Have not read the rest of the thread yet and am only replying to the initial two questions - and both from a non-swinging perspective.
"is it possible to shag friends and stay friends"
Yes, but it is hard work.
"is it easier shagging friends than strangers"
Absolutely not. Theere are two difficult things about shagging strangers - well, three, really.
1 - Finding strangers willing to shag you.
2 - Feeling comfortable enough with them to make the shag memorable or fun.
3 - Am I going to suffer from guilt afterwards - have I lied at all, or done any cojoling or made any false promises?
All of those are easy to get over within about, ooh, 15 seconds of saying goodbye. That may sound cold, but there it is. For what it is worth, I have never promised anything other than a one night stand on any one night stand. But then I like people and don't like to fuck people around, and never sleep with anyone without first making sure that they are sober enough and informed enough about what I am like (ie, unreliable and shallow with a million hang-ups, but fun and cool as fuck ;> )
What was the question again?
Oooh! I remember!
Boinking strangers is easy enough, so long as you can live with yourself afterwards - and even when totally open and honest you still end up inadvertantly hurting the occasional person which always makes me feel really bad.
But boinking friends - I have done this and although it can work, most often it is not the best idea in the world. It only works if all parties involved are perfectly happy and comfortable with what is going on. It absolutely does not work if there is any inbalance in the 'how much i desire thee' area. I had... um... about four female people I was shagging on a semi regualar basis - and they all of them knew exactly what was going on because I had been very careful to be upfront and open and honest about it all... it still ended up with one of them virtually stalking me, two of them falling out over me and the other taking everything in her stride - but then, she was the only one who really knew me well and accepted me the way I am - and I her. We are still in regular (non-sexual) contact now and play our dramas out to each other all the time. But mostly, as soon as sex gets involved, I've always found that friendships, though they can and do still continue, change in many ways.
Dunno how it is on the swinging scene as I'm not an active player in the swinging scene at this point - but I'd imagine things are often very similar. I would think twice about shagging someone was really getting along with fantastically. lest I lost thier friendship. (Then I'd probably shag them anyway...)
Hmmmm not sure how to word my answer so it makes sense.
I much prefer to sleep with friends, or should that be I much prefer to become friends with people I sleep with.
Yes I've had my share of one-offs but for me personally I've often found that 95% of the time sex is always more fulfilling with somebody you already know on some level.
There are some I would, and some I wouldn't as it wouldn't feel right.
Problem is, those I would, won't.
I need to know someone well enough to like them as a person which involves friendship to a degree.
I don't want to play with someone I'm too friendly with.
To me, there's a difference between "friend" and "friends with".
Once they become my friend it's just too awkward. There is a certain lovely lady on here who i've known for sometime but we've only recently really become what i would like to think of as friends and i would very much like to think she thought of me as a friend.
For that reason, I'm kind of concerned about playing with her. I'd like to but i think i have to do it pretty soon before we become too good friends, or then i won't want to.
Does that make sense?
I need to make a list of Earthy's threads that i have yet to reply to 'cos I'm too tired or drunk to think at the time.
well we have made some really good freinds that we go drinking meals with to ,that we think we could not cross that line with ,as we think would spoil certain freindship tp so wont go there.
dont think we could shag vanilla think its nice to stay friends with people you have shag. but think from are own point it better to have a couple of months of from swinging with the same friends as we dont wont to live in anyones pocket and dont wont them to feel they have to live in ares if that makes any sence
I have slept with friends, colleagues, strangers.
I'm still friends with the friends, still friends with the colleagues. And funnily enough still friendly with some of the strangers.
There are friends I wouldn't sleep with, unfortunatly its not many after vodka has been consumed!!!!
But my friends know that if I wake up next to them in the morning, its best to bring me orange juice or coffee, and leave me to sleep for another couple of hours.
Wow!!! if I'd realised there would be all these yes's I'd have been PMing like mad :P
Please excuse my ignorance,vanilla friend is not something i've heard before,is it someone who doesn't know you swing or is outside the swinging community or something completely different,please advise.
from not being very forward, but when we get together with swinging mates and have played it has been more than bloody good.
