Do you think I''m a ''time waster''?

25 Jul 2008

Hi all
Well as you can tell from my profile, I've been on this site since Jan 2008 and I've still not yet had a meet. I've had fun in the chat rooms and cam mind but never had a meet.
I have come close to meeting a few guys, but at the last minute I've found an excuse not to go through with it because I've got freaked.
Am I weird? Am I a time waster?
I really want to do this but I'm not sure if I've got the courage?
I'm booked up for the Wigan Munch which I know will be brill as it's no play, so there'll be nothing expected of me so I will be comfortable knowing that. Plus I'll be able to meet lots of you to have a proper in person chat with so I'm hoping that's gonna give me a confidence boost!
Did any of you go through any of this?
Your thoughts will be valued xx

25 Jul 2008

Everyone has to take things at their own pace and do what feels comfortable.
Whatever suits you is cool. Last time I looked there was no 'perfect swinger' manual that everyone had to follow!!
wink

25 Jul 2008

I concur - you'll be ready when you're ready and not before, take things at your own pace and don't let anyone rush you.
Best to start with a munch first (says he who has yet to do so!) and as you say, no expectations, lots of people around and in a "normal" environment smile

Good luck!

25 Jul 2008

I wouldn't say you're a timewaster. I think it sounds as though you have yet to find your comfort level. Go to the munch - it'll be a blast and you'll meet lots of lovely people. No doubt you will meet some who you think are fuckwits too, but you can always ignore them! lol

25 Jul 2008

am sure your not the first and you wont be the last....as a single fem you have to be 100% comfortable with what you are doing and for your personal safety.
dont do anything until your sure its for you...muches in my opinion are the best way to go about this, putting real people to forum/chat personalities is a good way of overcoming fears.
good luck and hope you take the plunge for fun soon...you wont look back once you have, im sure of it biggrin

25 Jul 2008

You mentioned on another thread that you would like to go to chams but were worried about the response you would get as a single female. If you would like some company and I am able to, I am more than happy to go with you. It's often easier if you have company. The first time I went was with a female friend and we looked after each other and had a great time.

Quote by Bbw4umen
Hi all
Well as you can tell from my profile, I've been on this site since Jan 2008 and I've still not yet had a meet. I've had fun in the chat rooms and cam mind but never had a meet.
I have come close to meeting a few guys, but at the last minute I've found an excuse not to go through with it because I've got freaked.
Am I weird? Am I a time waster?
I really want to do this but I'm not sure if I've got the courage?
I'm booked up for the Wigan Munch which I know will be brill as it's no play, so there'll be nothing expected of me so I will be comfortable knowing that. Plus I'll be able to meet lots of you to have a proper in person chat with so I'm hoping that's gonna give me a confidence boost!
Did any of you go through any of this?
Your thoughts will be valued xx

25 Jul 2008

Quote by noladreams30
Everyone has to take things at their own pace and do what feels comfortable.
Whatever suits you is cool. Last time I looked there was no 'perfect swinger' manual that everyone had to follow!!

Cheers chuck.
But if you do happen to find one could you sort me a copy? :smile2:
xx

25 Jul 2008

No, I really do not consider you to be a timewaster and you will probably find that lots of people do have cold feet, or for whatever reason have to cancel meets (believe me, I know that there are certain things I want to do, but havent got the nerve to arrange).
I may be biased wink

but I personally think that the socials/munches are the best way to get to know people. You can meet in a safe enviornment and if you decide you want to meet again, at least you have an idea who you are meeting.
One other thing I would say, is dont do meets just because you think you should. If it is right, it will feel right. If you dont feel ready or comfortable, it is your mind telling you to hold back.
Anyway, you can always come and keep us lot company in the cafe while your waiting for the right meet to come along wink

25 Jul 2008

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
No, I really do not consider you to be a timewaster and you will probably find that lots of people do have cold feet, or for whatever reason have to cancel meets (believe me, I know that there are certain things I want to do, but havent got the nerve to arrange).
I may be biased but I personally think that the socials/munches are the best way to get to know people. You can meet in a safe enviornment and if you decide you want to meet again, at least you have an idea who you are meeting.
One other thing I would say, is dont do meets just because you think you should. If it is right, it will feel right. If you dont feel ready or comfortable, it is your mind telling you to hold back.
Anyway, you can always come and keep us lot company in the cafe while your waiting for the right meet to come along

Aww thanks hun, I feel loads better already.
Yeah I think meeting as a group is a really good idea. I'm much more comfortable with a bunch of people rather than one to one.
Really looking forward to the munch and meeting you all xx

25 Jul 2008

Quote by Freckledbird
I wouldn't say you're a timewaster. I think it sounds as though you have yet to find your comfort level. Go to the munch - it'll be a blast and you'll meet lots of lovely people. No doubt you will meet some who you think are fuckwits too, but you can always ignore them!

Well if there wasn't any fuckwits there I think I'd be saying "hmmm something wrong here".. they're everywhere! lol x

25 Jul 2008

you would be surprised how many people do get scared of taking the plunge....lots of us seem ultra confident on the forums/chat, but when it comes down to it are scared to make a move (see the scaredy cat thread)

25 Jul 2008

Yeah..
Well to be honest, the reason why i came across this site was because I seen a TV programme about a swingers club and it looked brill! It's always something I wanted to try so I thought what the hell... I'll join up!
I've had some real good fun on here but just never took it any further.
Got the munch sorted for december, rooms booked and everything.. if that goes well, which I'm sure it will cos there will be you girlies there too I think we should defo organise a night at a club xx

Quote by venus68
You mentioned on another thread that you would like to go to chams but were worried about the response you would get as a single female. If you would like some company and I am able to, I am more than happy to go with you. It's often easier if you have company. The first time I went was with a female friend and we looked after each other and had a great time.
Hi all
Well as you can tell from my profile, I've been on this site since Jan 2008 and I've still not yet had a meet. I've had fun in the chat rooms and cam mind but never had a meet.
I have come close to meeting a few guys, but at the last minute I've found an excuse not to go through with it because I've got freaked.
Am I weird? Am I a time waster?
I really want to do this but I'm not sure if I've got the courage?
I'm booked up for the Wigan Munch which I know will be brill as it's no play, so there'll be nothing expected of me so I will be comfortable knowing that. Plus I'll be able to meet lots of you to have a proper in person chat with so I'm hoping that's gonna give me a confidence boost!
Did any of you go through any of this?
Your thoughts will be valued xx

25 Jul 2008

Quote by Bonedigger
you would be surprised how many people do get scared of taking the plunge....lots of us seem ultra confident on the forums/chat, but when it comes down to it are scared to make a move (see the scaredy cat thread)

Yeah must admit.. everyone does come across as super confident and thats so sexy!
Suppose I kinda think because I'm out of my comfort zone, I won't be confident and therefore not sexy?
Sounds strange but you know what i mean redface

lol xx

25 Jul 2008

What's the saying?
"Do something every day that scares you" or summat... dunno

Always a good thing to plan to get out of your comfort zone every now and again.
Oh, and pre-meet nerves are just ace!! :happy:

25 Jul 2008

Quote by noladreams30
"Do something every day that scares you" or summat... Always a good thing to plan to get out of your comfort zone every now and again.

I totally agree, it's why I'm here..
Just taking a little longer than I expected lol xx

25 Jul 2008

Quote by noladreams30
What's the saying?
"Do something every day that scares you" or summat... Always a good thing to plan to get out of your comfort zone every now and again.
Oh, and pre-meet nerves are just ace!! :happy:

Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today - if you do it today and you like it, you can do it again tomorrow ;)

25 Jul 2008

Quote by Dark_side72
What's the saying?
"Do something every day that scares you" or summat... Always a good thing to plan to get out of your comfort zone every now and again.
Oh, and pre-meet nerves are just ace!! :happy:

Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can do today - if you do it today and you like it, you can do it again tomorrow ;)
Nice cup! :twisted:
xx

25 Jul 2008

I've got my first meet with my other half tomorrow and just had a few people round for coffee that are going too, and was very nervous, but feel much better now.
Just do what you feel ready to do, and when you're ready to do it xx If you ever want to come to a munch in Oxford, I would be happy to go along with you anytime xx
Miss K xx

25 Jul 2008

Quote by Misskitty_2008
I've got my first meet with my other half tomorrow and just had a few people round for coffee that are going too, and was very nervous, but feel much better now.
Just do what you feel ready to do, and when you're ready to do it xx If you ever want to come to a munch in Oxford, I would be happy to go along with you anytime xx
Miss K xx

Thank you hun.
You are all so nice! So different to in the chat rooms xx

25 Jul 2008

Quote by Bbw4umen
You are all so nice! So different to in the chat rooms xx

:shock: Bloody hell, don't let them see you say that! lol

26 Jul 2008

sorry mrs bone but i think this link may help bbw in knowing that we all get nervous ... i know its about a party meet and not a one to one meet but the principals are the same http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/199122.html?highlight=party
by the way bbw i can only echo what the others have said relax and it will happen but the best way to get comphy is to meet at a social/munch first and then its not so bad when you get to meet them face to face. good luck and hope you find what your looking for .... eventualy .... and when you do you will look back and wonder what all the nerves were about

26 Jul 2008

Quote by Sara_2006
sorry mrs bone but i think this link may help bbw in knowing that we all get nervous ... i know its about a party meet and not a one to one meet but the principals are the same http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/199122.html?highlight=party
by the way bbw i can only echo what the others have said relax and it will happen but the best way to get comphy is to meet at a social/munch first and then its not so bad when you get to meet them face to face. good luck and hope you find what your looking for .... eventualy .... and when you do you will look back and wonder what all the nerves were about

Totally spot on Sara, this sticks out in my memory as one of my all-time favourite posts.
bbw4umen, please have a read... you will laugh, smile and most of all empathise. Mrs B has a knack some time of getting into print what the rest of us have felt/are feeling...
Just re-read it and chuckled all over again!
rotflmao

Great post Mrs B, and well done Sara for resurrecting it!!

26 Jul 2008

Quote by Bbw4umen
I totally agree, it's why I'm here..
Just taking a little longer than I expected lol xx

Takes me back to when I first found the site. Was all brave from the comfort of behind a monitor, so sign up I did :twisted:
Then got nervous about that!! Took me a month to pluck up the courage to do a post, let alone arrange a meet! :scared: And even then, when I pressed the 'submit post' button, I dived on my sofa behind a cushion, hysterical nervous laughing, and hid there confused

So take things at your own pace - and thoroughly enjoy each step. You've already gone further than when you first signed up, because you're posting - the forums and chatrooms are brilliant for both advice and getting to know people...... and realising they're actually normal :shock: (ok in the loosest sense of the word, daft as brushes most of em, but hey ho, at least me and you look normal against em lol

)
As for clubs n meets and everything - as everyone has said up there, nerves are normal, we all get em. Anticipation nerves are ok, v. exciting (except for when upset stomach kicks in 2 days beforehand cos get totally over excited rolleyes

). Nerves because it doesn't 'feel' right are the ones you listen to, then you know you have to back off, for your own comfort and boundaries.
You're here for you, so you do what you want to do, and take it at your own pace, noone elses kiss

And have a blast within your boundaries, whether that be a meet or a social or bantering on here, enjoy biggrin

See you at a munch soon :cheers: :bounce:

27 Jul 2008

being long time swingers we can still appreciate newcomers can get cold feet b4 a meet, hats off to you for telling the truth (you got cold feet) we get bored of usual stuff like family member got rushed to hospital or had an accident on way to meet you or the dreaded had to work overtime at last minute etc.
but really you should ask the few guys you let down if they think you are.
my question to you, say in a years time when you pluck up courage to meet a guy and youve chatted for months on here and chatted on phone travelled few miles to meet him and he gets cold feet and fails to show will you be understanding? my only advice is to be fair is tell the guy at the start of conversation that your nervous about a physical meet and could fail to show so he has the option of continuing his conversation with you or not.

27 Jul 2008

to me you would be wasting my time. I wouldn't label you as a timewaster but I certainly wouldn't make arrangements to meet again. It isn't my opinion that matters. You have to be yourself and do what feels right.
I tend to have fairly high expectations of my meets eg. they know their own mind. They know they have had sex with strangers before and they can do it again if we click in person.
The joy of being in the much sought after minority though is that you will have your pick when you do pluck up the courage to go through with it.
I will imagine that you have lots of advice on here about how to make the next steps. (I must confess to not reading the majority of the thread)
Lots of people get nervous. Some of us still do even though they have had sex with millions :shock: of people.
It is like stepping off the highest diving board. As soon as you have taken the first step over you wonder what all the fuss was about and you enjoy every moment. Then when you have swam to the side and someone asks if you want to do it again you get the jitters all over again. (obviously this analogy doesn't work if you are an olympic diver or clinically insane rolleyes

)

28 Jul 2008

It can be daunting the first time & everyone seems to be understanding of that, (we've all been there). I just wonder would everyone be as understanding if it was a bloke posting this?
Good luck & as everyone else has said take it at your own pace & what your comfortable with, genuine people will understand give you the time you need.

28 Jul 2008

I have been around here for almost 4 yrs now and i still get nervous. I've travelled to loads of munches and socials with Redwine_Lover and 5 mins before we arrive he will tell me "We're nearly here" and OMGGG I go quiet(for once) and my guts fall out the bottom of the car!!! lol

I wouldn't mind, but most of these are the same people attending that i've met socially 4,5,6 or more times before :haha:
I don't class people timewasters when they have told you before hand that they cannot make it, even if it is the worse excuse in the world!! It's just the ones who do not tell you and just don't turn up that are.
You will know when ur ready...and untill then.. don't be pushed. smile

28 Jul 2008

I would say that -

Quote by noladreams30
Everyone has to take things at their own pace and do what feels comfortable.

- this is definitely the case, you shouldn't beat yourself up or feel guilty because you're nervous. That's absolutely fine. No decent person would have an issue with that. The only problem is perhaps messing people about. That's why this -

Quote by cockslut
my only advice is to be fair is tell the guy at the start of conversation that your nervous about a physical meet

- is a good idea. If you've told people you're nervous then they'll understand if you want a raincheck, and as long as you're open and you give them as much warning as possible, then they'll be fine with it I'd have thought (disappointed, but...)
One more idea perhaps is that you make absolutely clear (to yourself and the person you're meeting) that the first time you meet would be entirely no-sex. It's not so scary just meeting someone in the afternoon or early evening for a cup of tea and a chat, is it? If you're nervous about jumping in the deep end, dip your toe in first. Try it out in small steps that, on their own, aren't that scary. Munches are good for that reason (although I found it a little bit scary and didn't know quite what to do). Going to a club is another easy early step because nobody's expecting YOU to do anything. You can just have some drinks and hang about in the background and take the temperature, and if you decide it's not for you, you can just slip away and you haven't buggered up anyone's evening.
I think that if you make it clear it's your first time a lot of guys would be happy to take it as gently and as slowly as you want - up until the point where you WANT them to be fucking your brains out over the kitchen table!

29 Jul 2008

I thought I was reading my own writing then! xx

29 Jul 2008

Quote by Freckledbird

You are all so nice! So different to in the chat rooms xx

:shock: Bloody hell, don't let them see you say that! lol

Hoi!! I think I'm nice in the chat rooms sad

Well!! nice mannered and fun at least rolleyes

Are you sure?