We're swinging newbies, in case you hadn't guessed. We're full of wild ideas and looking for opportunities to try them out. The trouble being that we seem to be thwarted at just about every turn by the fact that we have a five year old. Everything else we've ever done as a couple, he's been able to tag along (as long as there's somewhere to sleep if we're going to be late.) Obviously that's not an option if you're going to a club or having a pop at dogging.
Sitters are all well and good if you're out for a few hours, but when we went to the club, we didn't get back until 3:30am. Right now, Grandad is the only one who'll have him overnight, and he's used to us asking him to do that two or three times a year. If we start asking once a fortnight, he's going to wonder what we're up to. From my point of view, I'd just tell him, but my wife wants to keep this part of our lives private when it comes to family and non-swinging friends.
I've searched and found that the subject has been mentioned on other threads, but doesn't appear to have been the prime focus anywhere before and I can't see anyone discussing specific arrangements. It's obvious that we're not the only ones in this boat, and I wonder what others do to get around the problem.
We have also used every excuse in the book for my mum and dad or sister to have the kdis for the weekend.
We do the babysitter thing but it works out an expensive night when you're paying £5 an hour and sometimes not getting in until 4!! We also think its unfair on the babysitter that we're keeping her up so late, so we started to agree on a fixed price and the babysitter stays the night. Works out well for everyone.
Its been a constant problem for us. We have no relatives who can have the kids overnight and in the end the only option was this.
Note though we still dont go overnight.
Thanks for the responses so far. It seems that nobody has the magic, quick and elegant solution that I was secretly hoping for, but there's comfort in knowing that we're not the only ones with this problem.
We really don't like telling porkies, and it's made all the worse by the fact that what we did the night before is expected to be part of the conversation when we pick him up the day after. It's one thing lying about where we're going, but having to fabricate a detailed cover story about what we did and who we saw is really pushing things.
I don't think the little fella's Grandad would refuse to sit for us if he knew what we were doing, but I equally accept that graphic details of our sex lives are not really a good topic to be discussing with parents and in-laws. As Dawnie said, some aspects are best kept private. While I'm sure our parents assume that we have sex from time to time, they're probably more comfortable believing that it's just between the pair of us.
Paid-for sitters bother me on a couple of fronts. Firstly, there's the aspect of letting a stranger into your house while you're not there (who knows what they're rummaging through or who they're bringing back?) and secondly, there's the expense, which is rather like trying to enjoy yourself while you know there's a taxi on a meter parked outside.
What would be fantastic is if we could strike up a reciprocal agreement with someone who's in exactly the same boat. Meet up, hope that the kids get along, and if they do, we can take it in turns to hold a 'sleep over' while the other parents go out and enjoy themselves. The obvious down-side of this is that the person wouldn't be CRB checked, but maybe that's just pandering to modern day British society's paranoia. We wouldn't be thinking of just dumping him with the first random person who agreed to the deal, rather we'd want to make friends with the other couple and build up some proper trust. I think I'd rather leave my child with someone who'd gained my trust over time than a random stranger who happens to have a piece of paper that really only proves that they haven't been caught doing anything untoward... yet.
Then again, what would be the legality of such an arrangement? Have reciprocal childcare agreements been officially legalised now, as long as no payment changes hands? Or have they just made exceptions under certain circumstances, while reserving the right to throw the book at someone should they feel like it?
Apologies for length. I do have a tendency to ramble.
Reciprocal childcare was never illegal and the police officers (?) should never have been interfered with over it. Of course, if it is a money-making activity there is a legal aide to it as well as the CRB thing.
Sadly I can just imagine the headlines - written by and for sad little people in la-la land - if it were to come out that one swinging couple leaves their children with another swinging couple so they can go out and have sex with a third swinging couple (or orgy, or single male etc etc etc).
Fair points foxy. Minx and I have often discussed how creche facilities would ensure a succesful swinging club but for the inevitable chin waggng.
Being a parent is always going to be at odds with swinging (unless you're one of those couples who swing alone, and then one of you can stay home with the kids :lol2: ).
However, it's not always the end of the story. As your kids get older they start to want to have sleep-overs at their friends. There are times when ours is away once or twice a week nowadays. :thumbup: The downside is that you have to reciprocate! :scared:
And if they don't see their grandparents very often they sometimes actually want to go and stay with them. That's always to be encouraged and if you both work suggesting that the young-uns could stay with the grandparents overnight can be justified as 'helping out with the holiday care'. ;-)
what about day time clubs ? Or tell a half truth and tell the family you have both decided you need to vaule each other and set aside at least 1 night a month to each other. But this can only be done if you have a reguler offer of overnight sitter. It is also the oppertunity for grandparents to bond with grandchild. X x
To be blunt. I'll use a company with a 10 year history and no abuse cases that I know of over some couple we meet over a sex site who also happen to have kids. How many meetings or how many hours of them behaving normally will be sufficient for them to look after your children overnight? Think you can know someone after 10-20 hours?
Not saying Babysitting agency's are full proof or ideal but I wouldn't touch your reciprocal arrangement idea with a barge poll. You actually seem to have relations who can look after your kids so I would make use of what time they give and be happy. We had that once now we have none. Is spinning them a yarn really that bad? cant say I ever lost any sleep over it. After all its all part and parcel of the swinging world.
How obsessed have we become when reciprocal child care arrangements are too scary to contemplate?
we can only go to clubs every couple of weeks s my dad babysits, but we cn sometime mange meet upto bout 12 as my eldest will watch youngest for a few hours
it is very hard to hve regular sitters
vickie xx
Im sorry tweeky but can you not see that I or others might be slightly concerned at the assertion that we are more likely to molest children because we are swingers?
I understand now thank you.
