Hi,
Noticed the numbers of all the single males here and wanted to hear from you (and others opinions welcome).
Are you really single?
I'm not, I love my other half very much and we have mucho fun in the sack and it's not boring.
But I want sex more often than she does.
I don't want it to a huge extreme but I find myself I'm here on this site thinking should I explore further?
I'm not looking for a relationship or to have an affair so is it that bad?
I wouldn't be happy for her to go elswhere for sex... but there again, she gets when she wants
I am here in secret, I would never want her to find out, as said I love her very much.
But like I said, I love her so I shouldn't be here should I?
Only you can decide which way you should run your relationship and what to do in and out of it.
From our perspective though, IF we decided we wanted a single guy to join us we'd look for a single guy and want to know there is no other halves involved. If there is then we'd want to speak with them to make sure everyone was happy.
Discretion and assurances of the same are the order of the day.
oh and nice torso pic in your avatar ;) hehe
I’m a single woman looking for a ‘single’ guy. I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship and I’m definitely not looking for a traditional relationship. But if I meet someone and we hit it off I wouldn’t want to find out that he’s lied, not only to me, but also to his wife – the person that he is supposed to love.
If you say, well, it’s just sex, what does that say about me? “I love my wife, she means everything to me” implies sex with anyone else would be completely meaningless. Forgive me for thinking more of myself than to mean absolutely nothing to a person I’m willing to be intimate with.
I know of some married women who are more likely to play with married men because they are more likely to be discrete, each to their own. I applaud your honesty to us, I just feel it’s sad you can’t be so forthcoming with the person you’re supposed to be sharing your life with.
I also wonder what kind of percentage of ‘singles’ on here are actually not.
H.x
Er, no.....I think not, but lets' face it, if by saying you're single it improves your chances with couples/groups, then you are going to fib...! What puzzles me is the number of profiles where folk say they are 'Almost Married' and seem to remain so for years. Ho, yes...! Just for the record I'm a closet bi, married 40 years, and do everything under cover of darkness as they say - and never been invited into a couple/group situation, so what price honesty when you want a good shag? Cheers.....
I you do discuss these sort of things with a partner who is still not forthcoming with compromise then what do you? Especially if you are into your partner big time. Or what if, still into your parner, you try to discuss possibilities etc and that then puts pessure on the relationship because the partner thought there was nothing wrong and is now concerned and upsetor worse angry that there possibly is a discrepancy in how each other feel? Damned if you do - damned if you dont
As a couple we are not looking for males BUT if we were it would be single males we would be looking to play with. I can't imagine that any couple would want to be named as co wotsits in the divorce court. I know a man could lie to us and tell us he is single when he is'nt but we are very careful who we "meet" with and it would be unlikely that he wouldnt be found out before we "met" him.
I hope things sort themselves out for you AND your wife.
Fire xx
I'm not getting into this one for personal reasons, except to say that I applaud the OP's honesty.
okay... my take on it... and it has been an interesting conversation....
In the end, In the grand scheme of things is the risk really worth the reward??? close your eyes and imagine the worst thing that could happen if they found out.....
for me I am single, I don't have anything to hide, but if I was with someone then the answer to the question would be no......
I, personally, don't see the point in deceiving anyone... whether that is the people I am meeting or the person I profess to love more than any other person in this world....
Now play Devil's advocate and flip the roles around, how would you feel if it was ever done to you.....the hurt, the pain, the anguish.....
I don't know if you asked to question trying to get some validation, and even if i don't agree with what you are doing, I respect your honestly....
I just hope your wife doesn't get hurt in the process.... remember who the real innocent party is.....
sean
thanks for the replys...
I won't quote all my replies but I'll answer each one as you took the time to comment:
Freckledbird - I was hoping the anonymity aspect of a forum would get some replys... yes I am having doubts TBH, I posted to see what other people thought who might be in the same position.
Jpsauce - yep I understand your stance and from my point of view I'd only enter into something with people involved being fully aware of how I stand also.
Oh, and thanks for the compliment LOL.
jaymar - you must have mis-understood I actually said mucho fun in the sack, lighthearted way of saying when we have it it's good (at least from what I can tell, I enjoy anyway).
I might be here more sex yes. A relationship more than that no... as said I am happy with my partner.
Lost - to be honest I would agree, better to be honest but if the "singles" lie and you find out I don't think you should feel any guilt at all.
Srne - Yes our different levels of sex drive has been discussed to a certain extent, the fact remains I want sex more, she doesn't. My head says I could just handle that fact and put up with it but my desire says something else so it's confusing.
The options you put forward: I am basically at what you call square one. The 2nd option isn't an option. Neither is the 3rd.
H-x - You only want to be intimate with people to form some sort of relationship though so it's different.
Ukwineman - Yes, dangerous ground. As for your question if sex is that good why am I here... because it's not as often as I would like. Not sure what I want ATM. As far as it's made out to you in life, you fall in love and have a happy home with the full family and everything all stable and going well, you shouldn't want sex with anyone other than your partner... that's the way it's supposed to be isn't it? Yet I find myself looking elsewhere.
laterunner - not I'm not going to fib even if it improves my chances, as said above I would only be willing myself if they were fine with the fact it had to be discrete and knew I had a partner I had no intention of leaving or making any other relationship.
blonde - I can not say she isnt capable of deceiving me. No I don't think so, I think it's simply her sex drive is lower. I think a lot of womens sex drives are lower or peak at differing times I don't know, seems that way when talking to friends anyway.
Lost - she isn't forthcoming as it is, not exactly damned if I do. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I just put up with it. I bet many men even women probably do. I also don't claim to know what to do yet either. There are hundreds of singles here anyway, maybe none of them would be up for anything with me anyway. For one, I have a partner who can not know what I'm upto so some people won't like that and for two maybe people won't fancy me!!!
firelizard - as above really
makaveli69 - single advantages, yes it does but they don't outweigh the negs for me.
naughtynymphos1 - 1st question answer: you tell me.
2nd question: yes double standards.
typical man as you say, maybe.
The answers would be different if this wasn't anonymous... hence the post, we can speak freely.
Cherrytree and noladreams30 - thanks
fabio - risk/reward... hmmm, I'm not sure. If found out then deffinatly not. You would see the point if you didn't want to give up your relationship. And I wouldn't be happy roles reversed. Reason for post is maybe to here from others in the same boat if they are there not validation unless validation was other people opinions, here for opinions.
Thanks for all the replys, I will pop in again soon if anyone wants to comment further.
Would be great to hear from anyone else out there who is playing away purely for sex but want to keep there relationship at home. At what point you started and what made you make the decision that this is what you wanted to do.
thanks
You write with ability and good sense you are direct, succinct. A well executed and honestpost.
I really wish i could write as good as this. Respect.
Excellent informative reply, MSA.
And what an avatar! Is it you? :shock:
It takes guts to be completely honest on here, and to ask for advice on such a tricky subject.
I was one of those wives, not so long ago infact. Mr B has a high sex drive and wanted sex every night, whereas I'd rather have had a jaffa cake and a good book, i really just could not be arsed with intimacy of any kind, and he only got sex if I conceded.
This caused many horrendous arguments between us (it was probably the only thing we argued about in all our time together) and to be perfectly honest, i would much rather he had gone off and found someone else to shag rather than bother me....anything for a quiet life I suppose. I think it may have been due to my depression but going hand in hand with oredom
Having said that, things have improved between us since we both started swinging, it gives us the chance to hav sex with other people (prior to joining Swingers, we had only ever had sex with each other, admittedly for a very long time too) I think that for us, or more specifically for me, its giving me the variety I missed before I settled down with MR B (since I was 14) and saves all the sneakiness of an affair.
Have you tried talking to your wife about the reasons her sex drive is lower? Maybe she is tired/stressed/worried about something, maybe as in my own case, she is feeling bored or unfulifilled also wit the sex between you and doesn't know how to approach you about it.
Have you ever brought up the subject of swinging in a light hearted way, and gaugued her reaction, to see if its something she cuts dead or is intrigued about learning more. You may be surprised at her reaction, or you may be dissappointed, but at least you would know.....you dont need to mention that you have been on here before if she does express an interest.
What I will say, is that since we started swinging, its boosted our sex life a 1000 % and now I cant get enough of sex, either with a swing partner or my hubby, its very very rare indeed that I refuse sex with him at all.
Hope my ramblings help a little bit hun
good luck xxx
I think that,fundamentally,all males are single. What I mean is that they are not monogamus by nature.
It's a bit of a cliche but we would like our women to be ladies in the lounge, queens in the kitchen and an absolute raving nympho's in the bedroom. Such a thing is rare so perhaps we look for those traits from different individuals.
Of course mutual understanding and consent to this is always the best way to go forward but few men want or know how to broach the subject with their partners for fear of the consiquences. I mean, once said it can't be unsaid.