Behaviour at a &quot;munch &quot;

16 Feb 2007

As we all know the site has gotten a lot bigger over the last year . we have seen a lot of new members join and start going to munches . to me this is fantastic , that so many like minded people can get together and have a great time is a sign that the world is becoming a better place to live in . the last few munches I have been to I have only known a few people most where “ newbies” to the forums or people who use the chat rooms . its brill to see all the new faces , however! and here’s what this post is about ,
I would like to point out this

A munch is a purely social event held in a totally neutral environment, often somewhere like a pub, where members of Swinging Heaven get to meet each other. As there's no play involved everyone can relax which gives newbies a chance to ask questions of the more experienced without any fear of getting jumped on, and gives the regulars time to catch-up with old friends and make new ones

So! To put this in basic layman’s terms
DO! Have lots of snogs and a bloody good chat
DO! Arrange an after munch party
DO! Remember the bar staff are not part of this site
DO’NOT try to have sex or oral sex inside or just outside the venue
It can be embarrassing to munch organisers newbies and “ vanilla’s” who may see you
Now the good bit !
Apart from the quoted Pease this is just my opinion
So! Do you agree and so think the munch rules should stay the way they are? ( like me )
Or do you disagree and so think the rules should be changed ?
Im not being a “ party pooper “ or a “ spoil sport “ I just think that things need to be clarified and this is a “democracy” after all
Let the debate begin
wink

16 Feb 2007

GREAT topic - I have been wanting to post something along these lines for SO long but will need to consider my reply and come back :P
... and before anyone gets on their 'high-horse' and says 'it doesn't happen', let's all be adult about this and admit that their are a few that do engage in this kind of stuff that spoil it for the rest. There are several quotes recently that allude to 'sex shows' etc confused

16 Feb 2007

Intersting topic Sercher01.
I, for one when arranging anything, in the first post to state this will be run within the site munch rules and put the link in to the munch rules as newbies etc may not know what the rules are.
I also in the final pm’s remind people what is expected of them.
Yet sadly still people ignore this, mad

some times as a munch organiser you are ‘lucky’ :shock: and get told of unsuitable goings on at the time and can quickly go and do something about it, other times people wait till after the event the next day or next week or what ever to send you pm and tell you about something that was going on, which IMO makes it much harder to sort out.
IMO if people want to behave in a manner which is not inside the munch rules, then go back to your hotels do what ever and come back to the munch venue afterwards, that way no one has been offended and the munch rules have not been broken. Lets face it most of the munch venues as fairly / very close to the hotels.

16 Feb 2007

Yeh this is a swinging site, built for swinging, and a saucy bit of fun....
But what developed, are rather sociable areas of the site, where people just chat, or use the forum for non sex related banter (or bollox for short lol

).
Munches are a way for people to meet those people they've been talking to/bantering with/seen around - to put faces to names, have a good natter, a good laugh, a good dance - a bluddy good fun night out.
Munches have got bigger and bigger, they now take one hell of a lot of organising - anyone that takes on the role of organiser, we should be bluddy grateful worship

So for people who have been trusted, invited along, to go and abuse that trust, by engaging in blatent sexual activity, to me seems so disrespectful!!
Not only disrespectful to the organisers, but to all the other members also - especially the new people, maybe people who are not altogether sure if they want to actually swing, just getting info and meeting people socially, to see if it's something they want to take further. To make them feel awkward and uncomfortable is bang out of order, it totally goes agaist the spirit of a munch!!
So no, I don't think the rules should change - there are many many other events being held on this site, if it's sexual activity ones after.... no need to drag it into one of the purely social events, no need at all!!

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Missy
... So for people who have been trusted, invited along, to go and abuse that trust, by engaging in blatent sexual activity, to me seems so disrespectful!!
Not only disrespectful to the organisers, but to all the other members also - especially the new people, maybe people who are not altogether sure if they want to actually swing, just getting info and meeting people socially, to see if it's something they want to take further. To make them feel awkward and uncomfortable is bang out of order, it totally goes agaist the spirit of a munch!!

This is excatly my big gripe about Munch behaviour Missy :thumbup:
In essence, to most of us, sexual activity at a Munch is a big No No.... but there will always be someone, picking up on Blokes point

There are several quotes recently that allude to 'sex shows' etc

who thinks its big and clever (not to mention those who stand around to watch mad

) to be flaunting the rules and sticking two fingers up at the Munch organiser is some kind of side show because 'well, we're swingers, arnt we' rolleyes

)
It wont bring you kudos, it just makes you look desperate for attention.

16 Feb 2007

I have never been to a munch before,but i am glad the rules is as it is.
Its nice to have purely social events for people who may be just finding their feet,such as myself.
'get a room'
if you wanna get it on!

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Blokes
... and before anyone gets on their 'high-horse' and says 'it doesn't happen', let's all be adult about this and admit that their are a few that do engage in this kind of stuff that spoil it for the rest. There are several quotes recently that allude to 'sex shows' etc

Exactly.... :thumbup:
Although this is an adult site there are people here who dont partake in the activities afforded by membership to such a site and the sexual activities that have happened recently only serve to spoil I believe..

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Sarah
... some times as a munch organiser you are ‘lucky’ :shock: and get told of unsuitable goings on at the time and can quickly go and do something about it, other times people wait till after the event the next day or next week or what ever to send you pm and tell you about something that was going on, which IMO makes it much harder to sort out...

I would have thought if an organiser was really ‘lucky’ they wouldn’t need to be told anything, as the attendees would know how to conduct themselves in social surroundings.
However, surely if an organiser is informed of unacceptable behavior after the event, it is being passed through the organiser out of courtesy rather than expecting the organiser to take the action. After all, the organiser is not empowered with any special authority over site members.

16 Feb 2007

Bringing another scenario into the equation, cos I'm trying to figure out why occasionally, people do go OTT with the sexual behaviour.
The people, and from what I can gather there's quite a lot, that thrive on the 'thought of getting caught'?? Always filled me with horror personally, but aparently it's quite a turn on for many.
Sooooo, it occurred to me, when people do muck about sexually at a munch, is there an element of the "might get caughts"? dunno

Mind you, if you're doing it slap bang in the middle of an area, you're bluddy bound to confused

Or is it a 'get caught by the organiser'? :dunno:
Do people maybe think that getting caught by a bunch of swingers on a social night out - is safer than getting caught by the police etc, but still with that risk element? :dunno:
Or do people just get carried away with the moment? :dunno: Not thinking about how others might feel, not thinking if there are new inexperienced people right there? Doesn't occur to them that people might be feeling really awkward and embarrassed - a bit of high jinks that's accidently gone completely ott :dunno:
Or is it the blatent exhibitionist, without a care in the world as to who they're offending? Like a two fingered salute to the organisers and members? :dunno:
Somehow, I doubt it's the last scenario there. Mostly people aren't as offensive as that, and it's thoughtless behaviour that really should be kept in check. Not excusable by any means, after all the rules are laid out clear, and usually reminded about in the PMs, but I'm just looking for reasons for sexual play in a social atmosphere? :dunno:

16 Feb 2007

Missy....i think alcohol could also be a factor in it.

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Mr-Powers
Missy....i think alcohol could also be a factor in it.

I was wondering when that particular substance was going to be introduced into the topic.....
I had money on someone else bringing it up but hey ho smile

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Mallock2006
Missy....i think alcohol could also be a factor in it.

I was wondering when that particular substance was going to be introduced into the topic.....
I had money on someone else bringing it up but hey ho smile

well i believe it is...whats the big deal?
i assume you've never had someone trying to grab your bits...while sloshed?

16 Feb 2007

I have been to two munches and seen sexual behaviour at them both…
Kissing and touching (these were defined by some in another thread as sexual behaviour) through to oral sex… This is no more than a non-swinging night club.
I personally felt more offended by the blatant verbal propositioning that was done to me by some “well respected” members of “the community” before, during and after the munch.
That isn’t to say that I want to see people having sex, of any description, when I am expecting a munch to be non-sexual. But I think that the only way to “police” it is to ban the people from future munches.
I think that a lot of people on the site run around pointing the finger at others’ behaviour without looking closely at what they, themselves are doing that might be construed as offensive.

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Mr-Powers
Missy....i think alcohol could also be a factor in it.

I was wondering when that particular substance was going to be introduced into the topic.....
I had money on someone else bringing it up but hey ho smile

well i believe it is...whats the big deal?
i assume you've never had someone trying to grab your bits...while sloshed?
I dont believe I made a big deal about it dunno

You seem to be doing a good enough job for both of us
wink

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Mr-Powers
i assume you've never had someone trying to grab your bits...while sloshed?

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: His man boobs are not that big :giggle:
Yes alcohol does play a part.... It allows people to loose their inhibitions... However.... We are all adults and should be able to conduct ourselves properly regardless of how much alcohol has been consumed smile

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Shireen
Yes alcohol does play a part.... It allows people to loose their inhibitions... However.... We are all adults and should be able to conduct ourselves properly regardless of how much alcohol has been consumed

Yes....... (there's a "but" coming).....
BUT (told ya lol

) it's when you mix alcohol and the relaxed social rules that occur at a Munch that you start to get problems IMHO. That was the reason behind introducing the guidelines behind behaviour at Munches a year or two ago.
I've been to Munches that have had blatant sexual activity in the loos (at least :eeek: ) and I've heard of Munches that have been worse and I think that the last few Munches we've attended have struck the right balance. They've been relaxed and flirty without feeling like a cattle market or an Amsterdam sex show.
Now whether this is down to the organisers clamping down on this behaviour or it's to do with me being blinkered, I'm not too sure, but at present I'm happy with Munches the way they are.
While at Munches (and a non-swinging nightclub) I've snogged and caressed and I don't feel that there's anything wrong with this behaviour. I wasn't asked to leave the nightclub and I think the important part is that I didn't make an attempt to shove my hands down the tops or trousers of the ladies in question. TBH It's nothing more than I've done at vanilla events with Countess hand on thigh, hand stroking neck kinda thing.
This quote really sums it up for me.....

Quote by warmer
get a room'
if you wanna get it on!

16 Feb 2007

Ive yet to be invited to a munch, so know little or nothing re the rules/ acceptable behaviour so cant realy comment but I guess it makes sense now ive read the posts here.
There is a time and a place for everything.
Munches for chatting, somewhere else for shagging.
But can anyone tell me why is it called a MUNCH?.........nothing to do with rug munching?

16 Feb 2007

I must be blind or summat cos ive only seen sexual behaviour going on at one munch and that was over a year ago.
Im usually having such a laugh i just dont notice these things, dont think i would be offended if i did see, maybe just mildly irritated..
Suze xx

16 Feb 2007

very intresting very intresting..................
I have tried to write this 3 times and everytime i have scrapped what i have written.
1) I feel that munchs should not have no overtley sexual behavior, Like knobs being pulled out and tits on show. I have the issue with showing my bum, i tend do show it often, now technically that would be against munch rules, but then again if some1 was to aproach me and say cut it out. Fine.
2) I think the main problem that i have witnessed at a munch was a sex show which i did find a little on the norty side, I personally wasnt offended but there you go.
3) Like easy said i was snoging and groping a number of people recently at munchs, technically that would be sexual behavior now, i am sure no one would come up to me and say pls dont snog her/him.
4) I think the rules are there for a reason, ill agree i mayby have brushed those rules from time to time, but at the end of the day, I think those rules are to stop ORAL SEX and FULL SEX being done in full view.
5) Being Propostioned...this is intresting, if some1 propostioned me i would actually feel happy that someone liked me enough to ask. I wouldnt have a problem with it

16 Feb 2007

Quote by splendid_
I have been to two munches and seen sexual behaviour at them both…
Kissing and touching (these were defined by some in another thread as sexual behaviour) through to oral sex… This is no more than a non-swinging night club.
I personally felt more offended by the blatant verbal propositioning that was done to me by some “well respected” members of “the community” before, during and after the munch.
That isn’t to say that I want to see people having sex, of any description, when I am expecting a munch to be non-sexual. But I think that the only way to “police” it is to ban the people from future munches.
I think that a lot of people on the site run around pointing the finger at others’ behaviour without looking closely at what they, themselves are doing that might be construed as offensive.

This just about sums it up for me - great post and a very honest one :thumbup:
Some 'confident' and 'out' bi guys have also assumed that I'm fair game for a french kiss at social events... er, wrong! evil

I kiss who I want, who I fancy, in an appropriate setting.. simple as :thumbup:

16 Feb 2007

mmm interesting thread, I think Dammy did a similar one about munch rules a little while ago, but always worth re looking at the situation.
Munch rules, yes IMO, some of them need to be looked at again, like the one about inviting members. If you have a valid reason that can be explained and if necessary proved why another member shouldn't be allowed to go. If you feel uncomfortable for yourself and others about that person going, then you should be supported in that decision. (I'm not on about the "I don't like that person, that person cheated on my friend etc etc)
As for the sexual side of munches. I think the rules cover it without being oppressive.
To sum up, if its not acceptable in your local nightclub and will get you kicked out then its not acceptable at a munch.
I've seen ladies with their boobs out, a teasing lick by someone else, I've seen cocks out. None have ever got the person kicked out.
But someone having sex or oral sex anywhere on the premises would do.

16 Feb 2007

I am very happy to see this re-iteration of the rules.
I left a Munch early because of people's behaviour, and this wasn't just kissing and groping. I know from speaking to others afterwards that I wasn't the only one, and TBH it did make me wary of attending another one.
I didn't report it on the night, because as a newbie you aren't sure what the rules are, and also, you don't know who might be friends with whom, and you don't want to cause any grief for yourself confused

After the munch, I was re-assured by some lovely people including the organiser kiss

and I am looking forward to the next one lol

16 Feb 2007

Quote by Geminifemale
But can anyone tell me why is it called a MUNCH?.........nothing to do with rug munching?

No.
Bit of internet history coming up:
Around 1992 a member of an internet usenet BDSM group in California decided to hold a social meet for the members, and chose a restaurant in San Diego called the "Burger Munch". So "Burger munch" began to be used in BDSM circles for a social gathering, later shortened to "munch". It spread to other online BDSM groups and then to the swinging fraternity online.
Edit: Found the old link with the full explanation, though it's a bit dusty. :cry:

Mike.

16 Feb 2007

I was pointed in this direction.

Quote by sercher01
As we all know the site has gotten a lot bigger over the last year . we have seen a lot of new members join and start going to munches . to me this is fantastic , that so many like minded people can get together and have a great time is a sign that the world is becoming a better place to live in . the last few munches I have been to I have only known a few people most where “ newbies” to the forums or people who use the chat rooms . its brill to see all the new faces , however! and here’s what this post is about ,
I would like to point out this

A munch is a purely social event held in a totally neutral environment, often somewhere like a pub, where members of Swinging Heaven get to meet each other. As there's no play involved everyone can relax which gives newbies a chance to ask questions of the more experienced without any fear of getting jumped on, and gives the regulars time to catch-up with old friends and make new ones

I've quoted the whole thing purely to bring it to the current page (currant ??)
Because I'm such a fan of Munches (there's a surprise rolleyes

:wink: ) . . . . .
actually - I'm going to have to come back to this as I have a little turmoil and small dilemma about Munches and behaviour.
But I'd like to comment/answer Hux.

Quote by Huxley Pig
Could someone clarify the term OTT for me in this context?
Is it OTT for women to expose thier breasts ? Or is it only OTT when people then start to play with them as in nipple licking etc.

We often hear the answer/comment "You'd see more on an 'ordinary' night out on a Saturday Night" in response to questions like this.
I have a very simple rule of thumb about "OTT" both at Munches and on the site/forum with regard to pics and such. Particularly the puritanical attitude in regard to genitalia. But then - I live (in my head)in a very simple, and 'real' world.
and that is . . . . .
I find it incredible (badly) that we are allowed to see/show far less than can be seen/shown on terrestrial TV.
Please don't make the incorrect assumption that I would be in favour of "overt sexual behaviour" (by mydefinition) at a Munch/Social/Coffee meet/Shower stop/EtcEtcEtc

16 Feb 2007

I didn't report it on the night, because as a newbie you aren't sure what the rules are, and also, you don't know who might be friends with whom, and you don't want to cause any grief for yourself

To be honest, it's this ^^^^ which concerns me, greatly. So much so, I still cant write a coherant response confused

17 Feb 2007

Why, Dark?
The people surrounding this incident were having a great time, laughing, encouraging - I did not know who, or where the organisers were - what if I'd said to someone "hey, there's something going on here" and the person had been their friends and been agressive with me?
Ive been to 2 munches now, both times all the people have been lovely - but I'm not confrontational at all, and would not risk speaking for fear of speaking to someone who was.

17 Feb 2007

Thank you Mr North for your amusing and concise explaination
It fked up my dirty minded theory biggrin

17 Feb 2007

very basically Cherry because there's (to me) an issue within that in how people who are new or relatively new to Munches feel they cant say anything when they need to...that you personally felt uncomfortable at one of (forgive this) 'our' Munches but didnt know who to go to (and as one of the door team I am mortified at that comment, but that's a personal, not a thread issue) ...and I also am uncomfortable that you (a) didnt know who the organiser was and (b) as a newbie you wern't sure of the rules.
I've tried so hard to word it so it doesnt sound like a dig at you - because believe me it really isnt, but I still cant find the words dunno

...
and that's even before I get started on the 'innapropriate behaviour and the gang on egger-onners' :dunno:

17 Feb 2007

Quote by Cherrytree
Why, Dark?
The people surrounding this incident were having a great time, laughing, encouraging - I did not know who, or where the organisers were - what if I'd said to someone "hey, there's something going on here" and the person had been their friends and been agressive with me?
Ive been to 2 munches now, both times all the people have been lovely - but I'm not confrontational at all, and would not risk speaking for fear of speaking to someone who was.

I think you've read it the wrong way - Dark was actually supportive of your comments and agreeing with you I think - i.e how dreadful that anyone feels that they cannot say something for fear of retribution. That's a dangerous culture to encourage sad

17 Feb 2007

exactly Blokes :thumbup: