Do you prefer people to be brutally honest or does the way some people word things upset you. I will give you an example, checking some profiles out recently i noticed a profile which said " im not into overweight people". Now i know that this person is entitled to ask for whatever they want but surely there is a nicer way to word that sentence. After all your profile is one of the first things that someone reads about you. So do you prefer people to be brutally honest with you, not only here but in real life too. Are you brutally honest? and how do people react to that? or do you prefer the more subtle approach. Me personally i like to be more subtle, i dont like to think that id hurt someones feelings whether i know them or not.
Louise xx
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Brutally Honest
You can be totally honest with somebody whilst also trying to take their feelings into consideration. But sometimes the truth hurts and you can't escape that.
I would always prefer to know where I stand, what somebody thinks, what the prefer etc rahter than try to second-guess them. Even if I don't want to hear it.
I would always prefer to know where I stand, what somebody thinks, what the prefer etc rahter than try to second-guess them. Even if I don't want to hear it.
I'm a straight talker and I like people to be the same with me. I wouldn't say I'm BRUTALLY honest inasmuch as I prefer to let people know where they stand without hurting their feelings. I try to treat people as I would like to be treated myself. I do think there are ways of saying things without hurting people or getting their backs up but still get your message across. There are much better ways of wording your preferences for slimmer people than saying 'I'm not into fat people' as I've seen in profiles too.
I hate guessing games though, too fecking old for all that shit. Give it to me straight,time is running out :giggle:
I hate guessing games though, too fecking old for all that shit. Give it to me straight,time is running out :giggle:
How about tactfully honest?
I prefer people to be honest with me, and I'm honest with others. But there are ways of saying what you want without being blunt or rude and without being so subtle they miss the point entirely.
And anyway... "fatness" is in the eye of the beholder, one persons curvy girl is anothers lard arse... I think I'm a lard arse, fektart thinks I'm curvy, who's right?
I prefer people to be honest with me, and I'm honest with others. But there are ways of saying what you want without being blunt or rude and without being so subtle they miss the point entirely.
And anyway... "fatness" is in the eye of the beholder, one persons curvy girl is anothers lard arse... I think I'm a lard arse, fektart thinks I'm curvy, who's right?
Quote by Happy Cats
I think that people that dont want overweight people and say so in their profile are being much kinder than saying to people that reply "I'm sorry we I dont like overweight people"
Too many peoples but hey ho
The overweight example was only that, just an example and they are entitled to want slimmer people but id rather meet someone who had worded it better , not that they would meet me because im not slim anyway :cry:
Louise xx
Quote by celestria
How about tactfully honest?
I prefer people to be honest with me, and I'm honest with others. But there are ways of saying what you want without being blunt or rude and without being so subtle they miss the point entirely.
:thumbup: I prefer people to be tactfully honest. I also would love to be tactfully honest but I'm not very good at judging what will upset others
Quote by 36openminded
How about tactfully honest?
I prefer people to be honest with me, and I'm honest with others. But there are ways of saying what you want without being blunt or rude and without being so subtle they miss the point entirely.
:thumbup: I prefer people to be tactfully honest. I also would love to be tactfully honest but I'm not very good at judging what will upset others
Easy rule of thumb... always stay a step behind what you think you can get away with. That way you're erring on the side of caution and will come across as polite and charming rather than a git
You're right though... it can be a fairly fine line to tread at times. Personally, i think someones wording in thier profile, ad, or such, wouldnt be as potentially offensive as a direct reply.
With thier Profile, you're choosing to read it yourself, so what you're seeing is how they present themselves. though if you had coresonded in some way, and were to read in a reply "sorry, don't like fatties/skinnies/shorties/lankies*" it would no doubt feel a lot more personal.. and potentially hurtfull.
if in reading an ad or whatever, one didnt like the persons approach, i just wouldnt write in the first instance...
(know what I mean?)
btw:*=delete/add as appropriate.. there are plenty of options we'll come across
lp
With thier Profile, you're choosing to read it yourself, so what you're seeing is how they present themselves. though if you had coresonded in some way, and were to read in a reply "sorry, don't like fatties/skinnies/shorties/lankies*" it would no doubt feel a lot more personal.. and potentially hurtfull.
if in reading an ad or whatever, one didnt like the persons approach, i just wouldnt write in the first instance...
(know what I mean?)
btw:*=delete/add as appropriate.. there are plenty of options we'll come across
lp
I would say tactfully honest which is what we try to be, but the downside to that is some people just dont get the hint untill you are brutal 
Our profile says we look for medium build but hey medium can differ from person to person - on saying that, if we met someone that was a bbw or bbm we would not totally discount them as to me (as a woman) make me laugh and generally you are the most attractive person
Our profile says we look for medium build but hey medium can differ from person to person - on saying that, if we met someone that was a bbw or bbm we would not totally discount them as to me (as a woman) make me laugh and generally you are the most attractive person
Quote by louise_and_joe
I think that people that dont want overweight people and say so in their profile are being much kinder than saying to people that reply "I'm sorry we I dont like overweight people"
Too many peoples but hey ho
The overweight example was only that, just an example and they are entitled to want slimmer people but id rather meet someone who had worded it better , not that they would meet me because im not slim anyway :cry:
Louise xx
I think I would prefer people worded it they way they wanted rather than trying to be tactful. At least when you read it you can see what kind of people they are. Some people are tactful and some are not. Some people like tactful people some don't. When you write an ad you should clearly state what you want and let everyone decide if you're what they want.
Quote by keeno
I think that people that dont want overweight people and say so in their profile are being much kinder than saying to people that reply "I'm sorry we I dont like overweight people"
Too many peoples but hey ho
The overweight example was only that, just an example and they are entitled to want slimmer people but id rather meet someone who had worded it better , not that they would meet me because im not slim anyway :cry:
Louise xx
I think I would prefer people worded it they way they wanted rather than trying to be tactful. At least when you read it you can see what kind of people they are. Some people are tactful and some are not. Some people like tactful people some don't. When you write an ad you should clearly state what you want and let everyone decide if you're what they want.
I suppose i never really thought about it like that. It probably does give a clear indication of the type of person your reading about. Whether thats for you or not.
louise xx
I think you also have to take into account how well you know that person too.
It's easier to say 'no thanks' to someone you've never met but not so easy to someone you've chatted to for a while or met at a social and generally get on well with. You tend to choose your words with a bit more tact. At the other end of the scale, if you're really good friends and know each other very well, then you can be brutally honest.
For example, my niece showed me an outfit she'd bought for a party and asked for my opinion. I told her straight it made her look like a hooker. Needless to say it went back to the shop next day :giggle: My best mate wanted to wear a top hat to a goth gig a few weeks back but changed his mind when I said he resembled the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Those sort of brutally honest comments you could only make to someone close without sounding like a complete bitch.
It's easier to say 'no thanks' to someone you've never met but not so easy to someone you've chatted to for a while or met at a social and generally get on well with. You tend to choose your words with a bit more tact. At the other end of the scale, if you're really good friends and know each other very well, then you can be brutally honest.
For example, my niece showed me an outfit she'd bought for a party and asked for my opinion. I told her straight it made her look like a hooker. Needless to say it went back to the shop next day :giggle: My best mate wanted to wear a top hat to a goth gig a few weeks back but changed his mind when I said he resembled the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Those sort of brutally honest comments you could only make to someone close without sounding like a complete bitch. I was having a great time with a guy in a woodland during the summer and another chap came along and wanted to join in,he was not bad looking either!!But the guy I was with told him to FUCK OFF.I felt terrible for him and it completely ruined the mood for on I saw him again and smiled and went to cut me dead and looked very it is not good to be brutally honest when it badly hurts someones feelings.
Sexlightened
i also think that the way people put there piont across in writing doesnt always mean what they think, it can be hard to get acoss what you want or dont want as the case may be, without offending somebody in some way,
plus theres always the people who will moan or take anything the wrong way,,
is this a valid point or have i lost the plot again, lol
:shock:
plus theres always the people who will moan or take anything the wrong way,,
is this a valid point or have i lost the plot again, lol
:shock:
there is different variations of "overweight" all depending on your body you can take 2 people of the same weight but 1 may look a lot slimmer than the other it is peoples personal preference after all just like some people have a age preference on there profile i would rather see somethaing like that on a profile than getting a message saying your to fat etc
if things in profiles offend you a little thats life its nothing personal what they wrote although maybe it could of been done more tactfully but it was their wording and you cant argue with that
if things in profiles offend you a little thats life its nothing personal what they wrote although maybe it could of been done more tactfully but it was their wording and you cant argue with that
Quote by teachme
i also think that the way people put there piont across in writing doesnt always mean what they think, it can be hard to get acoss what you want or dont want as the case may be, without offending somebody in some way,
plus theres always the people who will moan or take anything the wrong way,,
is this a valid point or have i lost the plot again, lol
:shock:
Good point well made.
Few here are skilled writers who can put across the subtlies of what they want. We all try and we all make mistakes.
The way you write an ad says a lot about you, so I'd say its important you write the way you are and not try to be someone else.
The ones which worry me the most are being specific about race/ethnic origin. Some people have it exactly correct and others make the most outrageous racist comments about their preferences. And then we get the people who report ads which are polite about their preferences. It's the positive spin which is acceptable whilst the negative one is not.
:P
:P
Sex God
Quote by celestria
How about tactfully honest?
I prefer people to be honest with me, and I'm honest with others. But there are ways of saying what you want without being blunt or rude and without being so subtle they miss the point entirely.
And anyway... "fatness" is in the eye of the beholder, one persons curvy girl is anothers lard arse... I think I'm a lard arse, fektart thinks I'm curvy, who's right?
I think you're scrummy especially beside me on the stairs :twisted:
Quote by Kiss
You can be totally honest with somebody whilst also trying to take their feelings into consideration. But sometimes the truth hurts and you can't escape that.
I would always prefer to know where I stand, what somebody thinks, what the prefer etc rahter than try to second-guess them. Even if I don't want to hear it.
Exactly what Kiss said. There are ways of saying things! But yes - I prefer people to be up front with me becuase often what my mind can "assume" in second guessing is a lot worse than what I would be told outright. I always like to know where I stand. Makes life a hell of a lot easier.
RSxx :color:
Quote by celestria
How about tactfully honest?
I prefer people to be honest with me, and I'm honest with others. But there are ways of saying what you want without being blunt or rude and without being so subtle they miss the point entirely.
And anyway... "fatness" is in the eye of the beholder, one persons curvy girl is anothers lard arse... I think I'm a lard arse, fektart thinks I'm curvy, who's right?
I definitely think Fektart is right :inlove:
There's a difference between being tactfully honest and being Honestly rude. I'd rather people tell me they don't fancy me, but I dont want it to be an insult either. A reply like "Sorry, you're not my sort" or "You're not what I'm after" is enough.
Sex God
Good post Louise...
Without sitting on the fence (how annoying that it!), there is definitely middle ground to be had here.
I think as we all spend time searching for prospective sexual partners, choosing who and what we would like is helped by people stating their preferences, that is their choice as at the end of the day it is up to individuals as to who they share their bodies with. And it makes communiation easier and quicker.
HOWEVER there are ways of saying things. And even without being exceptional with communication skills, there are plenty of ways of phrasing preferences to sound like just a preference, not an insult.
To use the overweight issue as an example: Insread of writing "No fat people please" a better phrasing would be "Slim to medium build preferred please". How difficult is that I ask?
My two penneth worth.
pink x
Without sitting on the fence (how annoying that it!), there is definitely middle ground to be had here.
I think as we all spend time searching for prospective sexual partners, choosing who and what we would like is helped by people stating their preferences, that is their choice as at the end of the day it is up to individuals as to who they share their bodies with. And it makes communiation easier and quicker.
HOWEVER there are ways of saying things. And even without being exceptional with communication skills, there are plenty of ways of phrasing preferences to sound like just a preference, not an insult.
To use the overweight issue as an example: Insread of writing "No fat people please" a better phrasing would be "Slim to medium build preferred please". How difficult is that I ask?
My two penneth worth.
pink x
Quote by Sassy-Seren
I think you also have to take into account how well you know that person too.
It's easier to say 'no thanks' to someone you've never met but not so easy to someone you've chatted to for a while or met at a social and generally get on well with. You tend to choose your words with a bit more tact. At the other end of the scale, if you're really good friends and know each other very well, then you can be brutally honest.
For example, my niece showed me an outfit she'd bought for a party and asked for my opinion. I told her straight it made her look like a hooker. Needless to say it went back to the shop next day :giggle: My best mate wanted to wear a top hat to a goth gig a few weeks back but changed his mind when I said he resembled the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
1. which shop?
2. Do they do it in a 12/14?
My input is thus- I would far rather know if someone is unlikely to fancy me because im too fat/thin/short/tall/female etc. I can then choose not to set myself up for a fall- which as an insecure person is what I dread most.....rejection!
As to how they do it, I find that its easier if done in a quantifiable manner, eg; "thanks but no ladies over size 10". That to me is not rude, its just stating a preference.
Quote by Happy Cats
I can be very brutally honest....i haven't got no time for pussy footing around.....if you ask i'll tell you the way i think it is....just don't take it personally!.....if you want an honest answer i'll give it!
Ok then, give it to me, I can take it, do you think I'm sexy?
Only if it's Mrs HC......:giggle:
Sex God
Quote by da69ve
I can be very brutally honest....i haven't got no time for pussy footing around.....if you ask i'll tell you the way i think it is....just don't take it personally!.....if you want an honest answer i'll give it!
me to m8
and i expect the same from otheres
however iv been told in the last few days that i should work on my "people" skilles :shock:
Sexpert
It's a double edged sword surely?
People are attracted to certain things, (unless they're complete shagmonsters!), and use the profiles here to state their preferences. I think that all the criteria used could be equally "tactless" as the comment about people being overweight - black, white, huge cock , small cock (both more ambiguous incidentally than "overweight", for which there is a medical definition), big boobs, slim, fat, under 21, over 45, whatever - all are to a certain extent stigmatising and potentially damaging, or "brutally honest".
However the level of brutality is a relative thing. People could use "less than generously proportioned apendages not prefered", or "models with less life-miles required", but the lack of specificity could lead to confusion. At least with the "honest" option, browsers can move on and find a more suitable person to play with without wasting their time...
I certainly think that tact can and should be applied when letting somebody know you don't want to play with them directly, but feel that in advertsing, being as specific as possible is a good thing.
People are attracted to certain things, (unless they're complete shagmonsters!), and use the profiles here to state their preferences. I think that all the criteria used could be equally "tactless" as the comment about people being overweight - black, white, huge cock , small cock (both more ambiguous incidentally than "overweight", for which there is a medical definition), big boobs, slim, fat, under 21, over 45, whatever - all are to a certain extent stigmatising and potentially damaging, or "brutally honest".
However the level of brutality is a relative thing. People could use "less than generously proportioned apendages not prefered", or "models with less life-miles required", but the lack of specificity could lead to confusion. At least with the "honest" option, browsers can move on and find a more suitable person to play with without wasting their time...
I certainly think that tact can and should be applied when letting somebody know you don't want to play with them directly, but feel that in advertsing, being as specific as possible is a good thing.
