Found on the Interweb
The Evolution of Davej ( Erectus Davus )
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Evolution
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Quote by Silk and Big G
Found on the Interweb
The Evolution of Davej ( Erectus Davus )
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:rotflmao: :rotflmao:that bugger second in from the right though?
Lucky lucky bastard!
n x x x x ;)
Sex God
Love it!!Buttus Head-Buttus Davus more like.
Sex God
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: OMG !! :shock: Sitting here quitely and saw this, now I'm choking....
Sex God
So Davej is actually the next step on the evolutionary ladder. :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
*goes off to pray for the future of the human race*
*goes off to pray for the future of the human race*
Sex God
I shall be having words with my doctor and the institution for allowing these photographs into the public domain. I don't blame you Silk and Big G, your only doing what people that I've met in my life before have done, poking fun through your ignorance, perhaps now is the time to explain myself because only then will you perhaps rethink your reactions.
Unlike the rest of you I wasn't concieved in the standard way and was in fact born from a D.N.A. experiament whereby the semen of a well preserved prehistoric sapien found in the frozen tundra of Peru and given the name Stig, was used to inseminate a female chimpanzee by the name of Dorothy (my birth mother)
Dorothy bore me on April 1st 1958 against all the odds, furthermore apart from my likeness to my mother intially, which the doctors were not expecting, the only other defect at birth was found on my feet where both big toes were fused to the adjoining toe. I'm told that the doctors at the time discussed if they should seperate the toes immediately whilst the bones were soft, but came to the decision that it wasn't unsightly nor a hinderence and that this would not affect my life. I bear those doctors no malice as this was 1958 and they could not have predicted the changes in fashion that would make flip flops into the worlds best selling footwear and therefore the subsequent abuse and humiliation of being the only child on the beach with my bucket and spade digging sand castles whilst wearing wellington boots.
As I grew older my body started to change as did my attitudes and thinking. I started to take on a more human appearence. No longer was there enough stimulation in crapping into my own hand and throwing it at passers by, or exposing my genitals and red arse in public whilst screaming....oh...oh....ah...ah...ah.... I needed more from life.
My teenage years were slightly better as they spanned the 70's where thanks to people like Jason King with his thick sideburns and John Travolta with his slashed shirts and exposed chest, hirsuteness was more fashionable, I even managed to find a girlfriend for a brief period. Sandra was a lovely girl, but my devolpment wasn't complete and my dislike for a soft bed in preference to high ledges such as windowsills for love making left her edgy and nervous, as well as damaging a nerve in her neck, the relationship didn't last.
It wasn't until some years later that I met the woman who would change my life. I first saw mrs davej at a local lido. I had always been good at swimming and swinging from trees and with the lack of trees that were close enough together to swing from up Romford high street, swimming became my sport of choice. I walked into the lido to the usual hoots and hollers that I had gotton used to and immediately noiticed one woman who was standing quietly alone not joining in with the crowd. I noticed that she was stood on one long slender leg in what appeared to be the dappled light of a tree, which gave her a soft gentle appearence, yet there wasn't a tree anywhere to be seen, . It was only when I got closer to her that I could see that the dappled appearence was no more than a severe case of cellulite that I realised the reason for this phenomenum. The long slender leg that she stood on, supported a shapely body and her other leg was neatly layed across her sports bag and was made from the finest of Indian hardwoods with a gentle fretwork of carvings up it's length. We talked for a while and it was apparent that we had both suffered similar hardships because of our appearence.
After what seemed like an age, we gently held hands and lowered ourselves into the water to swim together, this wasn't immediately succesfull as I did what I was used to doing and started to swim lengths of the pool, mrs davej tried to join me, but her missing leg just meant that she went around in circles, however I could see that she was enjoying my company each time we passed one another.
Our relationship blossomed and we enjoyed the simple things in life that kept us away from the public gaze, with long walks in the country being a favourite. Mrs davej could walk surprising long distances on her wooden leg and provided we choose a route that avoided the need to negotiate any cattle grids, all was well. I t was a wonderfull summer.
As we both fell in love, we wanted to experiance newer more exciting things, yet found ourselves shunned where ever we went, it was at this point that we found this site and a re-newed hope. The atitudes were different, we could see that there was acceptance and we have found through munches and the like, that we have fitted in better here than elsewhere. Weve searched the adverts for another couple that are looking for a cellulite ladened, one legged woman, that can only swim in circles, with a hairy ape like partner, who can only have sex in the boughs of a tree or on top of a wardrobe in a nest of straw and as yet found nobody yet we live in hope.
Unlike the rest of you I wasn't concieved in the standard way and was in fact born from a D.N.A. experiament whereby the semen of a well preserved prehistoric sapien found in the frozen tundra of Peru and given the name Stig, was used to inseminate a female chimpanzee by the name of Dorothy (my birth mother)
Dorothy bore me on April 1st 1958 against all the odds, furthermore apart from my likeness to my mother intially, which the doctors were not expecting, the only other defect at birth was found on my feet where both big toes were fused to the adjoining toe. I'm told that the doctors at the time discussed if they should seperate the toes immediately whilst the bones were soft, but came to the decision that it wasn't unsightly nor a hinderence and that this would not affect my life. I bear those doctors no malice as this was 1958 and they could not have predicted the changes in fashion that would make flip flops into the worlds best selling footwear and therefore the subsequent abuse and humiliation of being the only child on the beach with my bucket and spade digging sand castles whilst wearing wellington boots.
As I grew older my body started to change as did my attitudes and thinking. I started to take on a more human appearence. No longer was there enough stimulation in crapping into my own hand and throwing it at passers by, or exposing my genitals and red arse in public whilst screaming....oh...oh....ah...ah...ah.... I needed more from life.
My teenage years were slightly better as they spanned the 70's where thanks to people like Jason King with his thick sideburns and John Travolta with his slashed shirts and exposed chest, hirsuteness was more fashionable, I even managed to find a girlfriend for a brief period. Sandra was a lovely girl, but my devolpment wasn't complete and my dislike for a soft bed in preference to high ledges such as windowsills for love making left her edgy and nervous, as well as damaging a nerve in her neck, the relationship didn't last.
It wasn't until some years later that I met the woman who would change my life. I first saw mrs davej at a local lido. I had always been good at swimming and swinging from trees and with the lack of trees that were close enough together to swing from up Romford high street, swimming became my sport of choice. I walked into the lido to the usual hoots and hollers that I had gotton used to and immediately noiticed one woman who was standing quietly alone not joining in with the crowd. I noticed that she was stood on one long slender leg in what appeared to be the dappled light of a tree, which gave her a soft gentle appearence, yet there wasn't a tree anywhere to be seen, . It was only when I got closer to her that I could see that the dappled appearence was no more than a severe case of cellulite that I realised the reason for this phenomenum. The long slender leg that she stood on, supported a shapely body and her other leg was neatly layed across her sports bag and was made from the finest of Indian hardwoods with a gentle fretwork of carvings up it's length. We talked for a while and it was apparent that we had both suffered similar hardships because of our appearence.
After what seemed like an age, we gently held hands and lowered ourselves into the water to swim together, this wasn't immediately succesfull as I did what I was used to doing and started to swim lengths of the pool, mrs davej tried to join me, but her missing leg just meant that she went around in circles, however I could see that she was enjoying my company each time we passed one another.
Our relationship blossomed and we enjoyed the simple things in life that kept us away from the public gaze, with long walks in the country being a favourite. Mrs davej could walk surprising long distances on her wooden leg and provided we choose a route that avoided the need to negotiate any cattle grids, all was well. I t was a wonderfull summer.
As we both fell in love, we wanted to experiance newer more exciting things, yet found ourselves shunned where ever we went, it was at this point that we found this site and a re-newed hope. The atitudes were different, we could see that there was acceptance and we have found through munches and the like, that we have fitted in better here than elsewhere. Weve searched the adverts for another couple that are looking for a cellulite ladened, one legged woman, that can only swim in circles, with a hairy ape like partner, who can only have sex in the boughs of a tree or on top of a wardrobe in a nest of straw and as yet found nobody yet we live in hope.
:x :x :x
Sex God
Quote by davej
I shall be having words with my doctor and the institution for allowing these photographs into the public domain. I don't blame you Silk and Big G, your only doing what people that I've met in my life before have done, poking fun through your ignorance, perhaps now is the time to explain myself because only then will you perhaps rethink your reactions.
Unlike the rest of you I wasn't concieved in the standard way and was in fact born from a D.N.A. experiament whereby the semen of a well preserved prehistoric sapien found in the frozen tundra of Peru and given the name Stig, was used to inseminate a female chimpanzee by the name of Dorothy (my birth mother)
Dorothy bore me on April 1st 1958 against all the odds, furthermore apart from my likeness to my mother intially, which the doctors were not expecting, the only other defect at birth was found on my feet where both big toes were fused to the adjoining toe. I'm told that the doctors at the time discussed if they should seperate the toes immediately whilst the bones were soft, but came to the decision that it wasn't unsightly nor a hinderence and that this would not affect my life. I bear those doctors no malice as this was 1958 and they could not have predicted the changes in fashion that would make flip flops into the worlds best selling footwear and therefore the subsequent abuse and humiliation of being the only child on the beach with my bucket and spade digging sand castles whilst wearing wellington boots.
As I grew older my body started to change and the my attitudes and thinking changed as I started to take on a more human appearence. No longer was there enough stimulation in crapping into my own hand and throwing it at passers by, or exposing my genitals and red arse in public whilst screaming....oh...oh....ah...ah...ah.... I needed more from life.
My teenage years were slightly better as they spanned the 70's where thanks to people like Jason King with his thick sideburns and John Travolta with his slashed shirts and exposed chest, hirsuteness was more fashionable, I even managed to find a girlfriend for a brief period. Sandra was a lovely girl, but my devolpment wasn't complete and my dislike for a soft bed in preference to high ledges such as windowsills for love making left her edgy and nervous, as well as damaging a nerve in her neck, the relationship didn't last.
It wasn't until some years later that I met the woman who would change my life. I first saw mrs davej at a local lido. I had always been good at swimming and swinging from trees and with the lack of trees that were close enough together to swing from up Romford high street, swimming became my sport of choice. I walked into the lido to the usual hoots and hollers that I had gotton used to and immediately noiticed one woman who was standing quietly alone not joining in with the crowd. I noticed that she was stood on one long slender leg in what appeared to be the dappled light, which gave her a soft gentle appearence yet there wasn't a tree anywhere to be seen, . It was only when I got closer to her that I could see that the dappled appearence was no more than a severe case of cellulite that I realised the reason for this phenomenum. The long slender leg that she stood on supported a shapely body and her other leg was neatly layed across her sports bag and was made from the finest of Indian hardwoods with a gentle fretwork of carvings up it's length. We talked for a while and it was apparent that we had both suffered similar hardships because of our appearence.
After what seemed like an age we gently held hands and lowered ourselves into the water to swim together, this wasn't immediately succesfull as I did what I was used to doing and started to swim lengths of the pool, mrs davej tried to join me but her missing leg just meant that she went around in circles, however I could see that she was enjoying my company each time we passed one another.
Our relationship blossomed and we enjoyed the simple things in life that kept us away from the public gaze, with long walks in the country being a favourite, mrs davej could walk surprising long distances on her wooden leg and provided we choose a route that avoided the need to negotiate any cattle grids all was well. I t was a wonderfull summer.
As we both fell in love, we wanted to experiance newer more exciting things yet found ourselves shunned where ever we went, it was at this point that we found this site and a re-newed hope. The atitudes were different, we could see that there was acceptance and we have found through munches and the like that we have fitted in better here than elsewhere. Weve searched the adverts for another couple that are looking for a cellulite ladened, one legged woman that can only swim in circles with a hairy ape like partner who can only have sex in the boughs of a tree or on top of a wardrobe in a nest of straw and as yet found nobody yet we live in hope.
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Sex God
Potentially classic thread from Silk - kicked into overdrive by Davej. What a combination!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Sex God
Quote by gummy
Dave j I love it just Love it
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
gummy are you taking the piss, cos them jumping things look very similar to some of my aunts and uncles.
Sex God
Quote by davej
Dave j I love it just Love it
:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
gummy are you taking the piss, cos them jumping things look very similar to some of my aunts and uncles.
FFS will you stop harking back to your ancestors. It's already established that you are our future (heaven help us - so long as it swings eh? - Geddit?)
This is worthy of some real serious research. Just think of it. Mr and Mrs Davej's progeny might have only one leg - so how d'you keep yer head up your ass then? This has serious implications for us all. The answer is to go out and shag as many three-legged people as you can - purely as a contingency measure you understand.
Sex God
Quote by westerross
Potentially classic thread from Silk - kicked into overdrive by Davej. What a combination!
I just think he's talented
Sex God
Quote by Silk and Big G
Potentially classic thread from Silk - kicked into overdrive by Davej. What a combination!
I just think he's talented
Ahem, I hadn't noticed modest behaviour being the strong suit before this but...
:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:My side are hurting me so much .... I read it outloud to Morbius who sat wide eyed saying OMG I used to go to Romford Lido !!!!!
Davej ...
:worship::worship::worship::worship::worship: you are undoubtedly one of the funniest men I've ever "met".C xx
Sex God
Quote by Calista
My side are hurting me so much .... I read it outloud to Morbius who sat wide eyed saying OMG I used to go to Romford Lido !!!!!
Davej ...
C xx
why thank you calista, however it wasn't my intention to be amusing, I simply wanted to paint a picture of how difficult life has been for me and mrs davej given our problems, especially when it comes to meeting folk in this lifestyle.
We have tried going dogging both as viewers and participants. The viewing proved a disaster as my predisposition towards climbing trees for safety meant that I never got to see anything unless the sun roof was opened, something that people seldom do. Our attempts at showing were just as embarrasing, mrs davej wound down the window and put her leg up on the dash board for one of the guys to stroke it and he buggered off back to his van and came back with a tin of Cuprinol Fence Life and some sandpaper.
No we will continue with our adverts and our stoic outlook, but it aint easy.
Sex God
Quote by Calista
but it aint easy.
OMG are you intimating that easy has a wooden leg too :shock: :shock:
I'm sure thats the case, I did overhear countess call him stumpy once and just assumed
Sex God
Quote by westerross
Potentially classic thread from Silk - kicked into overdrive by Davej. What a combination!
I just think he's talented
Ahem, I hadn't noticed modest behaviour being the strong suit before this but...
Ah cause its Silky at the keys, G is resting his weary self. Mind you though, if he were awake!! :wink:
Sex God
Quote by Silk and Big G
Ah cause its Silky at the keys, G is resting his weary self. Mind you though, if he were awake!!
Either way your a great couple and thanks for not chewing me off for being a prat yesterday.
Sex God
Quote by westerross
Ah cause its Silky at the keys, G is resting his weary self. Mind you though, if he were awake!!
Either way your a great couple and thanks for not chewing me off for being a prat yesterday.
Dont be daft! Silly sod.... :wink:
Sex God
Im awake now and having nothing to add to genius I laugh and bow to Davej ( proper funny bloke).
Save just to say that Mr and Mrs Davej are are great couple , and could only be described as extraordinary !
Save just to say that Mr and Mrs Davej are are great couple , and could only be described as extraordinary !
Sex God
Quote by davej
My side are hurting me so much .... I read it outloud to Morbius who sat wide eyed saying OMG I used to go to Romford Lido !!!!!
Davej ...
C xx
why thank you calista, however it wasn't my intention to be amusing, I simply wanted to paint a picture of how difficult life has been for me and mrs davej given our problems, especially when it comes to meeting folk in this lifestyle.
We have tried going dogging both as viewers and participants. The viewing proved a disaster as my predisposition towards climbing trees for safety meant that I never got to see anything unless the sun roof was opened, something that people seldom do. Our attempts at showing were just as embarrasing, mrs davej wound down the window and put her leg up on the dash board for one of the guys to stroke it and he buggered off back to his van and came back with a tin of Cuprinol Fence Life and some sandpaper.
No we will continue with our adverts and our stoic outlook, but it aint easy.
davej, you have my utmost respect!
i don't know quite how i missed your post, but i'm glad i did. normally, seeing the :rotflmao: of some of our less well informed members, well i'd have no doubt launched into a complete feckin' rant, but i'm trying not to do that these days. nevertheless, i can only admire your heartfelt and honest post, and say
to the knockers, who clearly cannot possibly know what it's like to overcome such a piss poor start in life. 
no wonder you resorted to gangsterism as you tried to find your way in the world is it? i'm sure the strength of a gorilla came in quite handy, and hopefully you found your niche? 
i'm glad you found Mrs DaveJ when you did, though i imagine the woodworm treatments have been a strain on your marriage ever since. not so easy to find a cunningly wrought teak leg in these PC Save the rainforest times is it?
and i'm also heartily pleased that nature has at last been kind to you, and solved the whole hirsute thingumbob for you once and for all! :)
with respect and admiration,
neilinleeds x x x ;)
Sex God
Quote by neilinleeds
i'm glad you found Mrs DaveJ when you did, though i imagine the woodworm treatments have been a strain on your marriage ever since. not so easy to find a cunningly wrought teak leg in these PC Save the rainforest times is it?
At last someone who has an understanding of the problems.
The use of woods from sustainable sources has meant that mrs davej has had to go through several changes of leg over the years, it's one of those red tape nightmares where the whole thing is so large that Brussels and the like cannot make exceptions or sub rules, so they just apply blanket policies, we are easy going folk that take this things in our stride (or as mrs davej jokingly says a stride an a clump) and have accepeted the changes in the materials used with good grace, however having to queue up at Jewsons to get her leg stress graded and stamped each time she puts a few pounds on, is in my opinion, a humiliating process we could do without.
The only other big downside is the maintenance. We all know the multiude of things that need arranging and attending to through the year that are so easily forgotton or allowed to slip down the list because of financial restraint such as, the gas boiler service, servicing on cars, renewing insurance policies etc, try adding in sending your limb to a french polisher for the autumn coat of wax and lacquer before winter sets in and you will appreciate the inconveniances.
To be fair Mrs davej was supplied with a second cheaper leg made from plastic to use as a standby (no pun intended) a bit like the small spare tyre that is supplied with some cars, designed to be used at a reduced speed for a few miles just to get you out of trouble. This worked well for two years, she would send off her wooden leg and use the plastic one for a week or two until the wooden one came back, unfortunately this option was lost last winter when she fell over and badly gashed her head on the mantle piece, I couldn't understand how gashing her head had prevented her from useing her plastic leg, however it transpired that the gashed head had been the end result of an unfortunate incident when she fell asleep in front of the gas fire and suffered a partial meltdown, obviously when she awoke she wasn't aware of what had happened and it only became apparent that she was six inches shorter on her left side when she stood, albeit briefly, before falling sideways onto the mantle piece. She has recovered from this incident, however I have to be carefull that she doesn't see any repeats of the classic sketch from 'Fools and Horses' where Del Boy falls through the open bar top, as it causes her traumatic flashbacks.
Sex God
Well I dont know about anyone else, but im still waiting for Evolution to arrive at the some of the male ads in the Photo Ads Section! Some of the replies ive had are just amazing! pmsl
Sex God
One of Dj's best replies ever , but in truth we all know that its a screen for the fact that he has evolved into a beast all women fear !!
Sex God
Quote by davej
The only other big downside is the maintenance. ...., try adding in sending your limb to a french polisher for the autumn coat of wax and lacquer before winter sets in and you will appreciate the inconveniances.
I would've thought standing Mrs Davej in a bowl of creosote wouldn't have been too much trouble -
excuses, excuses. 