S.H Leaders declare Masturbation now illegal.
Ladies or Gentlemen who log onto SH will be BANNED from indulging in reckless, dangerous acts of wanton self-abuse from midnight on the 30th February it has been confirmed this week.
An SH spokesperson stated "It's reached a point now where we can't cope with it any longer. The servers are completely clogged with man-juice and it took a team of specialised pressure-washer workers three hours to unclog them last night. Recently we've had to come to work in a wetsuit and snorkel to cope with the tremendous increase in gusset outpourings."
S.H have cited the arrival on site of Resonance as a prime reason for this. Citing a masturbatory increase of 67% since they joined, of which they are directly responsible for at least 64% (usually when browsing profiles), it seems saturation point is quickly being reached.
"We've certainly noted an increase in wiping rather than typing" stated SH resident archivist Noladreams. "I've had to descend into the pits of SH to dig up some fun posts to try and stop people interfering with themselves." she stated.
Not even the political rantings of Mr Kent have been immune, with a reported 30% increase in wetness and arousal caused by his Gaunty inspired rants.
A SH Chat Op, who wishes to remain anonymous, so we will call her Mucky Lady, stated "It's spread to the chat rooms now. Last night in Fab's quiz room, people weren't answering the questions by typing, but by ejaculating the answers onto their monitor. It is quite traumatising at times. I've gone through four packs of Andrex in the past two days and that is just for my pics alone."
As a precaution, SH are moving their servers to a secret "dry" location, encasing them in protective latex and forbidding masturbation for all but certain members, who will be charged a small additional fee per month and marked as "total tossers" on the site, so people can understand they have full tosser rights. "Some people think this site is just an excuse for people to see each other naked, meet up and have naughty, hot sex. Well, we'd like to put that straight once and for all..." stated an SH insider. "I've not seen one recipe for flapjack swapped in a good few weeks, and participation in the macrame and knitting classes have gone right downhill. This must change."
Only time will tell if the new measures will help quell such debauchery but it seems increasingly likely that if you wank at leisure, soon it'll be at her majesty's pleasure.
Sex God
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