- KY Jelly? Who needs it when Birds Strawberry does the job, tastes nicer and can be part of a nice trifle?
- Lapdancing? No need! Just ask your loved one to wiggle her bottom in your face whilst you set light to several £50 notes!
Sex God
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Credit Crunch Swinging on a budget
Quote by Bonedigger
been decorating?? scrape out the bucket of wallpaper paste into handy sized little tubs and you have a large supply of lube to hand that will last for ages.
BONUS tip using the wallpaper paste with aded fungicide, will help eliminate nasty thrush infections too!!
More DIY tips:
Arrange a gum-chewing gentlemans Bukkake party: hey presto! Wallpaper paste!
Fancy some roll play, but dont want to shell out on unnecessary outfits....women simply dress in your usual everyday wear and guys in your scruffs...rummage around in your kitchen bin, for an authentic smell.....then play randy old binman* and housewife to your hearts content!
* can be substituted for gardener by the guy getting some muck under his fingernails and putting a pair of pruning shears in his pocket
girls......always fancied a sybian machine but didnt want to fork out for one??
Simply pop yourself astride your turbo cylinder vaccuum cleaner and switch on. For different sensations and texture on your vagina and clitoris, tape a pice of bubble wrap (must be unpopped) to the top of the vaccuum....
you can substitute the bubble wrap for sand paper, the rough half of a piece of velcro, the bobbly soles of some gripper sox, or some brillo pads for some different and probably exciting new sensations!
* can be substituted for gardener by the guy getting some muck under his fingernails and putting a pair of pruning shears in his pocket
girls......always fancied a sybian machine but didnt want to fork out for one??
Simply pop yourself astride your turbo cylinder vaccuum cleaner and switch on. For different sensations and texture on your vagina and clitoris, tape a pice of bubble wrap (must be unpopped) to the top of the vaccuum....
you can substitute the bubble wrap for sand paper, the rough half of a piece of velcro, the bobbly soles of some gripper sox, or some brillo pads for some different and probably exciting new sensations!
Master of Sex
Like being abused by dominant women?
Avoid all the hassle and expense of arranging a meet. Just turn up and make a few derogatory remarks at a WRVS conference. (Well, it worked for Tony Blair ......)
Avoid all the hassle and expense of arranging a meet. Just turn up and make a few derogatory remarks at a WRVS conference. (Well, it worked for Tony Blair ......)
Shit! why did'nt I visit this thread sooner!!!! 
:D :D
Save money on expensive SH membership and just go into any chat forum and say "Hi Horny John from Swindon witha nine inch cock anyone want a shag"? I will get the same abusive reponses and you are more likely of scoring!
Make sure you get a date by doing the above in a police chat room. 2 - 3 years prison should deliver enough bum shags for anyone and the accomadation is thrown in!!
:D :D Save money on expensive SH membership and just go into any chat forum and say "Hi Horny John from Swindon witha nine inch cock anyone want a shag"? I will get the same abusive reponses and you are more likely of scoring!
Make sure you get a date by doing the above in a police chat room. 2 - 3 years prison should deliver enough bum shags for anyone and the accomadation is thrown in!!
Sex God
Remember Doggers!
Frantically discarded underpants make fantastic dishcloths, and some you may not even have to wash first!
Frantically discarded underpants make fantastic dishcloths, and some you may not even have to wash first!
dont waste money on expensive depilation and hair removal creams and devices....simply BBQ in the nude and singe the buggers right off....hairs that is 
save money on going to a munch by simply making yourself a badge with your swinging user ID on and wearing it to any family party!
why shell out for chic leather arab straps, cock rings and other fancy cock and ball enhancement equipment....an elastic band from the morning mail or a hair bobble works just as well.
save money on going to a munch by simply making yourself a badge with your swinging user ID on and wearing it to any family party!
why shell out for chic leather arab straps, cock rings and other fancy cock and ball enhancement equipment....an elastic band from the morning mail or a hair bobble works just as well.
eres one ikkle un for you mrs b.
i kno you love the outdoors. upon driven to your local wooded area fer sum fun.. dont forget to take hubbies saw.. cut thru fallen branches, n sell em on as logs. plus u get a free workout.
lol.. known as tele.. or fook orf that not going near me.. lol
i kno you love the outdoors. upon driven to your local wooded area fer sum fun.. dont forget to take hubbies saw.. cut thru fallen branches, n sell em on as logs. plus u get a free workout.
lol.. known as tele.. or fook orf that not going near me.. lol
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Sex God
Dont waste money on expensive vibrators. Simply select and hollow out a cucumber in the size and shape of your choice then insert a few hundred African bees.
If yer feelin fruity simply give the cucumber a good shake and hey presto !
(NB Use a good strong adhesive to secure the end
)
If yer feelin fruity simply give the cucumber a good shake and hey presto !
(NB Use a good strong adhesive to secure the end
) Sex God
When selecting a BiFem for that much wanted threesome, why not try a homeless girl. Then you wont need to drive miles to take her home afterward, just drop her off anywhere !
Sex God
If you are considering training your own sub slut, try and select a girl who also keeps horses, That will save money as she will already have much of the equipment you require.
Sex God
One mans love eggs is another mans 'clackers' check in the attic you may still have them
Sex God
For a low cost swingers party at your house, simply consult with all the people that moan on the forums and they can give you a list of all the people that dont turn up . Virtually free
Sex God
Dont pay for expensive private GUM clinic tests yourself. Simply ring the last few people you slept with and tell each of them you have a different disease. Then wait for them all to give the all clear
Sex God
Save on heating bills at a gangbang/bukkake evening by only inviting men with hypertension
Don't waste time and money organising a munch. Scan the wedding announcements in your local paper, send the address of the church to all your swinging pals and turn up outside 45 mins after the ceremony starts. After a few minutes, the guests will come out and you can easily cadge a lift to the reception by claiming to be someone's cousin. Food, drink and a disco will be waiting - hey presto, a totally free munch!!
Tip: Start saving left over rice from your takeaways now to throw over the bride and groom and nick a carnation from the graveyard next door for that authentic "I'm a real guest" look!
Tip: Start saving left over rice from your takeaways now to throw over the bride and groom and nick a carnation from the graveyard next door for that authentic "I'm a real guest" look!
Sex God
Quote by Serendipity
Don't waste time and money organising a munch. Scan the wedding announcements in your local paper, send the address of the church to all your swinging pals and turn up outside 45 mins after the ceremony starts. After a few minutes, the guests will come out and you can easily cadge a lift to the reception by claiming to be someone's cousin. Food, drink and a disco will be waiting - hey presto, a totally free munch!!
Tip: Start saving left over rice from your takeaways now to throw over the bride and groom and nick a carnation from the graveyard next door for that authentic "I'm a real guest" look!
Its all too detailed not to have been tried in real life
guys....want to look like a hot stud whos bedded many women, but dont wanna shell out on all the flowers, chocolates and meals out.....simply mix some flour and water glue in a pot and flick it all over your duvet with a ruler, with gay abandon.....your mates will never know the difference!!
Quote by Serendipity
- hey presto, a totally free munch!!
Tip: Start saving left over rice from your takeaways now to throw over the bride and groom and nick a carnation from the graveyard next door for that authentic "I'm a real guest" look!
It may be public spirited to swill the curry sauce off the rice first! 