When my son was 8 I caught him experimenting with matches in his bedroom, I smelt burning and ran upstairs to find he has set fire to paper sticking out of a bottle of water. He heard me coming and threw it under the bed, luckily no harm was done. But I was horrified I had twin babies in the house, the thoughts that went through my head. I was shaking sat him down and explained what could have happened. I then said I would call the police if I ever caught him again. About 6 months later he was caught again, and yes I called the police and explained everything. They came out and gave him a stern talking to! He has never done it again.
Have you enforced tough love?
Could you enforce tough love?
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Could you enforce tough love?
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been there and done it....Mr Bone has taken 2 of ours down to the nick, one when he was aged 6 and caught smashing a car window with a stone, and the other when he was aged 7 and took a tenner out of my purse to buy doctor who cards.
It might seem harsh, but they both learned their lesson, and have not done anything wrong since.
It might seem harsh, but they both learned their lesson, and have not done anything wrong since.
Sex God
Yes i could, but its also a learning curve for kids to, how many kids dont have a little thing with fire (mine set light to a bedroom bin aged 7) or smashing a window (still waiting but half expected) i called the police to talk to my son when he took to climbing out of windows to escape and was away for hours living in a kinda rat run estate he knew all the places to hide if he saw you coming and if caught has been known to kick scream punch scratch (screaming he had been kidnapped got me a few looks) basically anything he could try to get away and be free no amount of punishment worked
my heart was constantly in my mouth and the police spoke to him 5 times until i eventually had to turn tables and start afresh - grounding him only made him want to escape so i stopped grounding him bought him a watch and explained i would meet him half way if he did the same with me and give him set times which he stuck to give or take
Since then not had much problems with him it was a naughty phase,
my heart was constantly in my mouth and the police spoke to him 5 times until i eventually had to turn tables and start afresh - grounding him only made him want to escape so i stopped grounding him bought him a watch and explained i would meet him half way if he did the same with me and give him set times which he stuck to give or take
Since then not had much problems with him it was a naughty phase,
Sex God
Yes I could and have done 
Sex God
Yes I could and yes I have. I think most people worth their salt, in a given situation, could and would.
Common sense really isnt it?
Common sense really isnt it?
Sex God
Seems reasonable to me that you did what you did. At the least by doing so you showed the gravitas of there actions. We went through the same sort of thing with our twin (the Krays) boys when at 3.5 years old they went searching oin the kitchen for biscuits. We kept them in a cupboard out of the way up high as one does.
However the little guys decided to get a chair climb it onto the kitchen worktop then into the cupboard for an illicit snack. They however got the wrong cupboard and lo and behold found matches.
Not a hard stretch of the imagination from there to the fact that they experimented in their bedrooms and successfully burn't the entire house down. I can only thank god that I was able to get the Mrs and all three of my kids out and safe. Without a shadow of a doubt the scariest moments of my life. When you see 15' flames coming out of the top of your own house.... Well it gave me nightmares for a long time.
How do you tell off your kids for that though ? I couldn't I just let the fireman and the Police officer talk to them both and afterwards just almost hugged the life they'd nearly lost out of them. Overall it was a bonding experience the hard way but they have for ever been very very careful regarding fire. One son possibly too much so if that's possible
However the little guys decided to get a chair climb it onto the kitchen worktop then into the cupboard for an illicit snack. They however got the wrong cupboard and lo and behold found matches.
Not a hard stretch of the imagination from there to the fact that they experimented in their bedrooms and successfully burn't the entire house down. I can only thank god that I was able to get the Mrs and all three of my kids out and safe. Without a shadow of a doubt the scariest moments of my life. When you see 15' flames coming out of the top of your own house.... Well it gave me nightmares for a long time.
How do you tell off your kids for that though ? I couldn't I just let the fireman and the Police officer talk to them both and afterwards just almost hugged the life they'd nearly lost out of them. Overall it was a bonding experience the hard way but they have for ever been very very careful regarding fire. One son possibly too much so if that's possible
Quote by Lost
Seems reasonable to me that you did what you did. At the least by doing so you showed the gravitas of there actions. We went through the same sort of thing with our twin (the Krays) boys when at 3.5 years old they went searching oin the kitchen for biscuits. We kept them in a cupboard out of the way up high as one does.
However the little guys decided to get a chair climb it onto the kitchen worktop then into the cupboard for an illicit snack. They however got the wrong cupboard and lo and behold found matches.
Not a hard stretch of the imagination from there to the fact that they experimented in their bedrooms and successfully burn't the entire house down. I can only thank god that I was able to get the Mrs and all three of my kids out and safe. Without a shadow of a doubt the scariest moments of my life. When you see 15' flames coming out of the top of your own house.... Well it gave me nightmares for a long time.
How do you tell off your kids for that though ? I couldn't I just let the fireman and the Police officer talk to them both and afterwards just almost hugged the life they'd nearly lost out of them. Overall it was a bonding experience the hard way but they have for ever been very very careful regarding fire. One son possibly too much so if that's possible
I feel by doing what I did, saved my family from a similar disaster. I am so pleased to hear you all escaped without injury. And I would in that scenario have given a hug, the hardest lesson had been learnt.
Quote by Lost
Seems reasonable to me that you did what you did. At the least by doing so you showed the gravitas of there actions. We went through the same sort of thing with our twin (the Krays) boys when at 3.5 years old they went searching oin the kitchen for biscuits. We kept them in a cupboard out of the way up high as one does.
However the little guys decided to get a chair climb it onto the kitchen worktop then into the cupboard for an illicit snack. They however got the wrong cupboard and lo and behold found matches.
Not a hard stretch of the imagination from there to the fact that they experimented in their bedrooms and successfully burn't the entire house down. I can only thank god that I was able to get the Mrs and all three of my kids out and safe. Without a shadow of a doubt the scariest moments of my life. When you see 15' flames coming out of the top of your own house.... Well it gave me nightmares for a long time.
How do you tell off your kids for that though ? I couldn't I just let the fireman and the Police officer talk to them both and afterwards just almost hugged the life they'd nearly lost out of them. Overall it was a bonding experience the hard way but they have for ever been very very careful regarding fire. One son possibly too much so if that's possible
Truly glad you all got out safely.
Dave_Notts
Sex God
Quote by Bonedigger
been there and done it....Mr Bone has taken 2 of ours down to the nick, one when he was aged 6 and caught smashing a car window with a stone, and the other when he was aged 7 and took a tenner out of my purse to buy doctor who cards.
It might seem harsh, but they both learned their lesson, and have not done anything wrong since.
Do you know what :shock: I remember knicking a £1 (note
) out of my mums purse in about 1923. As my old man was in the Met it was not hard for him to have me put in a cell for an hour !! Blimey O'Reilley i can remember that like it was yesterday and cringe. Mind you the old (about 92 at least!)Custody Sargeant gave me his Sarnies. 
Quote by Theladyisaminx
When my son was 8 I caught him experimenting with matches in his bedroom, I smelt burning and ran upstairs to find he has set fire to paper sticking out of a bottle of water. He heard me coming and threw it under the bed, luckily no harm was done. But I was horrified I had twin babies in the house, the thoughts that went through my head. I was shaking sat him down and explained what could have happened. I then said I would call the police if I ever caught him again. About 6 months later he was caught again, and yes I called the police and explained everything. They came out and gave him a stern talking to! He has never done it again.
Have you enforced tough love?
Could you enforce tough love?
Yes and yes. A stern wallop did the trick in my case. :giveup:
Sex God
Quote by winchwench
When we caught one of the kids playing with matches in the bedroom, we took them off to the Fire Station for a "chat."
Guess what? They told us they were NOT ALLOWED to lecture the kids! :shock:
Ain't that the craziest of things! Why the hell not?
Shame that the fire service cannot lecture kids these days as thats what I would have suggested initially.
Maybe look on the internet for fire safety advertisements and even shocking pictures or accounts of what house fires can do!!!
I dont think giving shock tactics is a bad thing, smacked bottoms are long forgotten before the memory of you saying something like "how would you have felt if mummy and daddy died because you had started a fire and were all alone in the world because that is what might happen if you ever play with matches and a fire breaks out!!"
Pretty brutal but we live in the real world and thats really what happens!!
Maybe look on the internet for fire safety advertisements and even shocking pictures or accounts of what house fires can do!!!
I dont think giving shock tactics is a bad thing, smacked bottoms are long forgotten before the memory of you saying something like "how would you have felt if mummy and daddy died because you had started a fire and were all alone in the world because that is what might happen if you ever play with matches and a fire breaks out!!"
Pretty brutal but we live in the real world and thats really what happens!!
Quote by Lost
When we caught one of the kids playing with matches in the bedroom, we took them off to the Fire Station for a "chat."
Guess what? They told us they were NOT ALLOWED to lecture the kids! :shock:
Ain't that the craziest of things! Why the hell not?
The fire officers go into schools and give fire and safety talks, seems mad to me that they wont do it because parents ask.
Quote by flower411
When we caught one of the kids playing with matches in the bedroom, we took them off to the Fire Station for a "chat."
Guess what? They told us they were NOT ALLOWED to lecture the kids! :shock:
Ain't that the craziest of things! Why the hell not?
Right ....this is not my opinion and I think it`s a totally titsup fuckin stupid , PC something or other reason !!
It`s so that children think of firemen as their friends. If ya take a child to be lectured by a fireman they may not feel comfortable calling them in the future cos they might get told off !
It`s ordinary "fucking learn it by the book, basic psychology"
I have no idea why, needless to say we were stunned.
They would only say that much as they'd like to help- their hands were tied from up on high.
Sex God
i keep trying the tough love thing, i really do. not with a child though, so a slight thread hijack, but with my 38 year old sister. i keep telling her, or more precisely, i keep telling myself, that i'm not gonna allow her issues to compromise me, or the things i'm trying to do in my life, or my relationships, or the stress i already have in my life, anymore, but i'm crap it it. . .
trouble is, every single time she rings, i go all out to support her, no matter what she's done this time, despite all the lies, cos she's my sister, and i love her to death, so then i not only have all her shit to deal with, i then have all the fallout into my own life and relationships, that she leaves me to cope with without a second bluddy thought, and i'm really sick to the back teeth of it.
/vent mode off
neil x x x ;)
trouble is, every single time she rings, i go all out to support her, no matter what she's done this time, despite all the lies, cos she's my sister, and i love her to death, so then i not only have all her shit to deal with, i then have all the fallout into my own life and relationships, that she leaves me to cope with without a second bluddy thought, and i'm really sick to the back teeth of it.
/vent mode off
neil x x x ;)
Sex God
Quote by neilinleeds
i keep trying the tough love thing, i really do. not with a child though, so a slight thread hijack, but with my 38 year old sister. i keep telling her, or more precisely, i keep telling myself, that i'm not gonna allow her issues to compromise me, or the things i'm trying to do in my life, or my relationships, or the stress i already have in my life, anymore, but i'm crap it it. . .
trouble is, every single time she rings, i go all out to support her, no matter what she's done this time, despite all the lies, cos she's my sister, and i love her to death, so then i not only have all her shit to deal with, i then have all the fallout into my own life and relationships, that she leaves me to cope with without a second bluddy thought, and i'm really sick to the back teeth of it.
/vent mode off
neil x x x ;)
Hey Neil, i reckon there's a lot of people will be nodding their heads with empathy at your post fella. Hey your made the way your made. What can you do eh? :smile:
Ever thought about talking to a Policeman
Quote by neilinleeds
i keep trying the tough love thing, i really do. not with a child though, so a slight thread hijack, but with my 38 year old sister. i keep telling her, or more precisely, i keep telling myself, that i'm not gonna allow her issues to compromise me, or the things i'm trying to do in my life, or my relationships, or the stress i already have in my life, anymore, but i'm crap it it. . .
trouble is, every single time she rings, i go all out to support her, no matter what she's done this time, despite all the lies, cos she's my sister, and i love her to death, so then i not only have all her shit to deal with, i then have all the fallout into my own life and relationships, that she leaves me to cope with without a second bluddy thought, and i'm really sick to the back teeth of it.
/vent mode off
neil x x x ;)
I know of a Sister that has done the same thing for her Brother for many many years... She has reached breaking point and has said no more... As a result he is now living on the streets and close to death.... This is all his own doing but he has relied upon his family for so many years to bail him out...
Dont beat yourself up about it Neil, the only thing you can do is ask yourself it if it the right thing for YOU the next time she calls.... She is an adult and capable of making choices, so are you
Touch love, can be easy to do hard to keep to depending on the situation..
Ive done it with my kids and yes, other peoples! I find young people feel if someone is consistant and dont change the rules half way cos they get fed up, have more respect for you as an adult. Hence they start to get used to knowing where they stand and know ya boundaries and limits!
My son did something silly when he was about 9 yrs old, he paid the price by having to do a few things for this family etc. Hes all grown up now and he's been to all the weddings/parties held within this family over the last few years...
The family forgave him and got to know him better and realised he wasnt such a bad sort after all....just daft on occasion!
Ive done it with my kids and yes, other peoples! I find young people feel if someone is consistant and dont change the rules half way cos they get fed up, have more respect for you as an adult. Hence they start to get used to knowing where they stand and know ya boundaries and limits!
My son did something silly when he was about 9 yrs old, he paid the price by having to do a few things for this family etc. Hes all grown up now and he's been to all the weddings/parties held within this family over the last few years...
The family forgave him and got to know him better and realised he wasnt such a bad sort after all....just daft on occasion!
Sex God
You have to draw a line in the sand that fits your way of thinking and say, here it is, this is as far as you go, and then stick to it. someone steps over the line and you have to react.
Children who know their boundaries, who know where the line is, tend to be happy and settled individuals.
children who do not know just how far they can push tend to become quite irrational at times.
sweeping statements i know but based on highly tested evidence. Cant be arsed to give a whole load of test data here now, look at the time ffs, but feel free to PM me if its of interest
Children who know their boundaries, who know where the line is, tend to be happy and settled individuals.
children who do not know just how far they can push tend to become quite irrational at times.
sweeping statements i know but based on highly tested evidence. Cant be arsed to give a whole load of test data here now, look at the time ffs, but feel free to PM me if its of interest
Master of Sex
in a word :::: yes
