Sex God
Genius ! Phone the chancellor
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Credit Crunch Swinging on a budget
Quote by Silk and Big G
Let try free dogging simulation.
Lay rubber sheet in front of the fridge ( to simulate arse sticking to seat). Turn out all the kitchen lights,sit in silence for an hour. Then using a torch run round your girl in ever decreasing circles as she lays on the rubber sheet.
Turn off torch and sit for half an hour. Smoke cigarettes. Go outside and knock on kitchen window. Open fridge door - this is fab and simulates both curtesy light coming on and draft from outside! Masturbate profusely for a bit.
then repeat egg white advice from earlier post.
Voila the fabled indoor dogging sensation!
You don't need to go the expense of driving lessons or a car either!
Sex God
splendid point
Sex God
I really think between us all we could fuck our way out of this recession !
Sex God
Quote by Silk and Big G
I really think between us all we could fuck our way out of this recession !
Why not we were fucked into it
Sex God
- Sex machines? Pah! Simply attach a rubber loo plunger to the back of a cow (Important, the handle must NOT be wooden, plastic or rubber preferably), slot the missus on CAREFULLY and then give the cow a smack on it's backside to give her the ride of her life...
- Save on petrol, go dogging in your street! See how adventurous the neighbours really are!
- Don't turn up at a house of some play-friends empty handed. Arrive 10 minutes early and use the flowers from their garden to make an attractive bouquet. They'd enjoy them more in a vase inside anyway. If they don't have a garden, fill a tesco bag with leaves, dead snails and twigs, spray some Denim on it, hey presto, expensive looking pot pourri!
- At a cosy restaurant meal, agree with your friends to go dutch. And then just drink water for the evening. Their smug smile will soon be wiped off their face when the bill arrives! Then on the way home, pop into the chippy for Chips and Curry for the ideal aphrodisiac.
- Save on petrol, go dogging in your street! See how adventurous the neighbours really are!
- Don't turn up at a house of some play-friends empty handed. Arrive 10 minutes early and use the flowers from their garden to make an attractive bouquet. They'd enjoy them more in a vase inside anyway. If they don't have a garden, fill a tesco bag with leaves, dead snails and twigs, spray some Denim on it, hey presto, expensive looking pot pourri!
- At a cosy restaurant meal, agree with your friends to go dutch. And then just drink water for the evening. Their smug smile will soon be wiped off their face when the bill arrives! Then on the way home, pop into the chippy for Chips and Curry for the ideal aphrodisiac.
Sex God
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: save on fancy restraint systems, by trapping your playmates hair down between the matress and the headboard
why spend a fortune on thigh hig pvc boots....simply don a pair of stockongs and gloss over them, with extra thick non drip black gloss......once dry, cut down the front of them and peel off.....add some lace holes with knitting needle and lace up with pretty ribbons and voila!!!
you can also make the high heeled version with offcuts of 1x1 or sturdy builders pencils sharpened to a nice pont and superglued to your boots.
why spend a fortune on thigh hig pvc boots....simply don a pair of stockongs and gloss over them, with extra thick non drip black gloss......once dry, cut down the front of them and peel off.....add some lace holes with knitting needle and lace up with pretty ribbons and voila!!!
you can also make the high heeled version with offcuts of 1x1 or sturdy builders pencils sharpened to a nice pont and superglued to your boots.
Sex God
Save money on dressing up clothes by arranging part time jobs for your girl as a maid a traffic warden and a nursing assistant. Not only will you get the free uniforms but all that extra wage coming in ! Its a win win situation.
Sex God
I can't think of anything to put down You lot are just far too good great topic. Hilarious 
Sex God
Quote by flower411
Save money on dressing up clothes by arranging part time jobs for your girl as a maid a traffic warden and a nursing assistant. Not only will you get the free uniforms but all that extra wage coming in ! Its a win win situation.
I`d never thought of that before !!
Mrs f is a riding instructor ...jodhpurs,boots and whips are her work clothes !!!!
You mean all these bleedin horses are actually saving money ?????
Phew !! that`s ok then
The AUP prevents me from going into detail on the sexual items that owning horses could save you money on :shock:
Sex God
- Bi Curious Fella? Don't go to all the trouble and expense of meeting someone on the off-chance. Fella's get a salami, coat it in cheese and a little salt and after sucking it for ten minutes, rapidly flick Muller Yoghurt over your face (We strongly advise you do not use the "fruit corner" for this, as it may smart and the Crunch corners are just wrong on every level).
Sex God
Quote by Calista
Instead of buying a new flogger and chocs for a BDSM meet, pop to the sweet shop and buy candy laces, tie them together and hey presto you have both for the price of one packet of sweets!
Now that's not just good, but economic! Whip em! Shag em! Eat em!
We are wasted here... Why aren't we running the country? ;-)
Sex God
Make few extra pennies by thinking of all the worst examples of human life you have inadvertently met whilst on SH, then contact them and offer verification for a small fee.
Sex God
Quote by Bonedigger
With petrol the high price it is now......save on an expensive drive to the country for outdoor sex.
simply throw twigs and dead leaves all over the bed, open the window wide for some fresh air, and stand a bag of manure in the corner, for authentic country air.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Mrs Res says great idea, but she wouldn't need the manure... Cheeky mare! I had a bath only on November.
Sex God
Single ladies save time and money, don't waste phone calls on finding out about the person you have been chatting to. Simply shag everyone who asks you !
Sex God
It hurts!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Ladies...if youre worried about embarrassing odours 'down there' simply douche out with a chanel no 5 knock off purchased from a car booty just outside Toxteth.....
BONUS handy hint....use the rest of the bottle to clean annoying grease spots where people have pressed their noses up against your car windows when out dogging!, Or to clean jizz marks from your home made thigh boots!!
BONUS handy hint....use the rest of the bottle to clean annoying grease spots where people have pressed their noses up against your car windows when out dogging!, Or to clean jizz marks from your home made thigh boots!!
Sex God
If you are a swinging site political pundit, don't burn serious cash on reading newspapers and books. Especially not if after all the time and money you are still gonna sound like you only read the headline.
Go to a swingers club instead
Go to a swingers club instead
Sex God
Quote by Bonedigger
Ladies...if youre worried about embarrassing odours 'down there' simply douche out with a chanel no 5 knock off purchased from a car booty just outside Toxteth.....
BONUS handy hint....use the rest of the bottle to clean annoying grease spots where people have pressed their noses up against your car windows when out dogging!, Or to clean jizz marks from your home made thigh boots!!
Or indeed to strip Lead from church roofs!
lmao !!!
Sex God
- Want that Prince Albert look without the pain and expense? Hide one of Bernard Matthews Turkey Twizzlers down your shorts with a shower ring through one end, and nobody need know the difference.
- Too poor to bring a condom on a swinging date? Just pretend the other person is your partner and you will soon find you've gone off the idea and can almost feel a headache developing.
- Girls! Remember ejaculate is a lot cheaper than Oil of Ulay!
- Are you a squirter? Don't waste the precious liquid, carefully channelling the outpouring can give you enough water to sustain a guinea pig for a week or a hamster for two!
- Only shag really desperate, hideous people so they feel happy to pay for everything due to some sense of worthless servile gratitude. (I have my credit card ready...)
- Too poor to bring a condom on a swinging date? Just pretend the other person is your partner and you will soon find you've gone off the idea and can almost feel a headache developing.
- Girls! Remember ejaculate is a lot cheaper than Oil of Ulay!
- Are you a squirter? Don't waste the precious liquid, carefully channelling the outpouring can give you enough water to sustain a guinea pig for a week or a hamster for two!
- Only shag really desperate, hideous people so they feel happy to pay for everything due to some sense of worthless servile gratitude. (I have my credit card ready...)
Sex God
G'nite guys. Ta fer the giggle, its been real.
Need your munch outfit cleaned and ironed? Take it to a charity shop, go back 3 days later, and pay just 50p per item, an outfit cleaned and ironed, and your conscience a whole lot lighter, for doing a good deed!
Need some Parmesan cheese for your SpagBol?
Use your imagination on that one......
Need your house cleaned? Join a BDSM site as a Dom/Domme, and advertise asking for some worthless little worm to do all that you demand, all chores to be carried out, and at the same time, you demand a "tribute"
Want to experience oral sex on a granny, but don't want to leave the house? Just leave a pork pie on a plate in the kitchen for a few days, by getting past the crust, licking the jelly, and going for the meat, you won't be able to tell the difference.
Need a lift to pre-munch, but don't want to spend on a taxi? Make sure you book into a hotel that is near a car showroom, and ask for a test drive, using satnav or maps to get you to the venue, as soon as the nearest traffic lights go red, bundle out of the car, and peg it down the road, leaving the salesweasel to take the car back.
Need some Parmesan cheese for your SpagBol?
Use your imagination on that one......
Need your house cleaned? Join a BDSM site as a Dom/Domme, and advertise asking for some worthless little worm to do all that you demand, all chores to be carried out, and at the same time, you demand a "tribute"
Want to experience oral sex on a granny, but don't want to leave the house? Just leave a pork pie on a plate in the kitchen for a few days, by getting past the crust, licking the jelly, and going for the meat, you won't be able to tell the difference.
Need a lift to pre-munch, but don't want to spend on a taxi? Make sure you book into a hotel that is near a car showroom, and ask for a test drive, using satnav or maps to get you to the venue, as soon as the nearest traffic lights go red, bundle out of the car, and peg it down the road, leaving the salesweasel to take the car back.
Why waste money trying to find meets on expensive sites like this, why, for just pennies a week you can place an add in your newsagents window.
No need to try and remember complicated passwords or user ID's, simply place all your normal everyday details and hoardes of playmates will be stampeding up your path in no time.
BONUS tip....ask that all women wear stilletoes and that they approach your front door via the lawn, and you get you lawn aerated free of charge and, most importantly....with no energy expelled on your part!
No need to try and remember complicated passwords or user ID's, simply place all your normal everyday details and hoardes of playmates will be stampeding up your path in no time.
BONUS tip....ask that all women wear stilletoes and that they approach your front door via the lawn, and you get you lawn aerated free of charge and, most importantly....with no energy expelled on your part!
