My daughter has told us that a boy at school is bulling her, he keeps telling her she is fat She is no way fat, but is changing shape and is developing perfectly. She has now started to hide her body behind baggy clothes. Yesterday she came down stairs wearing a skirt leggings and a top, she looked beautiful, but then before going out changed back to her track suit bottoms. This upsets us as I would like my children to be happy within themselves and who they are.
We sat her down and explained boys are stupid at this age, (she is 11) boys that say silly things are the ones that mean the opposite generally, they are the ones that like you, but just don’t know how to react in the right manner.
She is sensible and understands what we are saying but still finds it hard to deal with.
While I think it is time to go to the school and have a word with the head, I don’t always feel this to be the right action to take. As in life she is always going to come up against people that say nasty things she needs to learn a way of coping with this, so she doesn’t take any notice of those that wish to hurt feelings.
What do you think?
Are there other ways to deal with it?
She feels she is being bullied, I see it as some people say things without thinking. What do you think?
If the term bulling to widely used these days?
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Is bulling a term used to freely?
Sex God
Boy in question
"Oi Fatty"
Daughter
"wish my bank account was as big as your gob!"
Worked for me
"Oi Fatty"
Daughter
"wish my bank account was as big as your gob!"
Worked for me
Sex God
Quote by helnheaven
Boy in question
"Oi Fatty"
Daughter
"wish my bank account was as big as your gob!"
Worked for me
You have to be a certain type of (unbulliable) person to carry that off though, don't you.
To avoid being bullied the recipient has got to genuinely not believe the jibes and also to not care either.
Part of that can be achieved by lowering the image of the perpetrator. This can be by imagining them in vulnerable situations. An adult version of this could be imagining them sitting on the toilet with their trousers around their ankles (sorry). There may be less rude and more pertinent ones that your daughter knows of this person TLM.
On the positive side though is building her own self esteem. Difficult to do, because parents repeating things can be counter-productive. Third party reinforcing can be very effective but it really has to come from within.
Sorry - this isn't making much sense or helping is it.
I hope you find a solution - it is a desperately unpleasant thing.
.
Sex God
All joking aside, I was bullied when younger for years. I was terrified to go out through the door.
As the 'bully' was also a neighbour it didnt stop at the school gates.
In those days you either sank or swam, Im afraid I sank. I sank to the lowest depths of unhappiness. Not only was all this happening, my Father, and I use that term loosely, was an alcoholic and a violent bully.
It seemed to me the only place I was safe was when I went to visit my Grandparents in another town.
Its only since Ive become an adult that I have learned how to deal with things better and even now I hate confrontation but that said, I will not let anyone bully me or mine.
I hope you can reach a satisfactory conclusion to this Minx, I sincerley do.
As the 'bully' was also a neighbour it didnt stop at the school gates.
In those days you either sank or swam, Im afraid I sank. I sank to the lowest depths of unhappiness. Not only was all this happening, my Father, and I use that term loosely, was an alcoholic and a violent bully.
It seemed to me the only place I was safe was when I went to visit my Grandparents in another town.
Its only since Ive become an adult that I have learned how to deal with things better and even now I hate confrontation but that said, I will not let anyone bully me or mine.
I hope you can reach a satisfactory conclusion to this Minx, I sincerley do.
Quote by benrums0n
If it is causing your daughter distress I reckon its bullying and u have to get the school to make sure it stops.
When I was a kid my Mother just said " sticks and stones ", it seemed to work well for everyone! :shock:
I would not in anyway accept any form of physical bullying, but kids do say not very nice things, and I always told my kids to have a go back. Kids will be kids and name calling is all part of that.
bullying is such a difficult subject,two years ago my 12year step daughter was being bullied in her new school,this stressed the entire family so my ex went to school and had a word with the head our suprise it just made it worse she ended up being victimised alot....
so one day i got so worked up with the situation and drove to the parent of the ring leader of this bully group,asked her dad to join me for a drink in the nearest pub...so i told him all that my little girl has been through in life,one divorce and a seperation..we both broke down at some point.
these two little girls are best of friends now,her school work has improved dramatically
dont ask me who is my only permanent taxi driver is
_________
i hope you get a solution to your daughters' situation soon before it gets out of hand
so one day i got so worked up with the situation and drove to the parent of the ring leader of this bully group,asked her dad to join me for a drink in the nearest pub...so i told him all that my little girl has been through in life,one divorce and a seperation..we both broke down at some point.
these two little girls are best of friends now,her school work has improved dramatically
dont ask me who is my only permanent taxi driver is
_________
i hope you get a solution to your daughters' situation soon before it gets out of hand
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
If it is causing your daughter distress I reckon its bullying and u have to get the school to make sure it stops.
When I was a kid my Mother just said " sticks and stones ", it seemed to work well for everyone! :shock:
Didnt work for me. I was battered verbally and physically, in school, out of school and at home until I left home at 16.
We live in an entirely different world now and IMO, when any form of bullying begins, it should be nipped in the bud from the off.
Bullying on a name calling level can be tough to deal with. If someone just says hey knobhead then thats one thing but some people have the uncanny knack of finding what hurts a person and using it. I can say this with a certain amount of sureness as I actually know of someone broke his own nose after listening to jibes about it's size for years, he actually slammed it against a door edge with that much force.
Kids and more so teens can be very sensitive about they look, after all image is evertyhing at that age and for someone to take the time to hurt someone for the way they look, well quite simply they are a bully.
Kids and more so teens can be very sensitive about they look, after all image is evertyhing at that age and for someone to take the time to hurt someone for the way they look, well quite simply they are a bully.
Quote by helnheaven
If it is causing your daughter distress I reckon its bullying and u have to get the school to make sure it stops.
When I was a kid my Mother just said " sticks and stones ", it seemed to work well for everyone! :shock:
Didnt work for me. I was battered verbally and physically, in school, out of school and at home until I left home at 16.
We live in an entirely different world now and IMO, when any form of bullying begins, it should be nipped in the bud from the off.
If teachers had to deal with every form of verbal bullying that happens in schools, they would never have any time left to teach.
In my Grandaughters infants school they are always saying things like " spotty " or similar things. I try and teach her to have a go back, to give as good as she gets. It worked for both my Daughters. It will always happen in schools. You have to differentiate between serious and normal kids silly banter. Serious stuff should of course be dealt with but...normal name calling is part and parcel of life, of which they will have to learn to live with. You cannot possibly run to the teacher everytime someone calls you a name, the teacher will have most of the kids wanting to see her.
Sex God
To me, it's bullying when it's persistent and malicious - whether it's verbal or physical.
Up to a point, I try to ignore the children calling one another names - it's easy to sort out at that level. I'll obviously point out that it's not a pleasant thing to do, with a gentle reminder not to do it again, of course. But they are all guilty of doing it at some point (even the ones whose parents think they are angels). I would never encourage a child to call another child something unpleasant in retaliation, though. I also think that it's important for them to learn to ignore occasional jibes aimed at getting a reaction - there won't always be an adult/friend to run to, after all. They have to stand up for themselves sooner or later.
If, however, a child is obviously upset or unwilling to work with particular children, then I would ask questions to ascertain why, and watch their behaviour more closely. Then it's a question of dealing with the bully and the victim sensitively - it's often the case that the bullies are themselves the victims of bullying by another.
Up to a point, I try to ignore the children calling one another names - it's easy to sort out at that level. I'll obviously point out that it's not a pleasant thing to do, with a gentle reminder not to do it again, of course. But they are all guilty of doing it at some point (even the ones whose parents think they are angels). I would never encourage a child to call another child something unpleasant in retaliation, though. I also think that it's important for them to learn to ignore occasional jibes aimed at getting a reaction - there won't always be an adult/friend to run to, after all. They have to stand up for themselves sooner or later.
If, however, a child is obviously upset or unwilling to work with particular children, then I would ask questions to ascertain why, and watch their behaviour more closely. Then it's a question of dealing with the bully and the victim sensitively - it's often the case that the bullies are themselves the victims of bullying by another.
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
If it is causing your daughter distress I reckon its bullying and u have to get the school to make sure it stops.
When I was a kid my Mother just said " sticks and stones ", it seemed to work well for everyone! :shock:
Didnt work for me. I was battered verbally and physically, in school, out of school and at home until I left home at 16.
We live in an entirely different world now and IMO, when any form of bullying begins, it should be nipped in the bud from the off.
If teachers had to deal with every form of verbal bullying that happens in schools, they would never have any time left to teach.
In my Grandaughters infants school they are always saying things like " spotty " or similar things. I try and teach her to have a go back, to give as good as she gets. It worked for both my Daughters. It will always happen in schools. You have to differentiate between serious and normal kids silly banter. Serious stuff should of course be dealt with but...normal name calling is part and parcel of life, of which they will have to learn to live with. You cannot possibly run to the teacher everytime someone calls you a name, the teacher will have most of the kids wanting to see her.
I didnt actually mention teachers. Of course they dont have time to deal with 'every form of verbal bullying'.
The problem these days is, it doesent always stop at that.
There are now dedicated help lines, mentors and the such like to deal with the problem. Yes it is THAT bad.
Like I said earlier, we live in different times. What used to be a 'bit of 'name calling' can now progress to other, more violent abuse.
When we were growing up, we had respect for our elders and wouldnt dare carry on 'name calling' once our cards had been marked by someone in authority. Kids today, and Im not saying all kids but some, have no respect for themselves let alone anyone else.
I still say best nipped in the bud from the start.
Wether it be verbal or not, its still bullying.
You, yourself referred to it as 'Verbal Bullying'
Quote by helnheaven
If it is causing your daughter distress I reckon its bullying and u have to get the school to make sure it stops.
When I was a kid my Mother just said " sticks and stones ", it seemed to work well for everyone! :shock:
Didnt work for me. I was battered verbally and physically, in school, out of school and at home until I left home at 16.
We live in an entirely different world now and IMO, when any form of bullying begins, it should be nipped in the bud from the off.
If teachers had to deal with every form of verbal bullying that happens in schools, they would never have any time left to teach.
In my Grandaughters infants school they are always saying things like " spotty " or similar things. I try and teach her to have a go back, to give as good as she gets. It worked for both my Daughters. It will always happen in schools. You have to differentiate between serious and normal kids silly banter. Serious stuff should of course be dealt with but...normal name calling is part and parcel of life, of which they will have to learn to live with. You cannot possibly run to the teacher everytime someone calls you a name, the teacher will have most of the kids wanting to see her.
I didnt actually mention teachers. Of course they dont have time to deal with 'every form of verbal bullying'.
The problem these days is, it doesent always stop at that.
There are now dedicated help lines, mentors and the such like to deal with the problem. Yes it is THAT bad.
Like I said earlier, we live in different times. What used to be a 'bit of 'name calling' can now progress to other, more violent abuse.
When we were growing up, we had respect for our elders and wouldnt dare carry on 'name calling' once our cards had been marked by someone in authority. Kids today, and Im not saying all kids but some, have no respect for themselves let alone anyone else.
I still say best nipped in the bud from the start.
Wether it be verbal or not, its still bullying.
You, yourself referred to it as 'Verbal Bullying'
Well minxys original problem was name calling at her Daughters school, which I was refering too really. Respect is another subject, we all know most kids have no respect for anyone, including their parents. Name calling is just what kids do, you will never stop it.
Sex God
Quote by kentswingers777
Well minxys original problem was name calling at her Daughters school, which I was refering too really. Respect is another subject, we all know most kids have no respect for anyone, including their parents. Name calling is just what kids do, you will never stop it.
You should be a politician
Never say never.
If retaliation wasnt encouraged by people with 'victorian' ideas. You know the type "go on son, give as much as you get" etc then perhaps that would be a start to putting an end to it.
Behaviour is learned,in the first instance from their parents, children arent born malicious.
Sex God
Quote by helnheaven
I didnt actually mention teachers. Of course they dont have time to deal with 'every form of verbal bullying'.
The problem these days is, it doesent always stop at that.
There are now dedicated help lines, mentors and the such like to deal with the problem. Yes it is THAT bad.
Like I said earlier, we live in different times. What used to be a 'bit of 'name calling' can now progress to other, more violent abuse.
When we were growing up, we had respect for our elders and wouldnt dare carry on 'name calling' once our cards had been marked by someone in authority. Kids today, and Im not saying all kids but some, have no respect for themselves let alone anyone else.
I still say best nipped in the bud from the start.
Wether it be verbal or not, its still bullying.
You, yourself referred to it as 'Verbal Bullying'
Do you really think it is worse nowadays HnH? I'm not so sure.
I think bullying was far worse, especially physical abuse in days gone by, in all areas as well, not just with children. Our tolerance towards bullying is at a very much lower level and a lot more is done about it for the most part. The fact that as with a lot of, stuff we know so much more and we're informed about so much more just shows up what was missed before hand.
I personally don't think we live in anymore a violent society than we did. We just hear about it. And it can be shocking.
As for schools I don't think they give two monkeys about bullying as an institution and collectively. They as institutions have to look to be seen doing things and having systems in place to deal with it, Of course thats not to say individual teachers are not going to care they are nearly as human as the rest of us.
I loathe and detest bullying knowing that its not just a few moments in a life that it destroys but can be whole swathes of it. Changing a person from what, with no bullying, they could naturally become.
I most certainly think that there is less violent bullying today, especially in school. Ok, we could all link to specific examples that are in the public domain but we've always had the isolated mass media picked up on examples.
Sex God
Quote by Lost
Do you really think it is worse nowadays HnH? I'm not so sure.
I think bullying was far worse, especially physical abuse in days gone by, in all areas as well, not just with children. Our tolerance towards bullying is at a very much lower level and a lot more is done about it for the most part. The fact that as with a lot of, stuff we know so much more and we're informed about so much more just shows up what was missed before hand.
I personally don't think we live in anymore a violent society than we did. We just hear about it. And it can be shocking.
As for schools I don't think they give two monkeys about bullying as an institution and collectively. They as institutions have to look to be seen doing things and having systems in place to deal with it, Of course thats not to say individual teachers are not going to care they are nearly as human as the rest of us.
I loathe and detest bullying knowing that its not just a few moments in a life that it destroys but can be whole swathes of it. Changing a person from what, with no bullying, they could naturally become.
I most certainly think that there is less violent bullying today, especially in school. Ok, we could all link to specific examples that are in the public domain but we've always had the isolated mass media picked up on examples.
I dont know how old you are Lostie or when you went to school but I KNOW its got worse.
When I went to school the most I feared was a good hiding from the bullies.
Todays, youngsters not only get a good hiding but they have mental bullying via mobiles and Pc's. Oh and it was unheard of for children to end up dead as a result of bullying.
Extreme I know but you asked if it had really got worse, IMO yes it has
In edit...I may be wrong but I think your post is referring to bullying in general and not just bullying child to child. I was referring to children bullying other children
Sex God
If the bullies of yesteryear had have had mobiles and PC's etc they'd have used them in as nasty a way as has been known in modern times.
I was bullied and used to dread going to school at one point, every day was an ordeal.
Bullying is a trait of human nature that I find hard to comprehend as life can be such a wonderful thing, especially when you're young and got it all ahead of 's so sad when it affects kids so badly.
I was bullied and used to dread going to school at one point, every day was an ordeal.
Bullying is a trait of human nature that I find hard to comprehend as life can be such a wonderful thing, especially when you're young and got it all ahead of 's so sad when it affects kids so badly.
Sex God
Quote by helnheaven
Do you really think it is worse nowadays HnH? I'm not so sure.
I think bullying was far worse, especially physical abuse in days gone by, in all areas as well, not just with children. Our tolerance towards bullying is at a very much lower level and a lot more is done about it for the most part. The fact that as with a lot of, stuff we know so much more and we're informed about so much more just shows up what was missed before hand.
I personally don't think we live in anymore a violent society than we did. We just hear about it. And it can be shocking.
As for schools I don't think they give two monkeys about bullying as an institution and collectively. They as institutions have to look to be seen doing things and having systems in place to deal with it, Of course thats not to say individual teachers are not going to care they are nearly as human as the rest of us.
I loathe and detest bullying knowing that its not just a few moments in a life that it destroys but can be whole swathes of it. Changing a person from what, with no bullying, they could naturally become.
I most certainly think that there is less violent bullying today, especially in school. Ok, we could all link to specific examples that are in the public domain but we've always had the isolated mass media picked up on examples.
I dont know how old you are Lostie or when you went to school but I KNOW its got worse.
When I went to school the most I feared was a good hiding from the bullies.
Todays, youngsters not only get a good hiding but they have mental bullying via mobiles and Pc's. Oh and it was unheard of for children to end up dead as a result of bullying.
Extreme I know but you asked if it had really got worse, IMO yes it has
In edit...I may be wrong but I think your post is referring to bullying in general and not just bullying child to child. I was referring to children bullying other children
For the most part HnH I was referring to kids, you read right.
I'll give it you that there are maybe more avenues for the psychological bullying and the ramifications due to that are not going to be easy to quantify. Definatley, I'm not able to opinionate on cyber stuff it still boggles my imagination that the 'on button' can have a light in it. I Don't doubt the massiveness though.
As for the physical bullying of kids. I think thats decreased massively. I only have my experience of bullying and how i was on the receiving and of witnessing others. I could go into some depth of bullying that I received from school but it would be to no benefit. I witnessed horrific things being done on a regular basis to some school children who suffered so badly from it that just the memories still puts a lump in my throat.
And I am 42 HnH but I have recollections of earlier lives the earliest and most lasting was as Methuselah
update to my orginal post.
I need to add more due to the fact I was pulled up in the chat rooms last night about this thread and I feel didnt put enough in my orignal posting.
The boy in question is known to me as I have given him and his brother free cakes at cake sales and free food at bbq at school, whereby him and his twin brother always turn up without parents and money. They are not bad lads, just a bit rough around the edges. But my daughter is very sensative to what she calls her friends, and belives her friends would speak the truth. So she is believing them away from what we say to her. She has had simular things said from girl friends, I have told her girls can be jealous and boys silly. I want my children to see the positives in people and not the negatives. To be able to ignore the negatives, but as you may well know this comes with age and wisdom.
I just wish children were born wise.
She will get there, I am told she is mentally mature for her age, so I must be getting through to her little by little. But this has been going on for about 6 months now, she just said she can't take anymore she has tried everything that we have suggested.
So Mum's up the school this morning!
I have three children and I would say bulling hasn't been as bad for them as it was for me when I was at school, I think because it is widely spoken about within school and children are told how it makes others feel.
I think children and adults use the term bulling for every incident, I dont think this to be the case. But i do believe if children and adults understood how words can hurt they might think twice before making negative comments.
I need to add more due to the fact I was pulled up in the chat rooms last night about this thread and I feel didnt put enough in my orignal posting.
The boy in question is known to me as I have given him and his brother free cakes at cake sales and free food at bbq at school, whereby him and his twin brother always turn up without parents and money. They are not bad lads, just a bit rough around the edges. But my daughter is very sensative to what she calls her friends, and belives her friends would speak the truth. So she is believing them away from what we say to her. She has had simular things said from girl friends, I have told her girls can be jealous and boys silly. I want my children to see the positives in people and not the negatives. To be able to ignore the negatives, but as you may well know this comes with age and wisdom.
I just wish children were born wise.
She will get there, I am told she is mentally mature for her age, so I must be getting through to her little by little. But this has been going on for about 6 months now, she just said she can't take anymore she has tried everything that we have suggested.
So Mum's up the school this morning!
I have three children and I would say bulling hasn't been as bad for them as it was for me when I was at school, I think because it is widely spoken about within school and children are told how it makes others feel.
I think children and adults use the term bulling for every incident, I dont think this to be the case. But i do believe if children and adults understood how words can hurt they might think twice before making negative comments.
Quote by helnheaven
Well minxys original problem was name calling at her Daughters school, which I was refering too really. Respect is another subject, we all know most kids have no respect for anyone, including their parents. Name calling is just what kids do, you will never stop it.
You should be a politician
Never say never.
If retaliation wasnt encouraged by people with 'victorian' ideas. You know the type "go on son, give as much as you get" etc then perhaps that would be a start to putting an end to it.
Behaviour is learned,in the first instance from their parents, children arent born malicious.
Yes indeed I should be. I would get things done and stop all this pc rubbish.
I do believe you will never stop young children from name calling, see FB's reply above, and she is a teacher. It happens and as she says, as long as it is not a long drawn out thing and not malicious, people tend to let it go. All kids do it at some stage.
Retaliation is not " victorian ", it is about getting kids to stick up for themselves against the lessons in life that they will face on many occasions. Stick up for themselves and it will be less, ignore it and the bullies will have another easy target! It NEVER done my kids any harm, only good as they were not pushed around at school.
Who wants to vote for me to be the next PM? :lol: :lol:
Quote by Theladyisaminx
update to my orginal post.
I need to add more due to the fact I was pulled up in the chat rooms last night about this thread and I feel didnt put enough in my orignal posting.
The boy in question is known to me as I have given him and his brother free cakes at cake sales and free food at bbq at school, whereby him and his twin brother always turn up without parents and money. They are not bad lads, just a bit rough around the edges. But my daughter is very sensative to what she calls her friends, and belives her friends would speak the truth. So she is believing them away from what we say to her. She has had simular things said from girl friends, I have told her girls can be jealous and boys silly. I want my children to see the positives in people and not the negatives. To be able to ignore the negatives, but as you may well know this comes with age and wisdom.
I just wish children were born wise.
She will get there, I am told she is mentally mature for her age, so I must be getting through to her little by little. But this has been going on for about 6 months now, she just said she can't take anymore she has tried everything that we have suggested.
So Mum's up the school this morning!
I have three children and I would say bulling hasn't been as bad for them as it was for me when I was at school, I think because it is widely spoken about within school and children are told how it makes others feel.
I think children and adults use the term bulling for every incident, I dont think this to be the case. But i do believe if children and adults understood how words can hurt they might think twice before making negative comments.
You can say it was me minxy.
After knowing the facts now and knowing it has been going on for so long, then yes you are right to go up the school. Hopefully the school will be very sympathetic to it, as some schools do not take it seriously enough.
Let me know later what they say minx, but no doubt they will want to look at it and then get the parents or parent of the said boy, in to discuss it further.
Wanna shag? :shock: :shock:
Sex God
I don't think bullying is a term used too lightly.
It depends on the person who is experiencing it.
We're all made differently and we would all have different reactions to the same experience.
What one child might be able to shrug off, may be enough to push another over the edge.
Also, what may seem trivial to an adult (experience/hindsight?), may be a massive emotional strain to a child.
I think that if a child is expressing that they feel bullied or victamised, no matter how trivial it might seem to someone else, it should be taken very seriously.
I think it all boils down to what coping strategies we each have, some might be better able to cope with stressors than others.
I suppose its a similar reason as to what might drive someone to suicide, perhaps one person would see something like work stress and deadline pressures as a bit of a bugger, but to someone else it could seem like the end of the world- very difficult for anyone with a 'rational' mind to understand.
Having said all that, I remember getting accused of bullying when i was at school!!
I had absolutely no idea that the girl in question felt she was being bullied by me and my friends, until her mother phoned mine.
My mums was in tears asking me how i'd feel if i had my food thrown at me, and my school bag thrown in the mud. I actually thought that this might be something happening to my sister, not even an inclination that it was me she was talking about! (bullying was definately not 'hardcore in my school
)
The 'incidents' in question were all a bit of playground fun to me and my friends- food fights involving everyone in the class- so much fun, and everyone hiding each others school bags.
Nothing in anyway was targeted at anyone, yet this girl felt it was, i was also a recipient- I also had my schoolbag hidden and lunch thrown at me, which we all seemed to find quite amusing at the time.
It just goes to show that some people are really overly sensitive, but it was enough to make this poor girl feel frightened to come to school and quiet wee me to be accused of being a bully! :shock:
It depends on the person who is experiencing it.
We're all made differently and we would all have different reactions to the same experience.
What one child might be able to shrug off, may be enough to push another over the edge.
Also, what may seem trivial to an adult (experience/hindsight?), may be a massive emotional strain to a child.
I think that if a child is expressing that they feel bullied or victamised, no matter how trivial it might seem to someone else, it should be taken very seriously.
I think it all boils down to what coping strategies we each have, some might be better able to cope with stressors than others.
I suppose its a similar reason as to what might drive someone to suicide, perhaps one person would see something like work stress and deadline pressures as a bit of a bugger, but to someone else it could seem like the end of the world- very difficult for anyone with a 'rational' mind to understand.
Having said all that, I remember getting accused of bullying when i was at school!!
I had absolutely no idea that the girl in question felt she was being bullied by me and my friends, until her mother phoned mine.
My mums was in tears asking me how i'd feel if i had my food thrown at me, and my school bag thrown in the mud. I actually thought that this might be something happening to my sister, not even an inclination that it was me she was talking about! (bullying was definately not 'hardcore in my school
)The 'incidents' in question were all a bit of playground fun to me and my friends- food fights involving everyone in the class- so much fun, and everyone hiding each others school bags.
Nothing in anyway was targeted at anyone, yet this girl felt it was, i was also a recipient- I also had my schoolbag hidden and lunch thrown at me, which we all seemed to find quite amusing at the time.
It just goes to show that some people are really overly sensitive, but it was enough to make this poor girl feel frightened to come to school and quiet wee me to be accused of being a bully! :shock:
Hi there
I’m a teacher and from what you’ve said, yes, she is being bullied – the comments are directed to the same person, it’s repeated, it’s from the same person and more importantly, it’s distressing your child.
I would suggest you go to your child’s class teacher/form tutor to express your concerns and he/she will set the ball rolling from there so it can be stopped before it gets out of hand. Ask for an appointment and tell him/her your worries in a nutshell – this way the teacher can give you his/her time and will have time to think about the problem – ‘doorstepping’ won’t be satisfactory for anyone. Your daughter’s school will have an anti-bullying policy which helps everyone to approach the situation systematically. Bullying must be reported – if the teachers don’t know about it, we can’t stop it. Don’t expect an immediate solution – the teacher will need time to get some information about what’s been happening – but arrange another appointment for a couple of days later to see how things are going.
I disagree with comments that teachers don’t have time to deal with ‘minor’ complaints about name-calling (we don’t have time for much at all!) but at my school, and all the other schools I’ve worked in, such incidents are leapt on immediately as name-calling can be the start of more prolonged bullying – best to nip it in the bud and let it be known that it’s not tolerated.
I do agree with you that the term ‘bullying’ is over-used. I use it rarely, and never in front of children. It’s such an emotive word – if your child comes home and says ‘I’m being bullied’, it’s heart-stopping. What they may actually mean is that someone was bossy to them that day. I’ve had parents come to me in a state saying their child is being bullied (the child’s words) and when we’ve got down to it, the child has said ‘He pushed in front of me in the line’. How often does this happen? Answer: ‘He did it last year, as well’. ‘Bullying’ is a extremely serious matter and the word shouldn’t be bandied about willy-nilly.
I think it’s fantastic that your child confides in you. Remember, in doing so, she’s asking for you to help her. She may insist you don’t tell the school but remember you’re the adult and you know what’s best.
Final plea – don’t approach the child or the child’s parent. The school will do that for you, and you can ask to be present at such meetings.
Hope this helps and you get it sorted soon.
I’m a teacher and from what you’ve said, yes, she is being bullied – the comments are directed to the same person, it’s repeated, it’s from the same person and more importantly, it’s distressing your child.
I would suggest you go to your child’s class teacher/form tutor to express your concerns and he/she will set the ball rolling from there so it can be stopped before it gets out of hand. Ask for an appointment and tell him/her your worries in a nutshell – this way the teacher can give you his/her time and will have time to think about the problem – ‘doorstepping’ won’t be satisfactory for anyone. Your daughter’s school will have an anti-bullying policy which helps everyone to approach the situation systematically. Bullying must be reported – if the teachers don’t know about it, we can’t stop it. Don’t expect an immediate solution – the teacher will need time to get some information about what’s been happening – but arrange another appointment for a couple of days later to see how things are going.
I disagree with comments that teachers don’t have time to deal with ‘minor’ complaints about name-calling (we don’t have time for much at all!) but at my school, and all the other schools I’ve worked in, such incidents are leapt on immediately as name-calling can be the start of more prolonged bullying – best to nip it in the bud and let it be known that it’s not tolerated.
I do agree with you that the term ‘bullying’ is over-used. I use it rarely, and never in front of children. It’s such an emotive word – if your child comes home and says ‘I’m being bullied’, it’s heart-stopping. What they may actually mean is that someone was bossy to them that day. I’ve had parents come to me in a state saying their child is being bullied (the child’s words) and when we’ve got down to it, the child has said ‘He pushed in front of me in the line’. How often does this happen? Answer: ‘He did it last year, as well’. ‘Bullying’ is a extremely serious matter and the word shouldn’t be bandied about willy-nilly.
I think it’s fantastic that your child confides in you. Remember, in doing so, she’s asking for you to help her. She may insist you don’t tell the school but remember you’re the adult and you know what’s best.
Final plea – don’t approach the child or the child’s parent. The school will do that for you, and you can ask to be present at such meetings.
Hope this helps and you get it sorted soon.
Quote by Sha_paul_london
Hi there
I’m a teacher and from what you’ve said, yes, she is being bullied – the comments are directed to the same person, it’s repeated, it’s from the same person and more importantly, it’s distressing your child.
I would suggest you go to your child’s class teacher/form tutor to express your concerns and he/she will set the ball rolling from there so it can be stopped before it gets out of hand. Ask for an appointment and tell him/her your worries in a nutshell – this way the teacher can give you his/her time and will have time to think about the problem – ‘doorstepping’ won’t be satisfactory for anyone. Your daughter’s school will have an anti-bullying policy which helps everyone to approach the situation systematically. Bullying must be reported – if the teachers don’t know about it, we can’t stop it. Don’t expect an immediate solution – the teacher will need time to get some information about what’s been happening – but arrange another appointment for a couple of days later to see how things are going.
I disagree with comments that teachers don’t have time to deal with ‘minor’ complaints about name-calling (we don’t have time for much at all!) but at my school, and all the other schools I’ve worked in, such incidents are leapt on immediately as name-calling can be the start of more prolonged bullying – best to nip it in the bud and let it be known that it’s not tolerated.
I do agree with you that the term ‘bullying’ is over-used. I use it rarely, and never in front of children. It’s such an emotive word – if your child comes home and says ‘I’m being bullied’, it’s heart-stopping. What they may actually mean is that someone was bossy to them that day. I’ve had parents come to me in a state saying their child is being bullied (the child’s words) and when we’ve got down to it, the child has said ‘He pushed in front of me in the line’. How often does this happen? Answer: ‘He did it last year, as well’. ‘Bullying’ is a extremely serious matter and the word shouldn’t be bandied about willy-nilly.
I think it’s fantastic that your child confides in you. Remember, in doing so, she’s asking for you to help her. She may insist you don’t tell the school but remember you’re the adult and you know what’s best.
Final plea – don’t approach the child or the child’s parent. The school will do that for you, and you can ask to be present at such meetings.
Hope this helps and you get it sorted soon.
Thanks for taking the time in writing your post.
I totally agree with all you have written, I am writing an update now to my post. I hope others take on your points of view.
Minx
xxx
Follow up to orginal post!
I went to the school and spoke to the deputy head teacher, who knows my daughter very well. I asked if my daughter could be there when this boy was questioned about these incidances, to let the boy know how it makes her feel.
My daughter came home that evening and said they were both called to the office and she explained to him how she felt. Hers words were "he looked shocked and then went on to name other boys that had been doing the same to her".
These were then called to the office and all admitted what they had done. All of then apologised and since all are getting on well.
So hopefully this will resume.
I went to the school and spoke to the deputy head teacher, who knows my daughter very well. I asked if my daughter could be there when this boy was questioned about these incidances, to let the boy know how it makes her feel.
My daughter came home that evening and said they were both called to the office and she explained to him how she felt. Hers words were "he looked shocked and then went on to name other boys that had been doing the same to her".
These were then called to the office and all admitted what they had done. All of then apologised and since all are getting on well.
So hopefully this will resume.
