It is very easy for people to be who they 'need' to be in cyberspace and nowhere more so than a swinging site.
Single pretending to be couples, couples (or at least one half) pretending to be single and those somewhere in the middle - not quite hitched but certainly with an unsuspecting vanilla partner tucked away.
Now the single pretending to be a couple is quite straight forward to test - speak to both parties... but how do you tell if someone is really single?
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How to tell they are NOT single.
Sex God
not sure you can polo. when a newbie noone's met or heard of comes here and says he's single, you pretty much have to talk him / her at their word. all you can do is chat to them and see if your intuition and gut instinct starts the alarm bells ringing. other than that, dunno what you can do? 
kind of why i rail against those threads, you know the ones i mean, cos to a certain extent i think they can actually encourage dishonesty in those who might otherwise have had no problem being straight up with us about their status from the off.
i would say though that eventually, no matter how hard you try to maintain a fake persona, and keep the pretence going that you are what you 'need' or wish to be, rather then what you are IRL, the mask will slip, the truth will out, and the door will quite often slam firmly closed behind you on the way out. when a tight knit community based largely on trust closes ranks on you, what you could have gained had you been open and honest, and all that you gained temporarily through dishonesty, is lost to you for good.
n x x x ;)
kind of why i rail against those threads, you know the ones i mean, cos to a certain extent i think they can actually encourage dishonesty in those who might otherwise have had no problem being straight up with us about their status from the off.
i would say though that eventually, no matter how hard you try to maintain a fake persona, and keep the pretence going that you are what you 'need' or wish to be, rather then what you are IRL, the mask will slip, the truth will out, and the door will quite often slam firmly closed behind you on the way out. when a tight knit community based largely on trust closes ranks on you, what you could have gained had you been open and honest, and all that you gained temporarily through dishonesty, is lost to you for good.
n x x x ;)
Sex God
Quote by neilinleeds
i would say though that eventually, no matter how hard you try to maintain a fake persona, and keep the pretence going that you are what you 'need' or wish to be, rather then what you are IRL, the mask will slip, the truth will out, and the door will quite often slam firmly closed behind you on the way out. when a tight knit community based largely on trust closes ranks on you, what you could have gained had you been open and honest, and all that you gained temporarily through dishonesty, is lost to you for good.
n x x x ;)
Reading the above part makes me think if someone comes on here and is honest that they are married and looking to cheat or they lie and say they are single then whats the difference? Either way they are a liar they are just choosing who they lie too. The above could also be true in the opposite way and maybe the only door slamming behind the non single could be the front door as they leave with thier suitcases.
Back on topic. spotting singles, look for patterns in bahavior times they are on or offline, times they can never be on. More would become obvious if it was someone you were progressing with.
Now the single pretending to be a couple is quite straight forward to test - speak to both parties... but how do you tell if someone is really single?
How about when they give you their msn id and then their wife comes on demanding to know who the hell you are?
When they are definitely single but strangely enough can never accommodate?
When a woman answers their phone calls?
When they can't possibly give you their landline number?
When they can't make evening or weekend meets?
But in the end pololady you are quite right ... its intuition and a 6th sense that I end up relying on.
How about when they give you their msn id and then their wife comes on demanding to know who the hell you are?
When they are definitely single but strangely enough can never accommodate?
When a woman answers their phone calls?
When they can't possibly give you their landline number?
When they can't make evening or weekend meets?
But in the end pololady you are quite right ... its intuition and a 6th sense that I end up relying on.
Quote by buckingfabe
Now the single pretending to be a couple is quite straight forward to test - speak to both parties... but how do you tell if someone is really single?
How about when they give you their msn id and then their wife comes on demanding to know who the hell you are?
I can't answer that one
When they are definitely single but strangely enough can never accommodate?
When you either live with a non swinger (who knows what you do, but you feel bad about having meets in the flat you share...), or when you have no choice but to move back home for a while due to not having anywhere else to stay....
When a woman answers their phone calls?
My former flatmates gf was a pain in the arse for this....short of taking your phone with you everywhere (and I mean everywhere! :shock: ), I ended up telling her to feck off and I put a password on it (She was the nosiest person I have ever known....
)When they can't possibly give you their landline number?
If you use cable for internet (like the former NTL, or in my case a telephone line but you have no actual phone cos flatmate didnt want one :roll: )
When they can't make evening or weekend meets?
Some people work shifts and/or have to cover weekends on call :cry:
But in the end pololady you are quite right ... its intuition and a 6th sense that I end up relying on.
In summer ... the obvious lack of tan round the wedding ring finger is a good one ... and sometimes the line that indicated there should be a rind but isn't :doh:
I rarely give my home phone number out to anyone, so I wouldn't use that as an indicator!
Can't make it out at the drop of a hat ... there's always something prearranged
Cx
I rarely give my home phone number out to anyone, so I wouldn't use that as an indicator!
Can't make it out at the drop of a hat ... there's always something prearranged
Cx
Quote by louise_and_joe
When you cant phone them but only text or send pms/e-mails
Louise xx
and... they never answer their mobile phone (always straight to voicemail) but they ring back a few minutes later - when they just happen to have nipped into the garage for something or to the local shop or going to the petrol station (so it has to be a short call).
Quote by neilinleeds
not sure you can polo. when a newbie noone's met or heard of comes here and says he's single, you pretty much have to talk him / her at their word. all you can do is chat to them and see if your intuition and gut instinct starts the alarm bells ringing. other than that, dunno what you can do?
I don't actually think there is one clear indicator. But to start the 'alarm bells' I tend to think if there is a list of top ten possible give-aways and they start ticking more than two or three - then something just ain't right :?
Quote by Calista
In summer ... the obvious lack of tan round the wedding ring finger is a good one ... and sometimes the line that indicated there should be a rind but isn't :doh:
Or they forget to take it off when they go on cam (which is always either at work or after 11pm in a darkened house)
things that would set alarms bells ringing for me personally to make me think someone wasnt single
most have been said
they cant accomodate (ok some may still live with parents etc depends on age)
they can only meet through the day on weekdays
if they have given you their number and you can only text and not ring unless they give you certain times to call
but these are only 'my' alarm bells
Earthy xx
most have been said
they cant accomodate (ok some may still live with parents etc depends on age)
they can only meet through the day on weekdays
if they have given you their number and you can only text and not ring unless they give you certain times to call
but these are only 'my' alarm bells
Earthy xx
Quote by PoloLady
In summer ... the obvious lack of tan round the wedding ring finger is a good one ... and sometimes the line that indicated there should be a rind but isn't :doh:
Or they forget to take it off when they go on cam (which is always either at work or after 11pm in a darkened house)
I find at times their cam 'goes offline for some reason' or the pc reboots itself. Of course it's nothing to do with wifey or any of the little ankle biters getting out of bed is it? :roll:
Quote by Hungrypussy69
When they can't possibly give you their landline number?
When they can't make evening or weekend meets?
I`d say those two for me.....if they`re single they should be able to meet or take a call anytime.....and be relaxed about it.
Not necessarily.
No one has my landline number. For one thing, I consider it my private line - it's like having two mobiles - plus, my daughter might answer it and it's ex-directory for a bloody good reason.
I can't make evenings and weekends 'cos i've got a child. I don't often get a sitter to be able to plan ahead so daytimes only for me.
I can't take phonecalls at any time because of my child or other family being around and also, why should I? Just 'cos the phone rings, doesn't mean I have to answer it.
Sex God
As a relatively new swingly, from personal experience :rascal: my social life has never been busier since i was able to put "can accommodate" on my profiles.
Cams are ok, but they do break, and the programs that run them can fall over so am inclined to give the benefit.
Phone calls mean nothing believe me, been there done that, still have the scortch marks.
The other excuse is usually nippers, I have one at home and yes, sometimes it can be a problem, but never insurmountable, I usually find that those who say, ‘cant do this that or the other “coz the kids are here” ‘ are usually using them as an excuse to back out of something they are having second thoughts about. Ok so the ‘lets meet right now, am 5 minutes away’ wont work when u have kids in the house, but reasonably, it shouldn’t take too long to arrange something.
In all honesty I am a bit of a ‘give the benefit’ kind of a guy and for me it has paid off, maybe it’s the whole, ‘mess with me and loose your kneecaps’ persona thing that’s done it,
but since being single I have rarely been messed about, and had lots of fun because I’ve been honest, open and not had to sneak about as I have no one to answer to but myself, and I guess that’s the essence of it all, people are usually very perceptive, if you are trying to sneak around behind someone’s back, eventually it will be picked up by most folks.
I do know that there is a genre of people on the good ole www that get their kicks from trying to fool others, and I guess if that’s their thing good luck to them, what winds me up is when they get al abusive when they are caught out :shock: don’t ask me wtf that’s all about :dunno:
God I do waffle on don’t I
Pete
Cams are ok, but they do break, and the programs that run them can fall over so am inclined to give the benefit.
Phone calls mean nothing believe me, been there done that, still have the scortch marks.
The other excuse is usually nippers, I have one at home and yes, sometimes it can be a problem, but never insurmountable, I usually find that those who say, ‘cant do this that or the other “coz the kids are here” ‘ are usually using them as an excuse to back out of something they are having second thoughts about. Ok so the ‘lets meet right now, am 5 minutes away’ wont work when u have kids in the house, but reasonably, it shouldn’t take too long to arrange something.
In all honesty I am a bit of a ‘give the benefit’ kind of a guy and for me it has paid off, maybe it’s the whole, ‘mess with me and loose your kneecaps’ persona thing that’s done it,
but since being single I have rarely been messed about, and had lots of fun because I’ve been honest, open and not had to sneak about as I have no one to answer to but myself, and I guess that’s the essence of it all, people are usually very perceptive, if you are trying to sneak around behind someone’s back, eventually it will be picked up by most folks. I do know that there is a genre of people on the good ole www that get their kicks from trying to fool others, and I guess if that’s their thing good luck to them, what winds me up is when they get al abusive when they are caught out :shock: don’t ask me wtf that’s all about :dunno:
God I do waffle on don’t I
Pete
Sex God
Quote by Pete_sw
Ok so the ‘lets meet right now, am 5 minutes away’ wont work when u have kids in the house, but reasonably, it shouldn’t take too long to arrange something.
Unless your nearest relative is a 60 mile round trip away and there were more babysitters left on the Marie Celeste than there are round here
Quote by Pete_sw
God I do waffle on don’t I
On occasion :giggle:
Sex God
Quote by Mallock2006
Ok so the ‘lets meet right now, am 5 minutes away’ wont work when u have kids in the house, but reasonably, it shouldn’t take too long to arrange something.
Unless your nearest relative is a 60 mile round trip away and there were more babysitters left on the Marie Celeste than there are round here
Quote by Pete_sw
God I do waffle on don’t I
On occasion :giggle:
where's the raspbery blowing emote when you need it :lol:
point taken
Sex God
Quote by Pete_sw
Ok so the ‘lets meet right now, am 5 minutes away’ wont work when u have kids in the house, but reasonably, it shouldn’t take too long to arrange something.
Unless your nearest relative is a 60 mile round trip away and there were more babysitters left on the Marie Celeste than there are round here
Quote by Pete_sw
God I do waffle on don’t I
On occasion :giggle:
where's the raspbery blowing emote when you need it :lol:
point taken
I have wished for one of those emotes for ages now :lol:
Casanova
Quote by Pete_sw
Ok so the ‘lets meet right now, am 5 minutes away’ wont work when u have kids in the house, but reasonably, it shouldn’t take too long to arrange something.
Unless your nearest relative is a 60 mile round trip away and there were more babysitters left on the Marie Celeste than there are round here
Quote by Pete_sw
God I do waffle on don’t I
On occasion :giggle:
where's the raspbery blowing emote when you need it :lol:
point taken
Mallock - are you really GOD?? :roll:
Quote by fembernie
Mallock - are you really GOD??
Okay a little story...Mallock is in the hospital after having his heart attack... They moved him from the HDU to the LDU and the nurse came to write his name on the board above his bed....
Nurse said to him, so how do you spell it and he replied G... O.... D.... When she had stopped laughing she wrote G.O.D. in the part for special requirements :giggle:
Casanova
Quote by Shireen
Mallock - are you really GOD??
Okay a little story...Mallock is in the hospital after having his heart attack... They moved him from the HDU to the LDU and the nurse came to write his name on the board above his bed....
Nurse said to him, so how do you spell it and he replied G... O.... D.... When she had stopped laughing she wrote G.O.D. in the part for special requirements :giggle:
lol - at the GOD bit not the heart attack bit !!!
Mallock - get well soon xxxxxxx
Sex God
I was asked to spell my name out plenty of times (the idea of a nurse whos about to put me to sleep not knowing how to spell andrew did scare me a tad...) not once did i think to spell out GOD :doh:
Sex God
Fuck....I'm obviously a fake, there is loads in there that at times I cant do.
Real life's a bitch.......honest!
But I'm also a genuine bloke........honest (Am I trying too hard here???)
Real life's a bitch.......honest!
But I'm also a genuine bloke........honest (Am I trying too hard here???)
When I first started on here a lot of women used to ring/text me at odd hours of the day and night, (usually evenings). When I questioned them about this I was told I was being 'tested' to see if I was really single.
It used to annoy me as I took it as a personal slur and lack of trust, until I realised exactly how many 'single males' on here are either attached or married.
Now it doesn't bother me at all.
Lonni xxx
It used to annoy me as I took it as a personal slur and lack of trust, until I realised exactly how many 'single males' on here are either attached or married.
Now it doesn't bother me at all.
Lonni xxx
Quote by neilinleeds
not sure you can polo. when a newbie noone's met or heard of comes here and says he's single, you pretty much have to talk him / her at their word. all you can do is chat to them and see if your intuition and gut instinct starts the alarm bells ringing. other than that, dunno what you can do?
kind of why i rail against those threads, you know the ones i mean, cos to a certain extent i think they can actually encourage dishonesty in those who might otherwise have had no problem being straight up with us about their status from the off.
i would say though that eventually, no matter how hard you try to maintain a fake persona, and keep the pretence going that you are what you 'need' or wish to be, rather then what you are IRL, the mask will slip, the truth will out, and the door will quite often slam firmly closed behind you on the way out. when a tight knit community based largely on trust closes ranks on you, what you could have gained had you been open and honest, and all that you gained temporarily through dishonesty, is lost to you for good.
n x x x ;)
Neil
I applaud this post.
Love ya
xxx
