Another newbie whinge--

17 Sep 2004

Well, we've tried to join in-- but, and we dont mean any serious offence here, why is it so hard to be accepted?? we enquired about the notts munch- and accepted the fact we are newcomers with grace, to find that other, non-posters, seem to get accepted with no bother-- it seems very hard to make any friends here, which is upsetting, dare I say that it seems a bit 'clicky'??
This post is not intended to cause offence, but we're finding it rather frustrating--
I accept this thread might be locked, or deleted, but felt I had to say, ask.

17 Sep 2004

I accept you totally and fully
I have no advice to offer nor no wisdom to share
I have all that I am which is me
Don't give up and good luck

17 Sep 2004

i'm a newbie as well, i dont think people are standoffish, but as with any friendship it takes a while to grow. keep posting and people in here will get to no you and your style, they are a friendly bunch........i think (teasing) biggrin

good luck

17 Sep 2004

Maybe somebody should don some yellow paint and a blue wig and recreate their avatar in the Davej avatar challenge!!
Selltle them in a bit eh?? biggrin

17 Sep 2004

Hey- thats a real picture!! ( that might explain summat)

17 Sep 2004

Quote by fruity1976
Maybe somebody should don some yellow paint and a blue wig and recreate their avatar in the Davej avatar challenge!!
Selltle them in a bit eh??

Bagsy I be Homer! :D

17 Sep 2004

oooooooooh homey! biggrin

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm donuts lol

17 Sep 2004

Ive got a built-in donut holder too! Dosnt go down too well at work on birthdays tho--

17 Sep 2004

Quote by Kenluvslucy
we enquired about the notts munch- and accepted the fact we are newcomers with grace, to find that other, non-posters, seem to get accepted with no bother

Ken & Lucy,
It might well be that the "non-posters" are people that rarely use the forum, but are regulars in the chatroom??? There's a whole load of regulars over there that rarely post in here.

17 Sep 2004

there's another thread saying how few people are actually using the chatroom...

17 Sep 2004

Im still a newbie as well "I think?"
Been here 2 weeks or something, just cant shut some people up I suppose!?? rolleyes

17 Sep 2004

Kev - this has come up again and again. SH is no different to real life when it comes to this. Any new person in a relatively established group will take a while to become at home with everyone else.
But - I am interested, when you say 'Not accepted' - What actually do you mean?
This site may appear cliquey, but from experience I have found it isn't. Yes - you see the same people posting to each other and having a laugh - but that's because they have chatted for quite a while, maybe met up at one of the social gatherings etc.
When they come in here they natuarally want to relax with people who the have become to think of as friends.
You have post and join in to make your self know. I notice your post count average is only per day. That is not a lot and hardly grounds to say that you haven't been accepted.
Actaully - that term accepted is not right - this is an intenet forum - no concept of acceptance or rejection. Not quite true - you can be rejected if you do not comply with the AUP, but that's all.
So instead of whinging. Get posting so people are able to get to know you.
Alex x

17 Sep 2004

Hi kenluvslucy,
firstly no offence taken here, why should there be.
As far as the munch is concerned, either clare or steve will be better positioned to answer your question.
As for your impression that it might be a bit of a clique.....well I can see where you are coming from, however it's not really the case. I guess that some of us have been posting for a while and have covered a lot of threads together so understand some of the older jokes or better recognise what might or might not work.
My own preference is for the banter and slightly skewed humour and as such really need to know how a person might react before I start to bounce off them, otherwise it would be so easy to offend someone and I sure as hell aint into that, taking the piss a bit yes, offending no, so I guess I do stick to the known posters a bit more.
When I first started posting I had similar thoughts but as I posted, more people were less wary of me and I less wary of them.
Stick with us and get stuck in.

17 Sep 2004

Quote by davej
but as I posted, more people were less wary of me

Hmmmmmmm - are you sure about this?
Watch out for Dave, Ken - you'll end up with a doppelganger in the avatar thread if you are not careful!

17 Sep 2004

Points taken, but this has been mentioned before, we cant spend hours on here every night/day, and we originally 'signed up' to assist us with our first, tentative steps into the wonderful world of expanding sexual experiences/boundaries- we understand how friends are made, but pms Ive got this evening seem to agree with my original points- its rather daunting to say the least. Yea, its a great site, full of very friendly ppl, some great characters, and colourful ones to boot, and as you say- its a forum- its 'virtual' -- if we feel like this now, does it follow that our first visit to a club, or munch, would be the same?????

17 Sep 2004

Quote by Kenluvslucy
Points taken, but this has been mentioned before, we cant spend hours on here every night/day, and we originally 'signed up' to assist us with our first, tentative steps into the wonderful world of expanding sexual experiences/boundaries- we understand how friends are made, but pms Ive got this evening seem to agree with my original points- its rather daunting to say the least. Yea, its a great site, full of very friendly ppl, some great characters, and colourful ones to boot, and as you say- its a forum- its 'virtual' -- if we feel like this now, does it follow that our first visit to a club, or munch, would be the same?????

Ken- I would say that 99% of newbies have felt the same as you at first!
I did! And also remember we have all been newbies at some time.
But - it's no good sitting and moping about it! You have to get on here and join in!!!!!
I freely admit that I look specifically for certain posters who I class as friends. Wouldn't that be the same if you went to a pub to meet up with your mates - you would make a beeline for them and laugh and joke with them. I have quite a stressful jab and when I come on here I do so to relax and have fun.
The problem recently is that the members are joining at an unbelievable rate. A few months ago when someone new joined, all the regs would say hi and welcome. Now there are so many and so many new threads a day that there just isn't the time to do that.
It is really up to you to make your mark in here! I know it sounds a bit uncaring - it isn't , honestly - but it is realistic.
Hugs, Alex x

17 Sep 2004

Hi Kenluvslucy. I agree with what Davej says - (we talk the same language (bollox)). There really is no substitute for an extended bout of posting to get to know people and, more importantly, for people to get to know you. Keep trying.
It's true this place can appear cliquey but generally it's not intentional. It is more a function of the written medium quite often. Sometimes you feel reall strange when you post something really thoughtful and (you think) funny only to have it followed by something which completely ignores it mad

When you look more closely, it was that the two of you were typing at the same time and you just happen to press Submit first by a few seconds.

Quote by davej
When I first started posting I had similar thoughts but as I posted, more people were less wary of me and I less wary of them.

I think we should be wary of this man!!

17 Sep 2004

i found that the more i posted the easier it became

17 Sep 2004

Quote by Kenluvslucy

Well, we've tried to join in-- but, and we dont mean any serious offence here, why is it so hard to be accepted?? we enquired about the notts munch- and accepted the fact we are newcomers with grace, to find that other, non-posters, seem to get accepted with no bother-- it seems very hard to make any friends here, which is upsetting, dare I say that it seems a bit 'clicky'??
This post is not intended to cause offence, but we're finding it rather frustrating--
I accept this thread might be locked, or deleted, but felt I had to say, ask.

:therethere: :therethere: :therethere:
I really do feel for newcomers - it is a lot harder to get settled in now. Only because it is so much busier in here. People have also got to know eachother pretty well at different events etc, so they are comfortable taking the piss out of each other lol The know they won't be offended and can also bring up traits in each other as they have got to know them. Thats all it is really, people over time becoming more and more comfortable with each other - it's not that newcomers are being left out, more that the treatment is a bit different when we dont know you ..... and yes, I realise that does sometimes make you feel overlooked - I remember feeling exactly like that confused

Don't despair tho, get yourselves to the munches, they're always happening. Stick with it on here, let us get to know you as people, what you think, your opinions etc ok biggrin

Good luck :D

17 Sep 2004

Bugger!!!!! that serves me right for wandering off for a bar of choc mid post!!!!! They all beat me to it :lol2:

17 Sep 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Bugger!!!!! that serves me right for wandering off for a bar of choc mid post!!!!! They all beat me to it :lol2:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Yes - it serves you right!!!!!!!!!

17 Sep 2004

Quote by Kenluvslucy
if we feel like this now, does it follow that our first visit to a club, or munch, would be the same?????

Please let me assure you from experience, Munches are the greatest thing since sliced bread. The first one I went to, I had only been posting a few weeks, I was surprised and delighted by the reception I got. Some people are understandably wary of newbies, but when you turn up for your first Munch, you can almost hear the collective sigh of relief as everyone realises you're for real, and everyone wants to meet you and talk to you. I recognise that getting an invite can be difficult if numbers are limited, but don't take that as a personal rejection, it just means the hosts are giving priority to people thay know, as would be the case with any private party. Just keep plugging away and get yourself known - I promise you won't regret it.

17 Sep 2004

Quote by Kenluvslucy
if we feel like this now, does it follow that our first visit to a club, or munch, would be the same?????

Why not put your names down for the next club outing? A double whammy lol, meeting people from here (in fewer numbers too so much easier) and going to a club not worrying about feeling on the outside looking in biggrin

17 Sep 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Bugger!!!!! that serves me right for wandering off for a bar of choc mid post!!!!! They all beat me to it :lol2:

17 Sep 2004

Quote by davej
Bugger!!!!! that serves me right for wandering off for a bar of choc mid post!!!!! They all beat me to it :lol2:

Oi you put my crunchie back in the fridge!!!!
blody hell identical posts .....did we just connect through a gypsy woman and a glass ball or something?
davej, misschief, alex spookily, connecting through thought.......
think... davej sends yer money......
think... davej sends yer money......
think.. davej sends yer money......
So Dave - I'm waiting!
Ken - this is what we mean - we three really haven't known each other for years - but because we post quite a lot to each other - It almost seems that way!
In a couple of months time you'll wonder what all the fuss was about! biggrin

17 Sep 2004

Ok I'm speaking now as one of the site members who doesn't post that much.
*wonders what everyones laughing at* confused

Anyway when I first started the place did seem cliquey. I felt like I was being ignored especially in the GFZ, but I kept plugging away and making posts.
As TE said it's the nature of this beast. People may be rolling around on the floor laughing at one of your funny posts, but unless they actually tell you that they're doing that you'll never know. I still worry sometimes that people aren't laughing at what I've posted, or aren't taking my serious posts seriously, I think it's just human nature to be slightly unsure of ourselves and this medium can be a little cold and hard sometimes.
My advice is to keep posting and assume that everyones going along with what you're they aren't they'll let you know. wink

17 Sep 2004

Its funny that you may percieve me as a newbie - I've answered many ad's on this site,have put ads up (143822 is my latest!) since 2002,to no avail but for once..so,I've even done few swinger-ish things with people,one way or another!
I guess its that you all do seem so confident,very witty,very sex side seems to be a certainty to most of you when you want it so you are able to relax here on whatever subject..not that I begrudge you that,enjoy,and not that I'm some pent up crank,gasping for it - gasp!gasp!Its just thats the reason I'm here.I so also want to be that open person,meeting people in less sex focussed socials etc though again eg an attractive couple at such a thing know the sex part is a virtual certainty for them if they wish whereas for me,I'll be honest,it is,perhaps my undoing - really I want it to lead to the sexual side of things happening for me - not that I'm selfish,I feel i have LOTS to GIVE!! - in fact INCLUDING me is a better way of saying it!
I'm not quite clear how these Munches work and what happens - just a get together/drink/party?A party or a party party?!
I'm a nice enough guy,DO have a personality but I'd be petrified.I guess its the discretion/double life thing too - its been a secretive thing for me,not open..most family/friends wouldn't understand why I need to do what I often don't get to actually do!lol!X

17 Sep 2004

Quote by Kenluvslucy

Well, we've tried to join in-- but, and we dont mean any serious offence here, why is it so hard to be accepted?? we enquired about the notts munch- and accepted the fact we are newcomers with grace, to find that other, non-posters, seem to get accepted with no bother-- it seems very hard to make any friends here, which is upsetting, dare I say that it seems a bit 'clicky'??
This post is not intended to cause offence, but we're finding it rather frustrating--
I accept this thread might be locked, or deleted, but felt I had to say, ask.

Firstly as far as the munch itself is concerened we can only invite people who have been on the site for a while for a number of reasons.
They include,members of the press could just sign up just to come and get people with nothing better to do could just join so they can come to the munch and be abusive or take the piss.
Obviously anyone who attends isnt gonna want either of these things to happen so we need to do our best to prevent these things happening for ourselves and anyone who attends.
Its a shame you havent been here long enough,but if you do stick around there will be other munches to which you will be able to go to,we only went to our first ourselves last month!
Some people dont post very often but do use the chatroom instead as thats what they prefer to do,some just use the ads,but occasionally use the chatroom and hardly ever the not about how many posts you do or how often your on here,its basically so that we know that your"genuine"(i appologise for the use of that word)
As for fitting in and making friends that all comes with time,i still feel from time to time that i don't fit in or even ometimes not even welcome,but its those who i have made good friends with that i stick around,not to mention the laughs i have on here(and a freedom to talk as much crap as i like lol

)
Of course your welcome here,after all you have as much right as anyone else to be give it a little time and youll soon realise how many friends youve ,made and how you cant remember what it feels like when you first join!!

17 Sep 2004

Quote by Keith K
Its funny that you may percieve me as a newbie - I've answered many ad's on this site,have put ads up (143822 is my latest!) since 2002,to no avail but for once..so,I've even done few swinger-ish things with people,one way or another!
I guess its that you all do seem so confident,very witty,very sex side seems to be a certainty to most of you when you want it so you are able to relax here on whatever subject..not that I begrudge you that,enjoy,and not that I'm some pent up crank,gasping for it - gasp!gasp!Its just thats the reason I'm here.I so also want to be that open person,meeting people in less sex focussed socials etc though again eg an attractive couple at such a thing know the sex part is a virtual certainty for them if they wish whereas for me,I'll be honest,it is,perhaps my undoing - really I want it to lead to the sexual side of things happening for me - not that I'm selfish,I feel i have LOTS to GIVE!! - in fact INCLUDING me is a better way of saying it!
I'm not quite clear how these Munches work and what happens - just a get together/drink/party?A party or a party party?!
I'm a nice enough guy,DO have a personality but I'd be petrified.I guess its the discretion/double life thing too - its been a secretive thing for me,not open..most family/friends wouldn't understand why I need to do what I often don't get to actually do!lol!X

Death and taxes are certainties, not much else.
As for how Munches work and what happens, they are purely social gatherings, and for many SH members, the social side of things is the main attraction. The fact that CafÃ© even exists is testament to that I think.
I don't think the people on here are necessarily any more confident and self-assured than the average person generally, it's just that those who jump in and take part invariably come to feel quite quickly that they are among friends, and feel relaxed in this environment.
You say you'd be petrified. Well, everyone who's gone to their first Munch not knowing anyone knows what you mean, and once you've got that first Munch under your belt, you'll wonder what you were so worried about, honestly. smile

Ice

17 Sep 2004

Sometimes I still feel I'm on the fringe of this group after nine months and over 800 posts. It just takes time to get to know people here, and for them to get to know you. Some people are better at becoming part of the group than others are, also some want to become part of the group in very differing ways to the ways others do. This group may on first impressions seem cliquey, and there are indeed some in-jokes, (some utterly baffling, even to me confused

) and some people who have got to know certain others very well, but it is in fact very welcoming of all types of people. There have been a large number of newbies registering in here the past couple of weeks, and some days Ifeel completely lost in here. So it's just a matter of sticking around and slowly becoming a familiar figure in here.
Mike.