As some (and shortly most will) know, I stopped vanilla dating a while ago. I'm now of the opinion that I don't want to even just shag, in the vanilla world :shock:
A single swinger (Swingle - TM blue) asked me recently "What's the difference between a single swinger and someone that just sleeps around ? What makes me a swinger and not just a slapper ?"
While trying to explain the way "I" view it, in Uncle Dammie mode; I used the example of shagging a random barmaid/man down the pub rather than shagging a fellow Swingle, or indeed, one half of a couple; and, the thought process of the barman - compared to the thought process of someone from "the lifestyle" And the "after thoughts and opinions" following the event.
I hope I put their mind at rest, and that they'll long continue to a member of what we call "the lifestyle"
Anyway . . . .
It got me thinking about vanillas in general. Particularly from a couple's point of view, and how I would feel about inviting a single vanilla (male or female) to join HLB and me, or us getting it on with a "vanilla" couple - someone not registered on any of the sites or not part of and experienced in, the lifestyle. And I wondered if there was a consensus amongst you lot ????
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Fucking Vanillas/Single Swingers/Just Shagging Around ???
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i was never one for *chatting-up* in pubs or wherever.. and strangely was always rather uncomfortable around mates in days of old who went out *on the pull* etc etc...
... no reflection on anyone here, or anyone in general, but I oftenfeltthere was a lot of deception involved... maybe im not being that clear there... but that was my genuine feeling...
here...or *on scene* elsewhere... I feel the approach is a lot more open by the very nature of the comunity... and as a consequence, feel a lot more comfortable with those who are comfortable with themselves...
I've strayed off the point here havent I?... if I was ever on it?
lp
... no reflection on anyone here, or anyone in general, but I oftenfeltthere was a lot of deception involved... maybe im not being that clear there... but that was my genuine feeling...
here...or *on scene* elsewhere... I feel the approach is a lot more open by the very nature of the comunity... and as a consequence, feel a lot more comfortable with those who are comfortable with themselves...
I've strayed off the point here havent I?... if I was ever on it?
lp
Quote by dambuster
A single swinger (Swingle - TM blue) asked me recently "What's the difference between a single swinger and someone that just sleeps around ? What makes me a swinger and not just a slapper ?"
While trying to explain the way "I" view it, in Uncle Dammie mode; I used the example of shagging a random barmaid/man down the pub rather than shagging a fellow Swingle, or indeed, one half of a couple; and, the thought process of the barman - compared to the thought process of someone from "the lifestyle" And the "after thoughts and opinions" following the event.
that's my view on it too. I've been told - by people on here - that i can't be a swinger because I am single. It is the "lifestyle" thing that defines me as a swinger, IMO.
Swinging with vanillas? Not likely but no impossible. I much prefer this environment even though i seem to actually have less chance of a shag than if I tried to pull on "the outside".
This is safer and I like it.
Sex God
It might be safe in some cases... but not all. I think there is just as many "Strange" people knocking about on here as the vanilla world.
But thats just my view... who would listen to me
But thats just my view... who would listen to me
Sex God
Quote by dambuster
A Particularly from a couple's point of view, and how I would feel about inviting a single vanilla (male or female) to join HLB and me, or us getting it on with a "vanilla" couple - someone not registered on any of the sites or not part of and experienced in, the lifestyle. And I wondered if there was a consensus amongst you lot ????
But wouldn't that just make them instantaneous, but inexperienced, swingers?
Being registered on a site doesn't make you a swinger does it?
The only question is whether the experience of being with you and HLB constitutes an attitude of mind. I think the mere fact that they want to be with you does constitute an attitude of mind and I'm sure they'd have afterthoughts and opinions, which may not be matured and may not last but they'd be swinging.
Sorry, if I'm missing the point and not answering your question.
The thing that intrigues me though is the maturing process. We've not been swinging long as a couple as most of you will know. Having my better half (and that's not a cliché!) join me after I started has been quite an education. I know I made mistakes in my early days
but to watch a loved one pick up bruises is quite salutary. You'd think I should be able to guide her through - but that is virtually impossible.Sorry Dammie - if you regard this as a hi-jack I'll remove it and maybe start another thread on it.
.
Quote by Marya_Northeast
Swinging with vanillas? Not likely but no impossible.
I much prefer this environment even though i seem to actually have less chance of a shag than if I tried to pull on "the outside".
aint that the truth!
I dunno about it being 'safer', more comfortable perhaps, when you 'click' with someone, but I'm starting to think I get that more with vanillas (bi fems andsingle blokes :shock: ) these days than I do with people who are part of the lifetsyle
I dont think that you have to be registered ona site to be a swinger. I have some friends who are a couple who have never been on any site but have been swinging for years amongst a certain group of friends that they have.
I think that as a single swinger its all about state of mind. Your views about the lifestyle change dramtically once youve crossed over from vanilla to swinger. I think that a lot more respect is/or should be involved in a swinging situation rather than a vanilla one. But hey dont quote me on that, its early in the morning and i havent woke up properly yet
Louise xx
I think that as a single swinger its all about state of mind. Your views about the lifestyle change dramtically once youve crossed over from vanilla to swinger. I think that a lot more respect is/or should be involved in a swinging situation rather than a vanilla one. But hey dont quote me on that, its early in the morning and i havent woke up properly yet
Louise xx
Quote by louise_and_joe
I dont think that you have to be registered ona site to be a swinger.
And the other way around I reckon - you don't have to be a swinger to be registered on the site.......
but that got me thinking too - if the "lifestyle" is a state of mind, then do you actually have to have physical sex with others to be a swinger??
Take Easy for example? Sorry Easy, hope you don't mind me mentioning you...... he's on the site, he's got that 'open mindedness', tolerance and acceptance of peoples sexual lifestyles, he's flirty, and like a pig in mud at the munches - but he doesn't actually partake in the sexual side of it all........ personally I would class Easy more of a swinger than a fair few people on here that are purely out for a free shag
A couple of years ago, I told someone I knew very well about this site, about swinging etc. Although really shocked, she was also pretty curious about it all - but couldn't understand the mentality, mainly the non jealousy side of things.
Anyway, about 3 weeks later, she phoned me up soooooo excited - she had just gone out and had a 3some with a couple!!! :shock: It was then my turn to be shocked :shock: completely floored actually, was the last thing I expected :shock: :happy:
She enjoyed it, talked about it loads - but it was a one off, something I don't think she would've repeated ...... although she may have wanted to partake in another scenario (sorry, past tense here, cos she's no longer with us
), a MMF 3some she also was curious about.But like I said, once she had done it, she wasn't particularly interested again - also, after the initial curiosity and questions, she didn't really talk about the scene after that........ so was she a swinger or a vanilla??
:dunno: :dunno: Sex God
Quote by Missy
And the other way around I reckon - you don't have to be a swinger to be registered on the site.......
Oh so true. I consider I was a swinger well before any sexual engagement on here. (I may not have been so clear about it at the time but I am now.)
Quote by Missy
But like I said, once she had done it, she wasn't particularly interested again - also, after the initial curiosity and questions, she didn't really talk about the scene after that........ so was she a swinger or a vanilla??
Like I said above - she was a swinger - albeit for a while. An attitude of mind is not a permanent state.
.
Sorry if i'm maligning anybody, but from what I have observed since I have been a member of this site I think that a lot of the single guys are only here for the free shag aspect too. Therefore does that make them swingers in the making or vanillas in disguise? I feel very strongly about rooms I have seen opened which denigrate women ... ones with slag, slut or other derogatory terms aimed at the female population. Surely these are vanilla terms which have no part in a swinging lifestyle???? Or am I missing the point completely? I would welcome others views here.
Sex God
Quote by Lilmiss
It might be safe in some cases... but not all. I think there is just as many "Strange" people knocking about on here as the vanilla world.
But thats just my view... who would listen to me
Not only listen, but I agree.
Sex God
Quote by buckingfabe
Sorry if i'm maligning anybody, but from what I have observed since I have been a member of this site I think that a lot of the single guys are only here for the free shag aspect too. Therefore does that make them swingers in the making or vanillas in disguise? I feel very strongly about rooms I have seen opened which denigrate women ... ones with slag, slut or other derogatory terms aimed at the female population. Surely these are vanilla terms which have no part in a swinging lifestyle???? Or am I missing the point completely? I would welcome others views here.
I presume you're referring to the chatroom.
I wouldn't think that levelling that accusation at singles is fair. I've seen rooms titled along the lines of 'See My Slut wife fucked'.
Whilst I am no way in favour of women being denigrated against their will, I am sure that there are many who enjoy playing the 'slut'. And I think that sort of term has a place wherever there are people who wish to use it - whether they be swingers or not.
And, I think you are maligning some people by making the generalisation about singles. There are some absolutley top dollar singles about who uphold the ethos of swinging better than a lot of couples.
.
Quote by buckingfabe
Sorry if i'm maligning anybody, but from what I have observed since I have been a member of this site I think that a lot of the single guys are only here for the free shag aspect too. Therefore does that make them swingers in the making or vanillas in disguise?
Makes perfect sense to me :thumbup:
I've often said there's a difference between a single person looking for a shag and a Swingle.
I'm happy to invite Swingles to join us for a threesome.
I'm wouldn't be comfortable with a single person looking for a shag.
Quote by some buffoon
. . . or us getting it on with a "vanilla" couple - someone not registered on any of the sites or not part of and experienced in, the lifestyle.
:kick:Very, very poorly worded.
The membership of a site is pretty much irrelevant. I wanted to somehow make the distinction between vanilla and swingers. But - by playing/wife swapping/being in the situation, would alter the "description/label"
Quote by Sassy-Seren
that's my view on it too. I've been told - by people on here - that i can't be a swinger because I am single. It is the "lifestyle" thing that defines me as a swinger, IMO.
Couldn't have said it better myself :thumbup:
thirded
also, if im going to be defined, i will do it myself.
i could go out and cop off in vanilla world all weekend, but it would be pot luck as to what i brought home.
as a single swinger, i can choose carefully based on chat, similar interests, mutual respect and expect a good time with someone on the same wavelength. as opposed to a quick shag with some pissed up bloke from a nightclub who wouldnt know a pulsatron if i hit him with it. i wouldnt hit anyone with my pulsatron its far too precious
i know which i prefer
Im thinking about giving up vanilla dating. I feel bad as the ladies I date do seem to like me and want more than I am ready for. I just want to have fun. I dont want to be a scum bag type who misleads and hurt feelings. It also means I dont get any! Vanilla lady daters rarely sleep with a bloke they really like until he shows that he is interested in the same things they want. Catch 22.
Quote by sexkittenhfx
that's my view on it too. I've been told - by people on here - that i can't be a swinger because I am single. It is the "lifestyle" thing that defines me as a swinger, IMO.
Couldn't have said it better myself :thumbup:
thirded
also, if im going to be defined, i will do it myself.
i could go out and cop off in vanilla world all weekend, but it would be pot luck as to what i brought home.
as a single swinger, i can choose carefully based on chat, similar interests, mutual respect and expect a good time with someone on the same wavelength. as opposed to a quick shag with some pissed up bloke from a nightclub who wouldnt know a pulsatron if i hit him with it. i wouldnt hit anyone with my pulsatron its far too precious
i know which i prefer
... and that is what i meant by "safer".
Sex God
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Sorry if i'm maligning anybody, but from what I have observed since I have been a member of this site I think that a lot of the single guys are only here for the free shag aspect too. Therefore does that make them swingers in the making or vanillas in disguise?
Makes perfect sense to me :thumbup:
I've often said there's a difference between a single person looking for a shag and a Swingle.
I'm happy to invite Swingles to join us for a threesome.
I'm wouldn't be comfortable with a single person looking for a shag.
Slap on the wrists fer Choon! I implied that BF generalised about singles and she didn't - sorry - my mistake. (My only excuse is I've been poorly - but that's wearing a bit thin now!
)The question this post raises is 'What tests/questions do you apply, HLB, to determine which is which?'
I was operating effectively as a single here for quite a while before Angelica joined me. I would be devastated if people thought I was just looking for a shag.
There are a few things that, I think, marked me out as a swinger as opposed to the seeker of a shag (one or two mistakes apart
) - but I'm not sure there is anything so universal that it is an acid test. Maybe we're looking at 'for instances' here or is it your instinct/judgement of human character - can one put one's finger on it?I'd be interested to know.
.
Quote by westerross
A Particularly from a couple's point of view, and how I would feel about inviting a single vanilla (male or female) to join HLB and me, or us getting it on with a "vanilla" couple - someone not registered on any of the sites or not part of and experienced in, the lifestyle. And I wondered if there was a consensus amongst you lot ????
But wouldn't that just make them instantaneous, but inexperienced, swingers?
Being registered on a site doesn't make you a swinger does it?
Being registered here, or anywhere, doesn't make you a swinger. Not in the slightest. In the same way that attendance to a club doesn't.
But I think you answered your own question about "instantaneous, but inexperienced" with this . . .
. . . . . whether the experience of being with you and HLB constitutes an attitude of mind.
"an attitude of mind"
By and large, and I'm fully aware what a sweeping generalisation this is, it falls to what 'random barman' thinks about the experience and what he thinks of the people involved.
Is he . . . . . . . . .
(in his mind)
shagging some slapper while her boyfriend watches ?
giving her what her boyfriend can't ?
just simply getting his rocks off ?
These "accusations" could of course be levelled at some of the people that wear the 'swinger' badge. The main difference being that they would try to say the right things to deflect the accusation
Quote by westerross
The question this post raises is 'What tests/questions do you apply, HLB, to determine which is which?'
There's no set questions, but there are things that people have said in general conversation that have put me off swinging with them.
Sometimes it's not even anything they've said it's just the way I've observed them interacting with people.
I'm not going to divulge what it is and it's only my opinion so others may see it differently, but it works for me.
Sex God
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
The question this post raises is 'What tests/questions do you apply, HLB, to determine which is which?'
There's no set questions, but there are things that people have said in general conversation that have put me off swinging with them.
Sometimes it's not even anything they've said it's just the way I've observed them interacting with people.
I'm not going to divulge what it is and it's only my opinion so others may see it differently, but it works for me.
Fair answer. And I think in many ways it also answers the perennial question of what constitutes a swinger - although I think Dammie has come closest to it for me in the post above.
I wasn't prying by the way - just interested.
:lol: I've just had a vision of a bundle of 'out for a shag' artists sitting at their screens all disappointed by the fact that they are not going to get the key to life, the universe and everything..
Sex God
Quote by westerross
.
The answer to that is easy: 42
Quote by westerross
Oh - a fair few try
If only they new just how easy it is.
I was tempted to post a list of her "switches" - but, discretion being the better part of valour . . . . . . .
I dare not :scared:
I even found a new one the other day :wink:
Sex God
Quote by dambuster
Oh - a fair few try
If only they new just how easy it is.
I was tempted to post a list of her "switches" - but, discretion being the better part of valour . . . . . . .
I dare not :scared:
I even found a new one the other day :wink:
Not wishing to talk about a lady in her absence - but I bet they all have a high fuse rating!!
.
Sex God
<<<<<<< Choon vacates the domestic!! 
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