Condoms

8 Apr 2005

Yes so much for trust but in a previous message Tania you implied that no person can trust their partner/spouse 100%. I stand by my statement that I can and that there are many people on here who will be offended by that comment, because in order to swing, we have to trust one another 100%. Not everyone will be able to say that but I do feel that the majority of swinging couples would.
There will always be people who have been victims of an untrustworthy partner and who remain sceptical, as you do. There is always someone with a sob/horror story. But there are far more who know (and yes I mean absolutely 100%) that their partner has not strayed. There are also people on this site whose partners, or indeed themselves, have strayed but it has ultimately made their relationship stronger, to the degree that they are now comfortable enough to swing and do trust their partner.

Quote by Tania
As far as I can tell, OK was just talking about his sexual experiences with his wife. They tried using condoms, they did not enjoy them and he is just wondering how others cope with their use. He has nowhere said that he is not using them NOW or will not be using them in the future if the opportunity for a sexual encounter were to arise.

If you read my last post, you will see that I also did not suggest he doesn't use them now, I said he appears to object to using them.

8 Apr 2005

Quote by ockysweeties
The U.S. sexual health education system is dismal and people in their 20's and younger, even when the know they have HIV, are not using condoms and no one knows what to do to punish these people, and yes anything like quarrentine or making them wear a badge is illegal and a human rights violation.

No offence, but since when did the u.s govt. ever care about human rights? I find it shocking what you said about infectd people knowingly spreading the disease.
In the U.K if they infect anyone knowingly, they get done for manslaughter. I think a Nigerian man living in the UK got prosecuted afew years back for infecting somebody knowingly.
So if it was discovered that individuals were knowingly trying to spread HIV, I say they need locking up. Or since the death penalty exists, send them to Texas biggrin

8 Apr 2005

Quote by veejay

In the U.K if they infect anyone knowingly, they get done for manslaughter. I think a Nigerian man living in the UK got prosecuted afew years back for infecting somebody knowingly.

It was GBH, b meaning biological. See link below.

BB :twisted:

8 Apr 2005

Quote by veejay
The U.S. sexual health education system is dismal and people in their 20's and younger, even when the know they have HIV, are not using condoms and no one knows what to do to punish these people, and yes anything like quarrentine or making them wear a badge is illegal and a human rights violation.

No offence, but since when did the u.s govt. ever care about human rights? I find it shocking what you said about infectd people knowingly spreading the disease.
In the U.K if they infect anyone knowingly, they get done for manslaughter. I think a Nigerian man living in the UK got prosecuted afew years back for infecting somebody knowingly.
So if it was discovered that individuals were knowingly trying to spread HIV, I say they need locking up. Or since the death penalty exists, send them to Texas biggrin

yeah... I know... the U.S. gov't sux. Why do you think we moved here? Besides, they are too busy over there preaching abstinence (which doesn't work) and ignoring the problem.

8 Apr 2005

Quote by GenHertsCpl
Condoms EVERYTIME!!
In fact, if i know someone tends to play without condoms, then i wont go anywhere near that person. If they havent got the intelligence to look after themselves and the ONE life they have been given, then why should i give them my time and body

I don't think I've ever had sex without a condom. I would always prefer to be safe, for my own sake & for my partners. I don't get many offers :roll: (understatement of the year) but I would not have sex without using one.

8 Apr 2005

Quote by peenut
I guess like crash helmets the benefits of having worn a condom will only become obvious just after you really wished you had worn one. ...

I have a couple of scars on my forehead as a result of coming off my bike when I was younger. I now wear a crash helmet whenever I'm cycling. I have no wish to "learn" from experience why it is important to wear a condom while having sex. biggrin

8 Apr 2005

Quote by marmalaid

Ahh, the assassin shag, they never know what hit them

No-one expects the spanish indiscretion!

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

11 Apr 2005

Mr Licks queried how much risk a male is at from cunnilingus, and someone else mentioned that the risk of contracting HIV is "incredibly small" whilst doing so, 2 points I'd like to reply to.
The risk of contracting HIV (afaik) is small in all cases where direct blood contact with the virus does not occur it is far more likely that any of us will have a cut on the mouth (or on the fingers) than we will on our dick. Therefore it is actually more dangerous to have unprotected oral sex than vaginal sex. This is why anal sex & intravenous drug use are such high risk activities.
But my earlier post was more about the risk of cross-infection during group sex & how it is not mentioned in any forum for discussing safe sex. As swingers we are pretty much the last sexual lifestyle choice which is still very much in the closet and therefore our activities are not given ANY coverage in the discussions about sex & STD transmission.
Because of this we as a community assume that the standards which passs for safe sex are the same as they are in the mundane world outside our much more varied sex-lives. For most people being in bed with more than one partner is a fantasy so they don't have to worry about how many orifices they'll penetrate and therefore don't have to think about infecting one partner from another partner whilst potentially remaining safe oneself.
Of course, any viral or bacterial infection will be carried within the vaginal fluid of whichever partner you are inside. Take your fingers, tongue, dick or favourite dildo out of that partner and put it inside another one and you have transferred the infection. It doesn't matter if you're wearing a rubber or not or what the dildo's made of.
So I ask the question again; if we're not going to use things like gloves & dental dams or change them & our condoms between partners is there any real point in wearing them during a group sex situation with more than one female involved. (A gang-bang is, clearly different unless there will be bi-males involved, too)

12 Apr 2005

Quote by rachel-lane
why do all guys say condoms never fit cos there too big lol, condoms are made of rubber, they have a stretchy quality too them, the bigger you are the tighter the fit

And if they were a tight fit, they wouldn't wrinkle either. I could not be considered big by most people's standards, yet I've never had one wrinkle on me, so I don't really know what he's getting at. dunno

12 Apr 2005

Quote by targaid
So I ask the question again; if we're not going to use things like gloves & dental dams or change them & our condoms between partners is there any real point in wearing them during a group sex situation with more than one female involved. (A gang-bang is, clearly different unless there will be bi-males involved, too)

You may have a point. I've never used a dental dam or gloves when playing, but I do use different condoms for different orifices or different partners. I am however, regularly checked at my local clinic, so that is at least some protection both to me & to those who I play with.

12 Apr 2005

Quote by JudyTV
The saliva is probably the better if not the best of all barriers of protection, there is a natural ingredient in our saliva that helps protect and kill bacteria of any kind, have you seen what babies put in their mouths? :twisted: :P Obviously It cant kill all bacteria but we are less likely to contract HIV via the mouth than other body openings, unless as has already been said open wounds are present. Its amazing how quickly a mouth wound heals. They can take all your teeth out and leave massive open wounds and you can go home the same day with very little chance of infection. The same wounds on another part of your body could easily kill you.

A characteristically helpful post from JudyTV, as well. Futher proof of the antiseptic qualities of saliva can be found by watching an animal which is wounded. It instinctively licks its wound, & heals faster as a result.

12 Apr 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
why do all guys say condoms never fit cos there too big lol, condoms are made of rubber, they have a stretchy quality too them, the bigger you are the tighter the fit

And if they were a tight fit, they wouldn't wrinkle either. I could not be considered big by most people's standards, yet I've never had one wrinkle on me, so I don't really know what he's getting at. dunno

Actually, I have known them wrinkle, but it has nothing to do with size, more to do with lubrication, if there is insuficient lubrication then the condom stretches at the tip of the penis and wrinkles at the base, this has been the cause (I summize) of every burst condom that I can recall. I guess I should carry lube or spend more time on forplay and not be so eager to fall asleep :wink:

12 Apr 2005

Quote by JudyTV
One of the main reasons for a burst condom is the breakdown of the material by an outside product such as non water based lube like certain baby oils or some kind of oil or petroleum based cream. This will of course breakdown any condom and allow it to burst. One of the forgotten things is the moisturising lotion or some other body cream worn by guys. We pamper ourselves with all sorts of creams and lotions in a bid to combat any kind of body odor or to sooth the skin after body shaving or after using hair removal creams but forget that the moisturising cream we use on our body, especially around the genital area will cause the condom to burst. Many lotions contain liquid paraffin or are oil based and are quickly fatal on condoms as soon as any friction or stress factor is placed on them. Stick to the propper waterbased lubes such as KY or TLC, its a little more expensive than some oil based products but think of the potential price of a burst condom.
Judy
Thanks for that advice, Judy, but I do not use any such preparations, I have a shower with shower gel, then put some under arm roll-on after drying. That's about it. The most recent time this happened I replaced the condom and a similar thing started to hapen again, the tip of my penis got squeezed into the little teat end of the condom, I also have a feeling that these particular condoms (free from the family planning centre) were maybe less lubricated than my usual brand.

12 Apr 2005

Further to Judy's comments I did a google using "saliva and AIDS" as keywords. I came up with this link:

Sounds promising, though I've only had a quick glance and haven't checked out the sources

12 Apr 2005

I'm on a research-roll now. Also found this useful website that has lots of info about oral sex and possible HIV transmission:
Again, no idea how credible the sources are.

24 Apr 2005

Having been away for a while I've just logged on and am so happy to see that the tone of conversation seems to have finally dropped the anger that was flying around early in the topic. Judy's comments are very helpful and I'm pleased to hear what she said about saliva.(I do wish & respectfully request that she'd use a smaller point size to cut down the amount of page scrolling, though :small-print: )
Sad to see, though, that once more the entire conversation is about HIV ignoring the far more widespread infections out there and that no one has mentioned the group-sex dynamic I've asked about. Surely this is not an ostrich-effect on this subject? Or should I open a new thread about it? It seemed appropriate here...

24 Apr 2005

I guess I'll add my two pennies worth.
As far a condoms go I prefer in any sexual encounter not to use them. I'm circumcised so perhaps a little less sensitive anyway and I end up going for hours (too long) before reaching utopia (believe it or not). . . . However I wouldn't risk not wearing one without my partner/potential partner having been screaned first . . . I've got gay friends who had met and introduced me to a friend of theirs that contracted HIV through sex. I just wouldn't chance it after chatting to him.
So secondly, as far as I can remember, HIV is a particulary fragile virus. It's denatured by slight changes in temperature and PH. Saliva of course is alkali, and therefore a hostile agent for that reason alone if not among others.
Lets pray none of the members of this site have to come to terms with the change in lifestyle contracting HIV would bring.
Peace.
x

24 Apr 2005

I am very new to this swinging thing but I have to say that If you choose to wear a condom then not only are you respecting your own body but you are also showing a great respect for the person / Persons that you are with. I too have been curcumsised (bad spelling I know) but would not risk my own or any other persons life for the sake of a bit of rubber.
CONDOMS EVERY TIME

24 Apr 2005

Definately every time, not only to protect your own health, but some people might have contracted something they don't know about and won't show itself for years.
Best go by the old adage of 'Better safe than sorry'. Besides, you can get extra large condoms if they're too small, smaller condoms if they're too big and any other sort under the sun.

24 Apr 2005

. . . but lets face it lads . . . condoms are crap.
Roll on the cure for all things bad and the day I can squirt in/across whoever wants it!
:twisted:

24 Apr 2005

having lost a friend to hiv its a subject I feel very deeply about. I think peeps having unprotected sex are fooling themselves into believing "it'll never to me" its real and its here you are only one sexual encounter away from it.

24 Apr 2005

Condoms are a must outside a long term relationship (in one bit pointless at times as we wanted kids you understand smile

)
However just to agree with those who talk about them being too tight, trust me ladies they may stretch but it can hurt if they sqeeze back!
Now I am more inclined from expierience to believe this is a design rather than size thing. However there are better (and worse) shaped ones out there, better mixes of lube / amounts of lube, etc. Condoms if you excited enough need not be a problem, but you do need to search around till you find one you are comfortable with and works for you. I have thrown away 11 out of a pack of 12 more than once cause they hurt! However with some trial and error I now have a nice fitting brand that works for me and Mrs TnH (we got 2 kids now, no more please!!)
As for lube that can make or break an encounter, I stand behind ID Glide myself, safe (for the latex), odour free, and just right amount of slide without stickiness...

25 Apr 2005

Quote by beebeep

In the U.K if they infect anyone knowingly, they get done for manslaughter. I think a Nigerian man living in the UK got prosecuted afew years back for infecting somebody knowingly.

It was GBH, b meaning biological. See link below.

BB :twisted:
Thats awful. The piece of cr4p should have got life, meaning life. 4 yrs is nothing, he'll be out soon and be free to carry on infecting other women. What a disgrace the law is.

25 Apr 2005

Quote by ockysweeties
The U.S. sexual health education system is dismal and people in their 20's and younger, even when the know they have HIV, are not using condoms and no one knows what to do to punish these people, and yes anything like quarrentine or making them wear a badge is illegal and a human rights violation.

No offence, but since when did the u.s govt. ever care about human rights? I find it shocking what you said about infectd people knowingly spreading the disease.
In the U.K if they infect anyone knowingly, they get done for manslaughter. I think a Nigerian man living in the UK got prosecuted afew years back for infecting somebody knowingly.
So if it was discovered that individuals were knowingly trying to spread HIV, I say they need locking up. Or since the death penalty exists, send them to Texas biggrin

yeah... I know... the U.S. gov't sux. Why do you think we moved here? Besides, they are too busy over there preaching abstinence (which doesn't work) and ignoring the problem.
No point coming over, coz our govt just follows yours anyway. But since your here...... wink

:P

25 Apr 2005

Just to point out, some people may be thinking that circumcision may be of some protection against HIV.
This isn't the case whatsoever. Circumcision offers no protection against HIV and your risking yourself and others if you think it does.

25 Apr 2005

Pardon?????????????????????

25 Apr 2005

Quote by blonde
Pardon?????????????????????

Did you let one off????
as for condoms i think they just need to be used, a fresh one for each partner.
BB

25 Apr 2005

I never leave home without condoms in my handbag!

25 Apr 2005

Quote by JudyTV
. . . but lets face it lads . . . condoms are crap.

Tell the relatives and friends of people who have died of AIDS that condoms are crap and you may well have a argument on your hands.
I think you will find HIV is crap, AIDS is crap and the worse crap of all is dead.
Dead people don't wear condoms, the people that they leave behind often wish they, or others had done so before the event.
If anyone at a party or on a one to one comes near me without a condom on they get get told to go away.
So until the cure all or a better solution comes along, slide a condom on your dong.
Judy
I dont think he was attempting to upset anyone, just to relay a feeling that condoms can have a negative effect on the moment.
BB

25 Apr 2005

Quote by leprechaun
ONLY PRICKS DON'T RAP THEIR DICKS

Is that like phone sex then?