Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t been around recently. This was due to something which I became involved with from here that was above and beyond what we, as moderators, should get involved in. However, it wasn’t something I could walk away from or even pass to someone else to deal with. It was hard to deal with, but I did, but felt I needed to reflect on what I was doing here and took some time out. I had to compare my real life to my swinging life and where my priorities lay. I didn’t disappear totally, spending time modding the ads, but deliberately staying off the Forums. By looking at it from a different perspective, I was able to think ‘what was I doing here?’ and ‘what do they want from me?’ I also was able to look at what you, the members, thought of what we, the moderators, do.
It seems that recently there appears to be a steady groundswell of members thinking it’s a good idea to have a go at the Mods. We were becoming ‘damned if we do, damned if we Why? What do you want from us? I mean, I can live with whingers if they have something constructive to say, but not whinging for whinging sake. If you think we are not doing something to your liking, don’t just moan, give us a proper explanation of what you think we should do. Don’t turn it into an open debate where everyone and his dog has an opinion, but give us proper feedback and how you would do it. We can then discuss the why’s and wherefore’s and what affect it would have overall to the site, the members and the implications for us. Some of the whinges we have had recently have been:
A member complained that he didn’t like his reply to be signed ‘Mod’, but wanted the Mod to sign their name personally. How pathetic!
Someone informing us of a fight in a swingers club, whereby one was a member of the site and the other was an ex-member. So what? Would you inform their Angling club? What the fuck has it got to do with us?
Getting third hand information. We get a story that someone has a problem and we should do this to that person and that to another person – yet the person who has ‘allegedly’ been wronged doesn’t come to us direct, but drums up support for the lynch mob before we get to find out about it. Why? All it does is dilute the problem and detracts from what actually happened and makes it more difficult to make a fair decision over the problem.
A member who posts for meets in the forum, but also has an ad with an age restriction on it. When asked if it still applies, he informs us it does but refuses to amend his post to reflect that and therefore wasting your time by people pm’ing only to be knocked back. Eventually I get this sort of response
“I'm having a definite problem with you.
I now consider this matter to be closed and will not be wasting anymore of my time answering your PMs which are taking you and I absolutely nowhere. I run my adverts my way, not yours.
End of..... Go and bother someone
At which point I deleted his post and informed him why. But should I have had to spend so much time sorting it out?
The thing is, so many people think it clever to test us, to stay just within the limits of the rules,so they can show how clever they are without being banned. Why? Do you not think we have anything better to do with our time? We like to come on here and enjoy ourselves as well, you know. We don’t want to spend every second online chasing round after people who can’t be bothered reading the rules or who decide to ignore them or decide to be right on the edge and see if we react. I’ll give you an example. There is a member on here who, in real life, is a really nice guy. I have personally met him a few times and get on with him very well. He’s witty, intelligent, polite and helpful. However, once online he changes into a virtual mod-baiter, pushing to the edge but not quite stepping over it. He’s a popular member of the site. He again, posts some very witty and intelligent posts, but then goes off on one and hates to be reined in. Why? Why does this person do it? At this stage we, as mods, could quite rightly say that maybe he hasn’t crossed the line, but he’s close enough to make no difference and then he’s gone. But is there a winner or a loser in this situation?
We do this voluntarily. We don’t get paid, it’s not a power trip, it’s not a “I’m better than you, cos I’m a mod†type of thing either. We do it because we want this to remain the best free Swingers Site in the world. We do it because we don’t want the place overrun with arseholes being rude and aggressive to the normal members of the Site. We do it for god only knows how many reasons – but to be attacked isn’t one of them.
So why have a go at us?
I did this some time ago, but for the folks who didn’t see it before I’ll explain it again. This is what we have to do.
In the ads section. We daily delete hundreds of ads which don’t comply, ie phone numbers, prostitutes, illegal activities, timewasters and wrong categories. We answer emails from members concerning reported ads, why they were banned/deleted, etc. you might say why don’t we email each one to explain why we did what we did and that would cut down on the incoming emails. Think of the line above regarding ‘hundreds’ – I wasn’t exaggerating.
The forums. Deleting phone numbers, moving posts to the right forum, dealing with arguments, abusive posts, multiple posters, members having multiple names, ensuring banned members don’t return under a different name. Checking avatars comply, checking www links comply, advising and helping members, new and old. We basically check every post made on the forums, so if someone says ‘if you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it’, actually we do!
What do we get in return? Praise? Occasionally. Abuse? Unfortunately daily.
We are here for you, the members. So what do YOU want from us? Tell us. Do you want us to leave the one line ‘fancy a shag’ post or would you rather they were deleted? Do you want us to lock less posts? What would you want us to lock and what wouldn’t you want us to lock. What do you think of banning? Any ideas? Short term bans, other sanctions?
Come on, this is YOUR opportunity to have your say. Don’t sit at home and whinge. We want suggestions to improve the Site, we want them from you. Don’t come ball-aching later and saying this isn’t right or that isn’t right. This is your time to show whether you are a giver or a taker. Are you happy to just take all the time or like us, be prepared to give something back to this site.
The floor is yours!!
Mal
You guys and girls do a tough job
its like being an umpire or a referee
you get the odd one wrong but the overwelming majority right
so keep it up and stuff the winging ones
andy
Hi Mate,
I know the feeling having previously been a mod, host, ass kicker etc. Its a thnkless task no matter how you look at it and worse of all you end up not getting to have any fun either.
Dont let the Bastards get you down. And if they start to boot them and block their IP. It works for me, lol.
@lpha :twisted:
Being a newbie I an say I haven't really had any problems with anyone on this site. They have all made me feel really welcome. Especially the Mods who welcomed me in with open arms.
I think the jobs you guys do is excellent and hope that all the geniune members out there show respect to you all. Because without you doing what you do behind the scenes then this site would not excist...
Good to have you back mate..
Roni B
Hi Mal nice to have you back. The mods do a great job, seems to me you keep a protective cloak over the site and those who use it. Thank you.
:love: xxx
I have the upmost respect for the Mods, their devoted time, effort, vigiilence and patience to name a few is just something i cant devote to something like this at the moment, plus the fact that they still have lives to live; work, children, housework, family members, school runs etc etc etc.
Sometimes, I just read a prats thread and just wonder how u just dont turn around and tell them to 'feck off' is beyond me! :twisted:
Hi Mal,
Glad you back as well, nice detailed post which although I knew you guys did brings it all back into focus. Since you asked for opinions and I note all of them are 'like as is' I would like to put one point.
I personally have a problem with locking threads, I know the mods have been holding back recently, I assume as an experiment and I have preferred the cafe. Some however have started posting non stop in threads that are junk that it needs to be locked? Behaviour that leaves me lost, if they don't like it why are the bumping it non stop to the top to say 'Look it not locked'?? We have to lock them to stop people asking, when all they had to do is leave it?
Hey ho I think this is just an example as I have said before of dammed if you do, and dammed if you don't. Personally I think unless there some AUP reason we should leave threads open, and people should avoid posting in threads they don't like (apart from sarcasm if they feel the need).
I feel this leads to more chats and conversation, even hijacks that may become interesting out of these otherwise junk threads. One purpose of the cafe is to get a feel for the other members personality, seeing how they handle others, even in a stupid question thread I think has a lot of benifit for forming that picture of them.
If someone keeps bumping their own thread when no one else likes it then I would go with a 1 week ban for em to solve it. Just to cover the other reason you would normally lock one.
I personally think threads should be deleted for breaking the AUP, and locked only when people are getting abusive. Junk should fall off by itself. Still that just my opinion, I not baiting you guys and if I ever getting on your nerves PM me and I would stop.
Just an opinion, and a suggestion as you requested. So always end on a positive, welcome back mate, look forward to many more chats in the future.
TnH
Brave man, T&H, but then... he is T. And H.
Good to see you back Mal.
I continue to appreciate the work the mods do, and think that they have got it just about right. I have on one or two occasions PM'ed a mod in support after some tricky situation or other - perhaps I should have done it more often.
If I was a mod I would probably lock a few MORE threads than is done now, as I hate the threads that just seem as though the only purpose they serve is to increase someone's post count, but I recognise I'm probably in a minority!
I wish I knew how to solve the problem of people who come on here with an attitude problem against authority - it's hard for any mod not to take it all personally.
Mike.
Hi Mal,
I don't post on here as often as some but I'd like to chip in my tuppenceworth.
I haven't always agreed with some of the decisions that have been made but I do know that without you guys putting the work in that you do the place would not work at all.
You are bound to get the knockers ( I should be so lucky !) You will get the people that push you to and beyond the limits. Fortunately you also get a majority of folks on here that are genuine and will have a reasoned discussion if they do disagree with something.
Don't let the idiots put you off. You are all doing a great job, I for one could not give the time and effort to do it so I thank you when you do.
Someone suggested a cooling off period after joining where the new member would be able to advertise and read the forums but not post. I think that this idea has some merit, as it would put off a lot of the " I want a shag and I want it now ! merchants.
It's easy to go onto a site, register and then post a load of rubbish.
If you know when you register that you won't be able to just wind folks up straight away, but will have to go to the trouble of waiting a week, finding the site again and then posting the crap it will make you think twice, to most of them it just won't be worth the bother.
I don't think that this would put genuine folks off much and it will give them a chance to look in and see what the site is about and then have more sucess when they do get to post.
Keep up the good work
Snerts
I for one think that anyone that volunteer's to MOD on any site deserves the back up from the members. It is a thankless task at times and can seem to be a lot more hassle than its worth. I hope all the MOD's realise that they do a great job and we'd be pretty lost without them.
I just wish that people would remember that this is an internet meet up site and if they behave badly in here they'll get removed , I mean if people acted in the pub the way they seem to think they can act online then they would end up out on the street on their butts or worse be carted off to hospital because someone took exception to their behaviour.
I know I dont post much ( got a female mate lodging just now and the pc's in her room so dont get online much ) but I have run my own ( and mod'd in other peoples rooms ) on paltalk and that can be a very very thankless and stressfull task so I can only say to the MOD's you have my support and sympathy.
Davie
First of all Mal its great to see you back and I hope your feeling better!!
Now in reply to your questions , Don’t you think people have always had a go at the mods, perhaps its just that now there are more people to have a go at such a small band of people? That said the examples you give do seem a bit extreme, but presumably that’s why you choose them? People being people you are always going to find that a certain small proportion are going to be a pain in the ass, that’s life unfortunately!!
Myself I would prefer that the one liners are left on – then I know who not to talk to!!
I would prefer that there were less locked threads but that more specific guidelines were given about post banning was only done as a last resort a mod had sent at least a couple of pms to an offender pointing out the error of their ways and that they may get banned (do you do this already, I don’t know?) I would prefer this to be a private matter between the person about to be banned and the mod not cheap sarcasm by the mods on a thread. Infact , and this isn’t directed at any mod in particular, I think cheap sarcasm by a mod is unprofessional and only serves to demean the mods authority in the eyes of everyone else. A mods behaviour should be above reproach ,this in itself would in my opinion,n help to keep the standards on the Café high. As Blue said ages ago",....you get what you give on here."http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewpost/40348.html#40348
Most of all I would like to see mods communicate more so if they lock a thread, don’t just lock it but tell us why, it may be obvious
To you but that dosnt mean it is to us!!
Communications has to be the key to all understanding (who said that , Im sure it was someone famous?)
Finally I wouold like to see mods treating us all the same. I feel that particulary since munches were introduced there has been a lot of favouritism, with those that have met (i said met , not shagged ) getting away with far more than others, again all mods should be abouve reproach if you want our respect.
Well there it is , you did ask, and once again good to see you back!!
Hi All,
I am still a relative newby to the site. Look at my posts count. But anyway the mods have been wonderful to me both forum and chat there are a number who i wud trust with my life.
If it wasnt for at least 2 mods i would not be on SH, the y have kept me going when i am down and looked after me. Whcih i greatly respect.
i even respect the mod that banned my thread, i made a mistake ona thread and it was deleated - i was annoyed at the time then the mod that locked it explained why, in whcig i apologiesed for and then accepted my mistake.
Mike
LIVE LONG AND PROSPER the mods.
MikeC
Mal, it's great to see you back. I have the greatest sympathy with what you had to deal with.
I wonder whether the fairly widespread locking of threads up to about a week ago wasn't in fact counterproductive. Those affected probably generated more traffic by asking 'Why?' than it was worth. The crap threads will die a death anyway - although I guess the volume of posters here now might make that more of a problem.
I don't think it's been too bad since the locking of threads dropped off a bit. This should be music to a Mod's ears methinks because if I'm right then the task may be diminished somewhat.
Lot o' sympathy with Ice's view.
I offer this in the most constructive spirit because I believe the Mods here do a fantastic job and trying to please even half the people even half of the time is impossible.
to all the Mods (ok ok even Sarge 
)
:) :) 
and the content of a lot of posts recently beggers belief 
Carry on doing what we all do with shite - dump it!
oops: So they are playing by the rules. 
assionkiss:
