It's official. After arranging to meet a couple this morning(and I placed the ad) I completely lost my nerve and pulled out. It was my 1st time with a couple and I was both nervous and excited. I've met single females, but have never been so nervous about a meet. I haven't had much correspondence with this couple other than sorting out the arrangements. I booked the day off work, got myself ready, checked my emails - and that's when I bottled it. They sent me an email saying no jeans or trainers. This is what I always wear and what I feel comfortable in. For some reason my nerves got the better of me, and it all seemed to get too serious rather than a bit of fun which is what I was looking for. I emailed to say I always wear jeans & trainers, but they never got back to me. I'm really cheesed off with myself (probably not as much as them) as I hate timewasters, after being on the other end of them, but in reality I'm no better than them. The couple were off work all week, but that doesn't excuse me pulling out.
It does make me wonder if I'm cut out for the swinging scene and meeting couples as the last thing I want is to waste anyones time. I'll probably be more nervous the next time anyway after bottling this one. I don't know whether it was because all my previous meets I'd had a bit of chat with beforehand, and got to know them a bit. I'm making excuses really when there's not for some thinking before carrying on.
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
I'm a timewaster
Sex God
Quote by Tiger_25
Time for some thinking before carrying on.
You've answered your own question there Tiger.
Swinging may be nice as a little fantasy trapped in your own head, but when it comes to reality of going through with things you need to be sure you're not going to mentally scar yourself permanently or do yourself damage by continuing.
It's only polite to contact the person(people) you're meeting and let them know you've bottled it. A simple text saying; I'm sorry, my nerves have got the better of me. I'd like to cancel. ...... it's ten times better than just not turning up. A simple apology really does wonders if its meant.
As for the jeans and trainers issue... I don't put clothes restrictions on people for first meet ups because I want to see what they would naturally wear in that situation, unless the place I'm going to have a dress code.
Just because you're a single guy doesn't mean you have no rights whatsoever, but common courtesy and manners cost nothing. You seem polite enough, so maybe there are more underlyying issues with the way youre swinging. A swinging partner I have can't do random meets like that, they turn his blood cold and it doesn't bring out the best in him at all. You're a person not a performing seal. He prefers to get to know people socially and then if things happen to go tits up he feels more secure in the situation.
Take care.
Gem. x
Well to be honest i always get nervous before a meet but for me that adds to my sexual tension, if i didnt get nervous then i may start to worry a little. However i would never pull out of a meeting because of it :shock:
I suppose i feel a little fustrated because its hard enough getting a meet in the first place so the hard work was done and you only had the pleasure to come.
I completely understand that this lifestyle is not for everyone and am trying to understand why you pulled out but you could have done it in a better way. Makes it harder for us single guys on here that know what we want.
Anyway i wish you look and respect your honesty
I suppose i feel a little fustrated because its hard enough getting a meet in the first place so the hard work was done and you only had the pleasure to come.
I completely understand that this lifestyle is not for everyone and am trying to understand why you pulled out but you could have done it in a better way. Makes it harder for us single guys on here that know what we want.
Anyway i wish you look and respect your honesty
I've just emailed to say that my nerves got the better me, as I'm genuinely sorry for letting them down.
The dress code thing was probably the last straw in my uncertain mind - and you're proabably right maybe the swinging concept is more of a fantasy for me. If I'm that nervous about meeting a couple - maybe its not for me.
The dress code thing was probably the last straw in my uncertain mind - and you're proabably right maybe the swinging concept is more of a fantasy for me. If I'm that nervous about meeting a couple - maybe its not for me.
Well, Tiger - I feel the same way you do - I wear jeans and trainers all of the time, and I don't see any reason to compromise my usual 'self' for people who have some strange kind of prejudice against them.
I sort of assume that if I'm swinging, I will probably be without the jeans and trainers before too long anyway...
On the other hand, as Gem says, some courtesy still applies and I think that you really ought to have let them know that you weren't coming.
For the future, I'd say that you should stick to more "relaxed" people, and you'll feel more relaxed about it all yourself, and perhaps that will mean that you won't get too nervous.
Well done on owning up to being a timewaster, but I hope that by now you've sent a really really grovelly apology!
I sort of assume that if I'm swinging, I will probably be without the jeans and trainers before too long anyway...
On the other hand, as Gem says, some courtesy still applies and I think that you really ought to have let them know that you weren't coming.
For the future, I'd say that you should stick to more "relaxed" people, and you'll feel more relaxed about it all yourself, and perhaps that will mean that you won't get too nervous.
Well done on owning up to being a timewaster, but I hope that by now you've sent a really really grovelly apology!
Sex God
Quote by Tiger_25
I've just emailed to say that my nerves got the better me, as I'm genuinely sorry for letting them down.
The dress code thing was probably the last straw in my uncertain mind - and you're proabably right maybe the swinging concept is more of a fantasy for me. If I'm that nervous about meeting a couple - maybe its not for me.
Maybe that way of meeting people is not for you.
if I was to say to a particular swinging partner of mine... Hey, I've arranged to meet a random swinging couple that youve hardly spoke to in a pub then we're going back to theirs for some fun.... his bits would shrivel so far internally theyd not see the light of day for a week (ok, I'm exagerating a little to make a point!) because of the expectations placed on him to perform. The pressure can be quite a mood killer for some and a firey aphrodisiac for others.
There are many different ways of getting to meet people in the swinging scene, so if you're still curious give the other ways a chance too. you might find a way that you prefer that suits you, not everyone else or the way you think it's supposed to be done, a way that fits your personality.
Yeah, there will be loads of people annoyed with you for wasting time, coming here to whinge that you couldnt go through with things, because its a wednesday and theyve had a bad day and youre a sitting duck etc... by the by. Single guys do get a hard time for wasting time. Changing your mind last minute because you're scared, nervous or downright terrified has happened to most people at one time or another, it's where you go from here that is the make or break.
If you keep on not turning up for the things arranged then you deserve people to be pissed off at you. Theres no excuses for not letting people know, even if it's last minute, then they won't sit there for an hour wondering where the hell you are!
Decide where you're head is at and then see what other avenues are open for you to explore with things.
Take care.
Gem. x
Quote by Tiger_25
I've just emailed to say that my nerves got the better me, as I'm genuinely sorry for letting them down.
The dress code thing was probably the last straw in my uncertain mind - and you're proabably right maybe the swinging concept is more of a fantasy for me. If I'm that nervous about meeting a couple - maybe its not for me.
Even if you do decide to make that your first and last forray into the world of swinging there's no need to stop using the forum...
I somehow doubt it will be your last attempt as your ad obviously is worth responding to and there are many other couples here that may not be so exacting in their requirements(not that being exacting is a bad thing before you flame me
) and I'm sure you will meet a cpl with whom you click...Have you thought about attending one of the many social functions advertised in the Lets Meet Up section ??
Maybe this will help you.....
I apologise to all the single guys for contributing towards giving us all a bad name. I wouldn't blame anyone for being angry, for ruining it for more reliable people. This is the 1st time I've ever messed people around and I agree that I'll have to change the way I meet people if I can't go through with it.
Put it this way I've just remembered that I've advertised myself as being reliable - we all know that's a load of crap so I better go and edit my ads.
Put it this way I've just remembered that I've advertised myself as being reliable - we all know that's a load of crap so I better go and edit my ads.
Sex God
Quote by Tiger_25
I apologise to all the single guys for contributing towards giving us all a bad name. I wouldn't blame anyone for being angry, for ruining it for more reliable people. This is the 1st time I've ever messed people around and I agree that I'll have to change the way I meet people if I can't go through with it.
Put it this way I've just remembered that I've advertised myself as being reliable - we all know that's a load of crap so I better go and edit my ads.
Awwww :therethere:
I think I'm feeling out of character today cos I just had a twang of sympathy! :shock:
Maybe while you're editing your advert, put that you can feel quite shy at times and might need a bit of patience!
:lol:Bless. I wish I was older! :twisted: :rascal: Oh and lived nearer to Kent! :lol: While I'm at this wishing lark... can I have rid of my love handles, several kilos of chub and my lazy bone. Thanks.
Gem. x
:? :? :? :? Sex God
Next time you're bad sarge, we'll say the same to you!
should see you in ....... oooo...... erm....... about a year! ;)
Gem. x
should see you in ....... oooo...... erm....... about a year! ;)
Gem. x
Sex God
mmmm, sleeping bags!
Did you used to sleep on the stairs in you sleeping bag as a kid? I know it's a long long time ago Sarge.... think very carefully and you might remember!
Gem. x
Did you used to sleep on the stairs in you sleeping bag as a kid? I know it's a long long time ago Sarge.... think very carefully and you might remember!
Gem. x
Was there a venue requiring a dress code discussed/arranged? Or was it a request for role play/ fantasy?
Its possible they were just as nervous and used the dress code thing as a means of 'sniffing' you out. But it is enormously frustrating to be made to jump through hoops just before a meet.
Try and get over asap. It will be forgotten about soon enough. The try again. Good luck, have fun and take care.
Its possible they were just as nervous and used the dress code thing as a means of 'sniffing' you out. But it is enormously frustrating to be made to jump through hoops just before a meet.
Try and get over asap. It will be forgotten about soon enough. The try again. Good luck, have fun and take care.
Quote by duncanlondon
Was there a venue requiring a dress code discussed/arranged? Or was it a request for role play/ fantasy?
Its possible they were just as nervous and used the dress code thing as a means of 'sniffing' you out. But it is enormously frustrating to be made to jump through hoops just before a meet.
Try and get over asap. It will be forgotten about soon enough. The try again. Good luck, have fun and take care.
It was just at their house - and that they didn't want jeans or trainers. The email about the dress code only came through this morning and tbh what I was wearing already I'd wear to smart bars/clubs and restuarants etc...
Sex God
Quote by warwick
he cant sit on the naughty stair
blondes in the way :shock:
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
Bad warwick!
Sarge, I know I'm a freak, but you don't need to consolodate that knowledge for me!
<sniff>
/flounces! :lol:
Tiger_25 I envy you being in the position to have been able to bottle out - although i am not advocating or condoneing it. I have been try to get meets for about 2 or three months now and still no luck. Infact hardly any replies to messages or ads.
It surprises me how many people do not even respond, just to say no thanks would be polite. I do think it is a shame.
I have also found that there is, apparently, noone willing to help 'new recruits'. Everyone has to start some where?
Any thoughts guys?
It surprises me how many people do not even respond, just to say no thanks would be polite. I do think it is a shame.
I have also found that there is, apparently, noone willing to help 'new recruits'. Everyone has to start some where?
Any thoughts guys?
Chill out don't beat yourself up over it just sit back have a think if it's really what you want and if so stick at like most things when the time is right all will come good. I can pretty much be certain when I say everone suffers from nerves at some point. But like I said if it's what you really want then stick with it and i'm sure it will get easier as worring your self sick isn't going to help matters
Sexlightened
:shock:
Sex God
Quote by R n M
Can't stand people dressed in jeans and trainers at swinging clubs and parties. It looks scruffy and disrespectful, as though not much effort has been made to contrubute to the ocassion. Why should it be so difficult to look smart and presentable?
why should you impose youre preferred way on anyone else? And likewise them on you? They don't tell you not to wear something smart cos it makes them feel uncomfortable!
It's up to the individual involved and it gives you a sure fire first base way of weeding out who youre not going to play with if you feel so strongly about it. I know guys who look very very sexy in a pair of nicely cut jeans and trendy trainers with a pressed white fitted shirt. It really is a case of each to their own and getting someone to express who they are as a person, on the other hand it is really nice and much appreciated when someone makes the effort.
If I was so bothered about what theyre wearing to start with I'd probably go to a towel only club and then that way its all nice and level.
Gem. x
I agree with Gem.
They're just clothes FFS, I wish people would get over it. As far as I'm concerned people can wear whatever they like, with no reflection on who they are - they're just bits of fabric to keep you warm and comfortable, after all.
All that 'smart clothes' tells me about a person is that they are either required to wear them for work, or a follower of societal rules - doesn't make any difference to me. But if someone required me to wear 'smart clothes' for a meet, I think I'd just tell them "No sorry, I'm not going to" - If that stops the meet, then so be it!
They're just clothes FFS, I wish people would get over it. As far as I'm concerned people can wear whatever they like, with no reflection on who they are - they're just bits of fabric to keep you warm and comfortable, after all.
All that 'smart clothes' tells me about a person is that they are either required to wear them for work, or a follower of societal rules - doesn't make any difference to me. But if someone required me to wear 'smart clothes' for a meet, I think I'd just tell them "No sorry, I'm not going to" - If that stops the meet, then so be it!
Sex God
Well, Phil.... I have a bit of thing for clothing and yes my personal preferences are different to the corner I've faught today, because I believe that everyone has their own way of approaching things. I don't think it's right to cast blanket statements for hard and fast ways todo things as everyone has their own little quirks and personal ways of doing things. It wouldn't put me off meeting someone cos they weren't wearing a shirt and trousers... but that is down to my personal preferences... if you get my meaning.What I would object to is someone making requests for me to dress to please then turning up themselves in last weeks cruddy underpants, jeans that have seen better days and a tshirt that's been subjected to re-decoration rituals aka, splodges of paint. That just takes the piss.
Gem. x
my view is that you really messed up and you know it....
i think that the "dress code" issue was just the "straw that broke the camels back" and gave you the excuse that you were looking for not to go to the meet.
i do have some symapthy for you and reckon that you have somewhat redeemed yourself for your actions.... and theres a fighting chance that the couple wont be too offended... they have probably been there before and , so it seems from other feedback i get from members, its just one of the realities of meeting people that exists here.
i also respect you for the fact that you acknowledge that you have added to the hardship of other single males on the site...... you haven't helped it at all!!!!
saying that, and with the greatest of respect to you... i think u ought to look at other ways to meet people... u obviously havnt got the confidence to do it this way.
as to where you go from here... that decision is up to you..... but i think you already know the answer to that one....
now i know that some people might think im harsh... but i just say it how i see it....
i think that the "dress code" issue was just the "straw that broke the camels back" and gave you the excuse that you were looking for not to go to the meet.
i do have some symapthy for you and reckon that you have somewhat redeemed yourself for your actions.... and theres a fighting chance that the couple wont be too offended... they have probably been there before and , so it seems from other feedback i get from members, its just one of the realities of meeting people that exists here.
i also respect you for the fact that you acknowledge that you have added to the hardship of other single males on the site...... you haven't helped it at all!!!!
saying that, and with the greatest of respect to you... i think u ought to look at other ways to meet people... u obviously havnt got the confidence to do it this way.
as to where you go from here... that decision is up to you..... but i think you already know the answer to that one....
now i know that some people might think im harsh... but i just say it how i see it....
Surely it's just as right for the couple to request 'no jeans or trainers' as it is for some to choose to wear them.
The key word is CHOOSE.
We all choose to do different things, wear different clothes, eat different foods, and decide if we like them or not.
It's not fair on either the 'timewaster' or the 'couple' as they are both entitled to like or dislike whatever they want - live and let live.
I would have thought that a swingers forum would understand that more than anyone else on the planet......
I think the real issue here has nothing to do with clothing though ...... does it ?
The key word is CHOOSE.
We all choose to do different things, wear different clothes, eat different foods, and decide if we like them or not.
It's not fair on either the 'timewaster' or the 'couple' as they are both entitled to like or dislike whatever they want - live and let live.
I would have thought that a swingers forum would understand that more than anyone else on the planet......
I think the real issue here has nothing to do with clothing though ...... does it ?
Can I just post something about trainers please....I wear trainers all the time, even when I'm out at a Nightclub or a Munch....the reason for this is that I have extremely large feet (size 9) and find it difficult to get nice high heels that are comfy.....
If people don't like it then they don't have to say hello to me...it's their loss as far as I'm concerned.
As for the topic in hand, I think its good that you know you're not ready for a meet yet...just relax and maybe get yourself to a Munch...
If people don't like it then they don't have to say hello to me...it's their loss as far as I'm concerned.
As for the topic in hand, I think its good that you know you're not ready for a meet yet...just relax and maybe get yourself to a Munch...
