How do you say to someone that youve arranged to meet that you do not want to take it any further. It may sound like a very silly question, but you may like their profile and pics, have a good chat, arrange to meet, then when you get there for one reason or another you just dont click. You may feel guilty that they have travelled to meet you. You may not want to be classed as a time waster. You may not want to spoil the good time that they thought they may be getting. How do you tell them and not go through with it just for the sake of it and then feel like shit after? You can gain a lot of confidence online, but when it comes to real life that confidence all goes out the window for some. Especially me. All views welcome.
Louise xx
Ps we are still quite new to swinging, so does it get easier to say no?
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How to say no
Well, Cant really talk for all the others but if I was the person that you were referring to I would much prefer plain and simple honesty.
Most of us are big boys on SH and im sure that he wont break down in tears or fall to pieces.
But, hey thats just me.
I thrive on rejection :silly: :silly:
Most of us are big boys on SH and im sure that he wont break down in tears or fall to pieces.
But, hey thats just me.
I thrive on rejection :silly: :silly:
Sex God
all i can really suggest is that you be honest with the other parties, treat them with the same respect that you would like if the positions were reversed so to speak....
you are never going to get on with everyone, and it should be a non-pressure atmosphere, so if something doesn't feel right, then tell them
I suppose it does get easier with time, but better telling them than going thru with it and regretting it afterwards...
sean xxxxxxxxxx
you are never going to get on with everyone, and it should be a non-pressure atmosphere, so if something doesn't feel right, then tell them
I suppose it does get easier with time, but better telling them than going thru with it and regretting it afterwards...
sean xxxxxxxxxx
Quote by Robin Prince of Thieves
Well, Cant really talk for all the others but if I was the person that you were referring to I would much prefer plain and simple honesty.
Most of us are big boys on SH and im sure that he wont break down in tears or fall to pieces.
But, hey thats just me.
I thrive on rejection :silly: :silly:
Hi RBT, i think its more a case of not wanting them to get annoyed with me rather than them falling to pieces.
hun, if someone is anywhere near 'annoyed' at you because you've changed you mind, something's not right or you just dont want to - that's their problem and you are wayyyy better not playing with them anyway if that's the case 
Never ever feel 'bad' for saying No - if you go through with it just to please others because you feel that you 'cant let someone down' etc, it will make for a crap experience - they might be getting what they want, but what about you?
Never ever feel 'bad' for saying No - if you go through with it just to please others because you feel that you 'cant let someone down' etc, it will make for a crap experience - they might be getting what they want, but what about you? if your dealing with any of the posters above then obviously the answer is to be honest, however on occaisions your judgement may suggest that a 'no' might not be so well received ... so when honesty is not going to be the best policy, simply disappear to the toilets and arrange for a friend to call your mobile in 10mins .... sit back down and wait for the call. Babysitter or family problems etc etc ... safety has to be paramount so if honesty is the casualty then so be it.
Alternatively you could keep a 'herpes support' sticker in your pocket for emergencies
Alternatively you could keep a 'herpes support' sticker in your pocket for emergencies
Quote by cukman
if your dealing with any of the posters above then obviously the answer is to be honest, however on occaisions your judgement may suggest that a 'no' might not be so well received ... so when honesty is not going to be the best policy, simply disappear to the toilets and arrange for a friend to call your mobile in 10mins .... sit back down and wait for the call. Babysitter or family problems etc etc ... safety has to be paramount so if honesty is the casualty then so be it.
Alternatively you could keep a 'herpes support' sticker in your pocket for emergencies
Do you know where i can get one of those stickers? :giggle:
Quote by cuddly-catlin
When im going to meet someone new, i always say, that if im not what they want after
all then just say so and vise versa and there will be no hard feelings.
and i still get nervous until they say yes you are what i want
so just be honest.
Tina xxx
Hi Tina, i guess it is a good idea to state before you meet that if you dont click then a polite no thanks will be ok. Also definately meet for drinks first rather than meeting them at a hotel, where you have no opportunity to say no.
The fact that you turned up for the meet doesn't make you a timewaster.....the fact that you say thanks but no thanks.....is your right.....under no circumstances should you feel under any pressure to do anything just because you are worried about their reaction...if they are grown up about they should deal with it well.....if they don't....you made a lucky escape.
Hi Louise
Im new to this as well & although Im planning on going with my hubby to any meets I was still worried about the 'how to say no' thing.
There is some good advice on here & now I will certainly not be afraid of telling people 'no' if we dont click. After all, Im not just here for a quick shag, I want to make some good friends along the way.
Sarah xx
Im new to this as well & although Im planning on going with my hubby to any meets I was still worried about the 'how to say no' thing.
There is some good advice on here & now I will certainly not be afraid of telling people 'no' if we dont click. After all, Im not just here for a quick shag, I want to make some good friends along the way.
Sarah xx
I had my first meet last night and was really nervous about turning up. Glad i did but if he had been the man on the bike that i thought was my 'meet' then it woulkd have definatley been a NO. Im just glad my first meet was a total gentleman and there was no presure involved, But i did stipulate that if i say no no matter how far along the line you are then that is exactly what it means _NO.
Quote by Sjts307
Hi Louise
Im new to this as well & although Im planning on going with my hubby to any meets I was still worried about the 'how to say no' thing.
There is some good advice on here & now I will certainly not be afraid of telling people 'no' if we dont click. After all, Im not just here for a quick shag, I want to make some good friends along the way.
Sarah xx
Hi Sjts307
:welcome: to the forum. Im glad that you found this thread useful. I have also as it is a subject that i have unfortunately encountered recently and hoped that the replies from the other Sh members would also help anyone else that has concerns about this, aswell as myself. Hope you have fun here and find many good friends.
Quote by Jennywren_1
I had my first meet last night and was really nervous about turning up. Glad i did but if he had been the man on the bike that i thought was my 'meet' then it woulkd have definatley been a NO. Im just glad my first meet was a total gentleman and there was no presure involved, But i did stipulate that if i say no no matter how far along the line you are then that is exactly what it means _NO.
Hi Jennywren, Its great that youre first meet went ok. I was a nervous wreck on my first.
. this thread has certainly given me more confidence for when that first meet does happen. Hope you don't have too many probs in the future.
Sex God
I always use to make it clear that the first meet was for a drink and a chat only. That way the pressure was off.
Quote by Robin Prince of Thieves
I thrive on rejection :silly: :silly:
Piss off then, ninja boy
louise_and_joe
It's hard to say no to people and just as hard for them to say it to you but if you don't 'click' with your clothes on, there's not much chance you will when you're naked. I've travelled to see people and had 'no thanks' in reply and vice versa. As long as you're polite and respectful when you say it then they should be able to accept your decision. If not, then that's their problem not yours. For me, it's the main reason why I meet socially first.
Good luck :thumbup:
and don't worry ninja boy, love ya really
Have to agree with all the above and if ok add a little....
We have found ourselves in this what seems impossible position, met up, chatted had a nice drink all seem to be getting on brill as such but nothing is going to set the bed sheets alight so to speak.. just no sexual spark as much as they are nice people. Then comes the question.... do you fancy coming back for some fun!! Now as easy as it sounds to just say Oh no thanks your lovely people but we don't think we will ta... you almost find yourself saying ohhh yes please that sounds great lol... in those rare situations there is another way out lol..... saving grace and face for all, if its a couple- couple anyway! Just get the fem to nip to the loo..... and bingo Oh my God Iv'e just started!!
Yes it may be a cowardly way out it may be deceptive but it sure as hell buys enough time to get the confidence back when you can then mail them explaining it all! You may feel a little bad but a whole lot better than going through the motions lol...
Ok shoot me now...... Still better than going through the motions.
Mike xx
We have found ourselves in this what seems impossible position, met up, chatted had a nice drink all seem to be getting on brill as such but nothing is going to set the bed sheets alight so to speak.. just no sexual spark as much as they are nice people. Then comes the question.... do you fancy coming back for some fun!! Now as easy as it sounds to just say Oh no thanks your lovely people but we don't think we will ta... you almost find yourself saying ohhh yes please that sounds great lol... in those rare situations there is another way out lol..... saving grace and face for all, if its a couple- couple anyway! Just get the fem to nip to the loo..... and bingo Oh my God Iv'e just started!!
Yes it may be a cowardly way out it may be deceptive but it sure as hell buys enough time to get the confidence back when you can then mail them explaining it all! You may feel a little bad but a whole lot better than going through the motions lol...
Ok shoot me now...... Still better than going through the motions.
Mike xx
Quote by louise_and_joe
When im going to meet someone new, i always say, that if im not what they want after
all then just say so and vise versa and there will be no hard feelings.
and i still get nervous until they say yes you are what i want
so just be honest.
Tina xxx
Hi Tina, i guess it is a good idea to state before you meet that if you dont click then a polite no thanks will be ok. Also definately meet for drinks first rather than meeting them at a hotel, where you have no opportunity to say no.
yes but id always say no if i wasent comfortable and id hope they would too.
