Club standards?

13 Jul 2003

Hello all,
I'm new here and would appreciate some advice. My partner and I have become more and more interested in attending a swinger's club but I've recently been hit by some doubts and thought I'd check them out with "those that know".
I'm quite a big girl (not just tall!), aged 39 (complete with stretch marks!!) and now wonder whether a club is perhaps the best way to go after all. Do clubs differ in their clientelle (I know for example that fetish clubs can differ tremendously) as in some seem to be only for "beautiful people"?
Will I end up feeling like a spare part if we go to an event? I don't mind so much if people don't wish to play with me for whatever reason, but I really don't fancy getting the cold shoulder, especially if I've driven a long way to get there! I know most of the people around here I've had any contact with have been very friendly and welcoming, and I'm sure it's probably the same at clubs, but is that just because everyone knows the expectations?
One particular site led me to ponder this question, referring to attractiveness... how do you quantify that?! rolleyes

I should add that I'm generally pretty confident in myself, given the slightest encouragement (usually provided by partner, bless his enthusiasm!) and wouldn't really intend to go along as a wallflower.
Thanks for reading, and as ever, my compliments on/to the site!
Mandy
PS, if anyone knows a good friendly club (although reading the reviews they all seem to be that!) south of Birmingham I'd be grateful for the information. I'm based on the south coast.

14 Jul 2003

Hi
Beauty is only skin deep.
You sound a balanced and kind person and I am sure you would fit in nicely.
Just be your good honest self and that is beauty in itself.
Have fun
Sandie

14 Jul 2003

Mandy there are those of us that actively prefer big girls! smile

14 Jul 2003

Bless you Bari
x xx

14 Jul 2003

Thanks for the feedback - it's much appreciated!
Funnily enough, I'd considered going to La Chambre having seen their site, and was particularly pleased at the mention of a dungeon! wink

I'll put my wobbly nerves back in the box where they belong and now just have to work out how to organise things... preferrably soon.
I appreciate the comments about there being no pressure and to be frank I think that was one of the reasons for wanting to start off at a club. It's got to be much easier to back away from something you're uncomfortable about than if you'd arranged something with just one or two people!
I'll let you know how we get on... I've been known to write the odd erotic story (in fact, some would call them very odd considering the fetish they were based around!!) so who knows, I might even post a full-blown story!
Thanks again and I look forward to meeting some of the nice people from here in the future,
Mandy

11 Sep 2003

For the sake of completeness I feel I should tie this thread up - I know hate getting to the end of a book and finding the last page missing!
Well, we made it to a club here on the south coast and in some ways it was as I'd expected it - the vast majority of people, particularly the women, were distinctly sylph-like... the guys were more on the average side, but that's fine by me. Oh, I'm not complaining about the ultra-slim, ultra-tanned girlies, either, but it would be great to see a more "normal" mix of people. Am I digging a hole for myself again, here?!
The hosts were wonderful people, made us feel very welcome, delegated someone friendly to show us around and let us know the (very limited) rules. The place was extremely busy, with well over 100 people there and the evening was hot.. well it was July! As it was set in a private house, complete with neighbours, the windows were kept closed and with good reason. (Incidentally, the heat is less of an issue now as they've sorted out more air-con units for the various rooms)
I have to admit to feeling rather awkward - it's so difficult to make it clear what you're available for, or interested in, when it's your first time! We did at least get to chat with a few people as one of the couples had emailed us before we wnet along (via a link on the club's website) and it was good to be able to look out for them and let the nerves settle down a bit.
Very late on in the evening, we decided to take a look upstairs at the rooms where the "action" was happening. There seemed to be a fair few watchers and a similar number of players, but all seemed quite settled doing their own thing. We didn't feel able to get involved and so decided to take ourselves to a vacant room and do our own thing, hoping something might develop.
Something did develop.. a guy who had stood and watched very discretely for a little while befor leaving us to it (had we sent out the wrong signals?!).. returned to the room a little while later. Suffice for now to say I had a great time, although my partner found himself a bit bashful and unsure of what to do when it came to the crunch, but he enjoyed the spectacle!
There was a bit of emotional fallout after the party, something I've not seen mentioned either in the forums or the chatroom, but we've worked through it. It was tricky, the other guy was a "virtual god" in my partner's eyes (mine too, if I'm honest) and that dented his usually firm ego. It didn't help that the guy spoke mainly to me and not to my other half (okay, I can hog conversations if someone else isn't a great conversationalist!).. nor did it help that he seemed keen for more after the party and suggested the three of us go to a fetish night together!
Ah well, we live and learn, and in many ways we still had a great and memorable time. I think we may repeat it in some way but will be more careful of how we deal with issues.. it helps a lot knowing what issues could be a problem.. something we lacked before we went along.
Thanks all for providing the rest of us with a resource full of info and more importantly experience!
Time to get on a diet and a sunbed, I think! wink

Mandy

11 Sep 2003

Look, for those who say I am out of shape my reply is 'round IS a shape'!!! If you want to do that diet for yourself then do it, if it's for others then forget it!!!
I've been thin (is size 16 thin???) and I've been less thin - am loved, wanted and lusted after both ways. Different strokes....
Glad the club was OK
Jags
xx

12 Sep 2003

I've been thin (is size 16 thin???) and I've been less thin - am loved, wanted and lusted after both ways.

Mandy there are those of us that actively prefer big girls!

And sometimes it is just because you are you.
lhk

12 Sep 2003

I have to say before I started swinging I had no idea... I mean I had NO IDEA... just how many guys REALLY REALLY like getting their mits on big girls. It came as something of a revelation to me. And often you'll find that guys don't really have a preference either way... The thin thing is really only advertising hype.
Anyone or any situation that makes you feel imtimidated about your body isn't a person or a situation to visit twice.
Mandy... you really do need to get to other clubs. All the ones I go to have people of all shapes and sizes. I know you are some way from me... but if you PM me I'll give you my limited knowledge - that's if the they didn't put you off for life. wink

Hxx

12 Sep 2003

I missed it the first time around, but WOW, what a great thread!
A superbly put point to begin with by Mandy, great replies by all, especially Mark (you put my mind at ease and I wasn't even going to a club lol

), and a really well written ending, again by mandy.
Not a swinger myself (I'm a potential watcher - still!) and it seems the after-the-event mind thoughts were as strong as I would expect them to be if I was in your situation.
Thanks for the update Mandy.
Oh, and by the way, larger ladies give me the 'orn too!!!! :twisted: :twisted: :lol:

12 Sep 2003

i must admit, i felt the same. I have driven down to la chambre and i looked at the place for a bit them to the pub/hotel i was gonna go to.
after sitting in my car for a while, i went back to lachambre. getting more nervous all of the time.
I ended up soming home, not because of the swinging part but because i just didnt know what to expect, (ie how seedy?? not meant to be offensive) I hope to go in the future, but would think that it would be a good idea if you meet up with someone before hand who has been before. Just for the mental side of going to a club that you dont know anything about.
being a single male doesnt help, what are people thinking about me? do they think i am just am a lonley guy?. meeting a fem or cpl is good but as least you have had some communication with them beforehand.
I have read lots more about la chambre (on this great site) and other clubs and this has given me the confidence needed (ie real people giving info, not just a web site). but it would still be good to have friends in there (not sex partners but someone to chat to)
I hope to go in the future but may decide on a better hotel!!! that still scares me!

12 Sep 2003

Free - PLEASE give it another go! :P I've never been to La Chambre, but there's much good stuff written about it on here, so I'm sure that you'll have an enjoyable night. Some clubs are of course better than others, but whichever club you end up going to I'm sure you will find it not as scary as you think it is! Read the advice I have written about clubs (see the swinging and advice section on the right hand side of the screen) for some general tips about clubs - it's written with folks like you in mind wink

Nerves are part of the deal the first time - I was terrified, but it's suprising how quickly you settle in. Go on, give a club a go, and then come back and tell us all about it :wink:
Michelle

12 Sep 2003

Free - PLEASE give it another go!

The first time I went to a club I was the same. Lurking in the carpark, smoking too much and getting all panicky. Once I got in and found everyone to be really nice, it was the opening night at Exclusive in Northampton, it felt great. The next time I went I had a really good time and the rest they say is history. Have another go, I promise you'll meet some great people.

12 Sep 2003

Ah, so you DO remove you helmet sometimes!!!!!!

12 Sep 2003

Ah, so you DO remove you helmet sometimes!!!!!!

Shhhh....Don't tell anybody wink

12 Sep 2003

I hope to go in the future but may decide on a better hotel

Free, Kit and I are going to La Chambre in the near future. Be our first club and we are scared s***less about it.
Have you looked at the La Chambre website - it has some of the most reassuring advice I have seen, whether you are a couple, single male or single female.
One thing I have learned, everyone has been exactly where Kit and I, and you, and many others in this forum, are now.
We have told ourselves, we are going to go to a club for a drink and a night out together. Whatever happens, happens.
Bit more difficult for a single bloke, but from what I have read, go to La Chambre on a Friday night, and you will not feel out of place.
lhk
Kat

12 Sep 2003

cheers for that, i think i will go soon, and hope i dont back out again.
I hear that the hosts are very friendly too
if anyone wants to meet on fri (no ties) then let me know
thanks again

12 Sep 2003

Wow, this thread's taken off without me noticing!

Quote by Jags
I've been thin (is size 16 thin???) and I've been less thin - am loved, wanted and lusted after both ways. Different strokes....

Jags, size 16 is definitely slim - I'd love to be that size again... I got down as far as an 18 a while back and loved the way I looked and the clothes I could wear.. not to mention the thigh-length boots! But I can be comfortable just being me, in the right company wink

Quote by Heather
I have to say before I started swinging I had no idea... I mean I had NO IDEA... just how many guys REALLY REALLY like getting their mits on big girls. It came as something of a revelation to me. And often you'll find that guys don't really have a preference either way... The thin thing is really only advertising hype.
Mandy... you really do need to get to other clubs. All the ones I go to have people of all shapes and sizes. I know you are some way from me... but if you PM me I'll give you my limited knowledge - that's if the they didn't put you off for life. :wink:

I'm not all that far from you, just the next county I think (if my geography is any good at all) I'll PM you!
I don't see my size as badly as I once did, thanks to a great guy who just accepts me and finds me sexy whatever I do.. which is nice! :wink: There are some great guys out there (or should that be "in here"?!) and a good few of them prefer "a comfortable ride"... The guy/god at the club made the first ever compliment about my arse.. which was extremely nice!!!

Quote by macman_uk
Oh, and by the way, larger ladies give me the 'orn too!!!! :twisted: :twisted:

Glad to hear it! Thanks too for the positive comments on the thread.. there's some real good 'uns (people and threads) in here!

Quote by free2view2u
being a single male doesnt help ...
I have read lots more about la chambre (on this great site) and other clubs and this has given me the confidence needed (ie real people giving info, not just a web site). but it would still be good to have friends in there (not sex partners but someone to chat to)

Some of us actually prefer single guys! I'd definitely try to get to la Chambre if I were you, and I suspect we may head up that way in the future, once Sir's got his head straightened out again, and he's completed the long awaited move, 500 miles south! :wink:
Thanks everyone for all the feedback!
Mandy

13 Sep 2003

Mandy - I wish I were a size 16 too!! But, as you said, the love and adoration of a good man goes a long way.
LOVE your avatar wink

- says it all, eh??? Being such a strong person I dabbled a little there too, not any more though.
No clubs for me - even though the idea of them and what happens is a very horny one this is were fantasy and reality split. I could watch!!! biggrin

Jags
x

13 Sep 2003

Jags...
People at clubs love to be watched. I love it when women watch me... it's a weird kind of female bonding thing. biggrin

Why don't you try one? I'm sure one of your more trusted friends would accompany you and make sure your not pestered. wink

Hxx

13 Sep 2003

Morning Heather - maybe one day I will. Not ready yet and there aren't any good clubs in the north east *phew*
Jags
x x

13 Sep 2003

Vodka_Babe, if you can't drive then why not get hooked up with some other people who are going to a party - it makes a big difference just having someone else to talk to when you're going somewhere new, and I'm sure someone could give you a lift! You could kill two birds with one stone. There are parties along the south coast although I realise it's actually quite a long coast-line!
The hunk who liked my ample behind had a fantastic bum, thights, chest, smile... err, I'll stop now as I should probably get on with some domestic chores and fantasising doesn't help clean the bathroom! wink

Feel free to get in touch - I'd be happy to hand-hold, or whatever.
Mandy

13 Sep 2003

Quote by Jags
LOVE your avatar - says it all, eh??? Being such a strong person I dabbled a little there too, not any more though.
No clubs for me - even though the idea of them and what happens is a very horny one this is were fantasy and reality split. I could watch!!!

Jags, you're the only one to coment on my avatar - I like it so much I have a tattoo of it on my shoulder. :wink:
With regards to going to clubs, I decided I'd be quite happy to watch, too - although I must admit whenit came to it I wanted to join in.
What about going along to one of these clubs as part of a group of girls? I can see the potential to make a weekend of it, share a TravelLodge room or two(or more) and have a lot of fun! Safety in numbers and all that... smile

Mandy

13 Sep 2003

Mandy - I haven't shared my activities with many of my girl friends, I think they would faint with shock!! I am a deeply respectable woman with the mind of a deeply dirty woman... biggrin

x x

13 Sep 2003

Quote by Jags
Mandy - I haven't shared my activities with many of my girl friends, I think they would faint with shock!! I am a deeply respectable woman with the mind of a deeply dirty woman...

Jags, I believe you - I always used to have a huge smile, well hidden, attending PTA meetings and the like, knowing about the things I get up to, the hidden tattoos and piercings!
As for your friends not knowing what you get up to - what about the friends you have here?? I'm sure they'd be willing to hold your hand as a newbie - in fact I suspect there are other single women around who would love the chance to go along somewhere as part of a group. Do you think it's worth posting the question in the "meetings" forum??
Mandy
xx

13 Sep 2003

Mmmm - maybe redface

not yet though. One step at a time - and I really don't want to accidentally meet anyone I know at clubs, it's my worst nightmare about ''here'!
x x

14 Sep 2003

Jags, if you meet someone you know in a club it doesn't matter as they're there as well - just say something like "Hi, Boss, how about that pay rise?" wink

:wink: :wink:

14 Sep 2003

Quote by Jags
Mmmm - maybe not yet though. One step at a time - and I really don't want to accidentally meet anyone I know at clubs, it's my worst nightmare about ''here'!

Jags, why not go to a club that's hundreds of miles from home. Okay, so you still could see someone you know there (people seems to be prepared to travel a long way for a club they feel comfortable in) but it's a lot less likely! And as Blue says, if you did meet someone there you knew, it's a lot less of a problem than you might imagine because they are there for the very same reason you are. Go on.. you know you want to! wink

I'd love to meet some of you!
Mandy

14 Sep 2003

"Hi, Boss, how about that pay rise?"

Not a word of a lie, here...
I turned up a little late at a party and as I arrived, one of my Line Managers was exiting the bedroom - stark naked, very flushed and removing a used and quite full condom from his pride and joy...
As Blue said, he couldn't say anything to me... and we agreed not to mention the incident again and indeed I still work with him. But I declined his offered of a shag... after all, he'd been screwing my wages for the previous two years!
Hxx

14 Sep 2003

That's a great story, Heather - I'll be giggling all night at that lol

:lol: :lol: