Help! Letting them down gently...

27 Jul 2004

Vix & I posted our first SH ad 3 days ago, listing it in all three "couples seeking..." categories (greedy bisexual bastids that we are). :P
So far, we've received 14 replies (unsurprisingly, all from single males). To their credit, it appeared that most had read our ad and understood what we were looking for. One or two of them caught our attention, but the rest are just not for us. Nonetheless, we feel that the polite thing to do is to answer them all, regardless.
So, the question is: What's the best way to let them know that we're not interested? Just saying it like that seems a bit harsh. Any suggestions from the more experienced members on how we can let them down a bit more gently? Or are we being naive in feeling that we need to respond to each and every e-mail?
Cheers,
~Reese! surprised

27 Jul 2004

Quote by Reese
Vix & I posted our first SH ad 3 days ago, listing it in all three "couples seeking..." categories (greedy bisexual bastids that we are). :P
So far, we've received 14 replies (unsurprisingly, all from single males). To their credit, it appeared that most had read our ad and understood what we were looking for. One or two of them caught our attention, but the rest are just not for us. Nonetheless, we feel that the polite thing to do is to answer them all, regardless.
So, the question is: What's the best way to let them know that we're not interested? Just saying it like that seems a bit harsh. Any suggestions from the more experienced members on how we can let them down a bit more gently? Or are we being naive in feeling that we need to respond to each and every e-mail?
Cheers,
~Reese!

"Thanks so much for taking the time to write to us. We were very pleased to hear from you, but we don't think you're quite who we're looking for, or vice versa.
Best wishes, and hope you have a lot of fun finding the right people.
V & R"
What it boils down to is "Thanks, but no thanks", and no matter how diplomatic you try to be, it will always be a rejection. I don't think it's possible to make the recipient feel good about it, but with a little bit of tact you can, I think, at least not make them feel bad. smile

Ice

27 Jul 2004

Not an expert, in fact not even experienced, but we have had a few MMF threesomes. Like you, we had lots of replies from single (I think) males and we replied to all that warranted a reply. (We didn't bother with 'text me on *******.... ' and such like)
We always replied something like.
Dear John,
Thanks very much for your reply to our ad. As you will realise, we have had lots of replies and it has been difficult for us to choose. We do however have a certain type of person in mind and will always choose someone who seems to fit our ideal.
We were very impressed with your letter to us but unfortunately you do not quite fit with what we are looking for. I am sure that you will find someone whom you appeal to very soon as you have been very polite and open in your reply.
Good luck
R & G
I don't think we ever had a rude reply from that, in fact lots of guys wrote to show their appreciation that we had written back.
Rich

27 Jul 2004

Thanks, guys!! :thumbup:

27 Jul 2004

The fact that you're replying at all is in itself respectful. Speaking for my kind ("single" males) I have responded to about 15 ads and have had replies to less than half so even if its just thanks but no thanks, its nice to know where you stand. Personally, if someone has said no, what is the point of sending an abusive e-mail, not very likely to make someone change their mind is it

27 Jul 2004

NIce Dear John Facilitator :thumbup:
I think it's great you're replying back to say no thanks Reese. A couple of months ago I put ad in the Male seeking couples section and was amazed that I actually got a reply! So I wrote (what I thought.. lol) was a nice reply covering everything they asked of me. I never heard from them again! Fair enough they may have decided I wasn't what they were after but I would have appreciated a no thanks email at least!
Just felt a little rude to me since they contacted me first.

27 Jul 2004

Could I just add that I think the old "we have had loads of replies to our ad" bit is unnecessary and tactless. Your correspondant is not going to feel great about being told he or she is just a little fish in very big pond, and won't be impressed by what could be seen as bragging. Just stick to the point.
Ice

27 Jul 2004

Quote by Ice Pie
Could I just add that I think the old "we have had loads of replies to our ad" bit is unnecessary and tactless. Your correspondant is not going to feel great about being told he or she is just a little fish in very big pond, and won't be impressed by what could be seen as bragging. Just stick to the point.
Ice

Ice. Good point but not bragging.
The sentence actually says 'We have had lots of replies and it has been difficult to choose'
The first half of the sentence is a precursor to the second, and I feel quite fair.
Rich

27 Jul 2004

Hi,
as a single male who is also getting very little response from replying to ads, I agree that a thanks but no thanks is greatly appreciated!
Gordon

27 Jul 2004

Quote by sexyknees
Hi,
as a single male who is also getting very little response from replying to ads, I agree that a thanks but no thanks is greatly appreciated!
Gordon

I agree that a "thanks but no thanks" is appreciated... but we discovered that even with the best of intentions it was impossible to reply to all..
Carolyn and myself (Paul) placed an ad a few weeks ago looking for a single male. We had over 100 replies and whilst I had devised a cunning system to rate and file and reply to each one ( actually it was not that good a system) I could not handle the volume. I actually feel guilty about this as some that we did not reply to were well written and balanced (I don't give a fuck about the " here is my dick let me fuck your B*tch responses)..
So, the upshot is that I did my best - but we could not handle them all.. But all (well most) replies are appreciated and next time we will have a wonderful system that will allow me to reply to all (or most )
Paul

27 Jul 2004

Hi Paul,
yes I can imagine that when an ad gets hundreds of replies it can be hard, but when I get thanks but no thanks, I then make the effort to email BACK and say thanks.
Not wishing to start a long email back and forth with mutual thanks, and I do accept that no-one has an obligation to reply at all!
I suppose at least it convinces people that others are genuine.
I have seen plenty of sites full of timewasters, and suspect a lot of the ad posters are not that genuine, but there ceratinly ARE real people here!
Gordon

27 Jul 2004

I agree as an above commet. It is NICE to know you have made contact and they have bothered to reply.

27 Jul 2004

When I placed an ad I replied to every single person but I'm afraid I just used cut and paste to reply to all the ones I wasn't going to follow up.....It's just easier that way, especially when you get like 100 replies....

27 Jul 2004

Quote by Patrick Stonehouse
The fact that you're replying at all is in itself respectful. Speaking for my kind ("single" males) I have responded to about 15 ads and have had replies to less than half so even if its just thanks but no thanks, its nice to know where you stand.

Just to second what Patrick said. Back when I used to do that stuff, I replied to well over 100 ads and literally about 5 people bothered to answer, so those who did bother to write back and say no went right to the top of my "nice people" chart.
No doubt you will get some morons who take it personally though.

27 Jul 2004

Quote by DreamerHelen
When I placed an ad I replied to every single person but I'm afraid I just used cut and paste to reply to all the ones I wasn't going to follow up.....It's just easier that way, especially when you get like 100 replies....

So thats why I had 99 of the same replies Helen sad

Dave_Notts

28 Jul 2004

A reply even if its a NO is far better than no reply at all.

28 Jul 2004

Quote by Dave__Notts
When I placed an ad I replied to every single person but I'm afraid I just used cut and paste to reply to all the ones I wasn't going to follow up.....It's just easier that way, especially when you get like 100 replies....

So thats why I had 99 of the same replies Helen sad

Dave_Notts
LoL no way.......I would have replied in the positive to you hun..... wink

28 Jul 2004

Thanks, all, for your replies. I've since cobbled together a stock "turn down" message and, even though it's just cut & paste, I feel better about not leaving anyone hanging. smile

Cheers,
~Reese! surprised

28 Jul 2004

Quote by Reese
Thanks, all, for your replies. I've since cobbled together a stock "turn down" message and, even though it's just cut & paste, I feel better about not leaving anyone hanging.
Cheers,
~Reese!

You realise of course, now that you've said that, loads of people will be sending you deliberately naff replies to your ad just to check out your diplomacy skills. biggrin

Ice

28 Jul 2004

forward me the stock reply you get, Ice hun, I'm intrigued

28 Jul 2004

Quote by Ice Pie
You realise of course, now that you've said that, loads of people will be sending you deliberately naff replies to your ad just to check out your diplomacy skills.

As long as they're thoughtful enough to include nekkid piccies, I say bring 'em on! :P
~Reese! surprised

28 Jul 2004

As a single, it's always nice to have a reply, even if it is 'Thanks but no thanks'. When I reply to ads now, I don't really expect a reply, so it's a real bonus when I do get one. So keep up the good work Reese smile

What made me laugh though was a couple who replied to my ad to say 'hi. let's find out more', but then didn't reply to my reply! How does that work? confused

28 Jul 2004

case in point - today I received a thansk but no thanks reply.
I really appreciated it, and told the sender so!
Gordon

30 Jul 2004

I must say that I am impressed! I sent out 36 of our polite little "not interested" e-mails last night and, so far, I've received 6 replies thanking us for responding and wishing Vix & I the best of luck in our search! Does the heart good... smile

~Reese!

P.S. ...however, I do find myself personally responding to those who say that discretion is important because they don't want their wife or girlfriend to know - and that one's not quite so polite! mad

30 Jul 2004

Quote by Reese
I must say that I am impressed! I sent out 36 of our polite little "not interested" e-mails last night and, so far, I've received 6 replies thanking us for responding and wishing Vix & I the best of luck in our search! Does the heart good

It certainly does Reece. It's good to hear that there are some decent folk out there. Hurrah! I'm sure with this kind of attitude these people will successfully find what they are looking for.