Picture this....
Late last night, Mr W has just gone off to bed, & i'm curled up on the sofa with an indulgent bowl of Greek yoghurt & honey ice cream. (Justified by the fact I'd just got in from a really heavy training session)
I'm absent mindedly eating & channel hopping, when I feel a crawling sensation on my chest.
Now this usually means im being tickled by a stray bit of hair (from my head children!), but this time- it was different!
I pulled down the top of my T shirt to see- nestling in the depths of my cleavage.......
A FECKING SPIDER!!!! :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:
I threw the ice cream across the room, put an arm across the top & bottom of my T-shirt to prevent it going anywhere even scarier......and bolted upstairs to Mr W, where he was rudely awoken by a scream of
"IneedyoutowakeupanddealwiththissituationNOW!Theresafeckinspiderinmybra!Dosomething!"
Him: Dont bring it near the bed! What sort is it?
Me: Its got 8 legs and its getting on my tits!!
Him: go into the bathroom & drop it in the bath.
So there I was, getting out of my T-shirt & sweaty sports bra with my eyes shut tighter than I thought was possible (having declined his offer to splat it in-situ "NO! I dont want a dead spider in my bra!")
Thirty seconds later, one dead spider, a faint me ,and one hysterical Mr W, the job was done.
Only posting this coz in hindsight I think it was probarbly quite funny......and wondering if anyone has any worse spider incidents to tell? :shock:
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Arachnaphobes- do not read!
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Sex God
Quote by essex34m
i used to, on occasion, sit with my mates tarantula on my shoulder watching tv, he used to love the A-team
Errrrgghhh!!! vile, hideous creature. How did the spider stand it :giggle:
I can only sympathise with you as I would have ran around the neighbourhood like someone from scream 3. It's a girl thing but for me it's the " I've got more legs and can run faster than you.... " element. ( It used to be the big hairy legs, landing on my chest and just thinking he owned me bit, but a quick divorce and that was that cured 
)
) I grew up in an old stone built farm house which was full of spiders - usually of the big hairy garden spider variety.
I woke up one night with my face tickling, which I was used to 'cos the cat slept on the pillow. Opened my eyes and took a little while to realise why I couldn't see out of one eye. Yep, sodding great big hairy arsed spider standing over one eye. I leapt back, hitting my head on the wall - making the spider drop off into the bed so I grabbed the covers - waking the cat up who shreiked (never heard a cat make that noise before) - I realised both me and the spider where on the bed so I jumped off, catching my foot in the clutched cover and fell over - this woke my folks up, they came running in thinking there was a burglar - as they opened the door they hit the cat on the head 'cos she was trying to get out - finding me strewen on the floor with my only explanation being "SPIDER!!!!"
My Dad couldn't find it so I had to try to back to sleep knowing it was in there somewhere. I don't usually mind spiders but I take exception to being woken up by one traipsing over my face!
H.x
I woke up one night with my face tickling, which I was used to 'cos the cat slept on the pillow. Opened my eyes and took a little while to realise why I couldn't see out of one eye. Yep, sodding great big hairy arsed spider standing over one eye. I leapt back, hitting my head on the wall - making the spider drop off into the bed so I grabbed the covers - waking the cat up who shreiked (never heard a cat make that noise before) - I realised both me and the spider where on the bed so I jumped off, catching my foot in the clutched cover and fell over - this woke my folks up, they came running in thinking there was a burglar - as they opened the door they hit the cat on the head 'cos she was trying to get out - finding me strewen on the floor with my only explanation being "SPIDER!!!!"
My Dad couldn't find it so I had to try to back to sleep knowing it was in there somewhere. I don't usually mind spiders but I take exception to being woken up by one traipsing over my face!
H.x
Sex God
I have verry good reason to hate spiders but unfortunately far too gory to post in a public forum.
any gouls who really now need to know the details :twisted: my PM box is always open
any gouls who really now need to know the details :twisted: my PM box is always open
This isn't as exciting (or scary) as Hs' story but I had a spider problem last night!
I don't mind spiders as long a A) I can see them or B) I can usher them outside.
I was sitting in bed last night reading and my cat was next to me, I was semi-dozing and her was purring, next thing I know something catches his eye. I HUGE spider (and I mean big) had walked across the floor to my right.
I must have made some sort of "eeeek" noise as my gf said "what's wrong" in a girly tone, then she saw what I was looking at. :shock:
Our usual plan snapped into action - she gets the plastic cup and I keep an eye on the bugger. I jump out of bed, the cat jumps off too and I think that he may try to eat the spider or worse, scare it somewhere where I can't see it! :scared:
I swiftly (but gently) place the cup over the spider but I only manage to pin him/her down by its back leg! :scared: The cat wants to see what I'm doing and my gf jumps onto the bed like a big pansey!!
I'm naked, I'm tired, I'm fending the cat off with my left arm and I've got a spider pinned down to my right so I decide to take a chance - I lift off the cup, risking it running right under the bed!! :shock:
Thankfully it only ran about 3ft so I just gently placed the cup over it, got a piece of paper, scooped up our scary friend and threw it out the window!
Anyway... it ruined my nights sleep. I dreamt I was wear a long sleeved t-shirt and a rugby shirt over the top, and I had a giant spider up my sleeve that I couldn't get at!
I'm sorry for making a possible short tale into so many words.
I don't mind spiders as long a A) I can see them or B) I can usher them outside.
I was sitting in bed last night reading and my cat was next to me, I was semi-dozing and her was purring, next thing I know something catches his eye. I HUGE spider (and I mean big) had walked across the floor to my right.
I must have made some sort of "eeeek" noise as my gf said "what's wrong" in a girly tone, then she saw what I was looking at. :shock:
Our usual plan snapped into action - she gets the plastic cup and I keep an eye on the bugger. I jump out of bed, the cat jumps off too and I think that he may try to eat the spider or worse, scare it somewhere where I can't see it! :scared:
I swiftly (but gently) place the cup over the spider but I only manage to pin him/her down by its back leg! :scared: The cat wants to see what I'm doing and my gf jumps onto the bed like a big pansey!!
I'm naked, I'm tired, I'm fending the cat off with my left arm and I've got a spider pinned down to my right so I decide to take a chance - I lift off the cup, risking it running right under the bed!! :shock:
Thankfully it only ran about 3ft so I just gently placed the cup over it, got a piece of paper, scooped up our scary friend and threw it out the window!
Anyway... it ruined my nights sleep. I dreamt I was wear a long sleeved t-shirt and a rugby shirt over the top, and I had a giant spider up my sleeve that I couldn't get at!
I'm sorry for making a possible short tale into so many words.
a fairly simple one...
nightime. In bed... thirsty
reach to side for trusty pint glass (cold water) to quench thirst...
>>~~~strange sensation on attempting to take sip~~~<<
yup!
Big Money-Funster stretched across top of glass.....
nearly drank the bogger if it hadnt had such a grip on the lip...>lip of glass.. not my gob!<
the glass was swept up from the wall, and pieces picked out of door in the morning, though the spider was never seen again!
Pete_sw... gimme the gories..pleeaassee!
>its not the *blister* type story is it?<
LP
nightime. In bed... thirsty
reach to side for trusty pint glass (cold water) to quench thirst...
>>~~~strange sensation on attempting to take sip~~~<<
yup!
Big Money-Funster stretched across top of glass.....
nearly drank the bogger if it hadnt had such a grip on the lip...>lip of glass.. not my gob!<
the glass was swept up from the wall, and pieces picked out of door in the morning, though the spider was never seen again!
Pete_sw... gimme the gories..pleeaassee!
>its not the *blister* type story is it?<
LP
A friend of mine was cleaning the top of her kitchen door. As she used her duster to brush over the top of it and singing aloud to the radio a massive spider dropped into her mouth. The poor girl turned green on the spot as the spider struggled with only its legs hanging out of her mouth to get out. She spat it out on the floor and it ran for dear life. My friend was so shocked i made her a cup of sweet tea and had to sit with her for 2 hours until she calmed down. If it was me i would have had a heart attack. She gets her husband to clean the doors now.
EEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!
No wonder I left Catholicism behind me, there is no way I could love all of God's creatures! Spiders are just awful, scary and menacing, and probably far more scared of me than I am of them (especially in a morning ) but that makes no difference. I am afriad our house policy is splat first and ask questions later - the Dubya technique 
No wonder I left Catholicism behind me, there is no way I could love all of God's creatures! Spiders are just awful, scary and menacing, and probably far more scared of me than I am of them (especially in a morning
) but that makes no difference. I am afriad our house policy is splat first and ask questions later - the Dubya technique Quote by LondonPlaything
a fairly simple one...
Big Money-Funster stretched across top of glass.....
nearly drank the bogger if it hadnt had such a grip on the lip...>lip of glass.. not my gob!<
LP
Well, they say the average human will eat 8 spiders in their lifetime... without their knowlege!
Time for bed.... :gagged:
Japes
Sexlightened
Oh dear, you'll all love this one!!!
Many moons ago when I was a teenager and still living at home, I was helping my Mum clear some stuff out from the cellar. As I carried some boxes into the kitchen I felt something on my ear. I put the boxes down and brushed away what I thought was mabye a spiders web or dust.
Wrong!!.........It was a spider!!.
But with my brushing of my hand had actually sent it creeping into my ear. At this point I'm screaming like I don't know what, bent over, shaking my head with the loudest, most deafening noise going on in my head which no-one else could hear. (Imagine Rice Crispies when you first pour the milk on............but LOUDER!!!)
Mum comes running in and there's me screaming, "I've got a f*****g spider in my ear", bent over and shaking my head and by this time sobbing!!
Mum had a look but couldn't see anything, so she's on the phone to the Dr's. They said to get some cooking oil on a spoon and warm it in the steam of the kettle, pour the hot oil into my ear.
*Just HOW LONG does a kettle take to boil when you have a demented sider in you ear, ffs!!!!*
The idea being that the heat would kill the spider, and because it was oil, it would float to the top and could be removed no problem, job done........!!
So there's me bent over the sink and Mum pouring this HOT oil into my ear...............then..................*SILENCE*......................*NOTHING*...................*NO SPIDER*.................
Great so now I have a DEAD DROWNED spider TRAPPED in my ear!!!
On the phone again to the Drs and they said to drive up to see them straight away.
In the car we get, Mother driving like a lunatic to get to the Drs, which seemed like miles away, and me sitting in the car sobbing, with this dead creature and hot oil stuck in my ear.
Eventually arrives at the Drs and goes straight into see the nurse, who had to syringe my ear twice to get this thing out.
Trust me it was HUGE. and not the best experience I've had, never really liked spiders before then, but now I am petrified of them.
Fortunatley, the bf is very understanding and gets rid of any that dare come into the house.
*shudder*
M xx
Many moons ago when I was a teenager and still living at home, I was helping my Mum clear some stuff out from the cellar. As I carried some boxes into the kitchen I felt something on my ear. I put the boxes down and brushed away what I thought was mabye a spiders web or dust.
Wrong!!.........It was a spider!!.
But with my brushing of my hand had actually sent it creeping into my ear. At this point I'm screaming like I don't know what, bent over, shaking my head with the loudest, most deafening noise going on in my head which no-one else could hear. (Imagine Rice Crispies when you first pour the milk on............but LOUDER!!!)
Mum comes running in and there's me screaming, "I've got a f*****g spider in my ear", bent over and shaking my head and by this time sobbing!!
Mum had a look but couldn't see anything, so she's on the phone to the Dr's. They said to get some cooking oil on a spoon and warm it in the steam of the kettle, pour the hot oil into my ear.
*Just HOW LONG does a kettle take to boil when you have a demented sider in you ear, ffs!!!!*
The idea being that the heat would kill the spider, and because it was oil, it would float to the top and could be removed no problem, job done........!!
So there's me bent over the sink and Mum pouring this HOT oil into my ear...............then..................*SILENCE*......................*NOTHING*...................*NO SPIDER*.................
Great so now I have a DEAD DROWNED spider TRAPPED in my ear!!!
On the phone again to the Drs and they said to drive up to see them straight away.
In the car we get, Mother driving like a lunatic to get to the Drs, which seemed like miles away, and me sitting in the car sobbing, with this dead creature and hot oil stuck in my ear.
Eventually arrives at the Drs and goes straight into see the nurse, who had to syringe my ear twice to get this thing out.
Trust me it was HUGE. and not the best experience I've had, never really liked spiders before then, but now I am petrified of them.
Fortunatley, the bf is very understanding and gets rid of any that dare come into the house.
*shudder*
M xx
Sex God
:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Sorry, but...
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Sorry, but...
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: 
Sex God
Quote by winchwench
Only posting this coz in hindsight I think it was probarbly quite funny......and wondering if anyone has any worse spider incidents to tell? :shock:
Funny? ......... funny?? ............. it's fecking hilarious
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: H don't like spiders either, and tht sometimes leads to some funny moments
Sexlightened
Thanks 'meat2pleaseu'..........it's funny now, but it sure wasnt at the time trust me.
xx
xx
Mine is relatively tame in comparison.
When I was younger, I'd gone to bed, turned out the lights, climbed into bed and attempted to get comfy. Turned over, felt something in my hand, tried to make out what it was, squished it a bit, rubbed it through my fingers, even tried to smell it to see if I could work out what it was that way.
Still couldn't work it out, so got up, turned on the lights, looked in my hand to see several black/brown bits and a few legs........ I luckily stiffled the scream and shuddered at the thought that I'd been sharing my bed with an unwelcome guest.
I STILL now go to bed and check under the covers before getting in.........
When I was younger, I'd gone to bed, turned out the lights, climbed into bed and attempted to get comfy. Turned over, felt something in my hand, tried to make out what it was, squished it a bit, rubbed it through my fingers, even tried to smell it to see if I could work out what it was that way.
Still couldn't work it out, so got up, turned on the lights, looked in my hand to see several black/brown bits and a few legs........ I luckily stiffled the scream and shuddered at the thought that I'd been sharing my bed with an unwelcome guest.
I STILL now go to bed and check under the covers before getting in.........
Sex God
Quote by Pete_sw
I have verry good reason to hate spiders but unfortunately far too gory to post in a public forum.
any gouls who really now need to know the details :twisted: my PM box is always open
Not only did I read this thread, I just had to ask Pete. Made me feel sick
Somebody slap me the next time there's a spider thread - I'm terrified of the bloody things :scared: - someone off here had to dispose of one for me once. I was nearly crying.
Sex God
Quote by Freckledbird
I have verry good reason to hate spiders but unfortunately far too gory to post in a public forum.
any gouls who really now need to know the details :twisted: my PM box is always open
Not only did I read this thread, I just had to ask Pete. Made me feel sick
Somebody slap me the next time there's a spider thread - I'm terrified of the bloody things :scared: - someone off here had to dispose of one for me once. I was nearly crying.
did mommy never tell you about curiosity and the cat? :shock:
Sex God
Quote by Pete_sw
did mommy never tell you about curiosity and the cat? :shock:
Yes, but I have had my paws burned a few times - far too nosy for my own good, I am
Sex God
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeete! you almost made FB speechless :shock:
i wanna know your spider story, my inbox now, please
i wanna know your spider story, my inbox now, please
Sex God
Quote by meat2pleaseu
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeete! you almost made FB speechless :shock:
Don't be so bloody silly!
There's a thing you can buy, it's about a tenner, I got it from the Garden Centre - It's like a spider hoover! It's got a 6 inch clear plastic tube that you place over the spider, then you press the button and he's sucked up into the tube. Then you release him into the garden, or out of the window.
Course, as I'm a total wuss, the tube would have to be about 20 foot long before I could use it, but Mr Cherry is a dab hand at it!
Course, as I'm a total wuss, the tube would have to be about 20 foot long before I could use it, but Mr Cherry is a dab hand at it!
Sex God
Quote by Freckledbird
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeete! you almost made FB speechless :shock:
Don't be so bloody silly!
Yeah, don't be so bloody silly. Takes more than that to make FB speechless!
.
Sex God
Quote by westerross
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeete! you almost made FB speechless :shock:
Don't be so bloody silly!
Yeah, don't be so bloody silly. Takes more than that to make FB speechless!
I generally need to have my mouth full. And there is absolutely no need at all to comment on how much it would take to fill the aforementioned orifice :lol:
Tune you've seen me with spiders - I was a right wuss, wasn't I ?
Quote by varca
Had a nasty experience with a bunch of bananas in the local supermarket once. Rummaging around trying to find a decent sized one, I froze as a hairy leg emerged from the bunch I was holding and about to break off my desired banana! My fingers were centimetres away from this huge creature! Did I scream and drop the bunch... nooooo stupid me, I just stood there rigid until someone spotted what was happening and I was rescued by a man in green! They just sealed the box and then took it outside and incinerated it which surprised me as I would have thought that they would have had to get some zoological person to identify it etc.
Not normally frightened of the little darlings at least when I can see them coming I'm not
I presume you are referring to spiders here
:shock:
:D :D 