Hardened Swingers

21 Aug 2007

I must say that I feel a little out of my league when around hardened swingers. By that I mean, swingers with lots of experience who seem to be always at it lol

so to speak.
Now I wonder if the persona of being a hardened swinger is a good or a bad thing?
Would it get you more interest or would it hinder you?
Do you prefer meeting up with people who know exactly what they are doing?
Or do you prefer the more inexperienced swingers with a little to learn?
Me personally, I mostly prefer the more inexperienced swingers, that way if I do something wrong, they probably will aswell and I wouldnt feel so bad :lol:
Whats your thoughts?
louise xx

21 Aug 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
Me personally, I mostly prefer the more inexperienced swingers, that way if I do something wrong, they probably will aswell and I wouldnt feel so bad

What is there to get wrong? If you know what you want out of swinging, have discussed it between you, set your limits and are honest with anyone you meet, how can you 'do something wrong'? Spend more time doing and less time pondering. :lol:

21 Aug 2007

We are very new and green with no proper meets as yet. My lady has picked up a couple of blokes when she goes out (with my blessing of course) hump

, but not yet had a proper meet up we are still very nervous and the idea of our first meetings being with a hardened swinger/s I think would make us even more nervous.
But saying that I suppose it would all depend on what the other person or people are like we wouldn't wanted to be treated with kid gloves but don't want to be bullied either.
Its probably not how hardened the swingers are, but what they are like as people that makes the differance an idiot is an idiot how matter how much or little they swing. But I know nothing, so maybe due to our lack of experance I am talking poo. :confused2:

21 Aug 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
I must say that I feel a little out of my league when around hardened swingers.

I don't mind as long as they're nice people.
I'm not a hardened swinger so I'm in awe of people who seem able to get meets so easily, but I'd hate it if they were arrogant with it. There's no need for that.
Inexperienced people are probably easier to relax with providing they're not too nervous.
I don't really know though, but I think personalities are the key.

21 Aug 2007

Quote by Catcorb
Its probably not how hardened the swingers are, but what they are like as people that makes the differance an idiot is an idiot how matter how much or little they swing. But I know nothing, so maybe due to our lack of experance I am talking poo. :confused2:

:thumbup:

Quote by bbw_lover
I must say that I feel a little out of my league when around hardened swingers.

I don't mind as long as they're nice people.
I don't really know though, but I think personalities are the key.
Agree there bbwlover, I too think this is down to personalities mainly, naturally experienced swingers are more at ease but I think that can perhaps calm more nervous newbies.
pink x

21 Aug 2007

personally i think for me when i hear "were hardened swingers" i do shy away and think to myself perfection in swinging even though there is no right or wrong way i would prefer to play with someone who are part timers anyway at the risk of sounding horrible i would think hey they part time swingers to they picked us or we we pickked them obviously because we like them bla bla and not because we are on some long list of to dos :shock: :sticky:
duno it it makes much sence and just my opinions lol

21 Aug 2007

I always thought a hardened swinger was a guy with a permanent stiffy and a women with solid nipples :shock:
rotflmao

21 Aug 2007

Quote by northwest-cpl
Me personally, I mostly prefer the more inexperienced swingers, that way if I do something wrong, they probably will aswell and I wouldnt feel so bad

What is there to get wrong? If you know what you want out of swinging, have discussed it between you, set your limits and are honest with anyone you meet, how can you 'do something wrong'? Spend more time doing and less time pondering. :lol:
I do agree with you there but im sure that a few people have had a few hiccups in the early days.
Pondering seems to be my main pastime this week rolleyes

:lol: but I am doing on Friday wink

maybe thats why im pondering dunno

louise xx

21 Aug 2007

I always think of a hardened swinger as someone who you meet and find them cold and expecting.. just sort of ''well were here lets shag then''
Experience is one thing... arrogance with it is quite another..
Mike xx

21 Aug 2007

Quote by mdr2000
I always think of a hardened swinger as someone who you meet and find them cold and expecting.. just sort of ''well were here lets shag then''
Experience is one thing... arrogance with it is quite another..
Mike xx

I think that is what I meant too in a round about way :thumbup:
I suppose it does come down to personality.
Louise xx

21 Aug 2007

But what is an hardened swinger and how do you judge if a person falls into this category? Actually, what right have we to judge?
Is it someone who has been 'around' for a while or someone who has had loads of meets? What about the people who have been on this site for years, but who may have only met with a couple of people? What about the ones who only do soft swing, but again, have had loads of meets? Are these hardened?
Personally, I would make my mind up once I had got to know a person and their personality, rather than look at experience of lack of. I find also find the saying 'hardened' very insulting and not a nice way to describe anyone, especially when I dont even know what an 'hardened' swinger actually is.

21 Aug 2007

i always categorised a hardened swinger someone who played with just about anyone regardless of wether they were actually attracted to them!

21 Aug 2007

Louise

please dont ponder to yourself, I love your posts wink

As I said, I dont know what an hardened swinger is. We have been on the site for years but hardly ever swing. We go dogging as often as possible but we play together with the car doors locked and windows shut (and it has to be dark or I blush).
Just because some people do come across as being very experienced redface

it doesnt mean they are. They probably just have a gobby mare like me :wink:
Right, can anyone help me get some experience :twisted:

21 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
Louise please dont ponder to yourself, I love your posts

Ohh ok then lol

:kiss:
louise xx

21 Aug 2007

Quote by flower411
Is it me ?? Or has a post or two gone missing from this thread ??
I was just settling down to say something and I`ve lost track now !!! :shock:

I did retract a post. Crossed wires occured but all sorted now.
louise xx

21 Aug 2007

Quote by flower411
Phew !! thanks for that I thought I`d lost the plot for a moment there !!

At least you only thought you had lost it, I know Ive lost it wink

But back to the topic, I do think that it probably makes it easier if everyone involved knows exactly what the others want, and I dont think that experience should matter if all rules and boundaries are adhered to.
However, in the case of 2 couples, if both are fairly inexperienced, how do you get things started (Im off to read SRNE's post on swinging games before anyone directs me to it) :lol:

21 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple

Phew !! thanks for that I thought I`d lost the plot for a moment there !!

At least you only thought you had lost it, I know Ive lost it wink

But back to the topic, I do think that it probably makes it easier if everyone involved knows exactly what the others want, and I dont think that experience should matter if all rules and boundaries are adhered to.
However, in the case of 2 couples, if both are fairly inexperienced, how do you get things started (Im off to read SRNE's post on swinging games before anyone directs me to it) :lol:
Again I think the success of this comes down to personalities (and attraction obviously). Our first ever meet was with another brand new couple, we had met socially before hand, arranged our meet, planned it well, drinks in bar beforehand took a game to get started in the hotel room (again neutral ground), and even though we were all nervous we all had outgoing enough personalities to make it happpen without too much embarrasment or faffing about!
Conversely, having spoken to a few new couples recently who have been let down by scared newbies backing out last minute or not got anywhere cause all 4 are too scared or shy to make a move!
pink x

21 Aug 2007

I have yet to become a hardened swinger, it is rather daunting when u see how organised they are.
With time it'll be good to be a regular

21 Aug 2007

I agree with Mr-Powers yet think of the time when I went to a party with a couple. I didn't know anyone else and wouldn't have contacted some of them through an add so does this make me a "hardened swinger"?

21 Aug 2007

i've met some of these hardened swingers i think? apparently? just socially obviously? they were mostly pussycats! lol

there's no such thing, i sometimes think, cos the whole hardened thing is very much a matter of other people's perceptions? dunno

doesn't necessarily mean too hardcore for you? ;)
it doesn't matter about experience, or lack of it, to us. what matters is attitude? sometimes the more experienced have had the right attitude, for us, and made it easy, cos they understand where we're at, and adhering to boundaries is a given, but then newbies wanting to take things slow for other reasons have their appeal at times too, and in our experience they're no better or no worse at the boundaries thing themselves? smile

neither so-called hardened swinger nor inexperienced newbie has a monopoply on the kind of mindset we look for? the right attitude seems to be fairly equally distributed? so long as we've talked to them long enough beforehand, we don't really make a distinction any more?
neil x x x ;)

21 Aug 2007

Quote by Naughty Wigan Couple
I find also find the saying 'hardened' very insulting and not a nice way to describe anyone, especially when I dont even know what an 'hardened' swinger actually is.

:thumbup:
In our first 2 years of swinging I think we would have been counted as hardened swingers. We went to a club at least once a week. However, in that time we never played with anyone else, just ourselves, so were we that hardened?
We still go to clubs at least once a week but play with other people. Are we now more hardened than hardened?
I think 'very experienced' is a nicer way of putting it. Hardened conjures up an image of people sat like spiders, waiting to pounce on unwary victims, whereas that is far removed from the reality of most experienced swingers that we know.
We never do private meets so the experienced/inexperienced thing doesn't really affect us. However, were we to arrange meets, we would be unlikely to meet with people who were very inexperienced because of the potential problems that may arise if they haven't got their act together with what they actually want to do.
Having said that, at clubs, we have played with several couples on their first foray into the scene and hopefully we all had a good time.
We all have to have made that first start and really that's something that you just have to bite the bullet and do, or not, as the case may be. We started in the club scene while the websites were very much in their infancy. We found a club via the local paper rather than the internet, so it was a case of go along and try it. We never really felt that we had been hit on or taken advantage of by people with more experience. If anything, we were left in peace because we didn't play.
As several people have said it doesn't matter how much you have done but how you behave that's important and most people on the scene, experienced or inexperienced, couple or single, respect other's limits.

21 Aug 2007

Spooky... I was thinking about the phrase "hardened swingers" and what it means only yesterday.
I came to the conclusion that it might not be such a good term to use. If you think about it, you never hear the word hardened in relation to other "occupations".
For example, when did you last meet a "hardened brick layer", or maybe a "hardened social worker"? The only other time I can think of it being used is as a prefix to "criminal" :shock:
Maybe it would be better to reference people as "experienced", "seasoned", or "matured"? Or perhaps just as.......
"A bloody good shag!" hump

:giggle:

21 Aug 2007

Quote by neilinleeds
cos the whole hardened thing is very much a matter of other people's perceptions? doesn't necessarily mean too hardcore for you? ;)

You see this is sort of my point, theres a guy ive been chatting to for quite a while, he is very experienced and what holds me back is thinking id be too inexperienced for him. Like id show myself up or something redface

how, I dont know but I cant help thinking it confused

Louise xx

21 Aug 2007

Quote by louise_and_joe
cos the whole hardened thing is very much a matter of other people's perceptions? doesn't necessarily mean too hardcore for you? ;)

You see this is sort of my point, theres a guy ive been chatting to for quite a while, he is very experienced and what holds me back is thinking id be too inexperienced for him. Like id show myself up or something redface

how, I dont know but I cant help thinking it confused

Louise xx
I guess if he's that experienced then he'll have experienced his fair share of inexperienced people, so just go for it. You never know, it could be a great learning experience for you ;-)

21 Aug 2007

If I had done 10x or 20x times more than what I've actually done I still wouldn't feel like a 'hardened swinger'.
I really like people and I really like my personality there'd be nothing 'hardened' about it if it were with one person or a dozen!

22 Aug 2007

I once meet up with a woman who spent the entire time talking about her swinging experiences and what she had done with whom. I found it all a bit off putting. Sure I knew she was an experienced swinger but I really didn't want to hear about it.
Maybe she did this to make me feel comfortable that one of us at least wasn't as nervous as hell.
Still I think it would have been a greater experience if I felt there was a thrill of adventure on both sides. Not just the same old, same old.

22 Aug 2007

My thoughts .....
as many have mentioned above - it's attitude that counts. I would consider a hardened swinger to be someone who 'goes through the motions' or is only interested in ticking the checkboxes from their own list of sexual play (and letting that show).
Hardened swingers (as a perjorative term) have robotic sex - they go though the manual with mechanical precision - maybe the terms hardened swinger and selfish swinger with experience are interchangeable
Regardless of the number of liaisons you may have had, you are not hardened if you approach each new meet with an open mind and a willingness to give value to the new experience you are about to enter. Whether you've enjoyed a similar scenario or engaged in a particular act previously, each time and each person with who you play should lead to something (even if just slightly) different.

22 Aug 2007

ukbeannie is so right.
You may have done something a thousand times before but does that make it mundane routine or something you love doing so much you've got to do it a thousand times more!

22 Aug 2007

We have been part of the lifestyle for 4 years + now and as such may be considered hardened/experienced but that couldnt be further from the truth.
In all that time I think we have met 2 couples no females and a few single guys.
As singles I have met 2 females and wife has met a couple of guys and thats it.
To us that doesnt seem like a lot given the time but to others it could be quite a lot dunno

Either way we dont consider ourselves hardened but some couples we both like the look of seem to have done a whole heap more and be into a lot more kinds of activities than we are and it does make us feel as if we are still newbies and is so daunting we dont initiate contact :-(
I dont think the wife gets particularly nervous when meeting a guy but me I am practically bricking it if I get the chance to meet anyone.

22 Aug 2007

i personally would rather meet what you call 'harden swingers' mainly cause we have met a few couples in the past who are new to this and have had lots of problems after, with them falling out cause it wasnt what they wanted/expected, couldnt handle seeing their partner with someone else etc to the point it really put me off meeting couples all together, i would sooner if they couples they be couples who know they can handle swinging, who know what they want and who arnt going to fall out after and make me feel guilty confused