POLO Marriage Guidance Services
Communication is the foundation of any relationship and failure to communicate often a key factor in other issues seeming to be irresolvable.
The situation you describe is quite a prevalent one amongst married men who join swinging sites without their partner’s knowledge.
Whatever you feel the problem is – it is a secondary issue to your wife’s reluctance to talk. There lies the issue you should focus on. By refusing to discuss a situation which you are obviously not content with, your wife is demonstrating she has no interest for how you feel within the relationship.
When somebody doesn’t want to talk there is a reason.
Some typical reasons for the ‘shut-down’ behaviour include:
• Your wife has found a new lover who does the business really good.
• Your wife has a suppressed lesbian sexuality and finds just the thought of you fucking her repulsive.
• You just don’t push her buttons and she is sick of trying.
One good thing which you can take from any of the above reasons is – at least she is keeping quiet to avoid hurting you feelings.
There are of course alternative reasons why your wife may have decided to ‘shut-down’ communication:
• She has found out you are using a swinging site and thinks you are trying for a sympathy shag by telling a bunch of strangers she is crap in bed - when she can be bothered to part her legs.
• A medical condition.
There is only one course of action regardless of the reason – keep trying to open up the channels of communication.
Great guide there PoloLady - I do appreciate the time and thought you put into that. I didn't originally ask for advice but appreciated nonetheless!
I am not sure what responses I should have expected from the good people here - but I certainly wasn't expecting what most have said.
The original question was just an enquiry as to what the sex life is like of the married couples that frequent this site - I know it is not the best place to ask but hey, I am a member and wanted to post!
Very quickly inrelation to the points you make:
Why would wife want a lover when she knows there is nothing she can't get from me - apart from the obvious one about just being a different person!
Suppressed lesbian to the point of thumping one in the mouth who mistook my wifes friendly chatter as a come on!
When I try and push her buttons she just stops me - and yes - I know where they are! Really!
As far as finding out I am using a swinging site - made me chuckle - but the reason I joined here in the first place was lack of fun at home.
I do intend to keep opening up the channels of communcation.
Advice and comments appreciated - but still in the dark about how often the married membes of this site have sex!
Again I do appreciate the advice migsymalone and without knowing inside details about me and my marriage it is hard to explain - and pointless really. The points you make are valid but there is nothing there I don't attempt or wish to achieve.
How many ladies do you know who go to the bother and expense of booking a surprise weekend away for an anniversary and then after spending the night in the hotel bar and returning to our room actually decline sex - even though it was approached in a sensitive and loving manner. The response I got was "Don't spoil a lovely evening...."
It is there in my profile Bloke2005. But with the forums as they used to be a large part of it was the banter and chatting that went on... and I love the swingers stories too.
It is a swingers site I know - but back in the old days dogging and meet ups were my original points of interest.
I think I have the answer as to why your wife is holding back on the bed-bouncing...
Do you smell of cabbages and poo?
My 2pennth for what it is worth.
Honest talking could solve a lot of problems..........
As already said when did you last do something for her... simple things such as cook dinner, wash up, tidy up etc all these little things may help
Also if you have children arrange for them to go to granny or a sleep over so you can have the house to yourselves.
But get talking, you may well be suprised at what is said.
The obvious problem is two competely incompatible people when it comes to sexual needs. As I have said, it was a light-hearted question but I am peeved to read that so many feel (including men) that I really am not making the effort, am not doing the things that will turn her on, am always expecting that if we go out for a meal that a shag will follow and that I have obviously not tried to speak to her about it - and all that must simply be the reason she doesn't want sex. Why? All that says to me is that most think that if I was doing all of the above she would be falling onto the bed with legs open wide every night I come home from work!
but how often do you married couples have sex during the week? (WITH EACH OTHER :lol
:x
It looks to me that if it was 'lack of fun at home' then it should have been that you wanted... not here 
