Hi everyone,
Having now succesfully swung, what a way to put it, and to discover that i am slightly bi -sexual comes the hard part.
How do you tell people that you do not want to swing with them.
I hate hurting peoples feelings but cant go with someone that ifind unattractive.
this part of swinging is unsettling me as i dont want to hurt people or make any
enemies.
please post with exuses or reassurance for me.
lisamarie
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how do you tell someone no
Sex God
Quote by LisaMarie
Hi everyone,
Having now succesfully swung, what a way to put it, and to discover that i am slightly bi -sexual comes the hard part.
How do you tell people that you do not want to swing with them.
I hate hurting peoples feelings but cant go with someone that ifind unattractive.
this part of swinging is unsettling me as i dont want to hurt people or make any
enemies.
please post with exuses or reassurance for me.
lisamarie
Just tell 'em straight. You can never be criticised for being honest.
They may not like it but they should respect you for it!
:wink: 
Sex God
Quote by EagerSlut
Just tell 'em straight. You can never be criticised for being honest.
They may not like it but they should respect you for it!
Could not of said it better than my slut friend :wink:
Sex God
Thanks but no thanks?
Sex God
I find that...."FLuck off you ugly smelly piece of shite"... gets the message across 
:lol: :lol: :lol: .... But if you want to be more polite than me, just say no! You don't have to give a reason, but if they hassle you for one and you feel guilty, just say you don't fancy them.
:lol: :lol: :lol: .... But if you want to be more polite than me, just say no! You don't have to give a reason, but if they hassle you for one and you feel guilty, just say you don't fancy them. 
Sex God
Say no thanks, and put it as firmly as you possibly can. If you are too kind, or don't sound 100 per cent certain, some pushy people will exploit that uncertainty they detect, and think that you might be persuaded.
Mike.
Mike.
I always think what would and wouldn't bother me if someone turned me down, now if someone said to me "jesus your ugly i wouldn't touch you with anyones" i would be offended but if someone said to me "sorry your not my type" i wouldn't be offended by that at all, being adults we accept noone is for everyone and not everyone will like us, so i usually say that.....sorry your not my type.....and most accept that and even carry on chatting from time to time, now if they do not accept that and insist on a reason why then i feel they are rude in trying to put you on the spot, so if anyone does put you in that possition then just tell them and if what you say hurts then i think its their own fault for pushing it further.
Quote by LisaMarie
Hi everyone,
Having now succesfully swung, what a way to put it, and to discover that i am slightly bi -sexual comes the hard part.
How do you tell people that you do not want to swing with them.
I hate hurting peoples feelings but cant go with someone that ifind unattractive.
this part of swinging is unsettling me as i dont want to hurt people or make any
enemies.
please post with exuses or reassurance for me.
lisamarie
The best way i would suggest is to be open and honest... and tell them without going completely round the subject... be polite and tactful..... but stick to what you want from swinging...... its your life......
equi-princess xxx
Quote by LisaMarie
Hi everyone,
Having now succesfully swung, what a way to put it, and to discover that i am slightly bi -sexual comes the hard part.
How do you tell people that you do not want to swing with them.
I hate hurting peoples feelings but cant go with someone that ifind unattractive.
this part of swinging is unsettling me as i dont want to hurt people or make any
enemies.
please post with exuses or reassurance for me.
lisamarie
Say to them : you are a lovely person, but I am not interested, don't blame yourself it is not you, it is me and I am not nice to know.
ops: :oops: :wink: :wink: just be honest, the majority of genuine swingers will respect that. Its better to be honest than to let people think that things are going well only to discover much later that you cant go through with it or that you are not enjoying yourself. If you are polite and honest there is no reason why you should make enemies you cant be attracted to everyone u meet
Good Luck Mrs B xx
Good Luck Mrs B xx
Sex God
Hmmmm, this is an interesting question. For reasons that I won't go into here, I have never really been in a genuine swinging situation. I mean, I met my dearly beloved as a result of a contact through this site - but I have not met anyone else for a sexual encounter (neither singularly, nor as a couple nor as part of a group) - YET! :twisted: (some hope 
).
However, I have to say that the thing that has worried me most is - "What if someone wants a contact but I don't fancy them?" How do I say 'No' without causing offence. To be honest, I can see myself going through with something just to avoid upsetting someone - and that is surely NOT what swinging is about.
From what has already been said on this thread, I would hope that a polite and tactful 'No' would be acceptable. I would hate to cause offence, but don't want to be drawn into a situation where I don't feel comfortable. Quite a quandary.
Will
).However, I have to say that the thing that has worried me most is - "What if someone wants a contact but I don't fancy them?" How do I say 'No' without causing offence. To be honest, I can see myself going through with something just to avoid upsetting someone - and that is surely NOT what swinging is about.
From what has already been said on this thread, I would hope that a polite and tactful 'No' would be acceptable. I would hate to cause offence, but don't want to be drawn into a situation where I don't feel comfortable. Quite a quandary.
Will
Sexpert
Hand to heart, we do not class ourselves as anything special in the looks department and regardless of what some might say about attractive personalities, I believe that the most important issue is the opinion of that one off snap shot. Shame really as we have seen and hummed and harred over pictures only to find, beyond the picture, a couple of gorgeous people in real life!
We only get out as a couple to meet others just a handfull of times per year. Therefore, as we have one or two ads out there , we do have to say no to many, many couples based on a response rate of even 1 or 2 responses per week. HOWEVER, respond we do! We are always totally honest and make it quite clear that we can only pursue the occasional contact and do try to find the perfect match (or as near as poss)
Frankly we wouldn`t be on here , heads held high , if we knew that we were totally ignoring a perfectly decent couple, who took an interest in us and may be hanging on, awaiting a response from us...particularly if it was a situation we had initiated. Besides which, we are always waaaaaaaaaay to flattered to ignore anyone who had taken an interest in us.
foxys x
We only get out as a couple to meet others just a handfull of times per year. Therefore, as we have one or two ads out there , we do have to say no to many, many couples based on a response rate of even 1 or 2 responses per week. HOWEVER, respond we do! We are always totally honest and make it quite clear that we can only pursue the occasional contact and do try to find the perfect match (or as near as poss)
Frankly we wouldn`t be on here , heads held high , if we knew that we were totally ignoring a perfectly decent couple, who took an interest in us and may be hanging on, awaiting a response from us...particularly if it was a situation we had initiated. Besides which, we are always waaaaaaaaaay to flattered to ignore anyone who had taken an interest in us.
foxys x
I don't know the full answer to your question, lisa marie. BUT I do know that if i found out you were only partaking in a sexual activity (sorry to put it so bluntly) because you felt sorry for me, or didn't know how to say NO, then that would hurt. I don't want to find out afterwards that it wasn't fun for you......
Anyone who understands the sexual politics of swinging MUST understand it isn't shagsville a-go-go for all men. That as a fella you may be rejected, but it isn't a personal insult, and any man who takes it as a personal insult doesn't have the best interests of the person they were quite willing to fuck 1 minute before...
Do yourself a favour, and learn to say NO, as nicely as you can, and any fella who objects to that, proves why you said no in the first place!
Anyone who understands the sexual politics of swinging MUST understand it isn't shagsville a-go-go for all men. That as a fella you may be rejected, but it isn't a personal insult, and any man who takes it as a personal insult doesn't have the best interests of the person they were quite willing to fuck 1 minute before...
Do yourself a favour, and learn to say NO, as nicely as you can, and any fella who objects to that, proves why you said no in the first place!
Quote by postie
I don't know the full answer to your question, lisa marie. BUT I do know that if i found out you were only partaking in a sexual activity (sorry to put it so bluntly) because you felt sorry for me, or didn't know how to say NO, then that would hurt. I don't want to find out afterwards that it wasn't fun for you......
Anyone who understands the sexual politics of swinging MUST understand it isn't shagsville a-go-go for all men. That as a fella you may be rejected, but it isn't a personal insult, and any man who takes it as a personal insult doesn't have the best interests of the person they were quite willing to fuck 1 minute before...
Do yourself a favour, and learn to say NO, as nicely as you can, and any fella who objects to that, proves why you said no in the first place!
well said postie - couldn't put it better myself - any man that is serious about swinging ( instead of a quick shag ) would echo his sentiments in a heartbeat.
Unfortunately, on a very small amount of occasions, the poilte "no thank you" just doesn't get the message accross. It is sad but true. I find the following steps have helped me in the past....
Step 1 - I am flattered but sorry I have to say no thank you.
Step 2 - It is still a NO!
Step 3 - NO does not mean keep coming back and trying again, now fuck off.
Step 4 - Grab his bollocks with a more than firm grip, look him in his now watering eyes and say.... if you ever want to see these again, fuck off now!
Step 5 - ??????
I have never needed step 5 so I am not sure what it involves.
Step 1 - I am flattered but sorry I have to say no thank you.
Step 2 - It is still a NO!
Step 3 - NO does not mean keep coming back and trying again, now fuck off.
Step 4 - Grab his bollocks with a more than firm grip, look him in his now watering eyes and say.... if you ever want to see these again, fuck off now!
Step 5 - ??????
I have never needed step 5 so I am not sure what it involves. 
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
Unfortunately, on a very small amount of occasions, the poilte "no thank you" just doesn't get the message accross. It is sad but true. I find the following steps have helped me in the past....
Step 1 - I am flattered but sorry I have to say no thank you.
Step 2 - It is still a NO!
Step 3 - NO does not mean keep coming back and trying again, now fuck off.
Step 4 - Grab his bollocks with a more than firm grip, look him in his now watering eyes and say.... if you ever want to see these again, fuck off now!
Step 5 - ??????
Jeez, how many times have you used No 4, girl? :shock:
Seriously, though LM a simple honest approach is in fact very disarming to the right people (the ones who's feelings you don't want to hurt) and there have been some good suggestions above as to how you might manage that. The other people, who don't take the message straight away deserve less politeness - they are being rude and unreasonable by persisting - keep that in your mind and you'll be able to steel yerself to deal with them.
Quote by westerross
Jeez, how many times have you used No 4, girl? :shock:
Only the once
but I have had to get to step 3 on several occasions.Tune hun, you are very correct in saying mostly a polite hint works. Most people who take swinging as a lifestyle rather than passing through looking for an easy shag understand that sometimes you get turned down - just as they will at some point turn other people down.
Be flattered by the offer but respond as you would like them to respond to you - if the situation was the other way around. If they don't take the hint they deserve anything you throw at them!
Quote by LisaMarie
How do you tell people that you do not want to swing with them.
I hate hurting peoples feelings but cant go with someone that ifind unattractive.
this part of swinging is unsettling me as i dont want to hurt people or make any
enemies.
Hi Lisamarie!
I often have to reject people as part of my work, doing it in a positive or gracious way is a skill....don't laugh, it really is
I'd suggest you practice your thanks but no thanks comment, it might seem silly, look silly and sound silly when you're saying it to the mirror but having a practiced way of phrasing a kind rejection is way better than being in a situation where you find it difficult to say no.Hope that helps
Quote by HornyRed
Just tell 'em straight. You can never be criticised for being honest.
They may not like it but they should respect you for it!
Could not of said it better than my slut friend :wink:
Couldnt put it any better!! All ,as a couple , we want is for others to be honnest and then everyone would be happy lol or at least know where they stand!!
Mr & Mrs goodtimez
With flattery...
"I'm sorry I only go for the BBW type"
"I'm sorry, I prefer older women"
"I'm sorry, I get too nervous around really beautiful women"
With incompatibility...
"Wow, you're interested? You don't look the watersports type to me, I'll just go drink 6 pints then we'll get started!* "
or as a last resort...
"Either you are the most convincing TV I've ever met, or you are not exactly, 'equipped' for what I had in mind, darling" **
* The 'drinking 6 pints' method of saying no is not always successful.
** If you have got to this stage, be sure to check the room carefully for old, overweight, beautiful but unconvincing TVs who smell of weewee first.
"I'm sorry I only go for the BBW type"
"I'm sorry, I prefer older women"
"I'm sorry, I get too nervous around really beautiful women"
With incompatibility...
"Wow, you're interested? You don't look the watersports type to me, I'll just go drink 6 pints then we'll get started!* "
or as a last resort...
"Either you are the most convincing TV I've ever met, or you are not exactly, 'equipped' for what I had in mind, darling" **
* The 'drinking 6 pints' method of saying no is not always successful.
** If you have got to this stage, be sure to check the room carefully for old, overweight, beautiful but unconvincing TVs who smell of weewee first.
Sex God
Quote by PoloLady
Unfortunately, on a very small amount of occasions, the poilte "no thank you" just doesn't get the message accross. It is sad but true. I find the following steps have helped me in the past....
Step 1 - I am flattered but sorry I have to say no thank you.
Step 2 - It is still a NO!
Step 3 - NO does not mean keep coming back and trying again, now fuck off.
Step 4 - Grab his bollocks with a more than firm grip, look him in his now watering eyes and say.... if you ever want to see these again, fuck off now!
Step 5 - ??????
Thankfully ive only had to use this pacticular 5 step method (TM pololady) 3 times.
Its 3 times to many tho.
