I'm no stunner but I'm attractive to some people and unattractive to others.
I can't get upset about it when that's exactly how I feel, attracted to some people and not attracted to others.
I know it's tough Petal when your self-esteem is low, but as others have suggested, perhaps meet socially first as it might help you to build your confidence.
:thumbup:
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Does anyone ever worry...
Sex God
I worry all the time about how new people are going to persieve me, and worry about all the bad bits and convince myself that they are the bits of me that everyone will notice and not the good bits (if there are any 
)
To be honest I think most people worry about things like this but then normally it turns out there was no reason to worry as the person/people that you're meeting worry about the same things too.......don't know if that makes any sense......
)To be honest I think most people worry about things like this but then normally it turns out there was no reason to worry as the person/people that you're meeting worry about the same things too.......don't know if that makes any sense......
Quote by Kiss
I'm no stunner but I'm attractive to some people and unattractive to others.
I can't get upset about it when that's exactly how I feel, attracted to some people and not attracted to others.
I know it's tough Petal when your self-esteem is low, but as others have suggested, perhaps meet socially first as it might help you to build your confidence.
:thumbup:
Amen to that sister :thumbup:
I always wonder, when I meet someone for the first time, whether they're going to like me. Physically I mean. I try to make an impression, do what I can with what little I have and the rest is up to them. Some have met me again, some just ignore me in the hope I'll go get the message and go away.
Everytime I get a rejection I wonder what I could do differently then I realise there's nothing I can do.
I am me, like me or not just take me as I am :smoke:
Quote by Shaz_n_Tony
ihas anyone here refused to swing with someone because they or their partner were ugly?
Nope because we ask to see a picture first so wouldn't really meet someone if we didn't like the look of them
Tony
i always show people im going to meet some pics of me, and i always say that when they meet me and if they decide im not there type, just to say so, and theres no hard feelings on either side.
and we talk a bit about what were both looking for.
but ive never had one say im not there type yet, but i do know it will happen one day.
Tina xxx
Quote by H-x
I just don't see what people see in me! Stupid I know!
I think you'll find it's a common problem. I've never manage to go to a meet yet without nearly turning back ten times, and once there waiting for them to do that "you're kiddng right?" look.
Commonly known as lack of confidence.
H.x
thats why i find it difficult to arrange meets, my insecurities stop me
"why would they want to meet me?"
Quote by essex34m
I just don't see what people see in me! Stupid I know!
I think you'll find it's a common problem. I've never manage to go to a meet yet without nearly turning back ten times, and once there waiting for them to do that "you're kiddng right?" look.
Commonly known as lack of confidence.
H.x
thats why i find it difficult to arrange meets, my insecurities stop me
"why would they want to meet me?"
Essex!
Why wouldn't they want to meet you?
Nobody has to meet you, so if anyone agrees or arranges to it will be because they want to.
Quote by Kiss
I just don't see what people see in me! Stupid I know!
I think you'll find it's a common problem. I've never manage to go to a meet yet without nearly turning back ten times, and once there waiting for them to do that "you're kiddng right?" look.
Commonly known as lack of confidence.
H.x
thats why i find it difficult to arrange meets, my insecurities stop me
"why would they want to meet me?"
Essex!
Why wouldn't they want to meet you?
Nobody has to meet you, so if anyone agrees or arranges to it will be because they want to.
what im saying is it would be a case of "she is nice, but i cant ask her if she would like a meet"
i couldnt stand there and accept the "oh god, i wish i hadnt agreed to this" look on her face
easier to leave it alone
Sex God
ps - Goose - how could you be insecure with those buns?
here here
pink x
Quote by BiWelshMinx
thats why i find it difficult to arrange meets, my insecurities stop me
"why would they want to meet me?"
You know what I think ;)
Have to say that I really enjoyed meeting you and the weekend in Bristol was one of the best of my life ;)
Minx x x
and you know what my feelings on that are.....
Quote by Cherrytree
ps - Goose - how could you be insecure with those buns?
Quote by blueandpink
ps - Goose - how could you be insecure with those buns? :lol:
here here
pink x
Thanks both
That just the way i am and cant help thinking what if.
Maybe i should meet in a pair of cheekless trousers :lol:
Quote by goose35
ps - Goose - how could you be insecure with those buns?
Quote by blueandpink
ps - Goose - how could you be insecure with those buns? :lol:
here here
pink x
Thanks both
That just the way i am and cant help thinking what if.
Maybe i should meet in a pair of cheekless trousers :lol:
Don't do that, you might get GooseHumps!
:giggle:
Sexlightened
There’s not much I can add that hasn’t already been said several times, Petal. Self esteem is a bugger, and although I’m outwardly gobby and confident, inside I’m mush and am basically a rather shy person. I have learned that swinging isn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be – either getting meets (being a single bloke), or knowing what to say when the time comes, etc, but as time has gone on I’ve realised that in the bigger scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. I am myself now, and if they don’t like what they see, or my odd sense of humour, or the fact I will not have “one for the road†and drink/drive, or won’t send nude pictures including face, don’t cam, etc, etc, so what?
At the moment I can imagine that you would feel dreadful if you went to the effort of turning up gorgeous for a social meet, and felt you were being rejected. So If you can get the Yuk/Yes out of the way up front it might be easier for you. I always prefer to see a picture of the people I am going to meet with for a drink, but sometimes that’s not what the couple want to do, and maybe you wouldn’t be comfortable sending your picture to - lets face it - strangers. I had one meeting without seeing a picture first, and as the couple drove into the pub car park I thought “Feckin’ hell, no wayâ€. Apparently they are quite successful in their swinging, so what doesn’t ring my bell is rattling the clapper nineteen to the dozen for other people.
It goes both ways, of course. Last Friday I sent my mugshot to a couple who contacted me through this site, and that was the last I heard from them. A few years ago it would have bothered me that I didn’t hear anything back, but I think it’s funny now. I go back to what I said above – “so what?†They might have got a laugh from the picture – or at least something to threaten the kids with: “See what you turn out like if you don’t behave?†I’ve tried taking several self portraits, and they’re all shite. I wouldn’t shag me, either.
So getting a “no thanks†might happen to you, Petal, and because you don’t light one person’s candle it’s nothing that is your fault. How the other people react is a result of their personality, not a reflection on you as a person – and if someone made it clear by their attitude that they didn’t like how you looked, haven’t they shown the sort of person they really are, and would you really want to meet someone like that again? Coz if it doesn’t come out on the first meet, that personality trait will surface at some time or other over something trivial. Something I have in my profile is words to the effect of “We meet, we part and then we all decide whether we want to meet againâ€. Should it turn out that the meet doesn’t go well, taking this approach might make you feel less rejected as you won’t be left standing in a pub car park as your meet drives into the darkness having said “Noâ€.
The boot will deffo be on the other foot at some time or other, though. You will meet people that you wouldn’t swing with for a lottery win – ok, bad analogy – but how are you going to let them down? Probably, as you recognise the potential for hurting someone, gently. Not everyone is like that, though, and swinging needs a bit of a tough hide sometimes. I hope you don’t find yourself in the situation where you feel you have to go through with swinging so as not to hurt the feelings of the people you meet.
Umm. I’m waffling. I point that out just in case no one noticed. Did I really type “There’s not much I can add that hasn’t already been said several times, reallyâ€. Nah, I must have imagined typing it.
Ah, Croydon, the town of my birth. I was there for a week earlier in the month, shame we didn’t have the opportunity to meet up – but why would you have wanted to meet a bloke almost exactly twice your age? See, confidence affects us all, me ducks.
At the moment I can imagine that you would feel dreadful if you went to the effort of turning up gorgeous for a social meet, and felt you were being rejected. So If you can get the Yuk/Yes out of the way up front it might be easier for you. I always prefer to see a picture of the people I am going to meet with for a drink, but sometimes that’s not what the couple want to do, and maybe you wouldn’t be comfortable sending your picture to - lets face it - strangers. I had one meeting without seeing a picture first, and as the couple drove into the pub car park I thought “Feckin’ hell, no wayâ€. Apparently they are quite successful in their swinging, so what doesn’t ring my bell is rattling the clapper nineteen to the dozen for other people.
It goes both ways, of course. Last Friday I sent my mugshot to a couple who contacted me through this site, and that was the last I heard from them. A few years ago it would have bothered me that I didn’t hear anything back, but I think it’s funny now. I go back to what I said above – “so what?†They might have got a laugh from the picture – or at least something to threaten the kids with: “See what you turn out like if you don’t behave?†I’ve tried taking several self portraits, and they’re all shite. I wouldn’t shag me, either.
So getting a “no thanks†might happen to you, Petal, and because you don’t light one person’s candle it’s nothing that is your fault. How the other people react is a result of their personality, not a reflection on you as a person – and if someone made it clear by their attitude that they didn’t like how you looked, haven’t they shown the sort of person they really are, and would you really want to meet someone like that again? Coz if it doesn’t come out on the first meet, that personality trait will surface at some time or other over something trivial. Something I have in my profile is words to the effect of “We meet, we part and then we all decide whether we want to meet againâ€. Should it turn out that the meet doesn’t go well, taking this approach might make you feel less rejected as you won’t be left standing in a pub car park as your meet drives into the darkness having said “Noâ€.
The boot will deffo be on the other foot at some time or other, though. You will meet people that you wouldn’t swing with for a lottery win – ok, bad analogy – but how are you going to let them down? Probably, as you recognise the potential for hurting someone, gently. Not everyone is like that, though, and swinging needs a bit of a tough hide sometimes. I hope you don’t find yourself in the situation where you feel you have to go through with swinging so as not to hurt the feelings of the people you meet.
Umm. I’m waffling. I point that out just in case no one noticed. Did I really type “There’s not much I can add that hasn’t already been said several times, reallyâ€. Nah, I must have imagined typing it.
Ah, Croydon, the town of my birth. I was there for a week earlier in the month, shame we didn’t have the opportunity to meet up – but why would you have wanted to meet a bloke almost exactly twice your age? See, confidence affects us all, me ducks.
Sex God
Don't worry Petal, you'll be fine just don't rush into anything, take things at your own pace and don't let anyone push you into anything.
Try to get yourself to a munch or social too, you get to meet lots of people without any pressure to do anything, you can then guage if you're attracted to anyone and if you're attracted to them.
just relax and enjoy the site, the rest will fall into place :kiss:
just don't rush into anything, take things at your own pace and don't let anyone push you into anything.Try to get yourself to a munch or social too, you get to meet lots of people without any pressure to do anything, you can then guage if you're attracted to anyone and if you're attracted to them.
just relax and enjoy the site, the rest will fall into place :kiss:
Sexlightened
Quote by Shy_1st_timers
has anyone here refused to swing with someone because they or their partner were ugly?
Yes. There has to be physical attraction to swing with someone. In the case I referred to in my (overly) long post, the female of the couple did absolutely nothing for me from a facial and build point of view. Being straight, what the bloke looks like is largely irrelevant. They were very nice people, but she didn't light the fuse.
It's how one goes about communicating the "No" that is the important thing.
Quote by martellnotts
Well I'm an ugly bugger anyway so what does it matter
Its very simple
If they dont like what they see - it's not my problem
I am what I am and if anyone doesnt like it - there aint a boat load I can do about it - so its very simple - why worry
Well corrie likes it - and to me thats all that matters
Darling you have a face that has been lived in and it had a vacancy so I decided to live there as it had all the qualities I was looking for in a face - strong, focused and loving. Ugliness is an emotion thats needs to be put in a box and never opened - we create our own perceptions of what that is.
Now I am incredibly happy with MartellNotts who I met from this site and we must have been chatting for a couple of months before we actually met face to face
Corrie
Warming the Bed
I think we all have our insecurities, but that's what makes us all individuals. Personally I get round the whole 'will they/won't they like me' issue by not having met anyone from here ever. :shock:
Not the best solution, nor one I would particularly advocate...
But drawing from the politeness thread slightly, If you have communicated before meeting, it may be easier to judge how they will respond, even if the attraction simply isn't there. Certainly would stay and enjoy the evening, even if not the night!
Not the best solution, nor one I would particularly advocate...
But drawing from the politeness thread slightly, If you have communicated before meeting, it may be easier to judge how they will respond, even if the attraction simply isn't there. Certainly would stay and enjoy the evening, even if not the night!
Sex God
ps - Goose - how could you be insecure with those buns?
Quote by blueandpink
ps - Goose - how could you be insecure with those buns? :lol:
here here
pink x
Thanks both
That just the way i am and cant help thinking what if.
Maybe i should meet in a pair of cheekless trousers :lol:
Goose
You know I love your bum :lol: (got my vote mate) and I've looked at your profile pics and I'd say you have a very nice face too. Your profile is written with honesty and comes across as really genuine. Personality and attitude counts for a huge amount in my books, so be yourself and if people don't like it that's their loss.
pink x
p.s when we make a munch or a social, i shall be sure to have a big squeeze fo that delicious bottom to check it feels as good as it looks :lickface:
Quote by petal24
that if they arrange to meet someone on here that person may not find them very attractive?
Because thats what I'm scared of!
Just meeting is worry enough!
~~~ :shock: ~~~
after that... well... sure its been said... be yourself, if they like you, they like you, if not, so what!
LP
Quote by blueandpink
Goose
You know I love your bum(got my vote mate) and I've looked at your profile pics and I'd say you have a very nice face too. Your profile is written with honesty and comes across as really genuine. Personality and attitude counts for a huge amount in my books, so be yourself and if people don't like it that's their loss.
pink x
p.s when we make a munch or a social, i shall be sure to have a big squeeze fo that delicious bottom to check it feels as good as it looks :lickface:
Roll on the day
Quote by Sassy-Seren
pink, I've met Goosey at a social and he really is a lovely bloke
Thank you hunni :kiss:
Quote by Sassy-Seren
lightweight when it comes to walking for more than hlaf hour though :giggle:
Look i had my best going out shoes on not ideal walking shoes. :lol:
