I read this article in the Guardian Saturday magazine about this woman befriending a serial killer...
Apparently this is not an isolated case. I read somewhere that serial killers in death row in America get bags of 'fan mail' and the majority are from women.
I wondered why is it that some people and in particular some women find serial killers fascinating? I can just about (but not entirely) understand the writer of The Guardian article befriending the serial killer as they shared a similar upbringing and she was doing some research but what drives other people to try befriend or in extreme cases 'fall in love' with killers?
In this case of the Guardian article the serial killer Kenneth Bianchi and his cousin and killed 12 women and she finds herself "drawn to him in a maternal, protective way".
I'm puzzled!
:confused:
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Befriending serial killers
Sex God
Quote by Plimboy
Now I'm no expert on these matters, but I wonder if it is the element of danger that appeals - also they want to be the one that was better than the rest and didn't get killed?
Plim
If they are on death row the element of danger must be considered very small indeed. I think it is more a caring maternal side and possibly they think maybe they could mend them. I think its crazy to personalize some one who is soon to die! They would not make good live stock farmers!
most likely women with such low self esteem and the need to be needed. they probably havent got much experience of relationships and so these 'relationships' with prisoners are a little safe, unlikely to have physical contact if on death row, unlikely to have usual arguments about whose turn it is to wash up etc
its the sense of being wanted, im sure many of these serial killers are manipulative socio paths so know exactly what to say to get what they want from these vulnerable women
but it does seem to be happening a lot, i even read one woman married a guy on death row
its the sense of being wanted, im sure many of these serial killers are manipulative socio paths so know exactly what to say to get what they want from these vulnerable women
but it does seem to be happening a lot, i even read one woman married a guy on death row
Sex God
I write to an inmate.
I am, as far as I'm aware, not delusional or suffering from low self-esteem Neither am I inexperienced in relationships or looking for a relationship.
I do it because I have a personal interest in anti-death penalty campaigning but primarily because the person I write to appreciates the time I take and the contact with the outside world.
It is organised via a charity. I receive letters on a fairly regular basis. I have no expectations beyond that of a typical penpal friendship/correspondance. The feeling on the part of the person I write to is mutual. However my letters, I know, do provide interest and can (if I send a postcard or card) brighten up his day literally too!
But then I have always done the Amnesty International Christmas Card campaign since I was a child and, as a teenager, used to correspond with a guy in a Young Offenders Institute in the UK. He and I met on a retreat/workshop I was on and he was there talking about what life was like for young offenders. We wrote to each other for years - even after his release. I see this as no different.
Just balancing things up. :thumbup:
I am, as far as I'm aware, not delusional or suffering from low self-esteem Neither am I inexperienced in relationships or looking for a relationship.
I do it because I have a personal interest in anti-death penalty campaigning but primarily because the person I write to appreciates the time I take and the contact with the outside world.
It is organised via a charity. I receive letters on a fairly regular basis. I have no expectations beyond that of a typical penpal friendship/correspondance. The feeling on the part of the person I write to is mutual. However my letters, I know, do provide interest and can (if I send a postcard or card) brighten up his day literally too!
But then I have always done the Amnesty International Christmas Card campaign since I was a child and, as a teenager, used to correspond with a guy in a Young Offenders Institute in the UK. He and I met on a retreat/workshop I was on and he was there talking about what life was like for young offenders. We wrote to each other for years - even after his release. I see this as no different.
Just balancing things up. :thumbup:
Quote by Trixie_D-Lish
most likely women with such low self esteem and the need to be needed. they probably havent got much experience of relationships and so these 'relationships' with prisoners are a little safe, unlikely to have physical contact if on death row, unlikely to have usual arguments about whose turn it is to wash up etc
its the sense of being wanted, im sure many of these serial killers are manipulative socio paths so know exactly what to say to get what they want from these vulnerable women
but it does seem to be happening a lot, i even read one woman married a guy on death row
as pathetic as i feel it is i reckon Trixie is completely on the money with her take on it.
Sex God
Good job I'm not easily offended and comfortable with my own choices then.
Good on ya Nola, I actually had a look at the site essex put up, and must admit to having a spark of interest and a wee 'hmm maybe i could....' - but I know I wont.
Not interested in any sort of relationship with a prisoner other than as a pen friend, it was just, as you say from an interest point of view (prison life in america is a lot harder than here in the UK, and also the circumstances that led to them being wjere they are, and to know I was brightening someones day from across the globe.....cos I am, I believe the term is.... a 'people pleaser', and it means a lot to me to know that I make someones day happier and more interesting.
Not interested in any sort of relationship with a prisoner other than as a pen friend, it was just, as you say from an interest point of view (prison life in america is a lot harder than here in the UK, and also the circumstances that led to them being wjere they are, and to know I was brightening someones day from across the globe.....cos I am, I believe the term is.... a 'people pleaser', and it means a lot to me to know that I make someones day happier and more interesting.
Quote by Trixie_D-Lish
most likely women with such low self esteem and the need to be needed. they probably havent got much experience of relationships and so these 'relationships' with prisoners are a little safe, unlikely to have physical contact if on death row, unlikely to have usual arguments about whose turn it is to wash up etc
its the sense of being wanted, im sure many of these serial killers are manipulative socio paths so know exactly what to say to get what they want from these vulnerable women
but it does seem to be happening a lot, i even read one woman married a guy on death row
A good reply Trixie.
What possesses a woman to do this baffles me.
I have heard of women writing to the Yorkshire Ripper.....why?
It may well be because of the above reasons, but also feel they could be as mad as brushes, with mental issues of their own. Not all maybe but surely some?
That is in no way to offend anyone just something that I saw written in a book some while ago, and felt there could be something in it.
Not talking about writing to someone as such, but more someone who wants a relationship with a killer.
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
What possesses a woman to do this baffles me.
Well I did try to put forward my own experience... Sex God
Quote by Thebonediggers
Good on ya Nola, I actually had a look at the site essex put up, and must admit to having a spark of interest and a wee 'hmm maybe i could....' - but I know I wont.
I haven't used the site essex linked to. The site I registered with is a charity who campaign on anti death penalty issues.
Funny, but I don't consider it weird at all.
I just like writing letters! :lol2: I was born in the wrong century I reckon.
Take me into custardy and take several other trifling offences into account ...Nola, can I ask what you chat about...not details lol, but what sorts of stuff? do you know what your penfriend did....does he/she talk about that or is it off limits so to speak?
Do you tell him about yourself/your lifeor just keep neutral without revealing too much?
sorry if this is a bit nosy...tell me to butt out sticky beak or answer by pm if you'd prefer...Im genuinely interested.
Do you tell him about yourself/your lifeor just keep neutral without revealing too much?
sorry if this is a bit nosy...tell me to butt out sticky beak or answer by pm if you'd prefer...Im genuinely interested.
Sex God
Quote by Thebonediggers
Nola, can I ask what you chat about...not details lol, but what sorts of stuff? do you know what your penfriend did....does he/she talk about that or is it off limits so to speak?
Do you tell him about yourself/your lifeor just keep neutral without revealing too much?
sorry if this is a bit nosy...tell me to butt out sticky beak or answer by pm if you'd prefer...Im genuinely interested.
I was about to ask something similar myself.
Also Nola can you send me the link to the charity, I'm quite intrigued!
Sex God
I am not against the death penalty.
I also have spent / do spend a great deal of time, energy and effort with offenders in attempting to get them to a better place in their lives. I can therefore understand where some people are coming from in writing to inmates who have found themselves in current circumstances through the chances (or lack of them)life has thrown at them.
I cant understand however people writing to serious serial offenders who have committed calculating crimes against others on more than one occasion. The likes of Ted Bundy, Ed Gein, Dennis Nielsen, Peter Sutcliffe, IMO, are or have been guilty of the theft of oxygen long after their crimes. There are many, many more out there.
I also have spent / do spend a great deal of time, energy and effort with offenders in attempting to get them to a better place in their lives. I can therefore understand where some people are coming from in writing to inmates who have found themselves in current circumstances through the chances (or lack of them)life has thrown at them.
I cant understand however people writing to serious serial offenders who have committed calculating crimes against others on more than one occasion. The likes of Ted Bundy, Ed Gein, Dennis Nielsen, Peter Sutcliffe, IMO, are or have been guilty of the theft of oxygen long after their crimes. There are many, many more out there.
Sex God
PMs on their way
I feel very strongly about the death penalty. I read A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J. Gaines and it had a profound effect on me. I chose to support a prisoner by writing to them alongside the other campaigning I do.
I've also spent some time working in my local Youth Offending Team and I am passionately committed to the idea that re-education and training are crucial, as is the equipping offenders with the skills (social, vocational etc) to make a difference when they are released.
The person I write to is on death row. I'm not going to pretend they haven't committed a crime. But hey, if me writing to them every now and again is a way of cheering them up then that's all it is and I am happy to do it. There are many types of people involved in this scheme... I don't think for a minute that they are all lonely, sad women with low self-esteem looking for love.
Some thoughts from :
A spokesman for the Northern Ireland Prison Service stated: "Prisoners corresponding with penpals is common practice throughout the world and something that we do not discourage. It gives inmates an opportunity to write about prison life and is particularly useful for those who do not have a wide circle of friends or family to confide in.” The spokesman added that the practice could be considered “therapeutic” and “educational” for inmates and may also “improve a person's literacy skills” which would in turn help prisoners “express their thoughts and feelings more clearly” (Devlin, 2010, p. 1).
“Several participants reported that feelings of loneliness were a significant factor in their suicide attempts. Most of the inmates who expressed such feelings said that they felt isolated from both the outside world and within the prison. These feelings were related to relationship difficulties; however, in many cases inmates felt lonely despite communicating with other inmates and family members, and thus this subtheme appeared to be more a part of depressive symptoms than of relationship issues."(Oregon Department of Corrections, 2009, p. 45-6).
“Prisoners’ family relationships and social networks outside the prison are emerging as a major corrections and social services issue. The strengthening of family ties is being promoted as a correctional treatment strategy and major changes in corrections communications policies support movement in that direction” (Hairston, 1991, p. 87).
“Two percent of the men who had three or more different visitors during the year prior to parole were returned to prison within one year of their parole. This number contrasts with 12 percent of those who had no contact with family and friends and the difference was statistically significant” (Hairston, 1991, p. 97-8).
“Several studies suggest the prisoner's mental health is dependent on his contact with the outside world” (Hairston, 1991, p. 93-4).
“t has been suggested that the inmate can draw on the social support of family and friends to better adjust to the stresses and strains of prison life” (Hoffman, Dickinson, & Dunn, 2007, p. 48).
“More recently, the National Institute of Corrections suggested that visitation may facilitate the development of healthy family relationships that may constitute an important ingredient in the offender’s support network after release. Furthermore, states are reexamining their prison policies and, in some cases, recommending increased prisoner access to visitation, mail correspondence, and telephone communication (e.g., see Florida House of Representatives Justice Council Committee on Corrections, 1998)” (Hoffman, Dickinson, & Dunn, 2007, p. 49).
I feel very strongly about the death penalty. I read A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J. Gaines and it had a profound effect on me. I chose to support a prisoner by writing to them alongside the other campaigning I do.
I've also spent some time working in my local Youth Offending Team and I am passionately committed to the idea that re-education and training are crucial, as is the equipping offenders with the skills (social, vocational etc) to make a difference when they are released.
The person I write to is on death row. I'm not going to pretend they haven't committed a crime. But hey, if me writing to them every now and again is a way of cheering them up then that's all it is and I am happy to do it. There are many types of people involved in this scheme... I don't think for a minute that they are all lonely, sad women with low self-esteem looking for love.
Some thoughts from :
A spokesman for the Northern Ireland Prison Service stated: "Prisoners corresponding with penpals is common practice throughout the world and something that we do not discourage. It gives inmates an opportunity to write about prison life and is particularly useful for those who do not have a wide circle of friends or family to confide in.” The spokesman added that the practice could be considered “therapeutic” and “educational” for inmates and may also “improve a person's literacy skills” which would in turn help prisoners “express their thoughts and feelings more clearly” (Devlin, 2010, p. 1).
“Several participants reported that feelings of loneliness were a significant factor in their suicide attempts. Most of the inmates who expressed such feelings said that they felt isolated from both the outside world and within the prison. These feelings were related to relationship difficulties; however, in many cases inmates felt lonely despite communicating with other inmates and family members, and thus this subtheme appeared to be more a part of depressive symptoms than of relationship issues."(Oregon Department of Corrections, 2009, p. 45-6).
“Prisoners’ family relationships and social networks outside the prison are emerging as a major corrections and social services issue. The strengthening of family ties is being promoted as a correctional treatment strategy and major changes in corrections communications policies support movement in that direction” (Hairston, 1991, p. 87).
“Two percent of the men who had three or more different visitors during the year prior to parole were returned to prison within one year of their parole. This number contrasts with 12 percent of those who had no contact with family and friends and the difference was statistically significant” (Hairston, 1991, p. 97-8).
“Several studies suggest the prisoner's mental health is dependent on his contact with the outside world” (Hairston, 1991, p. 93-4).
“t has been suggested that the inmate can draw on the social support of family and friends to better adjust to the stresses and strains of prison life” (Hoffman, Dickinson, & Dunn, 2007, p. 48).
“More recently, the National Institute of Corrections suggested that visitation may facilitate the development of healthy family relationships that may constitute an important ingredient in the offender’s support network after release. Furthermore, states are reexamining their prison policies and, in some cases, recommending increased prisoner access to visitation, mail correspondence, and telephone communication (e.g., see Florida House of Representatives Justice Council Committee on Corrections, 1998)” (Hoffman, Dickinson, & Dunn, 2007, p. 49).
theres a difference between young offenders and those prisoners who have committed a crime because of social depravations, peer pressure or other difficulties and those pre meditated horrific murders committed by socio paths (for whom there is no treatment or reform and deserve to be given the death penalty, when i think of my taxes paying for the likes of peter sutcliffe, dennis neilson, paedophiles to live life in comfort (have you seen inside a prison these days) it bugs me sommat rotten
no offence intended nola, its good to help a cause and offer a different take on things i was referring to those women that do seek relationships, not generalising
no offence intended nola, its good to help a cause and offer a different take on things i was referring to those women that do seek relationships, not generalising
Sex God
Quote by the_Laird
I am not against the death penalty.
I also have spent / do spend a great deal of time, energy and effort with offenders in attempting to get them to a better place in their lives. I can therefore understand where some people are coming from in writing to inmates who have found themselves in current circumstances through the chances (or lack of them)life has thrown at them.
I cant understand however people writing to serious serial offenders who have committed calculating crimes against others on more than one occasion. The likes of Ted Bundy, Ed Gein, Dennis Nielsen, Peter Sutcliffe, IMO, are or have been guilty of the theft of oxygen long after their crimes. There are many, many more out there.
Above :thumbup:
There are offenders and then dam right evil scum that deserve exactly what they get and should do in this country to in my opinion. Forget naming Americans who the hell wants to write to people like Tracey Connelly Jason Owen and Steven Barker? Who cares what life is like in prison for them or their motives. I severely hope their days are never brightened and they die a slow and painful death. Death row inmates have probably committed crimes just as evil, maybe a few haven't. I do believe I can find a lot more valuable things to do with my time than brighten up the days of people who have devoted so many of theirs to making other peoples lives a living hell.
Quote by tweeky
I am not against the death penalty.
I also have spent / do spend a great deal of time, energy and effort with offenders in attempting to get them to a better place in their lives. I can therefore understand where some people are coming from in writing to inmates who have found themselves in current circumstances through the chances (or lack of them)life has thrown at them.
I cant understand however people writing to serious serial offenders who have committed calculating crimes against others on more than one occasion. The likes of Ted Bundy, Ed Gein, Dennis Nielsen, Peter Sutcliffe, IMO, are or have been guilty of the theft of oxygen long after their crimes. There are many, many more out there.
Above :thumbup:
There are offenders and then dam right evil scum that deserve exactly what they get and should do in this country to in my opinion. Forget naming Americans who the hell wants to write to people like Tracey Connelly Jason Owen and Steven Barker? Who cares what life is like in prison for them or their motives. I severely hope their days are never brightened and they die a slow and painful death. Death row inmates have probably committed crimes just as evil, maybe a few haven't. I do believe I can find a lot more valuable things to do with my time than brighten up the days of people who have devoted so many of theirs to making other peoples lives a living hell.
A double :thumbup::thumbup:
Quote by kentswingers777
I am not against the death penalty.
I also have spent / do spend a great deal of time, energy and effort with offenders in attempting to get them to a better place in their lives. I can therefore understand where some people are coming from in writing to inmates who have found themselves in current circumstances through the chances (or lack of them)life has thrown at them.
I cant understand however people writing to serious serial offenders who have committed calculating crimes against others on more than one occasion. The likes of Ted Bundy, Ed Gein, Dennis Nielsen, Peter Sutcliffe, IMO, are or have been guilty of the theft of oxygen long after their crimes. There are many, many more out there.
Above :thumbup:
There are offenders and then dam right evil scum that deserve exactly what they get and should do in this country to in my opinion. Forget naming Americans who the hell wants to write to people like Tracey Connelly Jason Owen and Steven Barker? Who cares what life is like in prison for them or their motives. I severely hope their days are never brightened and they die a slow and painful death. Death row inmates have probably committed crimes just as evil, maybe a few haven't. I do believe I can find a lot more valuable things to do with my time than brighten up the days of people who have devoted so many of theirs to making other peoples lives a living hell.
A double :thumbup::thumbup:
Make that a triple :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
These people have committed hideous crimes, most of which were not spur of the moment lost of control that went wrong crimes, but planned, or prolonged.
Personally I don't think this sort of barbaric criminal can enter rehabilitation programs that would work to the point of their release - and even if they did and they magically got rehabilitated, it still doesn't bring back the victims, nor does it help the victims family even begin to get over such a thing. They still done the crime, they still killed, you cant erase that, and they should be responsible for their actions, take the consequenses etc.
I just can't get my head round the fact that people write to these monsters. I can understand a curiosity about them, I can understand the fascination of what lifes like in high security prison. But I just can't understand these women that 'fall in love' :shock: What do they fall in love with, which part of these freaks do they find lovable. Are they really that barmy that they think they're the only person that can save the criminal from themselves, change them, rehabilitate them just through love - what a load of codswallop!
Nope, if I was gonna pay the money for paper, ink and a stamp, I can think of far better places to use it.
I can understand compassion for those convicted of hideous crimes. I can understand that some crimes are so hideous that ones compassion is spent. I don't believe that all the people on death row or all the people in prison for long terms deserve no compassion.
This case provides an example of a long term prisoner convicted of a hideous crime for whom I can feel some compassion.
This case provides an example of a long term prisoner convicted of a hideous crime for whom I can feel some compassion.
Sex God
Quote by essex34m
:shock:
Fascinating reading!
Quote by noladreams
I write to an inmate.
I am, as far as I'm aware, not delusional or suffering from low self-esteem Neither am I inexperienced in relationships or looking for a relationship.
I do it because I have a personal interest in anti-death penalty campaigning but primarily because the person I write to appreciates the time I take and the contact with the outside world.
It is organised via a charity. I receive letters on a fairly regular basis. I have no expectations beyond that of a typical penpal friendship/correspondance. The feeling on the part of the person I write to is mutual. However my letters, I know, do provide interest and can (if I send a postcard or card) brighten up his day literally too!
But then I have always done the Amnesty International Christmas Card campaign since I was a child and, as a teenager, used to correspond with a guy in a Young Offenders Institute in the UK. He and I met on a retreat/workshop I was on and he was there talking about what life was like for young offenders. We wrote to each other for years - even after his release. I see this as no different.
Just balancing things up. :thumbup:
Good for you Nola!
I used to write to a guy in a young offenders institution. I still have the letters some 20 years later.
I think people do all sorts of things for all sorts of different reasons. I have a morbid fascination for crime related stuff. I'm not sure where it comes from or why I have it, I just do. I don't think it's all that strange for people to have penpals who are on the inside. Whatever the reason behind it is, I don't think it's beyond comprehension to appreciate that we're all human and whilst there are some bad people in the world, there are also those who have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everyone's circumstances are different and Ben's link just goes to show that the justice system in this country leaves a lot to be desired when you compare the sentencing that was imposed in the Bulger case.
Maybe instead of people writing to scum who have committed such horrendous crimes, what about spending ones time much better, and writing to a soldier?
IF this is just about writing to someone, there are many soldiers out there, that would be desperate for correspondence.
A soldier serving his country or....a murderer or child killer? Hmmmmm an easy choice to make I would have thought?
IF this is just about writing to someone, there are many soldiers out there, that would be desperate for correspondence.
A soldier serving his country or....a murderer or child killer? Hmmmmm an easy choice to make I would have thought?
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
Maybe instead of people writing to scum who have committed such horrendous crimes, what about spending ones time much better, and writing to a soldier?
IF this is just about writing to someone, there are many soldiers out there, that would be desperate for correspondence.
A soldier serving his country or....a murderer or child killer? Hmmmmm an easy choice to make I would have thought?
There are all sorts of people out there looking for penpals. I guess it's personal choice. I hear what you're saying, this thread has inspired me to put pen to paper to some of my friends I've not spoken to in a while. There's nothing nicer than getting a letter through the post.
Just because writing to an offender doesn't sit well with you, it doesn't mean it's wrong for someone else. Like I said, personal choice.
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
I wonder would you write to the " offender " if that person would have done the crime to you or a member of your family?
If not imagine for a second how the families DO feel when they hear people are writing to them....a thought perhaps?
I dare say some people are capable of forgiveness but when you don't know either the person writing the letters or the person receiving the letters or the reasons behind it but still you choose to judge I'm guessing you wouldn't understand.
How do you know that I wasn't the victim of the crime committed by the person I wrote to? You don't.
As I said... it's personal choice.
Quote by Ben_welshminx
I can understand compassion for those convicted of hideous crimes. I can understand that some crimes are so hideous that ones compassion is spent. I don't believe that all the people on death row or all the people in prison for long terms deserve no compassion.
This case provides an example of a long term prisoner convicted of a hideous crime for whom I can feel some compassion.
Interesting Link Ben - just spent a few hours reading the blog posts.
A member of my ex partners family has been writing to someone on death row for donkeys years. I have no idea why she writes - I wouldn't have dreamt of asking as its none of my business. We all do things that are personal to us and if its right for them who are we to question?
