Dangerous insertions..

9 Sep 2005

Was going to post this in another thread, but not sure if it is something more serious, hence asking really, cos not sure :undecided: dunno

Ok a while back, bluddy ages ago actually my... ummmmm.... friend was with a partner and had demolished a bottle of wine - like you do cool

We they were in the middle of fun n games involving a blindfold etc, when he inserted the top of the wine bottle - don't ask why, he just did!!!! :dunno:
Now I know that blowing up a woman is dangerous, this wine bottle acted much like a bluddy bicycle pump :shock: But I'm not sure if it was the bottle full of air pushing against my her insides that was making the noise redface

or whether the bottle was actually pushing air in??
So does anyone know? Is it dangerous - I wasn't sure cos it's not like it was pushing air inside me her cos there was nowhere else for it to go (like if you blew), the air was in the bottle to begin with so it could've just stayed there??? :dunno:
Does that make sense to anyone else apart from me?? :uhoh:

9 Sep 2005

Yes makes a lot of sense .. rolleyes

errmm your ( friend) hehe did she like the experiance of the air in air out feeling wink

9 Sep 2005

Quote by debz4u
Yes makes a lot of sense .. errmm your ( friend) hehe did she like the experiance of the air in air out feeling

She tells me that she was too embarrassed, from the rip roaring noise that happened, to even remember any sensation confused

Can't help thinking in hindsight tho, that it was dangerous? dunno

9 Sep 2005

I've survived the experience of a wine bottle :shock: :twisted:
I've had no lasting ill effects lol

Fee
XX

9 Sep 2005

Quote by LadyFeeBee
I've survived the experience of a wine bottle :shock: :twisted:
I've had no lasting ill effects
Fee
XX

....and I've the pics to prove it!! :shock: wink

9 Sep 2005

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Now I know that blowing up a woman is dangerous, this wine bottle acted much like a bluddy bicycle pump :shock: But I'm not sure if it was the bottle full of air pushing against my her insides that was making the noise or whether the bottle was actually pushing air in??
So does anyone know? Is it dangerous - I wasn't sure cos it's not like it was pushing air inside me her cos there was nowhere else for it to go (like if you blew), the air was in the bottle to begin with so it could've just stayed there???
Does that make sense to anyone else apart from me?? :uhoh:

Well actually it is bloody dangerous, but for different reasons ............... the fixit is quite easy, drill a half inch hole into the bottom of the bottle, problem solved, ........... well at least the "omg ive got a bottle stuck" part of it is, as for the rest, just make sure its clean hun.
HTH

9 Sep 2005

Oh I get really paranoid about things like that.
Absolutly no help to your friend Missy wink

but I know what you mean.
Jas
XXX

9 Sep 2005

After a quick browse for 'inserting bottles' I havn't been able to ascertain if the act is potetially dangerous or not, but I have managed to find out that you were very close to being the next Michael Fish, because apparently inserting a bottle, into a recepticle, that is wet, can make a very reliable Barometer (I've taken the liberty of pasting a bit of the experiament that I found).
I have no idea if your ...errmmm ....freinds partner, had this in mind when the bottle was inserted and I guess the only way of knowing for sure, is to ask her if immediately after inserting the bottle, he gave her two sharp taps on her nose and uttered the words "looks like rain"
Homemade barometer
The air pressure around us greatly affects our weather. Notice how your weatherman always mentions various pressure systems (low pressure system, high pressure system, etc.) and how they will affect tomorrow's weather. In this experiment, we will create a tool that lets you gauge the pressure of the air around you.
Fill a measuring cup or equivalent with a liquid.
Flip an empty bottle upside down and insert it into your recepticle.
Assure that you use a bottle that is just the right size. It should fit snugly in the recepticle so that the mouth of the bottle does not touch the bottom of it.
Assure that the level of the liquid extends into the neck of the bottle.
Mark a line on the recepticle to indicate the liquid level within the bottle.
Reexamine the bottle in a few days.
Notice the change in the liquids level? The amount of air within the bottle is fixed and cannot change since the liquid extended into the bottle acts as a 'plug'. Hence, you can consider the amount of air trapped in the bottle as an indicator of the air pressure on the day you plugged the bottle. The pressure on the surface of the liquid depends on the current air pressure. When the air pressure increases (as it does in drier weather), the pressure on the surface of the liquid is greater and the liquid is forced up into the bottle changing its level. If you see the level drop, look for your umbrella...

9 Sep 2005

Quote by davej
After a quick browse for 'inserting bottles' I havn't been able to ascertain if the act is potetially dangerous or not, but I have managed to find out that you were very close to being the next Michael Fish, because apparently inserting a bottle, into a recepticle, that is wet, can make a very reliable Barometer (I've taken the liberty of pasting a bit of the experiament that I found).
I have no idea if your ...errmmm ....freinds partner, had this in mind when the bottle was inserted and I guess the only way of knowing for sure, is to ask her if immediately after inserting the bottle, he gave her two sharp taps on her nose and uttered the words "looks like rain"
Homemade barometer
The air pressure around us greatly affects our weather. Notice how your weatherman always mentions various pressure systems (low pressure system, high pressure system, etc.) and how they will affect tomorrow's weather. In this experiment, we will create a tool that lets you gauge the pressure of the air around you.
Fill a measuring cup or equivalent with a liquid.
Flip an empty bottle upside down and insert it into your recepticle.
Assure that you use a bottle that is just the right size. It should fit snugly in the recepticle so that the mouth of the bottle does not touch the bottom of it.
Assure that the level of the liquid extends into the neck of the bottle.
Mark a line on the recepticle to indicate the liquid level within the bottle.
Reexamine the bottle in a few days.
Notice the change in the liquids level? The amount of air within the bottle is fixed and cannot change since the liquid extended into the bottle acts as a 'plug'. Hence, you can consider the amount of air trapped in the bottle as an indicator of the air pressure on the day you plugged the bottle. The pressure on the surface of the liquid depends on the current air pressure. When the air pressure increases (as it does in drier weather), the pressure on the surface of the liquid is greater and the liquid is forced up into the bottle changing its level. If you see the level drop, look for your umbrella...

OMFG ........................ who'd be a kid these days?

9 Sep 2005

apart from the obvious barometer plus side... im not sure inserting a glass bottle can be regarded as anything but dangerous.
can you imagine a bottle with a hairline fracture getting some pressure applied to it?
It doesn't bear thinking about!
Where is the nurse that was on here today with all the tales of dangerous accidents in A&E? Was it Tattyxx? Can you imagine telling the docs the tale of exactly why they had to pick broken glass out of you?
Glass, its just a no for me.... unbless it was one of those really posh expensive new didlos ive seen on the telly! Now they look great. And they provide jobs to otherwise out of work glassblowers. Result!

9 Sep 2005

Quote by fluffer
apart from the obvious barometer plus side... im not sure inserting a glass bottle can be regarded as anything but dangerous.
can you imagine a bottle with a hairline fracture getting some pressure applied to it?
It doesn't bear thinking about!
Where is the nurse that was on here today with all the tales of dangerous accidents in A&E? Was it Tattyxx? Can you imagine telling the docs the tale of exactly why they had to pick broken glass out of you?
Glass, its just a no for me.... unbless it was one of those really posh expensive new didlos ive seen on the telly! Now they look great. And they provide jobs to otherwise out of work glassblowers. Result!

do they deepthroat dunno

so fluff, what's your insertion of choice? animal, vegetable or mineral?

9 Sep 2005

OMG :shock:
I think the only reason there were noises was because the neck of the bottle is thin and the air could escape around it.
It is no different to a dildo generally - in fact it is likely to press less air up. The danger is sticking something that thin in and pushing it too far. Oh and the fact that yer uterus could get pissed!!

9 Sep 2005

Quote by johneboy
apart from the obvious barometer plus side... im not sure inserting a glass bottle can be regarded as anything but dangerous.
can you imagine a bottle with a hairline fracture getting some pressure applied to it?
It doesn't bear thinking about!
Where is the nurse that was on here today with all the tales of dangerous accidents in A&E? Was it Tattyxx? Can you imagine telling the docs the tale of exactly why they had to pick broken glass out of you?
Glass, its just a no for me.... unbless it was one of those really posh expensive new didlos ive seen on the telly! Now they look great. And they provide jobs to otherwise out of work glassblowers. Result!

do they deepthroat dunno

so fluff, what's your insertion of choice? animal, vegetable or mineral?
why do I have to make a choice when its perfectly reasonable to accept all three!

9 Sep 2005

Quote by fluffer

do they deepthroat
so fluff, what's your insertion of choice? animal, vegetable or mineral?

why do I have to make a choice when its perfectly reasonable to accept all three!
what like robocop holding a cucumber?

9 Sep 2005

Quote by wantonjames

do they deepthroat
so fluff, what's your insertion of choice? animal, vegetable or mineral?

9 Sep 2005

hi fluffer it was me!!! potenially it can be dangerous due to risk of glass breaking!! once looked after a guy that had a porcilaine dildo stuck up his arse! proved a challenge to the crew i can tell ya! had to remove it without risk of shattering fine porcalaine!! pleased to say we managed to get it out in one piece and wot a beauty it was!
best bit was he returned to dept few days later with it gift wrapped for the doc that had removed it! o blessss! lol
:censored:

:doh: :rotflmao:

9 Sep 2005

Quote by fluffer

do they deepthroat
so fluff, what's your insertion of choice? animal, vegetable or mineral?

why do I have to make a choice when its perfectly reasonable to accept all three!
what like robocop holding a cucumber?
that's not 3! maybe robocop holding a cucumber AND a small piece of his alien craft?
it is 3! robocop is animal and mineral. i couldnt think of anything that was a combination of vegetable and anything else, so it had to be a cyborg holding a vegetable.

9 Sep 2005

Quote by tottychick
hi fluffer it was me!!! potenially it can be dangerous due to risk of glass breaking!! once looked after a guy that had a porcilaine dildo stuck up his arse! proved a challenge to the crew i can tell ya! had to remove it without risk of shattering fine porcalaine!! pleased to say we managed to get it out in one piece and wot a beauty it was!
best bit was he returned to dept few days later with it gift wrapped for the doc that had removed it! o blessss! lol
:censored: :doh: :rotflmao:

so how do they do that then? dunno

a liberal smearing of lurpak?

9 Sep 2005

Quote by tottychick
hi fluffer it was me!!! potenially it can be dangerous due to risk of glass breaking!! once looked after a guy that had a porcilaine dildo stuck up his arse! proved a challenge to the crew i can tell ya! had to remove it without risk of shattering fine porcalaine!! pleased to say we managed to get it out in one piece and wot a beauty it was!
best bit was he returned to dept few days later with it gift wrapped for the doc that had removed it! o blessss! lol
:censored: :doh: :rotflmao:

Hi Tottychick... of course it was you..sorry!
now that is gratitude...most people would run a mile once "free".
These glass or porcelain pieces are no good unless they have a wide base... though for some I reckon no matter HOW wide the base is, the'd stil manage to get it stuck!!

9 Sep 2005

no worries fluffer x

9 Sep 2005

Quote by wantonjames

do they deepthroat
so fluff, what's your insertion of choice? animal, vegetable or mineral?

why do I have to make a choice when its perfectly reasonable to accept all three!
what like robocop holding a cucumber?
that's not 3! maybe robocop holding a cucumber AND a small piece of his alien craft?
it is 3! robocop is animal and mineral.i couldnt think of anything that was a combination of vegetable and anything else, so it had to be a cyborg holding a vegetable.
would this meet all three requirements? :dunno:

9 Sep 2005

that'll do nicely JeB.
thanks for your thoughtfulness... though I have to say I may have got more of a post coital repartee from robocop...goosebumps just thinking about it actually.

10 Sep 2005

Hmmm, been thinking about this one - can't think why?
The other thing, I guess is the risk of infection. I mentioned dildos before but a dildo you keep clean. Quite frankly you've no idea what's been on the outside of a bottle (S'why I never drink from a bottle in a pub!) - this is definitely a problem with fruit and veg, which should always be safe sex.
The other risk is that if it goes in too far that the label comes off. Have a job explaining to yer gaenacologist that yer not a blue nun!!

10 Sep 2005

Quote by johneboy
hi fluffer it was me!!! potenially it can be dangerous due to risk of glass breaking!! once looked after a guy that had a porcilaine dildo stuck up his arse! proved a challenge to the crew i can tell ya! had to remove it without risk of shattering fine porcalaine!! pleased to say we managed to get it out in one piece and wot a beauty it was!
best bit was he returned to dept few days later with it gift wrapped for the doc that had removed it! o blessss! lol
:censored: :doh: :rotflmao:

so how do they do that then? dunno

a liberal smearing of lurpak?
Don't be silly, it's the NHS we're talking about! It would probably be cheap margarine or lard lol

10 Sep 2005

A certain part of a book about a rather famous couple was removed as it mentioned how the young lady of the couple had a serious accident with a champagne bottle stuck up her arse. She needed a blood transfusion apparently.

10 Sep 2005

If you your friend, can suck the air out of a wine bottle, could you your friend do the same to a cork.
Our corkscrew broke last night, and we were looking for something multi-functional to replace it. Could you advise us what other useful functions you your friend could perform? :twisted:
lhk
Kat
P.S. sound lesson in reading your posts before pressing submit here, I did initially write 'multi-cuntional' rolleyes

10 Sep 2005

Quote by KitKat
If you your friend, can suck the air out of a wine bottle, could you your friend do the same to a cork.
Our corkscrew broke last night, and we were looking for something multi-functional to replace it. Could you advise us what other useful functions you your friend could perform? :twisted:
lhk
Kat
P.S. sound lesson in reading your posts before pressing submit here, I did initially write 'multi-cuntional'

You don't want much do you Kat?

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Tell you what, stick yer fingers up and I'll give you a manicure as well while I'm at it confused

Got any letters you need opening?? :?
Misschief - and her Swiss Army Lou Lou :undecided:

10 Sep 2005

Quote by MISSCHIEF
If you your friend, can suck the air out of a wine bottle, could you your friend do the same to a cork.
Our corkscrew broke last night, and we were looking for something multi-functional to replace it. Could you advise us what other useful functions you your friend could perform? :twisted:
lhk
Kat
P.S. sound lesson in reading your posts before pressing submit here, I did initially write 'multi-cuntional'

You don't want much do you Kat?

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Tell you what, stick yer fingers up and I'll give you a manicure as well while I'm at it confused

Got any letters you need opening?? :?
Misschief - and her Swiss Army Lou Lou :undecided:
Put me down for a manicure too please Missy ( got to keep 'em short and neat ), and if you could teach your jack to make a brew, I'll be over within the hour lol

...oh milk and one sugar please :thumbup: wink

10 Sep 2005

Quote by kitkat
Our corkscrew broke last night, and we were looking for something multi-functional to replace it.

Go buy a new one...............
or I'll pop round with one for you and open the bottle of wine at the same time :P
redface

About 4 years ago, I had a wine bottle used on me, some where I have the pics to prove it surprised

ops: :oops:

10 Sep 2005

This brings back alll sorts of memories biggrin

BTW... just so you all know... I'm currently single (M)... divorced ten years ago and finished another relationship two years ago.
Many years ago (28! :shock: ) when I had a Mini (original Mini, obviously), a girlfriend decided one day that the gearstick looked inviting and proceeded to lower herself onto it! It didn't do her any harm, in fact she reported that she enjoyed it extremely... it was a little difficult though, and perhaps a little dangerous, in that the gearstick was still attached to the car and we were doing 60 mph along the A49 at the time! Apparently the vibration was something else! lol

When I was married, my wife was a Nurse. She spent some time in A&E at a ver large Hopsital in Manchester and told me of numerous 'casualties' involving objects lost or stuck! One was a foriegn guy who didn't speak English but was obviously in pain... eventually they recovered a 5" vibrator from his rear end... it was still going and had burrowed a long way in! :shock:
A woman brought her 14 year old daughter into A&E one day, not exactly sure what was wrong, but the girl was in tears. The tears were probably due to embarrassment and fear of how her mother would react when she found out what the problem was... she had been experimenting with a banana, but the silly girl had peeled it first and it had broken off inside her vagina! She wasn't in pain but didn't realise it would have eventually turned to mush and her own juices would eventually get rid of it... as she was there however, my wife carefully removed the fruity insert for her and she was sent home with her mother... and no doubt an embarrassing atmosphere around the dining table that evening! :lol:
Another young woman patient admitted herself one day with a Coke bottle (the old glass 'waisted' shape bottle) well and truly stuck. It was the suction... inserting the bottle had forced air out of her vagina and her juices had created a seal around the bottle, the subsequent vacuum was holding the bottle firmly in place! That's very dangerous because if it is not removed carefully, allowing air back in, it can quite literally turn a girl inside out! :shock:
Perhaps the funniest though was not something that got stiuck, but something that simply wouldn't stay in! :lol: I'll explain! I was with a girfriend for a number of years, who had, lets say, a very strong sexual appetite... a very attractive, slim, leggy, Liz Hurley lookalike... she was a right exhibitionist in any case, and was pretty near constantly aroused. To set the scene, this girl never ever wore underwear, even with short skirts... now she had a few toys, including some of those chinese duo balls... this particular day we were out shopping and she was wearing a short black pleated skirt, a white blouse and black 3.5" heel court shoes... no stockings because it was warm and of course no knickers.... what I didn't know before we left home was, she had popped her duo balls insinde herself (I assume everyone knows what they are but just in case, they are two hollow spheres with weights inside them that cause them to vibrate pleasantly when you move).... well we were walking along the street in Chester, looking around the shops when she starts fiddling about with herself :shock: I enquired what was wrong and she told me that as she was getting very wet while walking, "these things keep slipping out!" and promptly put her hand up her skirt and produced two shiny chrome balls on a piece of string! :shock: I don't know if anyone noticed... I was too stunned by the fact she had yanked them out in the middle of the busy street! :lol: