Do you qualify to be a Professional ?

20 Apr 2005

Quote by cu3b4ll
:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:

Davej.... what would the world be like without you?

full of broken fridges cu3bll............full of broken fridges wink

20 Apr 2005

Quote by davej
Didn't get beyond stage one here.............The Giraffe kicked up one hell of a din, the minute I opened the fridge door, now I don't know if this particular Giraffe has been shoe horned into a fridge before and is just wary of em or if the sudden glare of the fridges light startled the beast when I opened the door, either way it wasn't havin it. I was forced to give up on it because as docile as they look, if they decide to dig their heels into your cushion floor, there's no moving em.
Mrs davej has arrived home now and isn't best pleased......not best pleased at all. Not only is her vinyl damaged but the fucking thing has taken a liking to the various fruits that she has stencilled onto the walls, you would have thought that just a lick wouldn't be much of a problem, but this things got a tongue as rough as a rasp and the size of a shovel...trust me it can and has removed the paint from the wall.
I'm doing my best to follow it around with the cat litter tray, cos I know whats gonna happen next and sort of gauging things based on body size, I've got a nasty suspicion that when it does decide to curl one down, a sheet of kitchen roll and a dab of bleach just isn't gonna cut it.
We are gonna try and deal with one problem at a time with the most pressing being getting 12ft of blotchy trouble out of our home, what the fuck I'm going to tell her when she opens the garage to put the car away and finds Dumbo standing in there munching on a bunch of hay is anyone's guess, but I sure as hell aint going to tell her that it was his turn next :shock:

:giggle:

:giggle: :evil2:
you nutter. :silly: lol

So what's Dumbo up to, and have you tried putting a sort of makeshift nappy thing on the giraffe, to save your cushion flooring? You must have some old towels, some sticky back plastic...try the giraffe on a little scrambled egg , slice of toast....might calm it a little, distract it from your floral decorations....
rolleyes

good luck.

20 Apr 2005

Ooh sorry Sarge.......in answer to your question......I am a mere amateur sir. wink

20 Apr 2005

Quote by SunBunny
[
:giggle: :giggle: :evil2:
you nutter. :silly:
So what's Dumbo up to, and have you tried putting a sort of makeshift nappy thing on the giraffe, to save your cushion flooring? You must have some old towels, some sticky back plastic...try the giraffe on a little scrambled egg , slice of toast....might calm it a little, distract it from your floral decorations....

good luck.

SunBunny give us a bit of credit, of course we thought of some sort of nappy for the beast, but with the best will in the world where are we gonna get a bucket big enough to put the nappy into soak if it does fill it :shock: I shot up Tesco to see if they did any disposables, even picked the right ones ...largest they got, but when I got home and opened the pack, saw the size of the product, the size off the arse that it was supposed to go on, it didn't take a lot of working out that these things were only ever gonna get used if the thing had a touch of glue ear cos thats about the only part of the creature they would fit on.
The Elephant to be fair, is as good as gold and is sitting in the garage happy as Larry, we only had the one problem when mrs davej reversed the car in with it, should have realised that a grey coloured car, might, in a certain light and with a rather tempting opening called an exhuast, prove to be an object of desire to a rather rampant bull elephant. I reckon the roof is repairable and the bumper that fell off, after being smashed by a pair of nuts that wouldn't look outa place as finnials on the entrance piers to our property, might still be salvageable.

20 Apr 2005

What did the elephant say to the grape?
Nothing, grapes can't talk....

20 Apr 2005

Id have killed gutted and butchered both the Giraffe and Elephant , into manageable portions . The choicest cuts of Giraffe would have gone in the fridge for perhaps a Giraffe stir fry , or just a giraffe steak and fries. The elephant would have to go in the chest freezer or it would go off and be useless. Of course once frozen the elephant rib section would make an excellent large coracle type vessel for the river crossing , and supply lunch and dinner for the following evening .
I would like to state that I am in senior management and that my staff would expect such an answer , not only that but since the court case exonerated me they all tend to follow orders to the letter very quickly indeed.

21 Apr 2005

As a pro I would shut down my fridge operation in the uk and make all the animals redundant. Then I would relocate to the far east where animals are cheaper to employ. and invest in a larger fridge ,so that I can put all my animals in it and lease out a shelf or two to start a covert biological warfare research program .. Because of downsizing there would be less animals in the managemet structure so lessening the amount of time and money wasted in meetings.I would then re-employ my old fridge to store beer in but on the offshore tax haven where I would live. The crocodiles could be a problem but given the corruption and poliical instability of the developing nations ( and by this time i would be financing the local government ) I am sure there would be scope for "an unfortunate accident" to happen to our reptilian friends..............Now about that lion King's kingdom, hummm I wonder if there is any oil there by any chance......

21 Apr 2005

I wanna be a professional
means I can have big hair, drive a ford capri and slide my ass accross the bonnet lol

21 Apr 2005

My fridge isn't that big.
sad

21 Apr 2005

And we all know how trustworthy a company Anderson Consulting is. rotflmao

Or rather was.
The firm changed its name to Accenture following the Enron scandal, the greatest bankruptcy and fraud in American history.
People may recall that Anderson (trading under the name Arthur Anderson Inc) was the firm that audited the books for Enron and gave them a clean bill of health.
The fact is, Anderson was making as much money from consulting for Enron as it was from auditing their books. Of course there was no conflict of interest there rotflmao

Following the collapse of Enron, Anderson shredded thousands of documents and erased computer files relating to Enron.
Both the Democratic and Republican parties received huge donations from Enron - seven figure sums in the case of the latter. George Bush personally received $113,000 from Kenneth Lay, the president of Enron, towards his 2000 election campaign. Of course these legalised bribes were in no way connected with post-election changes in US corporate law that enabled Enron (With the help of Anderson) to conceal the fraud for a couple of years more. Of course not rotflmao

Unfortunately it isn't all funny.
Thousands of workers all over the world lost their jobs when their firms collapsed.
For others, pension funds had been had been fiddled by Enron or frozen in the wake of the multi-billion dollar scandal.
So, given Anderson's record for reliability, I'm not too concerned that I only answered the first question correctly. smile

21 Apr 2005

Having managed to get the answers right, I am able to conclude that I have the brain of a four year old. So what I want to know now is how do I get the Elephant footprints out of the butter?
John

22 Apr 2005

Quote by Horous
Having managed to get the answers right, I am able to conclude that I have the brain of a four year old. So what I want to know now is how do I get the Elephant footprints out of the butter?
John

Take the butter out of the fridge, allow it to soften, thus restoring the surface to a level uniformity, then put it back in the fridge.
Alternatively, turn the butter upside down. This will enable you to present the temporary appearance of having removed the footprints, but still leaves you with the option of entertaining your guests by showing them the evidence that elephants have been hiding upside down in your fridge.

22 Apr 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
Having managed to get the answers right, I am able to conclude that I have the brain of a four year old. So what I want to know now is how do I get the Elephant footprints out of the butter?
John

Take the butter out of the fridge, allow it to soften, thus restoring the surface to a level uniformity, then put it back in the fridge.
Alternatively, turn the butter upside down. This will enable you to present the temporary appearance of having removed the footprints, but still leaves you with the option of entertaining your guests by showing them the evidence that elephants have been hiding upside down in your fridge.
loon

Ice you give me the impression that this is something you are an expert in !
BTW has anyone's Giraffe or elephant actually said whether the light stays on once you shut the door?

22 Apr 2005

Quote by Calista
Ice you give me the impression that this is something you are an expert in !

I know all about elephants and butter... did I tell you about my ex...

Are you sure?