Any Pulling Tips For A Newly Divorced Guy?

23 May 2005

Hi folks. Newly divorced and haven't been on the pull for 15 years - any tips? Especially from the ladies out there? I've tried hanging about the supermarket vegetable aisle suggestively fondling cucumbers - no success (unless you count the 89 year old granny who sexily shoved me out of the way biggrin

). Should I fondle other vegetables? Or try another location? I'm all ears guys - my masturbation technique is almost perfected but getting slightly tiresome sad

23 May 2005

No tips, just a word of advise I got from my eldest boy a year ago after 18 years of no dating, and after a disasterous first date....
"Mom, don't you know *Coffee* is a euphanism for sex?"

23 May 2005

Forget the vegaetables aisle and hang out round the toiletries aisle, at least themn we will know your clean!!

23 May 2005

Quote by Libra+Love
No tips, just a word of advise I got from my eldest boy a year ago after 18 years of no dating, and after a disasterous first date....
"Mom, don't you know *Coffee* is a euphanism for sex?"

Erm - Excuse me young lady. When somepeople ask if you fancy getting together for a "coffee meet" - that's exactly what they mean wink

Welcome to the asylum Good Doctor. You couldn't have a look at my back could ya?
I hope you have as much fun as most of us here do :cheers:

23 May 2005

Right, so if I hang about the toiletry aisles rubbing a bar of dove up and down my thighs I should meet someone? It's all coming back!! That's how I met the ex-wife!
Mmmmm...maybe I'll hang around the chocolate aisle...

23 May 2005

Quote by dambuster
No tips, just a word of advise I got from my eldest boy a year ago after 18 years of no dating, and after a disasterous first date....
"Mom, don't you know *Coffee* is a euphanism for sex?"

Erm - Excuse me young lady. When somepeople ask if you fancy getting together for a "coffee meet" - that's exactly what they mean wink

Welcome to the asylum Good Doctor. You couldn't have a look at my back could ya?
I hope you have as much fun as most of us here do :cheers:
Erm....and the next thing I knew you was nekked in my bathroom :giggle:
and how out of context is that? :lol2:
Excuse my bad manners Doc, welcome.

23 May 2005

Quote by Libra+Love
Erm....and the next thing I knew you was nekked in my bathroom :giggle:
and how out of context is that? :lol2:
Excuse my bad manners Doc, welcome.

Well - a guy's gotta try - and a tramper's gotta get it where he can.
You just take the biggestest cat's arse you can manage Sweetie.
poke

and stop hijacking threads

:smackbottom:

23 May 2005

Quote by thegooddoctor
Right, so if I hang about the toiletry aisles rubbing a bar of dove up and down my thighs I should meet someone? It's all coming back!! That's how I met the ex-wife!
Mmmmm...maybe I'll hang around the chocolate aisle...

Have you tried hanging round the sausage counter?
Welcome to the nut house!

23 May 2005

Quote by Libra+Love
No tips, just a word of advise I got from my eldest boy a year ago after 18 years of no dating, and after a disasterous first date....
"Mom, don't you know *Coffee* is a euphanism for sex?"

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: kiss

Hmmm, I don't like coffee though. No wonder I never got anywhere :cry:
Then again, I just use the euphanism "Fancy a shag" then go have a cuppa lol

23 May 2005

You have my sympathies GD - it is so difficult to re-capture those old skills that once seemed so natural to you. - and I apologise for all those members who seem to have got hold of the wrong end of the stick, which brings us back to the topic title
OK - Pulling for beginners, - Take a good firm grip, not too hard, you are not trying to milk a cow rolleyes

Now, with a gentle, smooth and regular action begin to slide your hand gently over the shaft (note: depending on how long it has been, you may wish to use lubricant to prevent painful chaffing)
The exact frequecy of oscilation depends very much on individual preference, you should try a range of frequencies until you find the one that suits.
Repeat as often as necessary.
lhk
Kat
SH medical disclaimer - it is strongly recommended that all pulling inbolve movement of the entire forearm in order to reduce the risk or RSI in the wrist.

23 May 2005

Quote by thegooddoctor
Hi folks. Newly divorced and haven't been on the pull for 15 years - any tips? Especially from the ladies out there? I've tried hanging about the supermarket vegetable aisle suggestively fondling cucumbers - no success (unless you count the 89 year old granny who sexily shoved me out of the way ). Should I fondle other vegetables? Or try another location? I'm all ears guys - my masturbation technique is almost perfected but getting slightly tiresome

Ahh well that's where you're going wrong, see! Fondling cucumbers sort of suggests that you are most likely looking for a bit 'o cock and therefore the women think you have no interest to them. Head over to the fruit displays and try fondling the grapefruits or caressing the melons instead. Works for me!
LC...talking complete Freudian bollox. wink

23 May 2005

ops: :oops:
You could try asking a particularly attractive shopper, how do you know what size bin liner you need and how can you tell, never having filled your kicthen bin with water.
:oops: :oops: :oops:

23 May 2005

On reflection, and after the comments on euphanisms, maybe I shouldn't have mentioned about 'hanging around the chocolate aisle"

23 May 2005

Go for a relatively innocent question on whichever aisle you happen to be.. In the argument over which aisle to go for - well why not walk round all of them in turn. Oh, and while you're there - you could even do some shopping smile

. Kill two birds with one stone (well, hopefully all the birds in there are already dead, some might be frozen for preservation too).
Oh, btw, it's "euphemism".

23 May 2005

Quote by breezer
Go for a relatively innocent question on whichever aisle you happen to be.. In the argument over which aisle to go for - well why not walk round all of them in turn. Oh, and while you're there - you could even do some shopping . Kill two birds with one stone (well, hopefully all the birds in there are already dead, some might be frozen for preservation too).
Oh, btw, it's "euphemism".

Breezer don't do that - people will complain! It's not PC to correct people's spelling mistakes, apparently. lol

23 May 2005

Quote by freckledbird
Go for a relatively innocent question on whichever aisle you happen to be.. In the argument over which aisle to go for - well why not walk round all of them in turn. Oh, and while you're there - you could even do some shopping . Kill two birds with one stone (well, hopefully all the birds in there are already dead, some might be frozen for preservation too).
Oh, btw, it's "euphemism".

Breezer don't do that - people will complain! It's not PC to correct people's spelling mistakes, apparently. lol

No dont correct spilling mistooks - its against government policy!

24 May 2005

Yip, 'cusae we ralely dnot crae! lol

24 May 2005

buy a sports car

24 May 2005

Quote by dambuster

Erm....and the next thing I knew you was nekked in my bathroom :giggle:
and how out of context is that? :lol2:
Excuse my bad manners Doc, welcome.

Well - a guy's gotta try - and a tramper's gotta get it where he can.
You just take the biggestest cat's arse you can manage Sweetie.
poke

and stop hijacking threads

:smackbottom:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Just re-read this Dammie and how rude does it sound?!!!! :lol2: :giggle:
redface

I need to clarify for the newbies.....
Dambuster's a truck driver
And for all of you who don't know....
A cat's arse is a kiss :shock: :lol2:
Ask Dambuster, he'll show you :lol2:

24 May 2005

Hi and :welcome: did a search on ask jeeves for you and this is the advice that I found. Print out and pretend its a shopping list lol

* A bunch of bananas in the child seat of his shopping trolley signifies that a man is single and searching.
* The sanitary napkins aisle is a great place to find women.
* The fruit and vegetable section is a poor place to find single men.
* The nappies aisle is a great place to meet single mothers.
* The pre-prepared frozen dinner cabinet is a great place to find men.
* "Can you direct me to the bananas?" is a good pick up line. "Let's do it in the car park" is not.
* Never ask a woman to join you in the pre-prepared frozen food cabinet for a quickie.
* Buying engine oil shows you love your car. Buying sexual lubricant shows you love it too much.
* Asking the checkout chick whether she "fancies a chomp on my banana" can have you arrested. Especially if there are none in your trolley.
* If you meet her in the sanitary napkins aisle, tell her how much more absorbant weetbix is for that "time of the month".
* It's not a good idea to buy diarrhea medicine in front of someone you are trying to pick up, especially not if you are buying it in bulk or large quantities. And especially not if you are buying an incredible amount of prune juice with it. But if you feel you must, slip in a few condom packages, and tell the hottie that they can help try them on later while the two of you drink prune juice.
* Buy a box of cone icecreams and open it before you get to the checkout. Take out an icecream and lick it slowly while making eye contact with the one you're keen on...in any aisle. Stick the top of the cone in your mouth and don't break the eye contact while slowly moving it in and out of your mouth. Ff this doesn't break the ice...well just keep going...eventually it will. It has to.
* Show off your driving skills with a trolley
* A sure way to impress the girls is to hold a bunch of bananas to your crotch, and snicker as you look at them. Then mutter "Not even close are you guys".
* Go to the ice lollies asile and tell her that you'll give her something juicy and temporarily hard to suck on.
* Never ask a woman if she could show you her cantelopes or melons
* Go to the mop and broom aisle and get a broom handle, preferably the thickest one. Then proceed to the produce section and begin eating grapes seductively, letting the juices flow down your chin. If a woman approaches you and responds positively, your in there. If she says something like, "hey your stealing grapes!" hit her with the broom handle and run like hell.
* if you are interested in a Chick at the supermarket, IT IS NOT in your best intrest to hit her with a sack of Poatoes. .
* When a beautiful women is coming your way, pretend to fall asleep in the aisle. When she tries to wake you, ask her to pinch you because you must be dreaming.
* If you see a top looking sex-bomb coming towards you with her trolley, flag her down. Start conversation with something like you are a mechanic and was wondering if her trolley was a manual or automatic.
* If you want to start to chat up a good looking girl in the supermarket and use the line: "Havn't we met somewhere before?", make sure you are actually in the supermarket and NOT a VD clinic. Otherwise, results can be quite painful.
* Go to the checkout with a pack of condoms and say "Do you come with these or do i have to ring a Number?"
* Guys, forget the food section and go to the ladies underwear department. Pretend you're a salesman and you specialize in panties. Just before you close the sale, tell her you have to go back and finish your other 2 jobs: watering the flowers and arranging the poetry books. If you don't find true love after trying this a few times, you might as well go back to your wife.
* Go up to a girl and say "I know there is a set of behaviors one must go through before procreation, but I am unknowledgeable of these behaviors. Could you just assume I did them?"
* Don't wear any clothes and see if that attracts anyone. Don't forget to wax.
* Men found in the grapes section are insecure about their body.

24 May 2005

kazswallows is obsessed with bananas..is there some deep rooted sexual fasination with the yellow fruit ?