Is it just me or has the whole atmosphere of the Forum and in particular the Café, changed over the last month or so?
It seems to me that the happy go lucky air that prevailed here has diminished and that everyone (myself included) is upsetting everyone, usually unintentionally. We appear to have been so busy watching what has been going on in the media outside in an attempt to protect what we have here that we have taken our eye off the ball and have started to erode the thing we cherish so much.
There appears to be little factions growing and pulling in separate directions, all with good intentions of making the site a better place but never quite succeeding.
I started to think about this tonight after one of the Mods mentioned to me that people forget that first and foremost the Mods are here as normal members of the site. They are here because they enjoy making posts in the Forums and generally being as daft as we are. They didn’t join up with the intention of being Mods. They joined because they wanted to have fun like the rest of us.
It would seem that as a result of the Colleymore Incident the Mods have had to spend most of their time on here being Mods and “policing†the site. As a result, a large percentage of what they have posted has been Mod orientated and not the funny and silly things that they would prefer to post.
This has, in my opinion, had two effects. Firstly, whenever we see anything being posted by a Mod we read it as being posted by a Mod and therefore official, even though it may not have been intended as such. This can get our “non-mod†backs up if it was something that we don’t agree with.
Secondly, as I mentioned before, the Mods have been Modding away like little beavers since the Stan Revolution and they too must find it difficult to switch off from “Mod mode†when they just want to come out and play with the rest of us. I think there have been times when some of the Mods have been a bit snappy and this has caused offence, or they have felt offended when nobody intended that to be the case.
This site is only as good as the people that contribute to it. There would be no point in having a site with just the Mods and no one else and this site in turn would not be the success that it is without the Mods.
We all need to pull together now to restore this fantastic site back to its former glory. I mentioned to someone earlier that each time I logged on here it used to be like unwrapping a present. I couldn’t wait to find out what was inside, even if I had only been away for an hour. At the moment it does not feel like that.
I may be completely wrong and it could be that I am the only person that feels that there is a problem. If that is the case then please say so in this thread or PM me. I may even be going out on a limb here. I could be upsetting both the Mods and non-Mods and find myself in a faction of one!!! That I feel is a risk worth taking if we all end up having the laughs and giggles that we used to regularly have. Some may say that it is not my place to bring this matter up. Well it is my Forum as much as it is anyone else’s so that gives me the right to bring it up. I also feel that it was better for someone that is not a Mod to bring this up.
Incidentally this thread has not been influenced by any events that have occurred over the past 48 hours and is not aimed at anyone in particular This is something that I have noticed over a long period of time and is aimed at all of us.
Thanks for your time and I look forward to seeing your honest, considered opinions.
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Is it just me........
Sex God
My impression as a newbie who has nevertheless taken the time to read back through several months worth of old threads to get a 'feel' for the place:
Some people were born in "mod mode" and like to throw their weight about online and talk down to people whether they're mods or not. This was true both before and after the SC incident.
There is a clique which says hello to newbies, subsequently ignores them, and otherwise sticks to itself. This also was true both pre and post Collymore.
There is within that clique a poorly disguised air of superiority toward new arrivals. A sort of "prove to us that you are worthy" attitude. The excuse that rubberneckers prompted by publicity have made them cautious is bullshit, because again, this was equally true before the incident.
Fortunately, the clique is small, predictable, and easy to ignore.
I've been in chat rooms and forums for enough years to recognise an attention seeker when I see one, and this site, like any other, has its fair share. The majority of the members here are a lot more civilised than on many sites I could mention, and I think Sarge's perception of a change in mood could be due perhaps to him reading slightly more between the lines than usual, or maybe it's just the change of weather. Communities, like individuals, do have mood swings.
I don't think there's anything to worry about.
Ice
Some people were born in "mod mode" and like to throw their weight about online and talk down to people whether they're mods or not. This was true both before and after the SC incident.
There is a clique which says hello to newbies, subsequently ignores them, and otherwise sticks to itself. This also was true both pre and post Collymore.
There is within that clique a poorly disguised air of superiority toward new arrivals. A sort of "prove to us that you are worthy" attitude. The excuse that rubberneckers prompted by publicity have made them cautious is bullshit, because again, this was equally true before the incident.
Fortunately, the clique is small, predictable, and easy to ignore.
I've been in chat rooms and forums for enough years to recognise an attention seeker when I see one, and this site, like any other, has its fair share. The majority of the members here are a lot more civilised than on many sites I could mention, and I think Sarge's perception of a change in mood could be due perhaps to him reading slightly more between the lines than usual, or maybe it's just the change of weather. Communities, like individuals, do have mood swings.
I don't think there's anything to worry about.
Ice
Another newbie here to say good Post Sarge. Maybe life has a got a little more stressful overall and it manifests itself in one way or other.
Maybe one of the things to do is not to lay into some of the 'drive by' Posters and Chatroomers like some of us (me inlcuded) have occasionally done (Collymore period being a prime example).
That said, one of the most striking things is how much trouble people take to welcome each newcomer in The Cafe.
I'm sure if we just keep going the place will find a Post-SC equilibrium (ie. less paranoia) but it might not be the same as the halcyon days of yore - because there are new members of the Fora now and it will always have a different balance to it.
Maybe one of the things to do is not to lay into some of the 'drive by' Posters and Chatroomers like some of us (me inlcuded) have occasionally done (Collymore period being a prime example).
That said, one of the most striking things is how much trouble people take to welcome each newcomer in The Cafe.
I'm sure if we just keep going the place will find a Post-SC equilibrium (ie. less paranoia) but it might not be the same as the halcyon days of yore - because there are new members of the Fora now and it will always have a different balance to it.
Excellent post Sarge, and incisive comments from both IcePie and ManAlive. I do agree that the atmosphere has changed a little and I expect that is in some part due to the Collymore incident.
However, in spite of that I believe that IcePie has made some crucial observations regarding the Forum and its' "Modding" or "Policing" thereof of late. Some Mods have in my humble opinion overstepped the "Modding" line when they have in effect, personally abused people for their posts. I refer mostly to the "Lets Meet" section, but it has occurred in the other Forums too.
I was particularly concerned by the name and shame style threads and then the obvious piss takes at the "fly by" shag merchants, the one line meet ups and the ones who may not express themselves too well. I thought it felt, like Ice Pie said
I appreciate why the constant naff posts might wind people up, but I felt the methods employed over this past week in particular, were so rude and obnoxoious that I have actually refrained from posting in the Forums. Fran, has continued to post, but with increasing awareness of factions developing as Sarge pointed out. I just cannot see the reason to be rude to anyone unless they are rude to the members or the site in some way.
The piss takes etc have actually dominated the site over the last week and it is clear that some Mods, ably abetted by many others, have relished the opportunity to demean those who have posted in an ill-advised method. As has been said before, in the wide world of swinging, someone might find that approach attractive and who are we to say that the one liners are wrong, it does work for some.
I know that some Mods will jump up and down about this and trot out the arguments as they have been all week, but I am posting this with no axe to grind, but as an open-minded user of the Forum. I would say I know the place fairly well, and I found it unwelcoming and definately off-putting to newbies, it did not feel like the community of liberal minded, forward thinking adults that most swinging communities are. Therefore I chose not to post, though many times I dearly would have liked to. I felt that the Forum was becoming a place merely for abuse and not fun.
I would have continued in my refrain from posting had it not been for Sarge's well considered post which I felt deserved comment and support. As for now, I will again look from a distance and wait, till this "personal" policing ends and we get back to a more welcoming community for ALL.
Stu...of the "Fran and...." Variety.
However, in spite of that I believe that IcePie has made some crucial observations regarding the Forum and its' "Modding" or "Policing" thereof of late. Some Mods have in my humble opinion overstepped the "Modding" line when they have in effect, personally abused people for their posts. I refer mostly to the "Lets Meet" section, but it has occurred in the other Forums too.
I was particularly concerned by the name and shame style threads and then the obvious piss takes at the "fly by" shag merchants, the one line meet ups and the ones who may not express themselves too well. I thought it felt, like Ice Pie said
a poorly disguised air of superiority toward new arrivals. A sort of "prove to us that you are worthy" attitude.
I appreciate why the constant naff posts might wind people up, but I felt the methods employed over this past week in particular, were so rude and obnoxoious that I have actually refrained from posting in the Forums. Fran, has continued to post, but with increasing awareness of factions developing as Sarge pointed out. I just cannot see the reason to be rude to anyone unless they are rude to the members or the site in some way.
The piss takes etc have actually dominated the site over the last week and it is clear that some Mods, ably abetted by many others, have relished the opportunity to demean those who have posted in an ill-advised method. As has been said before, in the wide world of swinging, someone might find that approach attractive and who are we to say that the one liners are wrong, it does work for some.
I know that some Mods will jump up and down about this and trot out the arguments as they have been all week, but I am posting this with no axe to grind, but as an open-minded user of the Forum. I would say I know the place fairly well, and I found it unwelcoming and definately off-putting to newbies, it did not feel like the community of liberal minded, forward thinking adults that most swinging communities are. Therefore I chose not to post, though many times I dearly would have liked to. I felt that the Forum was becoming a place merely for abuse and not fun.
I would have continued in my refrain from posting had it not been for Sarge's well considered post which I felt deserved comment and support. As for now, I will again look from a distance and wait, till this "personal" policing ends and we get back to a more welcoming community for ALL.
Stu...of the "Fran and...." Variety.
Sex God
Myself and MrsFc agree with what has been said, when we discovered this site the attraction was the people on here the wit, the sincerity and although that is still there it seems fragmented.
We have both commented as to how slow the forum has become, as Sarge said logging on was like opening a parcel, Sad as it may seem we couldn't wait to see who had posted what. Maybe Maybe it is the Coly incident that we have become wary! but there had been a lot of newbies who were basically P##s takers! and it did get a little tiring.
It would be nice to get the community on the same wave length again, the mod's are doing a very good job keeping this site unique but as has been said they are here for the same reasons as the rest of us.
There are different personalities on here and not all will agree or agree to disagree
But let's get back to basic's and remeber why we are here!
We have both commented as to how slow the forum has become, as Sarge said logging on was like opening a parcel, Sad as it may seem we couldn't wait to see who had posted what. Maybe Maybe it is the Coly incident that we have become wary! but there had been a lot of newbies who were basically P##s takers! and it did get a little tiring.
It would be nice to get the community on the same wave length again, the mod's are doing a very good job keeping this site unique but as has been said they are here for the same reasons as the rest of us.
There are different personalities on here and not all will agree or agree to disagree
But let's get back to basic's and remeber why we are here!
Quote by Fran & Stu
The piss takes etc have actually dominated the site over the last week and it is clear that some Mods, ably abetted by many others, have relished the opportunity to demean those who have posted in an ill-advised method.
I wouldn't go that far, but I think it is time to question how many times the observation that an obvious stupid posting is a stupid posting can be funny. Some of the postings in Let's Meet Up are asking for it - like the "young hard cack" guy - but most of them aren't so much actively bad as boringly mediocre. To my mind these people should be helped, or if there's too many to help (and let's face it, there are) then they should be left to drop quickly down the list and enjoy whatever natural success they can achieve. Ridicule just drives them away, and probably drives away another five or six people who were just lurking, weighing up whether this was somewhere they wanted to post or not.
It's very easy to be negative about things, but being negative makes for a very cold & austere cafe, and who would want to post there? Maybe we should all try to be extra-specially postivie for a week?
In that vein, here's my positive news for the day - another response to my ad! Okay, it's from a gay couple and I'm really not interested, but it's flattering in a way.
Orgasminator
No, it's not just you Sarge.
The 'Posts' and the 'Add's' go haywire for some weeks after every new 'Press Revalation' about Swinging and Dogging. After a while many of those attracted to this site by the 'Media' realise that we (the site members) are not exactly what the publicity makes us out to be. These people gradually drift away and the site returns to normal.
The Stan Collymore incident is the fifth in a series of similar 'Media' intrusions I have noticed since I became a regular member. Everytime it happens, along come a band of gung ho idiots looking for instant sex.
I must say however, that each incident does bring a few new members that fit in, and add variety to the site. When the site went over to 'Reg. Nicks only' in May 2003 a lot of the newbies who were pests, failed to register, and that did help. But it was not, unfortunately, a permanent cure.
The Forum and the Chatroom will get back to normal soon (I hope). At least until the next series of 'Media' revalations.
Harry0
It's always more fun being on the winning side.
George Armstrong Custer. 1839-1876.
The 'Posts' and the 'Add's' go haywire for some weeks after every new 'Press Revalation' about Swinging and Dogging. After a while many of those attracted to this site by the 'Media' realise that we (the site members) are not exactly what the publicity makes us out to be. These people gradually drift away and the site returns to normal.
The Stan Collymore incident is the fifth in a series of similar 'Media' intrusions I have noticed since I became a regular member. Everytime it happens, along come a band of gung ho idiots looking for instant sex.
I must say however, that each incident does bring a few new members that fit in, and add variety to the site. When the site went over to 'Reg. Nicks only' in May 2003 a lot of the newbies who were pests, failed to register, and that did help. But it was not, unfortunately, a permanent cure.
The Forum and the Chatroom will get back to normal soon (I hope). At least until the next series of 'Media' revalations.
Harry0
It's always more fun being on the winning side.
George Armstrong Custer. 1839-1876.
As a newbie I felt so welcomed when I first joined & felt immediately at home..had PM's & mails coming out of my ears....(still do) but noticed after a couple of weeks that indeed there were people who were maybe threatened by a single women with an attitude & something to say for herself?? Could be totally paranoid here but I think not as I have noticed it throughout the forum...(and yes I did read all the previous pages) !!
We are all individuals & have different beliefs/thoughts/loves/hates & surely a forum is where you can voice such things..maybe not so aggressively as I have seen & I must admit I am the first one with my hackles up if someone pisses me off but again that is how I am & unfortunately cannot change that. If I feel I am under a personal attack from someone then I will ask outright if they have a problem..(unless I think they are not worth my time or effort).
I was recently going to leave the forum as I thought the sniping was getting out of hand & there is definately a clique but TOUGH....after the encouragement of quite a few people on here I am going nowhere....(well till I win the lottery then fuck the lot of you)
:twisted: :lol:
There is a lovely group of people here & thank god it is the majority...
Jaine
We are all individuals & have different beliefs/thoughts/loves/hates & surely a forum is where you can voice such things..maybe not so aggressively as I have seen & I must admit I am the first one with my hackles up if someone pisses me off but again that is how I am & unfortunately cannot change that. If I feel I am under a personal attack from someone then I will ask outright if they have a problem..(unless I think they are not worth my time or effort).
I was recently going to leave the forum as I thought the sniping was getting out of hand & there is definately a clique but TOUGH....after the encouragement of quite a few people on here I am going nowhere....(well till I win the lottery then fuck the lot of you)
:twisted: :lol: There is a lovely group of people here & thank god it is the majority...
Jaine
that indeed there were people who were maybe threatened by a single women with an attitude & something to say for herself
Their is nothing wrong with attitude and being single. Maybe many feel the fact a modern woman is a bit in your face, but then that is how it is these days.
had PM's & mails coming out of my ears
This is nice to hear, because it is hard work for many to even get a hello from many who are on. I think in the end it is a difficult subject to be right on. I do not always agree on things as they go, but in all it is something that needs to be done in sorting out the strays. Maybe things have got a bit OTT, but then it is not a job, and taking time out from their pleasures. A bit like the teacher in the playground, too many kids to watch, and too many telling the tale.
Cliques will always be so. In work, in clubs and wherever, and on here. I just look for those who seem to have a fun/interesting post, and go with the flow. Hurt a few, yes, said things I have regretted, hell yes, given up, not yet.
I have only highlighted a few of your comments, NOT to single you out, because many of the points are valid within the other posts, and it is always nice to see both sides. I think it is brilliant a single, modern woman has the front to come on here and accept all the pms, the come ons, the emails I bet you have had in the past, and to still be here is a credit to your persona. I think appreciation is the key, and maybe we should all adopt a MOD. I try to say hello to those I kind of talk to, those who i spoke to from the offset. A few I have never spoken to, and nothing personal, i like a womans words, because i kind of feel more at home looking for women, but think if we all kind of just said a few words, not about the prats and the loonys, just some hellos and the likes, perhaps they will feel like it is fun again, and become more fun...I think many of them MUST at times think why the hell should I bother, and quite frankly i think it is something i would not fancy doing...!
RH
cliques are everywhere-look around you,you'll always spot one of one type or another.
Also as somebody new to this site and postings I think some peple have hit the nail right on the (as there has been mammoth posts already) when I started I became a little disheartened almost instantly as it seemed that some people were looking constantly for ways to belittle or people, not many, appeared from a newcomers perspective to have a holier than thou attitude.I think this site needs to be careful that it dosen't start to appear as a private members club-because at first I felt that it was this you disagree or are a little annoyed by what I have said I am only simply saying it as I originally saw it from a newcomers perspective.
Also as somebody new to this site and postings I think some peple have hit the nail right on the (as there has been mammoth posts already) when I started I became a little disheartened almost instantly as it seemed that some people were looking constantly for ways to belittle or people, not many, appeared from a newcomers perspective to have a holier than thou attitude.I think this site needs to be careful that it dosen't start to appear as a private members club-because at first I felt that it was this you disagree or are a little annoyed by what I have said I am only simply saying it as I originally saw it from a newcomers perspective.
Orgasminator
There are many types of people who visit SH. Amongst whom are:
The genuine Swingers.
There are those who want to get into the Swinging Scene.
There are those who like simply participating in one of the Forums, but who don't want to go any further.
There are those who think that they can 'get laid' easily.
This list could be very large indeed, but for the sake of brevity I won't go on and on.
Each group can form cliques within their own small circle. Many may never meet each other, ever, on a personal basis.
Many do however, participate in Swinging, Swingers Parties, and go to Munches. These people develope friendships way beyond what can be achieved simply by 'Posting'. This often results in changes in their 'Posts' especially when replying to 'Posters' they know personally, but to other Forum users they appear to be just another clique.
I personally have no objection to anyone joining SH, provided they obey the few rules that have been made for the smooth running of the site in general. But, there are others who come here with no idea at all about what Swinging is about. Their 'Posts' are frequently rude, crude and well out of order. In these instances it is quite right for the Moderators to slap them down and/or lock their posts.
If there was no moderation, this site would degenerate into mayhem, as has happened to numerous other Forums on other sites. Newbies are, in the main, welcome here, and many do contribute and therefore add something to this site.
These comments do not simply apply the the various sections of The Forum but also to the Chatroom. If you think the moderators are hard in the Forum, see what the SyOps do in the Chatroom to the unruly and bad mannered.
If people just read and followed the rules of this site, it would save a lot of critisism from other members, and a lot of hard work for the Moderators and System Ops.
With any job, club, society or social group you join, it does take a little time to settle down and get into the 'swing of things'. (excuse the pun). If you cannot 'go with the flow', when you first come here, try to adapt to the way things are. If you have difficulty in doing so. Well, thats life, I suppose.
Harry0
The genuine Swingers.
There are those who want to get into the Swinging Scene.
There are those who like simply participating in one of the Forums, but who don't want to go any further.
There are those who think that they can 'get laid' easily.
This list could be very large indeed, but for the sake of brevity I won't go on and on.
Each group can form cliques within their own small circle. Many may never meet each other, ever, on a personal basis.
Many do however, participate in Swinging, Swingers Parties, and go to Munches. These people develope friendships way beyond what can be achieved simply by 'Posting'. This often results in changes in their 'Posts' especially when replying to 'Posters' they know personally, but to other Forum users they appear to be just another clique.
I personally have no objection to anyone joining SH, provided they obey the few rules that have been made for the smooth running of the site in general. But, there are others who come here with no idea at all about what Swinging is about. Their 'Posts' are frequently rude, crude and well out of order. In these instances it is quite right for the Moderators to slap them down and/or lock their posts.
If there was no moderation, this site would degenerate into mayhem, as has happened to numerous other Forums on other sites. Newbies are, in the main, welcome here, and many do contribute and therefore add something to this site.
These comments do not simply apply the the various sections of The Forum but also to the Chatroom. If you think the moderators are hard in the Forum, see what the SyOps do in the Chatroom to the unruly and bad mannered.
If people just read and followed the rules of this site, it would save a lot of critisism from other members, and a lot of hard work for the Moderators and System Ops.
With any job, club, society or social group you join, it does take a little time to settle down and get into the 'swing of things'. (excuse the pun). If you cannot 'go with the flow', when you first come here, try to adapt to the way things are. If you have difficulty in doing so. Well, thats life, I suppose.
Harry0
And here we go again............
This is a community. It has lots of different people in it.
People with many different views.
People with different backgrounds and their own frame of reference.
People who have changing emotions from one day to the next which are bound to reflect in their posts.
Hey, Guess what? Some of those people are Mods too. They do a damn good job and I am not just saying that because I am married to one.
Open minded???? Then accept that they too are human and open your minds to the difficult job they do. Give constructive feedback by all means, I would hope they are all open to that. There have been many comments about mods since my time here and I feel they have taken on board the feedback they have been given. Mark is a very fair person and I am certain he would act on any issues concerning Mods. Remember that they too are site members and post as individuals too.
Can I ask you this, and think very carefully about your answers........What would this site be like WITHOUT them?
My answer...... a bloody free for all, full of abuse and not a very nice place to be.
Let's get back to the good old days, where I seem to remember everyone took the piss out of everyone else and all that joined enjoyed and retorted!! Oh What fun
Love
Wilma
x x x x
This is a community. It has lots of different people in it.
People with many different views.
People with different backgrounds and their own frame of reference.
People who have changing emotions from one day to the next which are bound to reflect in their posts.
Hey, Guess what? Some of those people are Mods too. They do a damn good job and I am not just saying that because I am married to one.
Open minded???? Then accept that they too are human and open your minds to the difficult job they do. Give constructive feedback by all means, I would hope they are all open to that. There have been many comments about mods since my time here and I feel they have taken on board the feedback they have been given. Mark is a very fair person and I am certain he would act on any issues concerning Mods. Remember that they too are site members and post as individuals too.
Can I ask you this, and think very carefully about your answers........What would this site be like WITHOUT them?
My answer...... a bloody free for all, full of abuse and not a very nice place to be.
Let's get back to the good old days, where I seem to remember everyone took the piss out of everyone else and all that joined enjoyed and retorted!! Oh What fun
Love
Wilma
x x x x
Mod
I've stickied this, so that it doesn't drop too far down before those who only get on in the evenings have a chance for their input.
Mal
Mal
Lets have a HUG A MOD DAY...Can i pick the ladies first, no offense guys, but you understand...?
Said my piece and got a couple of PM's that was a novelty for me!!! But think we all forget a hobby is not a hobby when it becomes a job....
You only have to look on other sites to see the problems they have too, and their are a lot of assholes out their BELIEVE ME...
RH
Said my piece and got a couple of PM's that was a novelty for me!!! But think we all forget a hobby is not a hobby when it becomes a job....
You only have to look on other sites to see the problems they have too, and their are a lot of assholes out their BELIEVE ME...
RH
Have just read through the words above and have mixed feelings.
I'd agree, of course, that "modding" (if the phrase exists) can't be easy, that at the moment it's even worse and that by and large I'm darn glad they do what they do ....the alternative would indeed be what many above have said....chaos.
I've recently left a couple of music forums for that very reason - as bad as some of you people seem to think it is on here you really should see what the other option is. I really hope you people never have to experience that sort of place in order to see whats already wonderfully in front of you right now but life is cruel like that sometimes.
My other worry, as I'd imagine a few now have thanks to some of the above, is to question in a "Do they mean me ?" way whether I'm cliquey or ignorant of newbies or whatever. Actually, to be more accurate, whether I'm percieved that way.
I do answer some peoples posts more than others and I do PM some people but not others. Is this really now seen as a crime on here by some - I'd find that almost more of a shame than anything else.
Yes, I'm human and yes, I find I get on with some on here more than others - thats far from saying I hate or actively ignore the others. I talk daily to some at work and others when needed - thats life and nothing unusual. A good post is read as a good post whoever does it and, just as importantly, crass oneupmanship is just that be it mod, member or newbie.
To now have to question every post I make or post I don't make for fear of people thinking a certain thing of me means altering the way I interact with the forum and surely thats a very bad thing........?
For all people moaning about mods, greeting or not, humour, flippancy or anything else isn't it time for people to look at the wonderful thing we DO have on this forum, or am I the only optimistic fool on here ?
Ho hum. It seems in trying to express my feelings I'v now typed what some may see as a rant of my own. Hope people read the width and forgive the length.
Carpathian
I'd agree, of course, that "modding" (if the phrase exists) can't be easy, that at the moment it's even worse and that by and large I'm darn glad they do what they do ....the alternative would indeed be what many above have said....chaos.
I've recently left a couple of music forums for that very reason - as bad as some of you people seem to think it is on here you really should see what the other option is. I really hope you people never have to experience that sort of place in order to see whats already wonderfully in front of you right now but life is cruel like that sometimes.
My other worry, as I'd imagine a few now have thanks to some of the above, is to question in a "Do they mean me ?" way whether I'm cliquey or ignorant of newbies or whatever. Actually, to be more accurate, whether I'm percieved that way.
I do answer some peoples posts more than others and I do PM some people but not others. Is this really now seen as a crime on here by some - I'd find that almost more of a shame than anything else.
Yes, I'm human and yes, I find I get on with some on here more than others - thats far from saying I hate or actively ignore the others. I talk daily to some at work and others when needed - thats life and nothing unusual. A good post is read as a good post whoever does it and, just as importantly, crass oneupmanship is just that be it mod, member or newbie.
To now have to question every post I make or post I don't make for fear of people thinking a certain thing of me means altering the way I interact with the forum and surely thats a very bad thing........?
For all people moaning about mods, greeting or not, humour, flippancy or anything else isn't it time for people to look at the wonderful thing we DO have on this forum, or am I the only optimistic fool on here ?
Ho hum. It seems in trying to express my feelings I'v now typed what some may see as a rant of my own. Hope people read the width and forgive the length.
Carpathian
Sex God
Well I am very glad to see this thread here. For some time now, I had been thinking that the Cafe is not what it used to be. However, I had put that down to my own mood, the fact that I have too much on my plate at the moment and even, possibly, that I didn't feel like a newbie any more and, therefore, viewed it all differently.
Each batch of newcomers that joins will inevitably change the atmosphere slightly. That is no bad thing in my opinion. Doubtless there were some regulars who rolled their eyes in frustration at the batch of newbies that I joined with. Maybe they still do!
Having said that, I was made to feel extremely welcome as a newbie and I have always tried to give those who joined after me encouragement and, where appropriate, the benefit of the doubt.
This Forum is constantly being enriched by newcomers who add new life to it. The originator of this thread, Sarge, is one of my favourite posters. I HAVE to read what he has posted because I love his humour. He was a once a newbie too - I remember him joining.
The mods have had an incredibly fraught time lately and I think they have borne the strain magnificently. If they get a little short somtimes, well they are only human. I also know of mods who have deliberately kept out of the way because they didn't like the general atmosphere.
Sarge said it best when he exhorted us all to get back into the spirit of things and just have fun. After all, surely that is why we are here!
Each batch of newcomers that joins will inevitably change the atmosphere slightly. That is no bad thing in my opinion. Doubtless there were some regulars who rolled their eyes in frustration at the batch of newbies that I joined with. Maybe they still do!
Having said that, I was made to feel extremely welcome as a newbie and I have always tried to give those who joined after me encouragement and, where appropriate, the benefit of the doubt.
This Forum is constantly being enriched by newcomers who add new life to it. The originator of this thread, Sarge, is one of my favourite posters. I HAVE to read what he has posted because I love his humour. He was a once a newbie too - I remember him joining.
The mods have had an incredibly fraught time lately and I think they have borne the strain magnificently. If they get a little short somtimes, well they are only human. I also know of mods who have deliberately kept out of the way because they didn't like the general atmosphere.
Sarge said it best when he exhorted us all to get back into the spirit of things and just have fun. After all, surely that is why we are here!
I feel I am fairly new and when I first posted my hello was welcomed with open arms but I have notised a diference in the mood. I think in time things will return to how it was before you just need to give it a bit of time. as for the mods keep going Im sure we all apprishiate wate they do for us all.
ps is there a spell checker on this thing? :taz:
ps is there a spell checker on this thing? :taz:
Orgasminator
Quote by dillon1002
I feel I am fairly new and when I first posted my hello was welcomed with open arms but I have notised a diference in the mood. I think in time things will return to how it was before you just need to give it a bit of time. as for the mods keep going Im sure we all apprishiate wate they do for us all.
ps is there a spell checker on this thing? :taz:
Hi Dillon,
Unfortunately there isn't a spell checker on SH. However, if you write out your post in a Word Document you can spell check it. Then copy and paste it into SH., add your emoticons where suitable, and Bingo, yoo haff poifect spellin.
Harry0
I saw this thread earlier this and it did get me thinking what i might have missed...
Then again i have seen the same result before many times where for no real reason
a group of people congregate and the result is something special - at least for a while
that is. Even usenet used to be like that 10 years ago (difficult to believe now i know)
BTW how sad am I being on the net that long?
So now I'm thinking yeah yeah everyone will have worked that out for themselves/
experienced the same thing whether on the net or down their local or wherever so
i read the thread again and.....
.......again and it struck me that with a couple of minor exceptions everyone in this
thread has been here less than six months and posted < 300 messages which is
not necessarily the same in other threads.
Is there a message from some newer members in that statistic? There could be i guess
Then again that might just be the profile of members on the site who knows.
Well thats my ten pence worth - as a complete tyro i havent been here long enough
to say anything more profound.
N
Then again i have seen the same result before many times where for no real reason
a group of people congregate and the result is something special - at least for a while
that is. Even usenet used to be like that 10 years ago (difficult to believe now i know)
BTW how sad am I being on the net that long?
So now I'm thinking yeah yeah everyone will have worked that out for themselves/
experienced the same thing whether on the net or down their local or wherever so
i read the thread again and.....
.......again and it struck me that with a couple of minor exceptions everyone in this
thread has been here less than six months and posted < 300 messages which is
not necessarily the same in other threads.
Is there a message from some newer members in that statistic? There could be i guess
Then again that might just be the profile of members on the site who knows.
Well thats my ten pence worth - as a complete tyro i havent been here long enough
to say anything more profound.
N
I can't really add to what's been said, so eloquently, in the above posts. It seems to me that a few basic truths emerge:
-Without the efforts of the Mods, there would be little here to argue about or worth saving
-the last few weeks must have been trying for them and we owe them a vote of thanks
-electronic communication is so immediate and so open to misinterpretation or a clumsy strand of humour-I know , I do enough of it-that it is virtually impossible for misunderstandings not to occur. One person's hilarious jibe is another's gross insult.
-without newcomers, any forum, club or business will atrophy and die
-As Will pointed out, each batch of newbies (makes them sound like broiler chickens :cry: ) will form a natural affinity within the wider body of the Forum, rather like years in a school. This doesn't mean the wider body loses its identity.
-It's natural that people who meet regularly, get to know each other at Munches etc, will be much more open and personal in their postings. This will seem cliquish and elitist to those who gaze , perhaps enviously, from the sidelines. Perhaps we should remember this. I certainly will the next time I entertain 6 ladies in an evening (sorry folks, got mixed up with the 'dream' thread there).
So, in conclusion:
The change in ambience is temporary-just relax and let the humour roll-perhaps we should open GFZ for 'reconciliation' party?
This site is a little Oasis in a grubby world; of course the idiots will try and force their way in. That's why we must support mods.
It is obvious that individuals have been upset, and that the resentment has simmered.
If any two people, or group of people, feel animosity or resentment toward anyone else, I am happy to act as go-between, negotiator, peace broker, call it what you will. It's something I've done a lot of, so not just an idle Arti comment. The offer is genuine.
I suggest we pull all people from bunkers, hidey-holes and sulking-sites, declare an amnesty and crack on with the rest of our lives, which are short enough as it is.
We are all friends; sometimes it just slips our minds.
So, I suggest that as soon as Mal thinks everyone has had their say, we lock this off, hand round the drinking horns and get back to the serious business of not being serious at all.
I'll start things off, you can all take the piss out of me. There's plenty to go at:
Bald as a badger, loves ferrets, the most unswinging swinger there ever was, the looks of a film star (Quasimodo) and the brains of a dartboard. Who'll be first??
:D :D :D
-
-Without the efforts of the Mods, there would be little here to argue about or worth saving
-the last few weeks must have been trying for them and we owe them a vote of thanks
-electronic communication is so immediate and so open to misinterpretation or a clumsy strand of humour-I know , I do enough of it-that it is virtually impossible for misunderstandings not to occur. One person's hilarious jibe is another's gross insult.
-without newcomers, any forum, club or business will atrophy and die
-As Will pointed out, each batch of newbies (makes them sound like broiler chickens :cry: ) will form a natural affinity within the wider body of the Forum, rather like years in a school. This doesn't mean the wider body loses its identity.
-It's natural that people who meet regularly, get to know each other at Munches etc, will be much more open and personal in their postings. This will seem cliquish and elitist to those who gaze , perhaps enviously, from the sidelines. Perhaps we should remember this. I certainly will the next time I entertain 6 ladies in an evening (sorry folks, got mixed up with the 'dream' thread there).
So, in conclusion:
The change in ambience is temporary-just relax and let the humour roll-perhaps we should open GFZ for 'reconciliation' party?
This site is a little Oasis in a grubby world; of course the idiots will try and force their way in. That's why we must support mods.
It is obvious that individuals have been upset, and that the resentment has simmered.
If any two people, or group of people, feel animosity or resentment toward anyone else, I am happy to act as go-between, negotiator, peace broker, call it what you will. It's something I've done a lot of, so not just an idle Arti comment. The offer is genuine.
I suggest we pull all people from bunkers, hidey-holes and sulking-sites, declare an amnesty and crack on with the rest of our lives, which are short enough as it is.
We are all friends; sometimes it just slips our minds.
So, I suggest that as soon as Mal thinks everyone has had their say, we lock this off, hand round the drinking horns and get back to the serious business of not being serious at all.
I'll start things off, you can all take the piss out of me. There's plenty to go at:
Bald as a badger, loves ferrets, the most unswinging swinger there ever was, the looks of a film star (Quasimodo) and the brains of a dartboard. Who'll be first??
:D :D :D -
We just wanted to reply to this thread, and we have also just read the post by Fred (about him possibly hanging up his moderating boots).
We wanted to make sure that our views were clear - for what their worth.
we think the moderators do a good job. we appreciate that they will often do it without thanks. we know that the veterans of the site will have formed friendships (surely that is one of the benefits of being part of this community?). we dont consider such friendships as a clique.
the only thing that has aggravated US in the last few weeks is the flaming of the "flybys". This IS done by people who consider themselves "elite". Either delete it or ignore it. What is the point of doing anything else. It is childish to make snide comments - and it makes the site look unwelcoming (even if it is unwelcoming to the dodgy guy who just wants a quick, cheap lay)
This is all we have to say, and I am glad that we are not the only people that have noticed this.
Just for clarity, the moderators rock - they do a fantastic job
Please do not take 1 issue as an attack on the general high quality of the moderating. We do not even believe this is an issue that has anything to do with moderating - as these attacks are perpetrated by all types of member.
But any kind of flaming in the forum leads to alienate members - and we would rather it didnt exist.
So finally: we hate flaming, we love moderators! hurrah
We wanted to make sure that our views were clear - for what their worth.
we think the moderators do a good job. we appreciate that they will often do it without thanks. we know that the veterans of the site will have formed friendships (surely that is one of the benefits of being part of this community?). we dont consider such friendships as a clique.
the only thing that has aggravated US in the last few weeks is the flaming of the "flybys". This IS done by people who consider themselves "elite". Either delete it or ignore it. What is the point of doing anything else. It is childish to make snide comments - and it makes the site look unwelcoming (even if it is unwelcoming to the dodgy guy who just wants a quick, cheap lay)
This is all we have to say, and I am glad that we are not the only people that have noticed this.
Just for clarity, the moderators rock - they do a fantastic job
Please do not take 1 issue as an attack on the general high quality of the moderating. We do not even believe this is an issue that has anything to do with moderating - as these attacks are perpetrated by all types of member.
But any kind of flaming in the forum leads to alienate members - and we would rather it didnt exist.
So finally: we hate flaming, we love moderators! hurrah
I think Mods are great on account they (try) to keep the rest of from being hassled by idiots who, lets face it, just want to ruin People's fun.
Bilko's posts (along with most others inc mine) are really fun posts and certainly not aimed at hurting anyone...
I think this is a great place and like it just the way it is... I've been chatting on the net for well over 10 years now (gawd) as I used to work for a modem manufacturer and it was a good way to test kit all day (well that's my excuse anyway) and there will always be people who want to take a stab at others.... sad but true.
Paul
Bilko's posts (along with most others inc mine) are really fun posts and certainly not aimed at hurting anyone...
I think this is a great place and like it just the way it is... I've been chatting on the net for well over 10 years now (gawd) as I used to work for a modem manufacturer and it was a good way to test kit all day (well that's my excuse anyway) and there will always be people who want to take a stab at others.... sad but true.
Paul
We are newbies in SH. We have read through lots of the treads and found many of them to be really entertaining. We don't read the Sun so we have never been fully informed about the Collymore incident. When we joined the site we were immediateky welcomed by quite a few people which was really appreciated.
However we are quite reticent about posting an advert since we have noticed that there
are quite a few idiots who have joined recently. They seem to be under the impression that if they sign up here they will get a quick shag.
Our impression is that there are loads of highly intelligent people on here with fantastic senses of humour. It is only natural that you do become more friendly after meeting people face-to-face. That has nothing to do with forming cliques - it is a natural human trait.
Anyway we are hoping to meet people face-to-face at the Croydon munch if we can.
In the meantime we both think this is a great site and the moderators deserve a pat on the back for spending their time keeping the site as idiot proof as possible.
Keep up the good work.
However we are quite reticent about posting an advert since we have noticed that there
are quite a few idiots who have joined recently. They seem to be under the impression that if they sign up here they will get a quick shag.
Our impression is that there are loads of highly intelligent people on here with fantastic senses of humour. It is only natural that you do become more friendly after meeting people face-to-face. That has nothing to do with forming cliques - it is a natural human trait.
Anyway we are hoping to meet people face-to-face at the Croydon munch if we can.
In the meantime we both think this is a great site and the moderators deserve a pat on the back for spending their time keeping the site as idiot proof as possible.
Keep up the good work.
Quote by northamptoncpl
We just wanted to reply to this thread, and we have also just read the post by Fred (about him possibly hanging up his moderating boots).
We wanted to make sure that our views were clear - for what their worth.
we think the moderators do a good job. we appreciate that they will often do it without thanks. we know that the veterans of the site will have formed friendships (surely that is one of the benefits of being part of this community?). we dont consider such friendships as a clique.
the only thing that has aggravated US in the last few weeks is the flaming of the "flybys". This IS done by people who consider themselves "elite". Either delete it or ignore it. What is the point of doing anything else. It is childish to make snide comments - and it makes the site look unwelcoming (even if it is unwelcoming to the dodgy guy who just wants a quick, cheap lay)
This is all we have to say, and I am glad that we are not the only people that have noticed this.
Just for clarity, the moderators rock - they do a fantastic job
Please do not take 1 issue as an attack on the general high quality of the moderating. We do not even believe this is an issue that has anything to do with moderating - as these attacks are perpetrated by all types of member.
But any kind of flaming in the forum leads to alienate members - and we would rather it didnt exist.
So finally: we hate flaming, we love moderators! hurrah
Nicely put guys....
Fran & Stu
xxxx
When I first came on this site I came with attitude, pain and anger which may have come through in my ads (in fact it did). Sure with newbies this can be the case. When I found the forum after a week of just going in the chatroom I was amazed at the diversity of conversation. I have never been in a chat room before or forum and still havent tried any others so I cant compare. People in here have helped me heal a broken heart and made me laugh so much andI have regained so much of my lost confidence. I have met people and they are human beings with feelings, emotions and baggage just like the rest of the world. I thought I would not fit in but that was about me not the people I have met. Being here is by choice and I now know the rules to play by and that makes me feel safe. The mods have been a source of encouragement and support in reaching this level of confidence. I am single and have not been showered by unwanted pms or emails except when I have decided to be naughty so I take that responsibility on my shoulders. I will stay here and have fun but thats my responsibility. Thanks Sarge for putting up this post as always good to reflect on why I am here. Think likely to here for a while.....
I have found the Mods Most supportive. On one occasion, having decided that maybe I should leave the site, I posted asking one of them to delete my user.
Within minutes I had two PMs, from Mods, asking what was troubling me and could they help. I am still here at post 30 something.
Seriously though, as someone who has spent a lot of his life trying to support people, being supportive can be very wearing particularly if the traffic is only one way.
So, let us all make it our duty, Nay our pleasure, to be nice and supportive to the Mods.. here goes Fred, Mal, Jags, Mark, Bluexx, KitKat, Heather and (apologies to any others that I have not yet seen ) Thank you and
Within minutes I had two PMs, from Mods, asking what was troubling me and could they help. I am still here at post 30 something.
Seriously though, as someone who has spent a lot of his life trying to support people, being supportive can be very wearing particularly if the traffic is only one way.
So, let us all make it our duty, Nay our pleasure, to be nice and supportive to the Mods.. here goes Fred, Mal, Jags, Mark, Bluexx, KitKat, Heather and (apologies to any others that I have not yet seen ) Thank you and
