Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login

Amateur Erotica: Phrases to Avoid

last reply
32 replies
2.4k views
0 watchers
0 likes
I've just been flicking through some of the stories on here. Now there are some great ones, I'm not poking fun at everyone's writing... I just think there are some phrases that should be avoided.
For example:
'Throbbing love hole' :shock: Eeeeuugh - not a turn on.
'Creamy pussy' :scared: Seriously, that's got to be a worry...
'My meat' blink I hate it when there's a phrase like "I pounded her with my meat" - nauseous.
Any other phrases you dislike reading or find vomit/chuckle inducing when reading erotic fiction?
Quote by Ms_Whips
well i don't mind 'creamy pussy' after all that's exactly what happens to mine when i'm turned on. the texture changes from just wet to very creamy in feel. is that just me then?

Well in the interest of research i'm willing to come and see what you mean and advise you if you're unusual or not wink
Other than bad spelling, bad grammar and poor punctuation the lines I hate are:
And then p fucked t while j lick d's balls and f just stod thier and wanked and then d fucked r dispite facing the rong way and m came for a 100th time in as many minutes and g was panting and out of breath like i am reading this.....
Well, you get the point...
Put some b00dy names in the stories!! mad :x
For me, the greatest erotica is measure more in what isn't said than what is.
Since the mind is clearly the biggest sex organ, a great story should paint a scene, but leave room for the mind to wander a little... when everything is 100% spelled out, the graphic details actually starts to become tiresome.
That's not to say you can't use 'fuck' or 'aching cock' etc... it's fine... but I would wager that anybody who really enjoys eroticism in their real life would say it's far more about 'situation' and far less about what physically happens.
A man (or woman) can touch you and it be heaven, or it can be hell.. it's not the touch that makes the difference, but the intent, the moment, the atmosphere.
A good story will play on those aspects.
Phrases to avoid:
"her steaming cunt hole"
"throbbing member"
"dripping cunt juices"
oh, I can't carry on....I'm starting to get aroused.
Any mention of throbbing gristle unless in connection with Genesis
When I'm reading erotica I am imagining what is happening. Not just the throbbing member entering throbbing hole etc etc etc but the whole body. What the hands are doing, the mouth, even the shape of the back.
So the most off putting thing is stuff like "Fred rammed her pussy from behind while she suck on his balls." Just how long is her neck supposed to be ffs?
I would far rather have less detail on the ins and outs in favour of some anatomical accuracy. Oh and repetion of the same phrase. They work once, but not twice in the same story.
I don't like it when gay/bi blokes use with word 'mancunt' to describe their arse.. yuk! confused :shock:
Quote by BIoke
I don't like it when gay/bi blokes use with word 'mancunt' to describe their arse.. yuk! confused :shock:

lol
I've never, ever heard that before!
I've never heard of a mancunt before either, but I shall try it out in the bedroom tonight and see how it all goes down! ;)
lol
phrases or words I don't like in literotica...
"spunked" because I read it wrongly every time and think they're talking about black and white stinky Pepe Le Pughs. This means I go back and re-read by which time I'm fed up and the moment has gone!
"Steaming creamy love milk" steaming makes me think of cartoon dog poop, while the rest of the phrase reminds me of my dairy intollerance and allergies. Mmm, nothing more horney than being reminded of projectile vomiting and hives! :uhoh: sillyuke:
Quote by BIoke
I don't like it when gay/bi blokes use with word 'mancunt' to describe their arse.. yuk! confused :shock:

I've never heard 'mancunt' but I deeply dislike the very similar 'asspussy' :?
One very common feature of amateur literotica that I'm not a great fan of is the detailed 'telling' of what someone (usually the female) looks like - "She was gorgeous, a very slim size 8 with firm 34C tits, long brown legs and a pert ass". Well, 'gorgeousness' is relative ... to a guy who prefers curvy women with large soft breasts, a size 8 woman may not float his boat so the story is as at a disadvantage straight away as the reader has been force-fed the author's idea of 'gorgeous'.
When I write literotica (yes I do have some on here but under a pseudonym ... pm if you're remotely interested wink ) I avoid overt physical descriptions as I know the reader will apply his or her own erotic mental image to the characters. It's far better to concentrate on the situation and leave the fine detail of physical attributes to the imagination of the reader.
I'm kind of caught between things here...
For me it depends entirely on context. I dislike it muchly when sexual swear words are used in an aggressive context. "I ram fucked her glistening cunt pocket" or whatever. However there are times when those words can be sexy, but the skill is knowing when to use them. Reading them cold from a page just makes them seem somewhat aggressive and a little desperate.
However somewhat worse is the flowery imagery that some use. "I vigorously thrust my heaving stallion-esque member inside her furry sausage pocket and lo, enrapture did follow and much smiling was begat with the gentle scent of lillies and tiny pixies floating above her as the orgasm swept over her like waves onto a previously deserted beach, that didn't even have a few sandcastles and an errant dog-turd to keep it company..."
Two of the sexiest words in the English language... Inner thigh...
In Edit : I don't like Animal-Sexual couplings much... Dog-Fucked, Horse-Whipped, Pussy-Mounds, Beaver-licked. To me we are just a few short yards away from Frog-Sucking, Polecat-juicing and Monkey-felching.
Excuse me if this sounds a tad up one's arse (seeing as I started the thread) but I'm actually finding this very interesting reading! :thumbup:
I find literary erotica often seems to inhertit the same preconceptions as visual porn - that it needs to be graphic to be erotic. Horses for courses I guess, but it's not what I look for in porn or in erotic literature.
For exampe, why does the porn industry insist that pleasure can only be achieved by sequentially having oral sex -> vaginal sex -> anal sex -> pulling out and ejaculating on face/back/breasts* ? I must be doing something very wrong! :shock:
*delete as appropriate
In the same way, written submissions seem to focus on the graphic aspects, whereas some of the sexiest scenes can be found in non-erotic books, where the reader is led to conclude that the act has been achieved without recourse to anatomical descriptions.
BTW Nola.... you're right.... it is interesting. ;-)
Amateur Erotica: Phrases to Positively Embrace!
Both my fb's just love to hear me gob of all the nasty, cheesy, filthy, corny call it whatever you will, lines when in the throes of passionate liaisons...
you name it... anything goes! :bounce:
I don't know if they read those literary phrases elsewhere, but I sure know they cant get enough o hearing them! :twisted:
Not quite sure how I'm gonna use/get away with the 'mancunt' one tho! bolt
Quote by redpantherman
Amateur Erotica: Phrases to Positively Embrace!

Both my fb's just love to hear me gob of all the nasty, cheesy, filthy, corny call it whatever you will, lines when in the throes of passionate liaisons...
you name it... anything goes! :bounce:
I don't know if they read those literary phrases elsewhere, but I sure know they cant get enough o hearing them! :twisted:
Not quite sure how I'm gonna use/get away with the 'mancunt' one tho! bolt

Ah, now see that's the thing - if I know someone likes to hear me talk filth then I'll say whatever muck springs to mind... I just don't like reading it!
wink
Quote by Cubes
I find literary erotica often seems to inhertit the same preconceptions as visual porn - that it needs to be graphic to be erotic. Horses for courses I guess, but it's not what I look for in porn or in erotic literature.
For exampe, why does the porn industry insist that pleasure can only be achieved by sequentially having oral sex -> vaginal sex -> anal sex -> pulling out and ejaculating on face/back/breasts* ? I must be doing something very wrong! :shock:

Horses for courses indeed!
I've done the same thing many a time when emulating porn movies - nothing wrong, nothing right either... we all have a choice in how we entertain ourselves... right now the fad is the 'sequential' bang all holes n spunk on the face thing'
Not to everyone's taste but I like a bit o that in a real dirty session.
Quote by noladreams
Amateur Erotica: Phrases to Positively Embrace!

Both my fb's just love to hear me gob of all the nasty, cheesy, filthy, corny call it whatever you will, lines when in the throes of passionate liaisons...
you name it... anything goes! :bounce:
I don't know if they read those literary phrases elsewhere, but I sure know they cant get enough o hearing them! :twisted:
Not quite sure how I'm gonna use/get away with the 'mancunt' one tho! bolt

Ah, now see that's the thing - if I know someone likes to hear me talk filth then I'll say whatever muck springs to mind... I just don't like reading it!
wink
:doh: is this a cheap n tacky way to get me to read it to you then?
OK's! biggrin
I guess you would like me to read it too you then at the entrance to the bedroom door as I gaze upon your form & gasped at your fantastic knockers & creamy pussy, your naked with nothing but a come fuck me big boy look on your face.
I ripped off my clothes but kept my socks on just incase you said no... but before I could take off my trainers to wow you with my Bart Simpson socks you pushed me back into the chair & began to suck my peperami... it was not the spicy one this time - the tablets the cock dock gave me cleared that little problem up in no time!
You chewed & gnawed my man meat till globs o spit dripped from your voluptuous mouth
you got your big baps out & proceeded to give me a titty wank & whilst doing so you licked my steaming creamy love milk that leaked from my massive womb turner.
I pushed my chunk o manhunk in your face to face fucked you - hard!
My gristle was throbbing hard now & I wanted it inside your creamy love hole but you had other ideas as you hoicked your leg over my shoulder & told me to lick up your pussy goo.
I rammed my tongue right up your snatch as you licked my balls...
:shock: (while standing up?):shock:
You looked at me with tears of joy :shock: (while licking my balls standing up?):shock: ...as I lapped up your puss' juice from your shaven raven.
You began to squirt into my mouth & then I knew you needed to be porked big time, I eased my hot rod deep into your sticky cum hole :shock: (fuck knows what contorted position your in now!):shock: Your hole sucked me in & we both enjoyed the slurping sound it made as you slithered up & down my love pole.
We both enjoyed the attention my John Thomas gave your cock canal
As I reached round & slipped a finger up your fudge box you moaned & called on me to squirt my goofy juice deep inside your hee-haw
I could feel your gammon lips clamping hard on my beef jerky.
I felt the volcano sap rising up inside me & I knew then your was going to enjoy my man yogurt flooding into your meat curtains.
A quick flick of my finger up your poo hole & you screamed in cock spunk heaven delight!
But I had other ideas... I quickly pulled out & whopped my load all over ya mush.
I need to lay down now :smoke:
Hilarious!! Me and pom literally cried with laughter ... a literary classic!!
Quote by redpantherman
Amateur Erotica: Phrases to Positively Embrace!

Both my fb's just love to hear me gob of all the nasty, cheesy, filthy, corny call it whatever you will, lines when in the throes of passionate liaisons...
you name it... anything goes! :bounce:
I don't know if they read those literary phrases elsewhere, but I sure know they cant get enough o hearing them! :twisted:
Not quite sure how I'm gonna use/get away with the 'mancunt' one tho! bolt

Ah, now see that's the thing - if I know someone likes to hear me talk filth then I'll say whatever muck springs to mind... I just don't like reading it!
wink
:doh: is this a cheap n tacky way to get me to read it to you then?
OK's! biggrin
I guess you would like me to read it too you then at the entrance to the bedroom door as I gaze upon your form & gasped at your fantastic knockers & creamy pussy, your naked with nothing but a come fuck me big boy look on your face.
I ripped off my clothes but kept my socks on just incase you said no... but before I could take off my trainers to wow you with my Bart Simpson socks you pushed me back into the chair & began to suck my peperami... it was not the spicy one this time - the tablets the cock dock gave me cleared that little problem up in no time!
You chewed & gnawed my man meat till globs o spit dripped from your voluptuous mouth
you got your big baps out & proceeded to give me a titty wank & whilst doing so you licked my steaming creamy love milk that leaked from my massive womb turner.
I pushed my chunk o manhunk in your face to face fucked you - hard!
My gristle was throbbing hard now & I wanted it inside your creamy love hole but you had other ideas as you hoicked your leg over my shoulder & told me to lick up your pussy goo.
I rammed my tongue right up your snatch as you licked my balls...
:shock: (while standing up?):shock:
You looked at me with tears of joy :shock: (while licking my balls standing up?):shock: ...as I lapped up your puss' juice from your shaven raven.
You began to squirt into my mouth & then I knew you needed to be porked big time, I eased my hot rod deep into your sticky cum hole :shock: (fuck knows what contorted position your in now!):shock: Your hole sucked me in & we both enjoyed the slurping sound it made as you slithered up & down my love pole.
We both enjoyed the attention my John Thomas gave your cock canal
As I reached round & slipped a finger up your fudge box you moaned & called on me to squirt my goofy juice deep inside your hee-haw
I could feel your gammon lips clamping hard on my beef jerky.
I felt the volcano sap rising up inside me & I knew then your was going to enjoy my man yogurt flooding into your meat curtains.
A quick flick of my finger up your poo hole & you screamed in cock spunk heaven delight!
But I had other ideas... I quickly pulled out & whopped my load all over ya mush.
I need to lay down now :smoke:
worship Naturally... where d'ya want me?! :wink:
rotflmao
You know,that was really funny! Bar the lack of punctuation and grammary bits... other than that... it made me laugh and that's half the battle won, I think, with some people anyway.
Quote by Res
However somewhat worse is the flowery imagery that some use. "I vigorously thrust my heaving stallion-esque member inside her furry sausage pocket and lo, enrapture did follow and much smiling was begat with the gentle scent of lillies and tiny pixies floating above her as the orgasm swept over her like waves onto a previously deserted beach, that didn't even have a few sandcastles and an errant dog-turd to keep it company..."

Now that just really did absolutely get my blood boiling in a swoony kind of way. I love all that flamboyant tripe, over elaborate flowery language. Really does turn me on. (bar the furry sausage pocket. That's just vile)
RPM sweetcheeks...
you could have saved so much typing time if you'd just used your other bedroom line.
You know the one...
the one you whisper late at night...
"I'm just 'avin a bowl of Sugar Puffs, alright?!"
Works for me :inlove:
rotflmao
Quote by Witchy
RPM sweetcheeks...
you could have saved so much typing time if you'd just used your other bedroom line.
You know the one...
the one you whisper late at night...
"I'm just 'avin a bowl of Sugar Puffs, alright?!"
Works for me :inlove:
rotflmao

:giggle: :rotflmao: :giggle: kiss
A phrase I haven't heard for a long time, thank goodness is an expression of deep penetration;
'Up to my nuts in guts'
I have visions of a bloke wading through offal. Just Gross!
Quote by mancunian
A phrase I haven't heard for a long time, thank goodness is an expression of deep penetration;
'Up to my nuts in guts'
I have visions of a bloke wading through offal. Just Gross!

I was just thinking of that one as i read through theposts. . when i heard this first an australian feeling very pleased with himself as he was about to go on leave announced to us he would be home soon and "ap to me nats in fakin gats" followed by just as a passing shot "woil yew cants will still ave ya priks in ya hannds. .ya banch a Fakin wankas"
Gleaming orbs is a phrase from a 70's mag that stuck in my mind. We shall not see its like again.
i just have to say that I read this while i was 'away' and its one of the funniest things ive read in a long time!
Put me in mind of a line in a John Godber play......
"take her for a meal, then try and knob her one"
throbbing gristle makes me :shock:
hoicked? :shock:
must be a SP thang ;O) dunno
Quote by Resonance
"I ram fucked her glistening cunt pocket"

Haha! That just actually made me laugh out loud.
Quote by benrums0n
Gleaming orbs is a phrase from a 70's mag that stuck in my mind. We shall not see its like again.

I think I'd like to be described as having gleaming orbs...
They are breasts, yes?