I'm not sure I expect honest answers here but ladies could share their experience.
1. When sending messages and chatting when do you admit to not being single?
2. Do you think it's fair 'not to tell' because the women you are talking to are on a swingers site?
3. Do you see swinging as a way to have extra marital affairs?
Me, I want to meet single guys, I don't mind if those guys see other single women but I don't want to be the 'other woman'. My personal choice and if I decide to see a guy more than once I definitely want some honesty.
Of course roles could be reversed but there are far fewer single girls on here and being married won't stop a woman getting meets.
It would never occur to me to be anything but upfront. We're talking sex with those we might not know very well. Informed consent is key. Anything but informed consent is potentially very, very dangerous ground indeed. Even more dangerous than pretending to be single risking the mr / mrs finding out what we're up to.
I could never insist everyone is honest in their off-site, real life. Who am I to judge? How would I know anyways? We've all got out crosses to bear. What I expect though is that members of this site are honest with the rest of us. If that means the numbers of potential playmates shrinks to a fraction for them, that's the price of honesty. Those that remain though will be the ones worth talking to, who haven't been so quick to judge.
/Realises this is a slightly off-topic reply not being in the target audience. Oh well, wrote it now innit?
Hi 34D,
Speaking for myself, I would always make it clear upfront that I am in a happy and stable relationship - but not single.
Of course, it is slightly easier for us as we actually met through this site - and Neil is probably one of the few who might remember that.
I would have no wish to be dishonest or even disingenuous - but I see nothing wrong in us meeting other people from time to time. Indeed, that was the very basis of our relationship. If anything, honesty is MORE important in a swinging (or open) relationship than in a vanilla relationship. Without that honesty and openness it's just plain, old-fashioned infidelity.
Will xx
Yes women cheating will always get meets, but not with us.
People, male or female who choose to cheat can do what they want, it is none of my business, PROVIDING, they are upfront and honest about it when talking to us, we don't meet anyone if we know they are cheating, no matter how cute they are.
For us there is no excuse for cheating on a partner, if anyone wants to do it then that is thier decision but when they start involving others they must consider the others, ie be honest and tell them about it, let them make up thier own minds as to wether or not they want to be a part of the deception, some will, some prefer to play with cheats especially in the case of single men as some couples believe there is less chance of "involvement" and more chance of discretion, that is up to them.
Of course there is no "fail safe" for finding out but we have a "if in doubt kick it out" policy, perhaps we sometimes get it wrong and miss the opportunity to play with a decent male/female/couple but better that then the other way round for us.
We are very suspicious of FB's, people without profile pictures, cannot accommodate etc, we know there are lot's of reasons why men cannot accommodate but if there is a valid reason we expect it to be in the profile ie shared housing, single parent, work accommodation (forces for example).
To us cheating is the opposite of swinging, for us swinging is doing whatever you do with your partners consent, end of.
Don’t like using the word “cheat” but our thoughts are different now, to 15 years ago when we started meeting other people to spice our sex life up. We have met all types for all reasons and each one had a different reason for swinging. Some say wife have gone off sex, some say got no wife/husband, some lie some tell the truth. In general its not up to us to judge. But the one thing that is important to us is that we don’t want to be messed around. if people have something to hide than it best keep it to themselves. We are not looking for a relationship some other people might be, never understood why that do that on this site mind. old swinging saying, “we go together and we come home together”. “no means no” and genuine swingers are looking for fun not for a crowed marriage.
Just be honest to yourselves the rest follows...
How does this discussion involve singles in swinging ?
OK swinging was once couples swapping partners, but swinging has evolved like everything else, it now incorporates voyeurs, exhibitionists, doggers, cyber sex, camming, BDSM and much more including singles, there is nothing wrong with that.
But as a single male or female has no partner then they cannot be cheating can they ?
The thread is about those who are in some form of relationship who join others in the swinging scene in any format without the knowledge of thier partner ie cheating on them.
That choice is thiers and thiers alone, it only matters when they involve others in thier play without informing those others of thier status, as I said earlier many people are happy to meet others who are cheating on thier partners, in that scenario good luck to them, it is thier and only thier business.
What I hate is those who do it without informing other parties of thier relationship status thus possibly bringing them into a situation they would not want to be in.
What I don't understand is why they choose to use swingers sites where there are many who disaprove of what they do when there are many "married and cheating" sites available on the internet where they would be welcomed without recrimination, it is thier choice to be here but I fail to understand why they are.
If I judge them at all, and I am human therefore I judge it is over thier stupidity in coming to a site where they will get hassle instead of choosing a site where they won't, thier stupidity in the way they try to hide the fact that they are in a relationship in such ridiculous ways and the stupidity of someone who believes putting that he/she is married on thier profile makes them honest ? be honest with your partner not us.
Personally I hate cheats but that doesn't mean I don't believe in thier freedom to make thier own choices and be here if they wish.
I do not believe there is any excuse for cheating on a partner, the justifications they use are pathetic, my wife doesn't like sex (go without). my husband is always at work (give him a reason to spend more time with you) we stay together for the kids, (kids in a bad relationship are probably worse off than kids with a single parent), talk to your partners, compromise, that is what successfull relationships require.
No miss, what I'm trying to say is that someone who doesn't cheat will happily say they are part of a couple and have no interest in meeting for sex.
Now it might seem strange to some, but as a single guy I was quite happy to put it about left, right and centre with no questions asked. I had no ties and therefore I acted like a single guy.
I'm having one of those times when it's hard to express myself in a written way, but hopefully you might see where I'm coming from?
What if a person's partner no longer wants (or can have) sex?
What if that person wants sex but doesn't want to leave their partner because they love and care for them?
What if the person doesn't want to pay for the coldness of a prostitute or have the emotional complication of an affair?
Who is permitted to judge that person and define for them the meaning of "swinging"?
guilty as charged m'lud. On the other hand though, so what? There are a number of people on here and for differing reasons. Playing away is or can be as much fun as playing together, the excitement and anticipation as normal but with that bit of added extra something. Not saying it's right or wrong, but each to their own.
I have a wife....... and a single account.
In my experience the vast majority of attached guys falsely listing "single" status admit to being attached quite early in conversation. Men-led couples accounts are a lot harder to assess, I've been caught up a few times with those (both ways: had a willing female partner finally appear, sometimes months-in, where I was convinced there was none).
My personal pet peeve is cheating men who automatically assume that because I am married I am also cheating, or at least sympathetic to their situation. But talking of cheating... one of my biggest shocks on SH was to come across couples who swing together but still cheat on each other, by playing behind each other's back.
