I have a wife, I love.
Some lovers I go back to from time to time.
The occasional fuck, who I respect on some leave.
Those I chat with here, that I could call friends and would miss when they go. I would like to meet them and perhaps bed them.
Sex and affection can and does go together, but it can be damaging if one life partner thinks it challenges they relationship. Be that the person having sex or the partner.
As for myself I am confident in my wife and our relationship, and a little affection make sex more enjoyable.
Travis
I've been on the scene for few years now, and i've had some amazing lovers which i'm still great friends with. I find playing with friends more enjoyable and exciting then a stranger who i'm not going to talk to after a two week fling of sex.
It's hard to make friends in the scene that are genuine, cause lets face it, it's all abit bitchy, they is alot of jealousy, a few lies and a lot of personas. Some swingers personally worry about becoing to close and friendly, apparently your not allowed to have emotions when swinging, and you are obv going to have feelings for your friends. But i think its all bollocks, i don't know who came up with the rule, but rules are to be broken and if your a strong person i think its very possible to make friends with people who have a simular interest that your all participating together with, without it all going wrong.
we have definatly made friends through swinging a couple of which i am certain will be life long friends that we would remain in contact with even if we gave it all up tomorrow
although i have to admit it would seem the more friendlier we become with some the odder it feels to play with them don't know why but it just does
I feel underneath the surface of "just fun", "we are a very secure couple", "in total control" etc lies a very turbulent truth.
Swingers are human first and foremost, and we ALL have our moments of insecurity, jealousy, confusion and doubt (and countless other little issues).
It's so very easy to from allegiances here after a few meets and think we 'know' people.
After 20 years of marriage, we still 'learn' stuff about out partners, so it's foolish to think after a handful of meets with folks that we 'know' them.
Should then, it come as any surprise when folks aren't quite what we thought them to be. This sounds judgmental of the people we thought differently of, but it's as much a fault of those assuming far too much of others too.
Swinging can be a great fantasy, so can a thousand other things. The reality of it can also be wonderful... but, there are times when it simply isn't as great as we might have hoped, or that it does leave us feeling a great deal better.
It can absolutely drive a wedge in a relationship, regardless of how 'rock solid' folks think there partnership is.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if you THINK your relationship is unbreakable... that's just the time when you're at your weakest.
This may also sound a tad judgmental, BUT... I do sometimes worry about couples who are online at 3:00am in the morning looking for an 'extra' that very night.
Surely nobody can NEED an 'extra' that badly when you have a loving partner by your side. And if you do need an extra so badly, what is that telling you? I would think the prognosis isn't great.
So swinging and friends? I'm all for it. I have (and always will) maintain, that the best lovers are those you could have a fabulous time with even if you never laid a finger on each other. If you couldn't actually have a good time without the sex, then I'd say that choosing those folks a friends will most likely lead to disappointment.
What a great post, couldn't agree more :thumbup:
Its horses for courses I guess, but I reckon the two things work at their best kept separate. A relationship is a relationship, and swinging is swinging - for me one developing from the other is fine but trying to combine them crosses way too many boundaries and emotional complications. Try to deny them if you like, but until we can live outside reality then they will always be there in some form.
Its unlikely that swingers ie pairs of couples who had previously been conventional friends then become swingers, very rare I think. It can happen 'organically', as a major life changing event and be considered a true experience.
But most swinging relationships are manufactured reality. After all, your experiences are unlikely to have occurred, with the same simplicity as conventional relationships. They took a lot of planning and organising and selective behaviour before they happened. Love doesn't wave a magic wand over organised shagging.
What some people consider a friendship; that has developed from swinging, probably wouldn't hold up to real scrutiny by other parties. The relationship is often a secret, otherwise people will ask awkward questions which become more difficult to answer.
And that's not exactly a good basis for true, open friendship.
So I think its just an 'arrangement', type relationship. from which people can draw their own conclusions.
it's neither the hour or the extra on their own...
it's the amount of effort being put into a 'little extra' fun.
It's no different for a couple than a single I hasten to add.
I think it's more about the convenience or ease of the extra.... if so much effort is going into finding one ingredient in the recipe, surely that ingredient it starting to become critical?
It's not about the extra... definitely not. I like raspberry on my ice cream, and if I can get it, great, stick some on my cornet.... but, if I refuse to make do with my ice cream until I have the raspberry...or I am walking 10 miles to get the raspberry, it's starting to look like it's the raspberry that's the important thing and not my ice cream! Does that make sense?
It's precisely the same when a guy says in chat "I'm in Aberdeen, but I'll drive down to Brighton to meet you right now!"... there is nothing at all wrong with that, but to me, it does beg a question... blimey, THAT is keen... surely it can wait a while, and if not... why not?" it's just a sign. You can't judge every single case that way, but it's an indicator (to me) that someone's a bit TOO keen (desperate).
Perhaps I'm just way too cynical.
Sod it, it's who I am!
I was exchanging e-mails with a very nice married lady swinger. We became close, but she said she could not bed me as it would be to much like making love to an old friend, and that would be cheating her husband.
When she left her husband she came running to me. I offered her friendship, but I do not bed a woman when her mind is messed up. That was not enough for her.
Some things just do not work.
Travis
