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Departure...

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We're leaving this site.
When we first joined, there was a very warm, friendly community spirit. Having returned to the site after an absence, it was easy to see that things had changed. There's an atmosphere now that's extremely unpalatable - much more rudeness, back-biting, bickering, supposed elitism and cowardliness that it's worth putting up with. Some of it is down to the newcomers, but some of it is perpetrated by people who ought to know better.
Those of you who we've met and got on with, or are in regular contact with, fret not. It's the site we're leaving, not friends we've made through it in the past.
We tried putting up with the poisonous atmosphere for a while, but it's really not worth the effort and annoyance involved. And not only does it drive people away, but it's not good 'public relations' for the acceptance of the scene.
Quote by RoadKnight
We're leaving this site.
When we first joined, there was a very warm, friendly community spirit. Having returned to the site after an absence, it was easy to see that things had changed. There's an atmosphere now that's extremely unpalatable - much more rudeness, back-biting, bickering, supposed elitism and cowardliness that it's worth putting up with. Some of it is down to the newcomers, but some of it is perpetrated by people who ought to know better.
Those of you who we've met and got on with, or are in regular contact with, fret not. It's the site we're leaving, not friends we've made through it in the past.
We tried putting up with the poisonous atmosphere for a while, but it's really not worth the effort and annoyance involved. And not only does it drive people away, but it's not good 'public relations' for the acceptance of the scene.

well this is more by way of a bump.
i've learned not to post when i'm under the influence ((( stop laffin at the back! ))) but well said!
i've decided not to submit a fairly long post that could possibly add to the poisonous atmosphere, which took a good deal of restraint.
neil x x x ;)
Don't really know how to reply to this post, but I dont detect any bad atmosphere at all. Everyone has been nothing but friendly and polite...................maybe we havent been members long enough to see a change................. dunno
People saying they're leaving because they don't like the atmosphere is in itself detrimental to the atmosphere. In fact if it weren't for people complaining about the atmosphere, the atmosphere would be fine.
Quote by Ice Pie
People saying they're leaving because they don't like the atmosphere is in itself detrimental to the atmosphere. In fact if it weren't for people complaining about the atmosphere, the atmosphere would be fine.

I think that is a rather simplified response.
There is an atmosphere and recently we have seen anumber of genuine posters leave,whichis a shame. I am also aware, through pms and email that there are a number of people who would like to post and wont,feeling that the Cafe is to much of a closed forum.
The Cafe needs new input yet often when newbies come along they a re met with scorn.
From my own point of view I feel that since munches came along, there have become two groups, those that do the munches/parties and those that dont!! Those of us that dont will always be out in the cold. After ever munch i ffel more and mor that this Cafe is only for those that have met. Clearly it is only natural that there will be 'in jokes' and private messages but it only serves to send the rest of more and more out in tot the wilderness.
So Roadknight, sory your leaving but i understand your reasons. Maybe it might be worth while droping back infrom time to time just to see if the Cafe ever gets back to the way it was once?
Quote by foxylady 123
People saying they're leaving because they don't like the atmosphere is in itself detrimental to the atmosphere. In fact if it weren't for people complaining about the atmosphere, the atmosphere would be fine.

I think that is a rather simplified response.
There is an atmosphere and recently we have seen anumber of genuine posters leave,whichis a shame. I am also aware, through pms and email that there are a number of people who would like to post and wont,feeling that the Cafe is to much of a closed forum.
I don't perceive it as closed, and even if I did, I don't see how parting shots like the one above could do anything positive about it. If people want to leave, I think they should just go - quietly and with dignity, instead of trying to put a downer on everyone else.
Quote by Ice Pie
People saying they're leaving because they don't like the atmosphere is in itself detrimental to the atmosphere. In fact if it weren't for people complaining about the atmosphere, the atmosphere would be fine.

I think that is a rather simplified response.
There is an atmosphere and recently we have seen anumber of genuine posters leave,whichis a shame. I am also aware, through pms and email that there are a number of people who would like to post and wont,feeling that the Cafe is to much of a closed forum.
And reinforcing that view by starting a thread like this one helps how exactly?
I've said before and will say again, this site is what everyone makes it - blaming other people and storming off if you don't like it achieves nothing. If people want to leave, fine, there's no need for the parting shot. Nothing is gained by it, but dignity is lost.
ice pie
in general i agree with you absolutely. this site is only as good as the people who make it. unfortunately some members seem intent on driving other members from the site, as i've heard this evening with 3 pm's tonight alone from people who feel that SH is no longer a place they feel comfortable with!
there is without doubt a sour atmosphere lately. there is without doubt a handful of users who delight in trawling round threads just hoping for an opportunity to jump all over the poster and rip the piss! i don't need to name names, cos i suspect most of us know who they are, but thinly veiled sarcasm and put downs don't add a whole lot, yet they feel free enough to make their posts, and yet deny others the right to make their own posts, by jumping all over them! it infects the site from top to bottom, with threads locked on a daily basis to try and avert the nastiness that is all too frequent!
take a look in lets meet. there's a queue of people simply waiting to pounce all over newbie posts and tear them to shreds. they don't advise, they simply drive people from the site. admittedly some people deserve it, but IMHO it's better to let the post sink rather than tear into the poster to see them off! there's an element in the cafe of extreme sarcasm and put downs. i know people are leaving in droves because of the wooden spoon mentality. some of these people have added a massive amount to the site. the site will be very much the poorer for their abscence!
i'd suggest that anyone waiting to rip the piss takes a look at their posts before they rip into anyone. i challenge any of you too do a search on your nick and see what your first 100 or so posts were like.
users come here out of many needs. some for sex, some for friendship, many are somewhere in between. to drive people off the site, and so deny them the things we have had, is IMHO pure shite! and i know full well when i have added to the atmosphere, cos i actually regret a good few of the posts i've made. the trolls on the other hand no doubt find it amusing to stir things up. too many threads descend into sarcastic, argumentative shite lately, and it makes it really hard for those who wish to have no part in it to find something to post on. seems a certain mentality is gaining the upper hand, and it ain't just me saying so!
neil x x x
I don't disagree with what you've said Neil, I just don't see how an angry leaving post achieves anything except to make the perceived bad atmosphere even worse. If I don't like something and I feel that strongly about it, if i care enough, sure I'll speak my mind and stick around. If I didn't want to stick around why would I bother complaining unless it was just to make everyone else feel bad?
Quote by foxylady 123
From my own point of view I feel that since munches came along, there have become two groups, those that do the munches/parties and those that dont!! Those of us that dont will always be out in the cold. After ever munch i ffel more and mor that this Cafe is only for those that have met. Clearly it is only natural that there will be 'in jokes' and private messages but it only serves to send the rest of more and more out in tot the wilderness.

When people get back from a munch or a party I think it's only natural they'll want to talk about it in the forum, and I think that's fine as long as they don't hijack every thread with it. The munches came along long before I did - I get the impression they've been going almost as long as the site itself (the earliest reference to a munch that I have found is a week after you joined), so I don't think there's anything new about that, and speaking as one of those who has been to a few, I certainly don't put myself in a category apart from those who haven't, and I don't restrict myself to talking to people I've met. OK, maybe there are some who do, but I don't see that there are enough of them to collectively freeze people out to the extent that's been suggested. Anyway, that's a difference of perception between you and me, fair enough, what I was really getting at was not whether the situation exists but how an angry leaving post does anything to help. I think it makes it worse because if it's the first thing a new member sees when they arrive, they're going to get a very negative first impression. sad
Ice
Quote by Ice Pie
I don't disagree with what you've said Neil, I just don't see how an angry leaving post achieves anything except to make the perceived bad atmosphere even worse. If I don't like something and I feel that strongly about it, if i care enough, sure I'll speak my mind and stick around. If I didn't want to stick around why would I bother complaining unless it was just to make everyone else feel bad?

ice pie i'm really not in argumentative mode . . . but . . .
sometimes . . . you wouldn't want to damage the site, or your own good reputation, but in leaving, you feel free enough to say what's really on your mind! in an ideal world we should feel free enough to do that anyway. however, most people try and protect a reputation that has taken some time to build up, and take the position that a personal opinion is simply that, and so denegrating another's personal opinion is not quite fair, nor is that opinion anymore valid than anyone else's.
i'm not sure a leaving post adds anything true, nor am i sure it detracts from an atmosphere that already exists in many users minds. perhaps it serves as a wake up call though? dunno
i suspect it has no impact whatsoever, which to my mind is unfortunate, cos the mere fact long established regs are leaving the site because of the sour atmosphere, should really be something significant IMHO.
leaving cos they can't swing is one thing. leaving cos the site is just ugly lately, is another thing altogether!
neil x x x ;)
Quote by neilinleeds
I don't disagree with what you've said Neil, I just don't see how an angry leaving post achieves anything except to make the perceived bad atmosphere even worse. If I don't like something and I feel that strongly about it, if i care enough, sure I'll speak my mind and stick around. If I didn't want to stick around why would I bother complaining unless it was just to make everyone else feel bad?

ice pie i'm really not in argumentative mode . . . but . . .
sometimes . . . you wouldn't want to damage the site, or your own good reputation, but in leaving, you feel free enough to say what's really on your mind! in an ideal world we should feel free enough to do that anyway. however, most people try and protect a reputation that has taken some time to build up, and take the position that a personal opinion is simply that, and so denegrating another's personal opinion is not quite fair, nor is that opinion anymore valid than anyone else's.
i'm not sure a leaving post adds anything true, nor am i sure it detracts from an atmosphere that already exists in many users minds. perhaps it serves as a wake up call though? dunno
i suspect it has no impact whatsoever, which to my mind is unfortunate, cos the mere fact long established regs are leaving the site because of the sour atmosphere, should really be something significant IMHO.
leaving cos they can't swing is one thing. leaving cos the site is just ugly lately, is another thing altogether!
neil x x x ;)
I haven't denigrated your opinion. I am simply expressing my own opinion that parting shots leave a sour taste, which strikes me as a bit ironic when a sour taste is what they're complaining about. :dunno:
oh shit! ;)
ice pie i wasn't suggesting either of us were denegrating each others opinion. certainly wasn't my intention to. just that some people do. . . . .
you know when you wish you'd hovered a bit longer over the submit button, or done a bit more editing? well now's one of those time! :lol2: i did have a well made point around here somewhere, but seems to have got waylaid among the stella and bacardi! rolleyes :lol2:
time for bed methinks. :roll: ;)
neil x x x ;)
Quote by neilinleeds
oh shit! ;)
ice pie i wasn't suggesting either of us were denegrating each others opinion. certainly wasn't my intention to. just that some people do. . . . .
you know when you wish you'd hovered a bit longer over the submit button, or done a bit more editing? well now's one of those time! :lol2: i did have a well made point around here somewhere, but seems to have got waylaid among the stella and bacardi! rolleyes :lol2:
time for bed methinks. :roll: ;)
neil x x x ;)

Nah, I got your point, and I know where RK's coming from too, I just think if you want to leave, then leave; if you want to complain, then complain. Doing both just doesn't seem likely to accomplish anything.
Nite ;)
From what I have observed I think it all depends on how you make a start in the forums. I have been here less than 2 months and have never been slated or ridiculed because of what I have posted. There seems to me to be certain 'types' of introductory post that is guaranteed to be jumped on, the one liners who think that membership automatically has people queuing up to screw them and the ones who come in with a more friendly attitude but ask a question as their first post e.g. 'spit or swallow?' Obviously they don't know that the subject has been done to death and most people won't think of doing searches through the forum archives for similar threads, right or wrong, in the end it takes a little time to settle into any community and I have learned as I went along about the more technical side of the site e.g. how to put a quote in your post.
I think in the case of the one liners they are seriously mistaken and need to be put right, those who wish to stick around and get to know each other will probably be forgiven for their first lumbering step but it is a little cruel to slate those who try to fit in by asking a question, after all we need to ask questions to get to know people and as it is a site about sex then it isn't really surprising that we get sex questions.
Just my 5ps worth biggrin
Hmmm. OK. Fair enough.
Quote by Ice Pie
People saying they're leaving because they don't like the atmosphere is in itself detrimental to the atmosphere. In fact if it weren't for people complaining about the atmosphere, the atmosphere would be fine.

eh!!!!!!
well all i can say, is that since joining, i have felt nothing more than welcome, i have made some very good friends, and love participating in the forums, if there is a thread that is likly to offend or upset me, i avoid it. i know i have not been on as long as some, and never knew what it was like before, but if it was better...then i'm gutted i missed it :shock:
Morning all. wave
People are free to post here about anything they want, so surely that's the most important thing. Anyone can express an opinion about anything. :confused:
As in "real life" you are free to chose whether to involve yourself or not.
I thought there was a bit of a ruckus going on about 6 weeks ago (my perception of the time scale may be a bit out) which lasted a week or so. At the time there did seem to be a lot of negativity about. I thought "so what it'll pass" and sure enough it did. smile :)
I can't say I've noticed anything particularly out of the ordinary of late. People come and people go and some just carry on as always. cool
So my input here is really just to say SO WHAT?
Life goes on.
dunno :dunno:
I think the cafe in general is a good, relaxed place (most of the time lol ) Newbies are made to feel alot more welcome in here then in Lets Meet up.. and yes, I am one who can be found guilty for ripping the piss from time to time out of some of these first posts redface But you find a difference between the ones that we never hear from again, and the one's who take it in the humour its inteneded and reply with some witty response.
As for the falling outs, I think that in any aspect of life when there's a diverse group of people, there's going to be some that don't get on, tensions will occasionally run high, but on the other hand they'll be a lot of good times as well. I don't think its a case of there's in and out groups as such.. I just think there's those that can take the rough with the smooth, can stand having the piss taken out of them as much as they give it, and then those who can't. dunno
I personally love this place and even if at times I may go quiet for a while... I can't see myself leaving at all. (sorry folks :lol: )
In a way dont you think that some of the bitchyness and backbiting is just a result of people coming closer therefore feeling comfortable with opening up and being more honest!?
Inevitably this does happen in real life relationships when people live together or are around one another a lot?! Also sometimes people get on sometimes they dont and its hard to control an online community particularly an ADULT community. Unless you started censoring things then things are going to get said at some point which will upset people or irritate them!
And on that note I just hope I havent done this to anyone cause there are times I know Im a right narky bitch (those are the times you wont see me here much!) Id rather not talk to people than let my hormones/mood get the better of me and have me snapping at people as I hate it done to me!
Does this make any sense to anyone or is it just me!??
Quote by xxdevil69
and yes, I am one who can be found guilty for ripping the piss from time to time out of some of these first posts redface But you find a difference between the ones that we never hear from again, and the one's who take it in the humour its inteneded and reply with some witty response.

I am a sarcastic little bitch and from now on, having read Neil's post, I will tone down my piss-taking. It is all meant as a joke but unfortunately some people do not share my humour. I get your point Neil and cant deny I have been amusing myself at some people's expense. Which is wrong. And I apologise. I am a nice person but on screen you cannot necessarily see that and I wouldnt want people to get the wrong impression. Sometimes I post after receiving offensive PMs that get my back up but I shouldnt take it out on the (relatively) innocent.
I have to agree with Devil though. The kind of people who take it as it is intended are the kind of people who end up joining in. Bikertone and some of the 'Essex Guys' (theres a load of them I cant keep up) are good examples. I was one of the first to pounce on Bikertone but we are PM buddies as a result of it. Which is often the case may I add, smugly.... surprisedops:
I think its important to not take the site too seriously and to see it for what it is (in my eyes) - a place to have a laugh, make new friends, and get some action. As much as I rip apart the 'Fuck me Now' and one-liner posts, I also post apologies and state that we should keep them in for they are all part of the free forum and if someone makes a post on a public place like this they must be able to deal with ANY feedback.
Finally, I love this site. It has changed my life, really, and come along at the perfect time. I have made some amazing friends and find the whole thing very fulfilling, if a tad addictive. But there is definitely an element of elitism which is unavoidable if you consider how long the real heavy poster regulars have been chatting inanely to eachother and doing who knows what together....I am not knocking it. It is inevitable. But it is quite visible to a relative newcomer like myself. I think all of us have to adapt or sink. And I will only leave if the mods ask me to........
Lots of love to you all and sorry if any of my crap has ever offended anyone or driven them away. I think you're all fabulous. And slightly insane.
xxxxxx
Keeping out of this one :gagged: wink
Tracy-Jayne
:P Sunbunny, we're not perhaps related are we?
^ ^ ^ That's pretty much the same for me wink
:yawn: I'm with Ice. If you want to go - just go. I went once said nothing - nobody noticed and I didn't feel a prize tw*t when I came back.
Yes I am a piss taker on the lets meet up forum. Sometimes its warranted sometimes its not – I have keyboard tourettes when I think of something I consider to be funny and have to battle against it! lol
However, when my target comes back at me, I think “well done mate”. Often those are the ones who gone on to contribute to the site.
I hope I havent offended anyone and would always apologise if I did.
With regard to leaving I tend to agree with Ice, if you don’t like it, just don’t come back – no need to moan.
People taking the piss is a big part of this site (mods are often the biggest culprits!) We’re all grown ups, as long as its not personal, just enjoy the banter
wink
can we all just remember that not everyone is the same.......so one persons piss-take (and yes, i have been as guilty of it as anyone else) is another persons insult...... smile
so if this is the way they want to go out.. with a blast, each to their own, i am a believer in free speech and what it has done is certainly stoked up some debate...
can we also remember that not everyone wants to go to munches... some people can't..some people don't... for a long time i would have thought of a big rooms atmosphere as daunting and some people do.......
judy is right is saying that you do get out of swinging heaven what you put in... but i would remind everyone that this a much wider community that hopefully encompasses everyone..... swingers...doggers... party goes....those who are veterans and those who are newbies and the curious......
sean xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sod all this cra*p wink
Think we should all meet up and have a mass orgy lol
Think it is that time of year and we all need chearing up
hump blast :spit: sillyhwoar: smackbottom passionkiss 69position
Go on, you know you want to :wink: :wink: :wink:
G x
Im afrad im very saddend by Judys post, infact its one of the saddest ive ever read on hear.
To me it seems to imply that if your not into munches your not welcome here. Personaly there is no way i can go to a munch and i much prefer one to one meets. But judys post just seems to confer that one person at least thinks i shouldnt be here.
Ice Pie, i think that the purpose of people posting flouncing threads is so that we can all learn from it and make sure it dosnt happen again. Also it probably makes them feel better. I suppose if the decision is based on their personal feelings its different, eg they have decided swiningin isnt for them then yes itsbest to go quietly, but if its a decision they have come to because of our actions then they have a right and a duty to tell us
Quote by foxylady 123
Im afrad im very saddend by Judys post, infact its one of the saddest ive ever read on hear.
To me it seems to imply that if your not into munches your not welcome here. Personaly there is no way i can go to a munch and i much prefer one to one meets. But judys post just seems to confer that one person at least thinks i shouldnt be here.
Ice Pie, i think that the purpose of people posting flouncing threads is so that we can all learn from it and make sure it dosnt happen again. Also it probably makes them feel better. I suppose if the decision is based on their personal feelings its different, eg they have decided swiningin isnt for them then yes itsbest to go quietly, but if its a decision they have come to because of our actions then they have a right and a duty to tell us

I am sorry you felt saddened by Judy's post as I did not read it the same as you have, I took it to mean that if you regularly go to parties and munches you are going to get more out of the site not that if you don't you shouldn't be here.
It seems to be the case that for better or worse a large portion of time on here is taken up by people planning, attending and reminiscing about parties and munches. Anyone unable or unwilling to attend these types of events is going to feel that certain threads and conversations are not open to them.
This does not mean that people cannot enjoy the site however they wish, just that SH has a large amount of group social activity which cannot help to affect the site.
My biggest regret with this site is that I am not able to spend more time on here as there are a lot of people I would like to get to know better - but that isn't the fault of Swinging Heaven or any of the other people on here.
Roger the Dragon.
- Judy beat me to it, Sorry.
Quote by JudyTV
Im afrad im very saddend by Judys post, infact its one of the saddest ive ever read on hear.
To me it seems to imply that if your not into munches your not welcome here. Personaly there is no way i can go to a munch and i much prefer one to one meets. But judys post just seems to confer that one person at least thinks i shouldnt be here.
Ice Pie, i think that the purpose of people posting flouncing threads is so that we can all learn from it and make sure it dosnt happen again. Also it probably makes them feel better. I suppose if the decision is based on their personal feelings its different, eg they have decided swiningin isnt for them then yes itsbest to go quietly, but if its a decision they have come to because of our actions then they have a right and a duty to tell us

I suggest you read my post again..........properly this time and please don't misquote me. In no way did I say.. " But judys post just seems to confer that one person at least thinks i shouldnt be here". Those are your words NOT mine so stop inferring what isn't there, you know very well I didn't say that. However no one can stop you reading into it what you will. Twisting someones post isnt doing anyone any good.
Maybe that way you wont be quite so saddened.
Off to get ready to go out for an hour or two, meeting someone from here and then coming back to have a glass of wine and some fun.
Judy .....happy meeting people and not in any way saddened.
Judy have you got a problem with me?I find your last posting very offensive and aggressive. As far as i know i am aloved to understand things anyway i want to!! And as far as i know ive never done or said anything to upset you
Have a good night xxx
Alright people I guess , it's time we chill out, step back and have another look at this.
I've always wanted to share my thoughts as a "newbie" and I feel the right opportunity has come.
I've only joined about 3 weeks ago but have been made welcome by the group after a reasonable introduction. I like the rest of us have our own reasons for joining this group. I just wanted to give a critique if that's ok .... pointing out the good points and the points that I have felt abit wary about. After all, we all know that this is a forum for which views can be aired freely wih the freedom of speech paramount.
I must admit that during my introduction, I felt very much welcomed. People took the trouble to say hello and this struck pretty immediatelt. The threads that were available looked interesting, topical and very honest about daily life.
However on further reading, I've noticed a few things that I did scare me abit. The p*@s taking for one ... I've however taken this with good humour as I haven't been at the wrong end of the stick ..... yet!!. Another, is that it can be quite "clique-ky" at times. I do know that most have been here for ages and that they've took all this time to get to know one another. This I feel is entirely normal. After all , it is like a good gossip session with good friends.
I guess to summarise , as a newbie .... ideally i would like to make more of a contribution without the fear for being pounced upon. This confidence I feel (hope!) will come about once people get to know me abit better (and viceversa) . I guess there will be some of us ( me like u foxy ) that won't be able to make it to the munches (trust me, it's not that I don't want to go ..... certain facts of life prevent me) and will have to get by getting to know people slowly.
I apologise if my views may be contradictory