First, I admit I listen to radio4.
At sometime I was listening to something, and a comment was made about an old book, 'Advise for new brides.' It talked about activity in the bed room as cooking. It went something like this;'...large portions should be dished up to husbands and do not be afraid to be liberal with spice. On occasion ask advise about new dishes from women who have been cooking for longer....'
You get the picture. So have you any examples of 'not talking about sex'
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Another way to talk about sex.
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Innuendos, the full penetration requires the orator to start slow, and build up gradually, while the recipient is somewhat confused as to the true meaning. It is a crafty way without being to suggestive to enter a conversation and lead it to a satisfying conclusion.
The most rewarding is when it is unexpected and you sneak in the back door.
The most rewarding is when it is unexpected and you sneak in the back door.
Quote by celestria
That would have been on the Friday night comedy news quiz thing on radio 4 at .. I listen to it whilst I wait for my daughter to finish her guitar lesson
Can't think of any other good examples though
"I'm sorry I haven't a clue" on Radio 4 was brilliant for these innuendos -
Record researcher Samantha has made one of her customary visits to the gramaphone library, where she runs errands for the kindly old archivists, such as nipping out to fetch their sandwiches. Their favourite treat is cheese with homemade chutney, but they never object when she palms them off with relish.
The kindly old archivist keeps a small terrier for company and Samantha makes a point of taking a treat of a biscuit or two. The archivist says he always loves to watch his little dog as he scampers up to Samantha with her couple of crackers held out and pants around her ankles.
Samantha and the elderly archivist have taken to searching the shelves by candle light, which can be messy, so while Samantha passes down the discs, the nice man holds the ladder while he cleans the dust and wax off in the dark.
Sex God
ROMEO
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
or what about:
ROMEO
Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.
MERCUTIO
If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.
or then there's:
ROMEO
If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
JULIET
Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.
ROMEO
Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
JULIET
Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.
ROMEO
O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
JULIET
Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.
ROMEO
Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.
JULIET
Then have my lips the sin that they have took.
ROMEO
Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again.
JULIET
You kiss by the book.
Surprisingly raunchy stuff if you just dig deep enough.
Aye me....
Nola x
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
or what about:
ROMEO
Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn.
MERCUTIO
If love be rough with you, be rough with love;
Prick love for pricking, and you beat love down.
or then there's:
ROMEO
If I profane with my unworthiest hand
This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.
JULIET
Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.
ROMEO
Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
JULIET
Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.
ROMEO
O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.
JULIET
Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.
ROMEO
Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.
JULIET
Then have my lips the sin that they have took.
ROMEO
Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
Give me my sin again.
JULIET
You kiss by the book.
Surprisingly raunchy stuff if you just dig deep enough.
Aye me....
Nola x
Quote by Cherrytree
"I'm sorry I haven't a clue" on Radio 4 was brilliant for these innuendos -
Record researcher Samantha has made one of her customary visits to the gramaphone library, where she runs errands for the kindly old archivists, such as nipping out to fetch their sandwiches. Their favourite treat is cheese with homemade chutney, but they never object when she palms them off with relish.
The kindly old archivist keeps a small terrier for company and Samantha makes a point of taking a treat of a biscuit or two. The archivist says he always loves to watch his little dog as he scampers up to Samantha with her couple of crackers held out and pants around her ankles.
Samantha and the elderly archivist have taken to searching the shelves by candle light, which can be messy, so while Samantha passes down the discs, the nice man holds the ladder while he cleans the dust and wax off in the dark.
Oh dearest Cherrytree thankyou for posting this, I share Lp's sentiments and loved this show. Reading your post I could hear dear Humphrey (rip)Lyttleton's voice as clear as day saying every word and it had me giggling like a school kid. Right now I'm off to Mornington crescent
Quote by niceguysdoexist
"I'm sorry I haven't a clue" on Radio 4 was brilliant for these innuendos -
Record researcher Samantha has made one of her customary visits to the gramaphone library, where she runs errands for the kindly old archivists, such as nipping out to fetch their sandwiches. Their favourite treat is cheese with homemade chutney, but they never object when she palms them off with relish.
The kindly old archivist keeps a small terrier for company and Samantha makes a point of taking a treat of a biscuit or two. The archivist says he always loves to watch his little dog as he scampers up to Samantha with her couple of crackers held out and pants around her ankles.
Samantha and the elderly archivist have taken to searching the shelves by candle light, which can be messy, so while Samantha passes down the discs, the nice man holds the ladder while he cleans the dust and wax off in the dark.
Oh dearest Cherrytree thankyou for posting this, I share Lp's sentiments and loved this show. Reading your post I could hear dear Humphrey (rip)Lyttleton's voice as clear as day saying every word and it had me giggling like a school kid. Right now I'm off to Mornington crescent
No one but 80-odd year old Humph could get away with saying these so innocently.
"Im Sorry I havent a clue" is one of my fav Radio 4 programmes - most of the innuendoes regarded Samanatha
"while her baking instructor "popped her bread rolls straight into his mouth and he's promised to try her muffin next week".
Of a builder, "she was pleased to see his tender won, but was startled when it suddenly grew to twice its size".
Cant say I ever really understood "Mornington Crescent"
NGDE -please explain further !!
"while her baking instructor "popped her bread rolls straight into his mouth and he's promised to try her muffin next week".
Of a builder, "she was pleased to see his tender won, but was startled when it suddenly grew to twice its size".
Cant say I ever really understood "Mornington Crescent"
NGDE -please explain further !!
Sex God
My particular favourites which also link in with the subject of the post and I'm Sorry I haven't a clue...
From Sound Charades / Give us a clue...
"The experts expert was, of course, Lionel Blair and few will forget the sight of Lionel on his knees, breathless and sweaty, after pulling off "12 Angry Men" in under two minutes..." (there are so many of these and everyone makes me cry with laughter...)
"Product placement is everywhere these days. Why only the other day I was in my supermarket and I saw Anthony Worrall Thompson's face smiling back at me from a packet of sausages. Underneath it said "Prick with a Fork", which I thought was a little harsh."
"Samantha is off to Italy now where she likes to partake of the delicious variety of ice cream that the country produces. She tells me that when she's there, she can often be found on some street corner, licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan."
And if anyone wants the full rules of Mornington Crescent (complete with the now infamous "Grebe Clause 26" and the important 1996 Des O'Connor ruling) just drop me a message and I'll send them to you.
From Sound Charades / Give us a clue...
"The experts expert was, of course, Lionel Blair and few will forget the sight of Lionel on his knees, breathless and sweaty, after pulling off "12 Angry Men" in under two minutes..." (there are so many of these and everyone makes me cry with laughter...)
"Product placement is everywhere these days. Why only the other day I was in my supermarket and I saw Anthony Worrall Thompson's face smiling back at me from a packet of sausages. Underneath it said "Prick with a Fork", which I thought was a little harsh."
"Samantha is off to Italy now where she likes to partake of the delicious variety of ice cream that the country produces. She tells me that when she's there, she can often be found on some street corner, licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan."
And if anyone wants the full rules of Mornington Crescent (complete with the now infamous "Grebe Clause 26" and the important 1996 Des O'Connor ruling) just drop me a message and I'll send them to you.
These are quotes from Mrs Slowcombe from the classic 1970s series "Are You Being Served" - I can't imagine these would be allowed on mainstream family TV these days
Our Figures are Slipping -- "It's very short notice--there's my pussy to consider. Who's going to let it out?"
Cold Comfort -- "You're lucky to have me at all, Captain Peacock. I had to thaw me pussy out before I came. It had been out all night."
The Think Tank -- "Well, if I'm not home on the stroke of six, my pussy goes mad."
Hoorah for the Holidays -- "Oh, Mr. Rumbold, I hope this isn't going to take long. My pussy's been locked up for eight hours."
The Hand of Fate -- "You know, animals are very psychic. I mean, the least sign of danger and my pussy's hair stands on end."
German Week -- "You know, this sort of thing just isn't fair on my pussy. She has a go at the furniture if I'm not there prompt."
New Look -- "It's a wonder I'm here at all, you know. My pussy got soakin' wet. I had to dry it out in front of the fire before I left."
Christmas Crackers -- "I hope we're not going to be late tonight. Because I've left Winston clinging to the curtain ring--he refuses to come down. The mere sight of my pussy drives him mad."
No Sale -- "Having a bath at 6 o'clock in the morning played havoc with my pussy."
Forward, Mr. Grainger -- "Well, speaking personally, I never have any trouble getting up in the morning. My pussy's just like an alarm clock. Every morning at 6:15 it drops its clockwork mouse on my pillow."
Fire Practice -- "Can we get on with it? I can't bear the sight of my pussy, standing at the door with a tin-opener in its mouth."
Fire Practice -- "Oh, I don't need a fire alarm. At the first sign of smoke, my pussy rushes into the garden and it sits on the concrete tortoise in the middle of the goldfish bowl."
The Father Christmas Affair -- "Well, I hope it's not going to take long. If I'm not home on the stroke of seven, my pussy starts clawing at my busy lizzy."
Mrs. Slocombe Expects -- "Well, the central heating broke down. I had to light the oven and hold my pussy in front."
A Change is as Good as a Rest -- "But they're all dogs! Is there no demand for mechanical pussies?"
The Old Order Changes -- "I hope this isn't going to take long, Captain Peacock. The last time I was late, a fireman had to climb out of my bedroom window and risk his life on a narrow ledge tryin' to grab hold of my pussy."
Goodbye, Mr. Grainger -- "Oh, look! It's a diamante collar for my pussy."
The Club -- "Well, if I'm to spend an evening in this club, there'll have to be accommodation for my pussy."
Shedding the Load -- "She went right up to the sergeant at the desk, and she said, 'Have any of your constables reported having seen this lady's pussy?'"
A Bliss Girl -- "What about this fog? My pussy's been gasping all night."
Happy Returns -- "Well, I can't stay too late. The man next door is popping in every half-hour to keep an eye on my pussy."
The Junior -- "I've got to get home. If my pussy isn't attended to by 8 o'clock, I shall be strokin' it for the rest of the evening."
The Apartment -- "Well, you know how clumsy those removal men are. I'm not havin' 'em handlin' my pussy."
The Apartment -- "Mr. Humphries! Leave my pussy alone!"
The Hero -- "Today's the day my pussy comes of age!"
Anything You Can Do -- "If there are any leftovers, my pussy gobbles them up in a flash."
Is It Catching? -- "But at 7 o'clock tonight, my pussy's expectin' to see a friendly face."
Closed Circuit -- "Is that Mr. Ackbar? Mrs. Slocombe here, your next-door neighbor. I wonder, would you do me a favour? Would you go to my front door, bend down, and look through the letter-box? And if you can see my pussy, would you drop a sardine on the mat?"
Roots? -- "I've got a sculptor coming this evening. He's going to do my pussy in clay."
Roots? -- "It's at a very critical stage. All last night, I had to keep it on the table covered by a wet flannel. And tonight at 9 o'clock, all the neighbors are comin' in to watch him pour plaster of paris all over it...and then put it in a very hot oven."
Sweet Smell of Success -- "I inadvertently dropped some on my pussy, and there were tomcats throwin' themselves against my cat-flap all night."
Calling All Customers -- "I ought to ring my neighbor and ask her to look in on my pussy."
Calling All Customers -- "They're for my pussy...d'you know, it wins a prize every time I show it."
Monkey Business -- "But then they spotted my pussy and were off."
Lost and Found -- "I suddenly realized he means more to me than anything else in the world...except my pussy, of course."
Goodbye, Mrs. Slocombe -- "Twenty minutes later my pussy was in a basket on its way to Scotland."
The Night Club -- "Look, I'm trying to get my pussy on the phone!"
Friends and Neighbors -- "My only problem is, will my pussy feel at home in a strange place?"
Grace & Favour (Are You Being Served? Again!) #1 -- "Mr. Humphries, would you hold my pussy while I alight?"
Grace & Favour #1 -- "Somebody help me, please! That naughty goat has got hold of my pussy and won't let go!"
Grace & Favour #2 -- "He won't be so confident when he sees my pussy."
Grace & Favour #2 -- "They're not having my pussy! And I am unanimous in that!"
Grace & Favour #5 -- "I'll put my pussy in front of the hole, and the next time he comes out, he'll get a nasty shock."
Grace & Favour #5 -- "Captain Peacock, have you seen my pussy?"
Grace & Favour #7 -- "My pussy was very agitated."
Grace & Favour #9 -- "He was devoted to me...and to the pussy I had at the time."
Grace & Favour #10 -- "I've never seen one of those before...a two hundred year-old pussy."
Grace & Favour #10 -- "I have a pussy of great antiquity, and I'd like him to take a look at it."
Grace & Favour #11 -- "He'd have raised a pussy."
Grace & Favour #12 -- "Do you know, I found my pussy trapped in my drawers."
Our Figures are Slipping -- "It's very short notice--there's my pussy to consider. Who's going to let it out?"
Cold Comfort -- "You're lucky to have me at all, Captain Peacock. I had to thaw me pussy out before I came. It had been out all night."
The Think Tank -- "Well, if I'm not home on the stroke of six, my pussy goes mad."
Hoorah for the Holidays -- "Oh, Mr. Rumbold, I hope this isn't going to take long. My pussy's been locked up for eight hours."
The Hand of Fate -- "You know, animals are very psychic. I mean, the least sign of danger and my pussy's hair stands on end."
German Week -- "You know, this sort of thing just isn't fair on my pussy. She has a go at the furniture if I'm not there prompt."
New Look -- "It's a wonder I'm here at all, you know. My pussy got soakin' wet. I had to dry it out in front of the fire before I left."
Christmas Crackers -- "I hope we're not going to be late tonight. Because I've left Winston clinging to the curtain ring--he refuses to come down. The mere sight of my pussy drives him mad."
No Sale -- "Having a bath at 6 o'clock in the morning played havoc with my pussy."
Forward, Mr. Grainger -- "Well, speaking personally, I never have any trouble getting up in the morning. My pussy's just like an alarm clock. Every morning at 6:15 it drops its clockwork mouse on my pillow."
Fire Practice -- "Can we get on with it? I can't bear the sight of my pussy, standing at the door with a tin-opener in its mouth."
Fire Practice -- "Oh, I don't need a fire alarm. At the first sign of smoke, my pussy rushes into the garden and it sits on the concrete tortoise in the middle of the goldfish bowl."
The Father Christmas Affair -- "Well, I hope it's not going to take long. If I'm not home on the stroke of seven, my pussy starts clawing at my busy lizzy."
Mrs. Slocombe Expects -- "Well, the central heating broke down. I had to light the oven and hold my pussy in front."
A Change is as Good as a Rest -- "But they're all dogs! Is there no demand for mechanical pussies?"
The Old Order Changes -- "I hope this isn't going to take long, Captain Peacock. The last time I was late, a fireman had to climb out of my bedroom window and risk his life on a narrow ledge tryin' to grab hold of my pussy."
Goodbye, Mr. Grainger -- "Oh, look! It's a diamante collar for my pussy."
The Club -- "Well, if I'm to spend an evening in this club, there'll have to be accommodation for my pussy."
Shedding the Load -- "She went right up to the sergeant at the desk, and she said, 'Have any of your constables reported having seen this lady's pussy?'"
A Bliss Girl -- "What about this fog? My pussy's been gasping all night."
Happy Returns -- "Well, I can't stay too late. The man next door is popping in every half-hour to keep an eye on my pussy."
The Junior -- "I've got to get home. If my pussy isn't attended to by 8 o'clock, I shall be strokin' it for the rest of the evening."
The Apartment -- "Well, you know how clumsy those removal men are. I'm not havin' 'em handlin' my pussy."
The Apartment -- "Mr. Humphries! Leave my pussy alone!"
The Hero -- "Today's the day my pussy comes of age!"
Anything You Can Do -- "If there are any leftovers, my pussy gobbles them up in a flash."
Is It Catching? -- "But at 7 o'clock tonight, my pussy's expectin' to see a friendly face."
Closed Circuit -- "Is that Mr. Ackbar? Mrs. Slocombe here, your next-door neighbor. I wonder, would you do me a favour? Would you go to my front door, bend down, and look through the letter-box? And if you can see my pussy, would you drop a sardine on the mat?"
Roots? -- "I've got a sculptor coming this evening. He's going to do my pussy in clay."
Roots? -- "It's at a very critical stage. All last night, I had to keep it on the table covered by a wet flannel. And tonight at 9 o'clock, all the neighbors are comin' in to watch him pour plaster of paris all over it...and then put it in a very hot oven."
Sweet Smell of Success -- "I inadvertently dropped some on my pussy, and there were tomcats throwin' themselves against my cat-flap all night."
Calling All Customers -- "I ought to ring my neighbor and ask her to look in on my pussy."
Calling All Customers -- "They're for my pussy...d'you know, it wins a prize every time I show it."
Monkey Business -- "But then they spotted my pussy and were off."
Lost and Found -- "I suddenly realized he means more to me than anything else in the world...except my pussy, of course."
Goodbye, Mrs. Slocombe -- "Twenty minutes later my pussy was in a basket on its way to Scotland."
The Night Club -- "Look, I'm trying to get my pussy on the phone!"
Friends and Neighbors -- "My only problem is, will my pussy feel at home in a strange place?"
Grace & Favour (Are You Being Served? Again!) #1 -- "Mr. Humphries, would you hold my pussy while I alight?"
Grace & Favour #1 -- "Somebody help me, please! That naughty goat has got hold of my pussy and won't let go!"
Grace & Favour #2 -- "He won't be so confident when he sees my pussy."
Grace & Favour #2 -- "They're not having my pussy! And I am unanimous in that!"
Grace & Favour #5 -- "I'll put my pussy in front of the hole, and the next time he comes out, he'll get a nasty shock."
Grace & Favour #5 -- "Captain Peacock, have you seen my pussy?"
Grace & Favour #7 -- "My pussy was very agitated."
Grace & Favour #9 -- "He was devoted to me...and to the pussy I had at the time."
Grace & Favour #10 -- "I've never seen one of those before...a two hundred year-old pussy."
Grace & Favour #10 -- "I have a pussy of great antiquity, and I'd like him to take a look at it."
Grace & Favour #11 -- "He'd have raised a pussy."
Grace & Favour #12 -- "Do you know, I found my pussy trapped in my drawers."
Here is one I like mostly because I wrote it.
I slept in rolling hills.
Awaking I descended across scented plains.
I found steep wooded valley.
There I drunk my fill of sweet water.
There I immersed myself.
Having bathed I dressed and marched away.
I seem to think about south Wales when I think about this. I wonder why?
I slept in rolling hills.
Awaking I descended across scented plains.
I found steep wooded valley.
There I drunk my fill of sweet water.
There I immersed myself.
Having bathed I dressed and marched away.
I seem to think about south Wales when I think about this. I wonder why?
Master of Sex
A woman walked into a pub and asked the barman for a double entendre.
So he gave her one.
So he gave her one.
