who seem to heavily rely upon dictatorship, we at M.A.M and our affiliates at D.A.M. and P.A.M believe that you, the people should have a chance to choose the name of your party.Our aim is to rid the world of the evil known as Marmite. As you read this, secret government agencies are using subliminal advertising via social neworking sites frequented by your children to draw them into their evil scheme. Across the country, youngsters and indeed some of the weaker adults in our society are falling prey to this plot, which will invariably lead to a life of being a social outcast.
We interviewed Chelsea* at an top secret rehab unit, set up by selfless rebel army leaders and champions of free thinking;
"During the summer, when I was spending more & more time chattin with my mates online-like on Bebo & stuff-I like, it was like, weird, I dunno. These strange urges-my Doc calls it summink called "Pica"- but I dont think it's got anythin to do wiv like Pokemon or nuffin. One minute I'd be like chattin to Donna* about Bazzer* an shit, and like the next I'd be like goin to the kitchen for some food, but like I couldn't see anyfink I wann'ed.
Then like one day I was on the computer chattin & the telly caught my eye. There was this like cute teddy thing in a blue coat, and like a hat- and then I saw this jar of stuff, and I knew it was what I wann'ed. Next day, I nicked some cash from me dad & went & got some of the gear."
That was the beginning of Chelsea's* problems, but at this point she became too distressed to talk. Some hours later, she was able to outline the effects the extract had on her life.
"For the rest of like the summer, the only time I like went out was to buy my stuff. I used to smuggle it in the house in like a bag from Clare's accessories so me mum wouldn't see it. I used to spend hours in front of me computer screen, just like dippin stuff in the jar. If I ran out, I'd like go mental, man. It got so bad, dad thought I was like on Bovril or summink. I got loads of spots man, I started to look like a proper minger.
Then I had to go back to school. My mates started to make excuses not to hang around with me. Donna* my best mate, stuck with me, but she kept like buyin me tic-tacs & stuff. Anyway, none of the blokes I used to hang out with came near me anymore, so when this bloke Gazza* asked me out, I said yes. He was the weird lad who didn't even like have a Lonsdale jacket or anyfin, but he was like the only bloke who would come near me. We met up after school, and I'd just been to like 'av a sneaky fix in the lavvs. There were like a big group of our year in McDonalds, and we were like outside the window. Gazza* went to snog me, and...."
At this point, Chelsea* becomes so distressed that her therapist calls an end to the interview. Dr * explained;
"We are seeing an increasing number of cases like Chelsea's. There is growing awareness that there is a malevolent force at work here to force dependance upon "The Extract." There is much speculation about the reasons, but evidence suggests to me that the Government, knowing that "eaters" will not be able to breed with "non-eaters" are actively trying to limit the gene pool. Beyond that, I find it too chilling to try to comprehend their possible motives."
Ladies & gentleman, the evidence is compelling. The health of our nation is at stake. Our brothers & sisters in the USA are already working in the right direction- having banned a similarly evil substance:
Together, we can make a difference. Help unite us in our cause by voting for your favourite name from the above suggestions, or putting forward one of your own. It's in your hands now. Solidarity!
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
:rotflmao: brilliant Wenchy! Now I need some Marmite on Ryvita.
maybe its you wierd people who dont like it who need help!!!
