NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
What a woman says: C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your trousers are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the laundry now.
What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican. Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
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How men and women differ:
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Quote by Whipsnspurs
oh my god there must be something wrong with me! i only have one extra product in the bathroom that they males in my house don't use, a bottle of conditioner.
i know i'm a poor excuse of a woman but seriously i can't be doing with all the flouncey crap that alot of women have. my son spends longer in the mirror than i do and he has more hair products than me!
My sentiments exactly! :thumbup:
Quote by Whipsnspurs
oh my god there must be something wrong with me! i only have one extra product in the bathroom that they males in my house don't use, a bottle of conditioner
i know i'm a poor excuse of a woman but seriously i can't be doing with all the flouncey crap that alot of women have. my son spends longer in the mirror than i do and he has more hair products than me!
Im always telling my son off for using my shampoo, little tyke! Its my only luxury womens product I buy.... other than that I cant be fussed.
My son spends more time in front of the mirror as well and when hes finished in the bathroom it smells like a poodle parlor!
:lol: :lol: Quote by Whipsnspurs
my boy is very nearly 14 and has to look good for the multitude of girls who go all shy and blushing when they see him. he even has the girls in the year above chasing him! the phone calls are never ending and for now it just all washes over him.
if he's going to be anything like his elder brother god help him! he needs a well paid job just for all the stuff he puts on his hair. mind you i suppose i should be thankful that they have such good hygiene
Bless em!! I love that age were they are either totally unaware of the effect they have on girls or they have the raging hormone syndrome and try to hump anything that moves!
When I worked in a Youth Centre, I used to dread being the one that opened the doors to a group of waiting youths... the smell of purfume/aftershave/hairspray altogether and anything they else they can spray on was overpowering :lol2: :lol2:
When we took groups away for weekends, it was always the lads who spent more time in the showers or first to complain if they werent facilities for washing (survival weekends).
Sex God
<<<< just wishes to point out, she never has time to go out to lunch !! :lol:
:lol: 
Sexlightened
just to say i haven't laughed so much in ages
me an mr w still crying :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
me an mr w still crying :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
Sex God
Girls, Im amazed at the lot of you!!
My bedroom and bathroom are both full of cosmetics, shampoo's conditioners, Lush products, Molton Brown products, nail polishes, exfoliators, shavers n shaving products, Veet, potions n lotions enough to start my own shop.
Are you lots saying you dont exfoliate or shave or at the very least have the occasional bubble bath????
Ya mucky mares :giggle:
My bedroom and bathroom are both full of cosmetics, shampoo's conditioners, Lush products, Molton Brown products, nail polishes, exfoliators, shavers n shaving products, Veet, potions n lotions enough to start my own shop.
Are you lots saying you dont exfoliate or shave or at the very least have the occasional bubble bath????
Ya mucky mares :giggle:
Sex God
Maps 
Sex God
Simply Fabulous..
I loved it
I loved it
