How do you tell your non-swinging friends?

12 Jan 2005

Hiya
I've been swinging a little while but am not nearly as experienced as many lovely peeps on here, so thought I'd ask and see what people's experiences are or any ideas that work . . .
How do you tell your non-swinging friends about your swinging lifestyle?
:inlove:
Do you just keep quiet? Any novel ways of broaching the subject? :undecided:
I admit I've only told a few close friends so far, ones I thought might not be so shocked that I'd have to back-peddle with "I was only joking!"
:doh: bolt

Several have found it fascinating, especially hearing some of the tabloid illusions dispelled. One friend said, "Well funny you should mention that, cos do you know what I've been fantasising about and wanting to try . . ."
:notes:
What are your experiences (good or bad)? Tips?
x Chris
:bounce:
ps for a laugh I also sent the question to AQA - guess what I got back heh heh . . . wink

:wink:

12 Jan 2005

the best advice on telling your non-swinging mates is......
... DONT!
lol
i dont mean lie about your lifestyle - there is nothing to be ashamed about, what i mean is... i only tell people if they need to know - not for the sake of telling them.
you can never judge how someone will react, some of my "stuffy" mates have took it brill , where as some of the ones i thought were open mided were shocked!

12 Jan 2005

Choose one of your really savvy friends, mention parties and couples you visit up north a lot, and wait for the penny to drop! That`s how it`s kinda worked for me! And yes, I received a very positive response, because she IS savvy, and is capable of thinking outside of the box smile

We haven`t stopped nattering about it since!
Venusxxx

12 Jan 2005

We don't tell. Simple as.
This is our private life and one we like to keep from them.
Most of them would be cool but we still don't want them involved in it.
G & D x

12 Jan 2005

A few friends know that I attend parties and meets, but not what kind of parties lol

and will probably never know the full story.
:lol: Unless they get me drunk one night and I blurt it all out :lol:

12 Jan 2005

Why would you want to tell people anyway?
I don't feel the need to share details about other aspects of my life, so why would I want to share this?
It's nobody's business really, is it?
Having said that, if someone asked me, I would be honest without giving them all the gory details (and have done, when asked outright - so has hubby); we aren't ashamed of what we do.
Bev & Chris
xx

12 Jan 2005

Quote by freckledbird
Why would you want to tell people anyway?
I don't feel the need to share details about other aspects of my life, so why would I want to share this?
It's nobody's business really, is it?
Having said that, if someone asked me, I would be honest without giving them all the gory details (and have done, when asked outright - so has hubby); we aren't ashamed of what we do.
Bev & Chris
xx

Oh, I didn`t find the need to tell, (or rather admit), but I am glad I did, it`s nice to have a friend from a different circle who I can natter to about it! It`s also nice to have the opportunity to give an insight to someone who isn`t that familiar with the lifestyle. Equally I`m comfortable with keeping it to myself, as it`s entirely up to me who I do, or don`t choose to share it with smile

Venusxxx

12 Jan 2005

sorry Venus, that wasn't aimed at you for telling your mate. If that's what you wanted to do, fair play. I just wondered why Edinburghchris wants to tell people/why is he asking HOW we tell mates?

12 Jan 2005

Being a single man I have never had any qualms about telling my friends that I am into 'swinging,' I also told them I had a preference for married womeen.
I didn't loose a single friend over this, and in fact got propositioned by more than one or two married women within my circle of friends. Needless to say, I obliged, after all you don't want to disappoint your friends, do you?
I admit though, it's a lot easier for a single man to do this, than a married couple who may have kids as well. It's all down to your personal circumstances really.
As to when and how to tell your friends, it's seldom that the subject of sex doesn't arise during a gathering of friends, all you need to do is tell one or two of them casually in passing, and everyone will know within ten minutes, especially if you tell a couple of your female friends. lol. Gossip has its uses.
Harry0
Casanova, Drunk and Dogger of this Parish.
hump

:borg:

12 Jan 2005

Quote by freckledbird
I just wondered why Edinburghchris wants to tell people/why is he asking HOW we tell mates?

I think for the same reason Venus just gave (great suggestions btw, Venus) - I don't feel the need to do a press release as it were(!), but I'm pleased that I can share the idea with one or two people. It's how I got into it, and I appreciated the reassurances they gave me! Sometimes (not that often, but sometimes) I'd like to be able to give a few of the right noises (no pun intended) when it seems a couple probably are swingers.
:wave2:
As a general rule I do keep very quiet about it, but there are so many lifestyles I was interested to hear others' experiences too. I also realise the general rule is that most people keep it totally separate and never mention it.
One friend I met through swinging said he started dating a girl he thought the world of, and told her after a few dates that he was into swinging and they might as well stop seeing each other there and then if it wasn't for her. She said she thought it was a great idea - they've been married five years and go swinging every week (lucks sods live near a club!)
Just in case it came across wrong, Frecklebird, I only raised it cos I thought it was an interesting question, not cos I have a burning need - hope no offence taken.
x Chris

12 Jan 2005

Quote by freckledbird
sorry Venus, that wasn't aimed at you for telling your mate. If that's what you wanted to do, fair play. I just wondered why Edinburghchris wants to tell people/why is he asking HOW we tell mates?

Urgh, ever get the feeling we are all trying to balance on eggshells! No worries Freckle, I wasn`t feeling defensive! You just offered an opening for me to expound on my statement! kiss

Venusxxx

12 Jan 2005

None taken or intended Chris, just a nosy cow me lol

12 Jan 2005

Im not ashamed about my lifestyle and have problem who knows , but you have to ask the question , what will it achieve by telling people??. A shitload of grief , from ignorant people who will make it their business to make life as uncomfortable for you as possible . More importantly to me,, the hurt it could cause to friends and family, neighbours etc . Aint worth tellin anyone that doesnt need to know wink

12 Jan 2005

God why couldn't I say it like that hornyred?
Very eloquent if you don't mind me saying, and I totally agree.
PS, we're swingers, just in case anyone wants to know lol

12 Jan 2005

Quote by hornyred and dino
Im not ashamed about my lifestyle and have problem who knows , but you have to ask the question , what will it achieve by telling people??. A shitload of grief , from ignorant people who will make it their business to make life as uncomfortable for you as possible . More importantly to me,, the hurt it could cause to friends and family, neighbours etc . Aint worth tellin anyone that doesnt need to know

Exactly why we dont tell anyone biggrin

12 Jan 2005

Maybe not such a fun idea for a thread after all redface

but ta for the feedback (I enjoyed it, and I have only got very good responses from the few peeps I've told).
Do you still want the fun bit?
Have you heard of 'Any questions Answered' (AQA)? It's a number on your mobile that you can text any question and they guarantee an answer.
Eg, what's the capital of New Zealand? will come back with Auckland and various facts about Auckland.
So for a laugh (and to hear a Jo Public view that isn't just NOTW), I texted:
"Is swinging immoral" and got back "Immoral means violating principles of right and wrong and swinging is far from being universally regarded as immoral. In fact many think it is good."
Sounds encouraging, my views exactly, so I texted:
"How should one tell one's non-swinger friends about one's swinger lifestyle?"
and got back:
"AQA suggests buttering them up, as it were, with a nice meal and some drinks before dropping that bombshell. And if they drink enough . . . you never know. . ."
I don't think I agree with the advice, but thought it was at least a fun and imaginative (and non-judgemental) response!
I feel I'm very fortunate in that I have plenty of very liberal and free-thinking friends, and can probably judge them quite accurately (in terms of whether they will find it interesting rather than being shocked) before raising such a subject. It's not something I would take a chance on in a work situation or with my neighbours.
--------------------------------------------------------------
If you want to try the AQA, the number to text is 63336 - you get a reply within minutes - and please don't be so naughty as to use it in pub quizes! whip

12 Jan 2005

Quote by edinbughchris
Sounds encouraging, my views exactly, so I texted:
"How should one tell one's non-swinger friends about one's swinger lifestyle?"
and got back:
"AQA suggests buttering them up, as it were, with a nice meal and some drinks before dropping that bombshell. And if they drink enough . . . you never know. . ."
I don't think I agree with the advice, but thought it was at least a fun and imaginative (and non-judgemental) response!

Now THAT was funny! lol

I think it was a fine idea for a thread kiss

Not everyone adopts the same approach, but you`ll find that for the most part people here will respect the approach which works for you.
My atttude is much the same as yours. smile

Venusxxx

12 Jan 2005

Not a bad idea for a thread at all, the AQA thing is very funny too lol

we'll all have to come up with some real posers for that one :lol:

12 Jan 2005

He have told a couple of friends but one or two got on the moral bangwagon.....so we don't mention it anymore!

12 Jan 2005

Quote by dundeecpl
We don't tell. Simple as.
This is our private life and one we like to keep from them.
Most of them would be cool but we still don't want them involved in it.
G & D x

I agree with G & D, I don't tell them, as it has nothing to do with them.

12 Jan 2005

I wish more people did tell their friends. This is the one aspect that my wife feels is preventing her from joining the lifestyle. She believes that there must be something wrong in it if she felt she couldnt tell people about it!
In the fifties you couldnt "Live in sin", I remeber at school we still moralised (with fingers crossed behind our backs) about how you should marry as a virgin. Having a baby out of wedlock was virtually considered a crime and homosexuality was illegal, immorral and sad!.
In ten years time cthe swinging lifestyle will become fashionable and acceptable. But it takes a few brave people to pave the way. Invite the media discussion. There are enough intelligent people on this site to argue the cause!.
That way I can get the missus along to a munch!

12 Jan 2005

I didn't intend to tell anyone but it sort of slipped out in conversation that I had found a certain hotel on the internet that catered for swingers and eyebrows were raised ' oh yeah and what WERE you looking for to come across THAT????' lol

I laughed it off a little but they sussed me pretty quick lol! I'm also not a good liar so denial is completely futile lol!
Pretty much everyone has been cool about it really, more curiosity than moral repulsion or anything. My sisters colleague thinks it's funny to shout Hi Swinger in the middle of the shop where they work and my response is 'hey don't knock it till you try it!' and I laugh it off! They're only jealous anyway :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

12 Jan 2005

Quote by edinbughchris
Have you heard of 'Any questions Answered' (AQA)? It's a number on your mobile that you can text any question and they guarantee an answer.
Eg, what's the capital of New Zealand? will come back with Auckland and various facts about Auckland.
So for a laugh (and to hear a Jo Public view that isn't just NOTW), I texted:
"Is swinging immoral" and got back "Immoral means violating principles of right and wrong and swinging is far from being universally regarded as immoral. In fact many think it is good."
Sounds encouraging, my views exactly, so I texted:
"How should one tell one's non-swinger friends about one's swinger lifestyle?"
and got back:
"AQA suggests buttering them up, as it were, with a nice meal and some drinks before dropping that bombshell. And if they drink enough . . . you never know. . ."
I don't think I agree with the advice, but thought it was at least a fun and imaginative (and non-judgemental) response!
If you want to try the AQA, the number to text is 63336 - you get a reply within minutes - and please don't be so naughty as to use it in pub quizes!

Only problem there is that the capital of New Zealand is actually Wellington - lost a bit of credibility there then.... lol

Mike.

12 Jan 2005

Quote by MikeNorth

Have you heard of 'Any questions Answered' (AQA)? It's a number on your mobile that you can text any question and they guarantee an answer.
Eg, what's the capital of New Zealand? will come back with Auckland and various facts about Auckland.
So for a laugh (and to hear a Jo Public view that isn't just NOTW), I texted:
"Is swinging immoral" and got back "Immoral means violating principles of right and wrong and swinging is far from being universally regarded as immoral. In fact many think it is good."
Sounds encouraging, my views exactly, so I texted:
"How should one tell one's non-swinger friends about one's swinger lifestyle?"
and got back:
"AQA suggests buttering them up, as it were, with a nice meal and some drinks before dropping that bombshell. And if they drink enough . . . you never know. . ."
I don't think I agree with the advice, but thought it was at least a fun and imaginative (and non-judgemental) response!
If you want to try the AQA, the number to text is 63336 - you get a reply within minutes - and please don't be so naughty as to use it in pub quizes!

Only problem there is that the capital of New Zealand is actually Wellington - lost a bit of credibility there then.... lol

Mike.
Smartarse :huh:
(somewhat mortified that she didn`t pick up on that herself)
Venusxxx

12 Jan 2005

Quote by manofmuchfun
Dont tell anyone ....simple!
people do judge you by what you are and become and just maybe you shatter their illusions of you, so if you told ALL your friends then I bet a percentage dissappear or you get talked about ?

People are who they are regardless of whether they decide to be honest about their sexual lifestyle. If anyone decides to like me on an illusion they have, and then decide to drop me like a hot potato (for any reason), then it is their issue not mine, and I`d consider myself enlightened about the strength of that friendship.
That said, cross reference that with what I said about different approaches to friendships generally on the `Fairweather friends` thread (yes I`m being lazy) then you`ll realise that that is how it works forme and I`m not saying that that is an attitude which everyone should adopt. biggrin

Venusxxx

12 Jan 2005

Quote by VenusnMars
I think it was a fine idea for a thread
Not everyone adopts the same approach, but you`ll find that for the most part people here will respect the approach which works for you.
My atttude is much the same as yours.

Agreed. Chris its a very interesting & valid thread. Some fascinating points of view.

12 Jan 2005

Sorry to threadjack a minute but Manofmuchfun,,please,please could you have a little think about changing your avatar biggrin

lol . it scares me every time i see it :cry: i`ll even send you a pic of my arse to use if you promise to at least consider changing it ,please. i beg you . Now back to the thread ,,,sorry wink

12 Jan 2005

Quote by hornyred and dino
Sorry to threadjack a minute but Manofmuchfun,,please,please could you have a little think about changing your avatar lol . it scares me every time i see it :cry: i`ll even send you a pic of my arse to use if you promise to at least consider changing it ,please. i beg you . Now back to the thread ,,,sorry

No chance of us all getting a pic then.....? :D :wink:

12 Jan 2005

Quote by manofmuchfun
Sorry to threadjack a minute but Manofmuchfun,,please,please could you have a little think about changing your avatar lol . it scares me every time i see it :cry: i`ll even send you a pic of my arse to use if you promise to at least consider changing it ,please. i beg you . Now back to the thread ,,,sorry

Hijack !
any chance of the real thing ? pics dont do it for me ! now for a consideration........mmm!
Ok ! i will change it this evening ! ha ! ......only if I'm offered sommat nice ? :wink:

12 Jan 2005

Quote by HungryP
Sorry to threadjack a minute but Manofmuchfun,,please,please could you have a little think about changing your avatar lol . it scares me every time i see it :cry: i`ll even send you a pic of my arse to use if you promise to at least consider changing it ,please. i beg you . Now back to the thread ,,,sorry

No chance of us all getting a pic then.....? :D :wink: see June on the s/h calender. xx :wink: