you dont belong anymore
its quite strange, been thinking about this a bit lately and sometimes i feel like i dont belong here, i dont mean the site as such, more the scene.
gone are the days when i was that new person everyone wanted to know, which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but even some people i thought were really good friends hardly even speak to me now, they will say a few words on msn if i speak to them then say brb and never come back.
the forums dont excite me anymore, and no thats not a dig at the people posting, i think its more to do with how i am feeling, i dont use them much on either site anymore
i am finding i tend to spend most of my time in the north east chat room with people who are in my area.
i have spent the last 18 months travelling all over the country to meet people, and i have met some fantastic people, one or two who will remain special friends no matter what.
so, is it just me or do others go through this feeling, is it like seasons it changes and goes in circles.
this isnt a look at me post, i am genuinely interested to know if anyone else goes through this phase as i am seriously considering my place here right now.
Earthy xx
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do you ever get the feeling
Sex God
Earthy
Ditto
Ditto
Sex God
You're not the only one. This place isn't like it used to be, but don't ask me what the difference is. Some of the people who were around when I first joined have gone, and they'll never be exactly replaced. But is the tone different, or is it just me?
I sometimes feel like a comet. I'll hang around for a while, then the place will lose its attraction and I'll go. Then later, I'll be back, and there'll be a whole new group of people I don't know. Whether I find that intimidating or exciting depends on how I feel at the time.
You're new to me, even though I remember seeing your name (and your signature) on the forum during my last orbit.
I sometimes feel like a comet. I'll hang around for a while, then the place will lose its attraction and I'll go. Then later, I'll be back, and there'll be a whole new group of people I don't know. Whether I find that intimidating or exciting depends on how I feel at the time.
You're new to me, even though I remember seeing your name (and your signature) on the forum during my last orbit.
Sex God
Double ditto
I have nearly left quite a few times.
I think it is down to my own lack of self confidence and feeling that I am 'odd' anyway.
I have nearly left quite a few times.
I think it is down to my own lack of self confidence and feeling that I am 'odd' anyway.
never have been one to feel particularly a *part* of things in the first place here...
though sometimes, almost on a day to day basis, I can feel involved/seperate/anonymous/a pest... take your pick
so, I guess it could all well be a mixture of we feel at any given time, and the sites *feel* to us will be reflected accordingly... maybe
perhaps
lp
though sometimes, almost on a day to day basis, I can feel involved/seperate/anonymous/a pest... take your pick
so, I guess it could all well be a mixture of we feel at any given time, and the sites *feel* to us will be reflected accordingly... maybe
perhaps
lp
Quote by DJohn
You're not the only one. This place isn't like it used to be, but don't ask me what the difference is. Some of the people who were around when I first joined have gone, and they'll never be exactly replaced. But is the tone different, or is it just me?
me, even though I remember seeing your name (and your signature) on the forum during my last orbit.
i really dont want the thread to become a 'this place has changed' thread, that has been done to death lately and for me its not just the site, the site has to evolve like any other site
its the feelings i get at munchs and socials, after i came off the door at bolton i was at a loss of what to do with myself, thats never happened before
theres lots of things contributing to the way i feel its not just this site or the other one i use
Sex God
Sometimes i think its good to reasess your situation. Take a long look from the back seat. Life is full of forks in the road and change should always be approached with an open mind. Having gad some time in swinging and on the websites at least you can be sure you experienced things which some may never get chance to. And! you can always do it again !!!!! if you want. I hope whatever you do you find something in it for yourself and may your god go with you.
Quote by DJohn
You're not the only one. This place isn't like it used to be, but don't ask me what the difference is. Some of the people who were around when I first joined have gone, and they'll never be exactly replaced. But is the tone different, or is it just me?
.
DJohn - you're always more than welcome here no matter where in the world you are or what you are doing!
I think all I can do is repeat what I wrote about this on an earlier thread on a similar topic:
No place is like it used to be. People are always moving on, moving out or staying put but the dynamics change and the style changes too. When Jags first put in an appearance this site was almost a private forum amongst maybe no more than 100 people of which perhaps a regular 25 were posting, bouncing posts off each other and generally having a fabulous time together. We met up regularly'ish (and DJohn you came with me to once such get together, I have the pics to prove it), sang, drank, danced and now and then snogged each other.
The posts/threads in the forum reflected that fact. Then the site grew and, even before the take over 16 or so months ago, more and more joined. The 'initial regulars' were diluted, more regulars moved in and the furniture got rearranged! And that has continued.
In my personal life I only still know one person from my school days. From my professional life I really don't keep in touch with former colleagues from my most recent previous career and not at all from the one before!
That's life. Things which interested me or engaged me or took my time away have changed. Don't think it can be very different for any others.
I'm a member of two other forums (non-swinging) and both of them are going through exactly the same process. My mate Nallers is a Mod on one of them which rose from about 6 blokes chatting about techie things to each other (in a dark room and wearing green sunglasses!) to a recent invasion of what could be called trolls from a totally different place.
This site is as good or as bad as YOU all make it. No one is going to do it for you. If rubbish is posted and members do the continuous hijacking of threads with in-jokes which take no notice of any other posts then, inevitably, things will fade. Live needs nuturing, feeding and watering and if left to rot will do just that.
I've been here much longer than 99% of you all, along with a few hardy others. I've seen people I'm greatly attached to leave the site for various reasons - but we have maintained close contact despite this. It's what you put in.
:therethere:
Sex God
Quote by earthchild
i really dont want the thread to become a 'this place has changed' thread, that has been done to death lately and for me its not just the site, the site has to evolve like any other site
its the feelings i get at munchs and socials, after i came off the door at bolton i was at a loss of what to do with myself, thats never happened before
theres lots of things contributing to the way i feel its not just this site or the other one i use
I didn't mean to say this site has changed - actually, I don't think it has (much) since the last time I was around. I think I was agreeing that it's me that has changed.
I think you're right about the seasons and circles. Don't think "this site doesn't hold the appeal for me that it used to, I'll never get back what it used to be, I'm going for ever". Maybe all you need is a change in what you use it for, or in the way that you look at it.
And maybe I should get some sleep before I try to make sense...
Know exactly what you mean earthchild...
I joined last year and never really made much attempt to meet at all. Two socials cos I wanted to meet the people I was chatting to but that's it.
Mostly for me it has been about chatting with fun people. So yes, never wanting to be "deep" into the scene has always made me wonder if I should be here at all lol But then i realised the beauty of this place is that everyone can get as involved as they want.
I haven't bothered with the site for a few weeks. There are a few I have kept in touch with as friends cos they are great people and I wonder in and out of the mids room to have a natter. As I am not looking for meets at all I sometimes get "why are you on here if you're not looking". But that's just the idiots eh.
I joined last year and never really made much attempt to meet at all. Two socials cos I wanted to meet the people I was chatting to but that's it.
Mostly for me it has been about chatting with fun people. So yes, never wanting to be "deep" into the scene has always made me wonder if I should be here at all lol But then i realised the beauty of this place is that everyone can get as involved as they want.
I haven't bothered with the site for a few weeks. There are a few I have kept in touch with as friends cos they are great people and I wonder in and out of the mids room to have a natter. As I am not looking for meets at all I sometimes get "why are you on here if you're not looking". But that's just the idiots eh.
Sex God
Quote by earthchildwe used to ,most of all when going to clubs as we aint into full swap,and most either fobbed you off socially or hardly spoke a few were shocked or asked why are you here type thing,in the end we thought bollocks and have made some good freinds done a few munches or even organised things our selfs so a few years down the line we still here ,still enjoying so earthy hun after the last socail we enjoyed and you looked as if you did and from what we hear are very well thought of in most parts of the country ie munches you have attended and if you slipped out of the scene we know you would be sorely missed .so take a deep breath hun it will pass.
you dont belong anymore
its quite strange, been thinking about this a bit lately and sometimes i feel like i dont belong here, i dont mean the site as such, more the scene.
Quote by DJohn
i really dont want the thread to become a 'this place has changed' thread, that has been done to death lately and for me its not just the site, the site has to evolve like any other site
its the feelings i get at munchs and socials, after i came off the door at bolton i was at a loss of what to do with myself, thats never happened before
theres lots of things contributing to the way i feel its not just this site or the other one i use
I didn't mean to say this site has changed - actually, I don't think it has (much) since the last time I was around. I think I was agreeing that it's me that has changed.
I think you're right about the seasons and circles. Don't think "this site doesn't hold the appeal for me that it used to, I'll never get back what it used to be, I'm going for ever". Maybe all you need is a change in what you use it for, or in the way that you look at it.
And maybe I should get some sleep before I try to make sense...
nor was i having a go at you for your post hun, i've seen too many threads take a downward spiral lately thats all
and you are making perfect sense, thats what i was trying to find out, do others go through the same feelings
Sex God
Quote by Marya_Northeastso you tidyed up then
I feel tired sometimes. Like now. For a while actually and I have hardly been back 5 minutes.
I don't know if it is just a phase or what. I'm just kind of going with it.
Sex God
Earthy,
Maybe the problem is that you did too much, too fast. You certainly exploded onto the site / scene with a bang, attended loads of socials, loads of postings on the forums and made lots of friends.
Possibly now its becoming "samey" not so much of a thrill anymore? I've seen the same thing happen in various walks of life. People put loads of effort into something new and then "burn-out".
Perhaps easing back a bit until you get your enthusiasim (sp?) back will help?
John & Shel
Maybe the problem is that you did too much, too fast. You certainly exploded onto the site / scene with a bang, attended loads of socials, loads of postings on the forums and made lots of friends.
Possibly now its becoming "samey" not so much of a thrill anymore? I've seen the same thing happen in various walks of life. People put loads of effort into something new and then "burn-out".
Perhaps easing back a bit until you get your enthusiasim (sp?) back will help?
John & Shel
Sex God
We joined Dec 2005 and felt at home almost straight away and still feel the same.
There will always be hijacking where there are forums, there will always be people who like you and people who don't, there will always be times in your life when you have time to play both on site and off and times when you don't.
So really to answer the question we still want the same thing we wanted when we joined with the added bonus that we are not curious anymore. I never feel under pressure to post or not to post. If I want to I will and if I don't want to I won't. Some will like what I post and some won't, but I won't let it worry me too much
Love Fire xx
There will always be hijacking where there are forums, there will always be people who like you and people who don't, there will always be times in your life when you have time to play both on site and off and times when you don't.
So really to answer the question we still want the same thing we wanted when we joined with the added bonus that we are not curious anymore. I never feel under pressure to post or not to post. If I want to I will and if I don't want to I won't. Some will like what I post and some won't, but I won't let it worry me too much
Love Fire xx
that could be more along the lines of what I was thinking also...
again, not the site, or the people, but at certain points, what is happeneing is exactly what tickles your fancy, and as with everything, I guess the appetite gets sated to a degree, whether realised or not... that could be the point at which feelings of *fitting in* or not etc etc could surface...
a bit like, should your taste be for steak this evening... if it were there beautifully served, it'd be the best meal you could have had... and you may well fancy something similar within the next few days... however... every day???... i think not...
but you'll still wish to eat, so return to the table... even if the appetite is not particularly piqued...
did I just say piqued?
I'd better get oudaherrre
lp
again, not the site, or the people, but at certain points, what is happeneing is exactly what tickles your fancy, and as with everything, I guess the appetite gets sated to a degree, whether realised or not... that could be the point at which feelings of *fitting in* or not etc etc could surface...
a bit like, should your taste be for steak this evening... if it were there beautifully served, it'd be the best meal you could have had... and you may well fancy something similar within the next few days... however... every day???... i think not...
but you'll still wish to eat, so return to the table... even if the appetite is not particularly piqued...
did I just say piqued?
I'd better get oudaherrre
lp
as newbies - we welcome the 'older' members as without you the place would lose it's track in the vast cosmos of life.
without you, no one would know how to 'behave' and the comunity as a whole would lose out. the only danger with this is that cliques could form where newcommers find it hard to break-in - but - the common sense of more experienced members would/should off-set that.
there - hope that makes sense :shock:
without you, no one would know how to 'behave' and the comunity as a whole would lose out. the only danger with this is that cliques could form where newcommers find it hard to break-in - but - the common sense of more experienced members would/should off-set that.
there - hope that makes sense :shock:
Sex God
Quote by earthchild
you dont belong anymore
its quite strange, been thinking about this a bit lately and sometimes i feel like i dont belong here, i dont mean the site as such, more the scene.
gone are the days when i was that new person everyone wanted to know, which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but even some people i thought were really good friends hardly even speak to me now, they will say a few words on msn if i speak to them then say brb and never come back.
the forums dont excite me anymore, and no thats not a dig at the people posting, i think its more to do with how i am feeling, i dont use them much on either site anymore
i am finding i tend to spend most of my time in the north east chat room with people who are in my area.
i have spent the last 18 months travelling all over the country to meet people, and i have met some fantastic people, one or two who will remain special friends no matter what.
so, is it just me or do others go through this feeling, is it like seasons it changes and goes in circles.
this isnt a look at me post, i am genuinely interested to know if anyone else goes through this phase as i am seriously considering my place here right now.
Earthy xx
got to say i agree hun
it sometimes feel's like we'v lost something somewhere
i wish i could put my finger on it cos id bring it back
Earth,
I know exactly how you feel. When I first joined I was immediatly enveloped by this place and loved it. Jumped right into munches so I could meet people ... in fact as dark pointed out "We have turned you into a munch whore"
Then I backed off and came back and backed off and came back ... etc.
Some of the times I backed off due to mistakes I had made and needed to breath. Once due to certain members making me uncomfortable but then that happens in life no matter what the setting. Other times I backed off due to family situations.
Each time when I came back I felt refreshed although maybe not as eager as when I first joined and I think some of that is that you are only ever the new girl once. I hope that makes sense. I am not saying in anyway that people snubbed me when I came back or anything but it's just a fact around here that new single fems are like gold and once you are no longer 'fresh meat' and more like a piece of furniture it's a little different. I have to say though ... I do prefer being the comfy chair instead of a leg of lamb.
Ah crap ... it all makes sense in my head anyway.
Love ya Dark and if you need to take some time away to breath we all understand.
I know exactly how you feel. When I first joined I was immediatly enveloped by this place and loved it. Jumped right into munches so I could meet people ... in fact as dark pointed out "We have turned you into a munch whore"
Then I backed off and came back and backed off and came back ... etc.
Some of the times I backed off due to mistakes I had made and needed to breath. Once due to certain members making me uncomfortable but then that happens in life no matter what the setting. Other times I backed off due to family situations.
Each time when I came back I felt refreshed although maybe not as eager as when I first joined and I think some of that is that you are only ever the new girl once. I hope that makes sense. I am not saying in anyway that people snubbed me when I came back or anything but it's just a fact around here that new single fems are like gold and once you are no longer 'fresh meat' and more like a piece of furniture it's a little different. I have to say though ... I do prefer being the comfy chair instead of a leg of lamb.
Ah crap ... it all makes sense in my head anyway.
Love ya Dark and if you need to take some time away to breath we all understand.
Quote by sercher01
you dont belong anymore
its quite strange, been thinking about this a bit lately and sometimes i feel like i dont belong here, i dont mean the site as such, more the scene.
gone are the days when i was that new person everyone wanted to know, which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but even some people i thought were really good friends hardly even speak to me now, they will say a few words on msn if i speak to them then say brb and never come back.
the forums dont excite me anymore, and no thats not a dig at the people posting, i think its more to do with how i am feeling, i dont use them much on either site anymore
i am finding i tend to spend most of my time in the north east chat room with people who are in my area.
i have spent the last 18 months travelling all over the country to meet people, and i have met some fantastic people, one or two who will remain special friends no matter what.
so, is it just me or do others go through this feeling, is it like seasons it changes and goes in circles.
this isnt a look at me post, i am genuinely interested to know if anyone else goes through this phase as i am seriously considering my place here right now.
Earthy xx
got to say i agree hun
it sometimes feel's like we'v lost something somewhere
i wish i could put my finger on it cos id bring it back
come and put your finger on me and see if we can bring it back.
sorry slight hijack of my own thread
Sex God
Quote by earthchild
you dont belong anymore
its quite strange, been thinking about this a bit lately and sometimes i feel like i dont belong here, i dont mean the site as such, more the scene.
gone are the days when i was that new person everyone wanted to know, which isnt necessarily a bad thing, but even some people i thought were really good friends hardly even speak to me now, they will say a few words on msn if i speak to them then say brb and never come back.
the forums dont excite me anymore, and no thats not a dig at the people posting, i think its more to do with how i am feeling, i dont use them much on either site anymore
i am finding i tend to spend most of my time in the north east chat room with people who are in my area.
i have spent the last 18 months travelling all over the country to meet people, and i have met some fantastic people, one or two who will remain special friends no matter what.
so, is it just me or do others go through this feeling, is it like seasons it changes and goes in circles.
this isnt a look at me post, i am genuinely interested to know if anyone else goes through this phase as i am seriously considering my place here right now.
Earthy xx
got to say i agree hun
it sometimes feel's like we'v lost something somewhere
i wish i could put my finger on it cos id bring it back
come and put your finger on me and see if we can bring it back.
sorry slight hijack of my own thread
see now thats whats missing " Hijackes"
Sex God
Having had a think IMO
The humour has gone. think back a year ago all the funny threads . people used to come here after a hard day’s slog and have a giggle .
It was the same at munches .
Thing’s have seemed to calm a bit
Also you have all the regulars who have there friends and meet up .
And ill be honest there are a lot of people here now who may not be who they say they are so I personally get a bit stand off ish
Dose that all make sense
TBH its hard to put into word’s really
The humour has gone. think back a year ago all the funny threads . people used to come here after a hard day’s slog and have a giggle .
It was the same at munches .
Thing’s have seemed to calm a bit
Also you have all the regulars who have there friends and meet up .
And ill be honest there are a lot of people here now who may not be who they say they are so I personally get a bit stand off ish
Dose that all make sense
TBH its hard to put into word’s really
Sex God
if it makes you feel any better hun, i have been having exactly the same thoughts for the last couple of days,
i don't get excited the way i use to... it isn't the 1st place i visit anymore and i am not as enfused or excited about it all, i was thinking or just taking a long sabitical from it all......I don't know.......
:( :(
i don't get excited the way i use to... it isn't the 1st place i visit anymore and i am not as enfused or excited about it all, i was thinking or just taking a long sabitical from it all......I don't know.......
:( :( 
earthy ya hooer!
i know exactly what you mean, the scene, and those within it, dominate my thoughts, i have, in my time, made some very good, hopefully lifetime friends
there are people whose paths i will never cross, such is life, its the nature of communities
I understand what Abilene said, about being the new kid in town, and no longer being the novelty, i like the fact that im settled within the scene, established, welcome
but there are times when i come here out of habit, out of routine, and find myself at a loss of what to say, what to post, why i should say or post anyway
there are times i cant wait to get home, because another bunfight has started, and find myself ranting at the screen, because of certain attitudes and opinions
but when all is said and done, i cant leave, i cant walk away, i cant imagine the scene, and some of the people no longer being in my life
Earthy, i think its a phase you are going through, its easy to say take a step back, take a break, but being unable to do that myself, i cant say anything to you other than you know where to find me....
i know exactly what you mean, the scene, and those within it, dominate my thoughts, i have, in my time, made some very good, hopefully lifetime friends
there are people whose paths i will never cross, such is life, its the nature of communities
I understand what Abilene said, about being the new kid in town, and no longer being the novelty, i like the fact that im settled within the scene, established, welcome
but there are times when i come here out of habit, out of routine, and find myself at a loss of what to say, what to post, why i should say or post anyway
there are times i cant wait to get home, because another bunfight has started, and find myself ranting at the screen, because of certain attitudes and opinions
but when all is said and done, i cant leave, i cant walk away, i cant imagine the scene, and some of the people no longer being in my life
Earthy, i think its a phase you are going through, its easy to say take a step back, take a break, but being unable to do that myself, i cant say anything to you other than you know where to find me....
Being relatively new to the scene, we first joined back in february 2006, we were very enthusiastic for the first nine months, we didnt really post back then, we just enjoyed our meets. We did have a break for a few weeks from november I think. I dont know exactly why. We just sort of lost touch with it all, we needed that break. I dare say that we will all need a break from time to time, in most things that we do, and thinking about the intensity that swinging can bring it does get overwhelming at times.
I hope that you dont stay away completley though because I do love to read your posts.
Louise xx
I hope that you dont stay away completley though because I do love to read your posts.
Louise xx
