Oct 2007

Quote by Marya_Northeast
I've been cheated on so my first reaction is wrong, wrong, WRONG! Let's take you outside and beat you with sticks.

thats pretty much how i feel, i was cheated on by my first long term partner who i lived with before i met my now hubby, i remember the feeling of why am i not good enough for him, why would he do this to me, how can he love me when hes doing something that hurts so much, and to be honest i presonally couldn't play any part in something that would make another person feel how i did.

23 Oct 2007

I am not judging you ......... but .......... what I just don't understand is the following .............
You are more honest with a stranger than you are with the person you say you love?
You give the stranger the choice to sleep with someone they know sleeps with more than one person in a day, a week, a month or a year ......... but you don't give the same choice to the person you say you love?
You give the stranger the knowledge that when they sleep with you they could run a risk of the "obvious" transmitted deseases ................ but you don't give the same knowledge to the person you say you love?
You don't tell the person you say you love ........ because you know it will hurt them .......... but you do it anyway!
IMHO ........ Honesty with EVERYONE is the best policy!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

23 Oct 2007

Quote by Wunderhorse
The reason why I joined Swinging Heaven was due to previous relationships when I wanted to expand my sexuality by meeting that elusive of things in my opinion within British Society:
Sexuality Liberated Single Women.
Due to some of the ‘quality’ if you would call it this on this site it makes my life difficult. Due to me being ‘painted with the same brush’ as being either a timewaster or just having no class / manners.
Quite a large amount of Single Males believe that by joining this site they will actually experience what they regularly watch in a Rocco Siffredi movie.
Due to this they behave in an unrealistic manner between towards
Single Females & Couples.
Members of this site need to take a leaf out of ‘vanilla’ dating sites where people contact each other by actually being interesting via using their brains.
Due to my own attitude I had managed to find a relationship with a Single Female… that’s now over but you can meet that right person but just be yourself.
Like me take time to actually type something that shows your intellect.
Also on this site there are members that are very unsure about how to behave or make contact with people. So like me I’ve gone through a lot of
‘no-shows’ & disappointments.
I’ve met many great people & had experiences that will stay with me forever.
So just change the attitude & go with the flow,
Wunderhorse.
Note: I've also enjoyed discovering my Bi side.
Yet only with Couples.

Still the funniest advert/profile I ever answered!!
Great post lovely man.
Nola xx

24 Oct 2007

Quote by blonde
I am not judging you ......... but .......... what I just don't understand is the following .............
You are more honest with a stranger than you are with the person you say you love?
You give the stranger the choice to sleep with someone they know sleeps with more than one person in a day, a week, a month or a year ......... but you don't give the same choice to the person you say you love?
You give the stranger the knowledge that when they sleep with you they could run a risk of the "obvious" transmitted deseases ................ but you don't give the same knowledge to the person you say you love?
You don't tell the person you say you love ........ because you know it will hurt them .......... but you do it anyway!
IMHO ........ Honesty with EVERYONE is the best policy!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

my word mrs blonde very very well put, i really think that just about sums it up

24 Oct 2007

Many peeps have considered your situation, from the guys end and the girls.
There's lots of things couples find out about each other as they go through life. Some can't cook, some won't go pot holing or run a marathon etc....
But nearly all couples survive these horrifying discoveries. That's because they 'need' each other.
The discovery of cheating and its baggage of behaviours etc. is again something that most couples can deal with. Its just happens to be the big one and its hellish to drag yourselves through it all, but peeps survive it, quite possibly bickering on to the grave.
If I can't find a good pizza, I make it myself. Happy in knowing I did it my way etc. and accepting the consequences, should that amount to heartburn and chronic flatulence.
As for having a heart to heart with the wife, exercise caution. The honesty thing is all very commendable. But many blokes are chumped by the wife who simply uses her cunning to talk them out of it. rolleyes

24 Oct 2007

Quote by blonde
I am not judging you ......... but .......... what I just don't understand is the following .............
You are more honest with a stranger than you are with the person you say you love?
You give the stranger the choice to sleep with someone they know sleeps with more than one person in a day, a week, a month or a year ......... but you don't give the same choice to the person you say you love?
You give the stranger the knowledge that when they sleep with you they could run a risk of the "obvious" transmitted deseases ................ but you don't give the same knowledge to the person you say you love?
You don't tell the person you say you love ........ because you know it will hurt them .......... but you do it anyway!
IMHO ........ Honesty with EVERYONE is the best policy!
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Now that is a great post Sam. Although I don't know that I should agree with you - I'll either be fluffy for doing it or I'll be in shit for agreeing with what you said!

24 Oct 2007

Fluffy Don't bluddy agree with me

Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx