Quote by bigDewi69
you can't shoot minxy :eeek:
ahem......
aww sorry 
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Inventing New Laws
Warming the Bed
All those people that leave rear fog lights on!!!....or put them on in the rain! Oh, and car manufacturers that add 'driving' lights to boy-racer cars :fuckinghell:
The government for taking MORE money off people who have worked all there lives (how is that fair!!!)
Councils for locking known dogging sites - as its recreation shouldn't they be building new ones for us? A bit like skate parks for grown-ups :grin: :grin: :grin:
The government for taking MORE money off people who have worked all there lives (how is that fair!!!)
Councils for locking known dogging sites - as its recreation shouldn't they be building new ones for us? A bit like skate parks for grown-ups :grin: :grin: :grin:
they have got all week and decide oh lets go to asda and see how many ankles we can ram with the trollys :x 
Warming the Bed
As I've gotten older, I've noticed I'm getting a little more extreme in some of my views (So since I'm only 22, better get me that brenn gun and SS uniform for my 30th 
). So apologies for any offence caused, it is after all, only a joke....
1) The Ned-Non-Proliferation (Scotland) 2005 Act (aka The Chav-Non-Proliferation (2005) Act in England and Wales). Clearly states that the act of being a 'ned' (or chav) or committing any acts in the prohibited list is punishable by life in prison, re-offenders get immediate execution by firing squad (tickets for places in firing squad to be sold on eBay, proceeds to charity).
Prohibited List:
a) Wearing 'Burberry'.
b) Wearing items of sports apparel when not engaging in sports or
related activites. E.g Nike baseball caps, Adidas tracksuits.
Anything bearing the name "Tommy Hillfinger".
c) Drinking "Buckfast" or any cheap cider, floor-polish etc.
d) Driving a vehicle with any plastic bolted on for non-practical
purposes.
2) The Sensible Child Names (2005) Act.
States that all children must be names with approved names, given on government list. Names such as "Bianca", "Tiffney" "Rickee" "Chelsee" "Mersaydees" warrant immediate imprisonment for parents, renaming for victim (child).
3) The Animal Cruelty (2005) Act.
Anyone caught committing acts of cruelty towards any species of animal (human through to mouse) shall have their genitalia burned off with a blow-torch whilst being made to listen to "The Spice Girls".
4) The Shitty Music (2005) Act.
Anyone caught listening to, distributing, producing shitty music shall be forced to listen to a loop of said music at near-deafning volume constantly for 4 years. Per Song. List of "Shitty Music" to be drawn up by popular consent every month. Automatically to include "Spice Girls" and anything else that can be described as "girl group" or "boy group", as well as anything "hip-hop".
5) The Fuck Bill Gates Up (2005) Act.
States that usage, sale and production of "Windows" in any form is illegal. All computers to have either linux, unix or better yet, MacOSX installed. Steve Jobs to be gifted Bill Gates money and house. Bill Gates to be locked up and made to use Windows95 to do everything (from ordering his food, emptying toilet, turning on lights etc.).
6) The Soundless Child (2005) Act.
States all children to be fitted with a 'silencing' device for when in public. All persons over 18 to be issued universal remote controls.
and last but not least, my personal favourite:
7) The Math Campbell Deification (2005) Act.
Declares Math Campbell to be a living deity, and that all laws, worldwide do not apply to him. Particularly the firearms, murder and bank robbing ones.
That's me, I think. Would you excuse me a second, there's some policeman at my door. Apparently they want to talk to me about something I posted on a web-s?><(*%£^%$£$£$ (*& *&(*&( ^&%&^@£*@(*£&(@£......
). So apologies for any offence caused, it is after all, only a joke....1) The Ned-Non-Proliferation (Scotland) 2005 Act (aka The Chav-Non-Proliferation (2005) Act in England and Wales). Clearly states that the act of being a 'ned' (or chav) or committing any acts in the prohibited list is punishable by life in prison, re-offenders get immediate execution by firing squad (tickets for places in firing squad to be sold on eBay, proceeds to charity).
Prohibited List:
a) Wearing 'Burberry'.
b) Wearing items of sports apparel when not engaging in sports or
related activites. E.g Nike baseball caps, Adidas tracksuits.
Anything bearing the name "Tommy Hillfinger".
c) Drinking "Buckfast" or any cheap cider, floor-polish etc.
d) Driving a vehicle with any plastic bolted on for non-practical
purposes.
2) The Sensible Child Names (2005) Act.
States that all children must be names with approved names, given on government list. Names such as "Bianca", "Tiffney" "Rickee" "Chelsee" "Mersaydees" warrant immediate imprisonment for parents, renaming for victim (child).
3) The Animal Cruelty (2005) Act.
Anyone caught committing acts of cruelty towards any species of animal (human through to mouse) shall have their genitalia burned off with a blow-torch whilst being made to listen to "The Spice Girls".
4) The Shitty Music (2005) Act.
Anyone caught listening to, distributing, producing shitty music shall be forced to listen to a loop of said music at near-deafning volume constantly for 4 years. Per Song. List of "Shitty Music" to be drawn up by popular consent every month. Automatically to include "Spice Girls" and anything else that can be described as "girl group" or "boy group", as well as anything "hip-hop".
5) The Fuck Bill Gates Up (2005) Act.
States that usage, sale and production of "Windows" in any form is illegal. All computers to have either linux, unix or better yet, MacOSX installed. Steve Jobs to be gifted Bill Gates money and house. Bill Gates to be locked up and made to use Windows95 to do everything (from ordering his food, emptying toilet, turning on lights etc.).
6) The Soundless Child (2005) Act.
States all children to be fitted with a 'silencing' device for when in public. All persons over 18 to be issued universal remote controls.
and last but not least, my personal favourite:
7) The Math Campbell Deification (2005) Act.
Declares Math Campbell to be a living deity, and that all laws, worldwide do not apply to him. Particularly the firearms, murder and bank robbing ones.
That's me, I think. Would you excuse me a second, there's some policeman at my door. Apparently they want to talk to me about something I posted on a web-s?><(*%£^%$£$£$ (*& *&(*&( ^&%&^@£*@(*£&(@£......
Sex God
Death by flogging for all those that can't be nice, so that includes all..........................
Chavs and other assorted delinquents, juvenile or other.
Dictators, no matter where they are from.
People who do nasty things to garden gnomes.
Horse riders who insist on riding side by side so they can have a good natter, on narrow country lanes...........c'mon ladies I want to pass you safely but you ain't making it easy.
People who stick "baby on board" signs in their rear windows..... yeah and your point is???
Caravaners who clog up the roads.
Caravaners who drive in convoy and clog up the roads.....
Any one who owns a caravan and parks it on their drive (I hate em!!!......... well ok they are cool to sleep in, especially when its raining outside cos you hear the pitter patter of rain on the roof and you feel all warm and cosy so maybe if you leave it on your drive you can live OK??)
Chavs and other assorted delinquents, juvenile or other.
Dictators, no matter where they are from.
People who do nasty things to garden gnomes.
Horse riders who insist on riding side by side so they can have a good natter, on narrow country lanes...........c'mon ladies I want to pass you safely but you ain't making it easy.
People who stick "baby on board" signs in their rear windows..... yeah and your point is???
Caravaners who clog up the roads.
Caravaners who drive in convoy and clog up the roads.....
Any one who owns a caravan and parks it on their drive (I hate em!!!......... well ok they are cool to sleep in, especially when its raining outside cos you hear the pitter patter of rain on the roof and you feel all warm and cosy
so maybe if you leave it on your drive you can live OK??) Quote by Him'nHer
Horse riders who insist on riding side by side so they can have a good natter, on narrow country lanes...........c'mon ladies I want to pass you safely but you ain't making it easy.
Forgot Horse Boxes... anti horse box mines on alll roads unless they are doing the road speed... boom ;)
Quote by Him'nHer
People who stick "baby on board" signs in their rear windows..... yeah and your point is???
Um they tell the emergency services that in the wreck after an RTA they need to look for a baby... Otherwise they are small, may get missed in a bad smash. Depressing but true.
Sex God
Quote by tallnhairy
Um they tell the emergency services that in the wreck after an RTA they need to look for a baby... Otherwise they are small, may get missed in a bad smash. Depressing but true.
Ok I sort of see what your saying and accept to a point BUT.....................
Caravans !! Bloody caravans............ leave em at home !!!! :grin:
Quote by tallnhairy
Horse riders who insist on riding side by side so they can have a good natter, on narrow country lanes...........c'mon ladies I want to pass you safely but you ain't making it easy.
Forgot Horse Boxes... anti horse box mines on alll roads unless they are doing the road speed... boom ;)
Quote by Him'nHer
People who stick "baby on board" signs in their rear windows..... yeah and your point is???
Um they tell the emergency services that in the wreck after an RTA they need to look for a baby... Otherwise they are small, may get missed in a bad smash. Depressing but true.
Anti Horse Box Mines?????????????? lol......... we cant do the road speed.... we're carrying several thousand pounds worth of equine perfection.... probably worth more than the three following cars put together....... !!!!!!!
Makes note to self........ drive even slower in future........ lol
equi-princess xxx
Quote by tallnhairy
How boring life would be if we were all the same equi
Mmmmmm.... many times have i been at an event waiting for the familiar wail of the ambulance arriving......... and the first question they ask is:- Now how did you do this????
Fgs... i'm lying on the floor... wearing riding clothes.... a horse stood nearby with no rider...... isn't that a big enough hint??????????????????
People asking pointless and inane questions should be fined........
equi-princess xxx
Quote by equi-princess
How boring life would be if we were all the same equi
Mmmmmm.... many times have i been at an event waiting for the familiar wail of the ambulance arriving......... and the first question they ask is:- Now how did you do this????
Fgs... i'm lying on the floor... wearing riding clothes.... a horse stood nearby with no rider...... isn't that a big enough hint??????????????????
People asking pointless and inane questions should be fined........
equi-princess xxx
Think you will find they are more interested in how you fell, to come to the aid of my fellow crews... as in were you jumping, what hit the ground first, stuff like that. I once had a pro photographer catch the fall on his dig cam. Made life much easier working out what they would have hurt seeing the fall on the camera :)
However I digress, I have a new rule, FREE buses for all and all schoolkids to get secure busses to and from school. Sick to death of the morning drive being twice the length with kids going to school as there is no real alternative for working parents than the car...
Quote by bigDewi69
PETA* and all animal rights activists be covered by the Terrorism act.
Everyone be entitled to equal human rights, no matter what the circumstances (lets see those human rights campaigners endorse that!)
*Whilst I know PETA is a animal rights group which has no apparent criminal element, they nevertheless condone criminal acts carried out by activists.
I'll back that law.
Tough penalties for drivers who jump red lights (very nearly got knoked over the other day by some idiot who ran a red light about ten seconds after it changed)
Public flogging for drivers who break the law by speeding then winge they have been caught by a speed camara - it's not a stealth tax its a fine for breaking the law, the same as you would be fined if you got caught shoplifting (except speeding can kill, the amount of times i have had to jump out of the way of a car when I have been crossing a 20mph or 30mph and a car has suddenly appeared doing over forty)
I would raise the Speed limit on motorways and other dual carriageways.
I would make anyone on the dole either do full time community work or for the first couple of months spend 37.5 hours a week in a centre where they can actively search for jobs - travel and child care provided.
I would ban hypocrisy - for example; the current climb for legislating against smoking because there is evidence to suggest it can kill you and harm others, yet cars and manufacturing plants are perfectly legal and they produce just as many harmful chemicals. Another example is the campaigns to get certain types of knives banned or to raise the age where you can legally buy knives to 18 (so you can leave home at 16 but you can't buy a knife to prepare your meals for another two years
) because people use them to kill or wound other people. Nearly every object can be used to harm another person - should we ban everything?????I would insist on three day weekends every week.
I would ban television advertising before the watershed
I would make sanitory products free on the national health.
I would make chocolate calorie free :P
