I have written before about my mum and her battles with cancer.
She is on a trail medication to help prevent the cancer from coming back, but these are giving her side effects that are stopping her doing things she want to do.
She is on a slow daily dosage so she has no let up from the symptoms. She should be on the treatment for three years, has only been on them 6 months.
She had decided to talk to the hospital and give up the treatment as she said quality of life is better than quantity.
I have to think what is best for her and agree with her.
But there a selfish side to that just wants her here longer.
Do you have a view on this?
Is quality better than quantity?
Am I just being selfish with my own feelings?
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Is quality better than quantity?
My mother faced the same dilemma with lung cancer. She decided to opt for quality for her remaining few months a faced the disease with great fortitude and spirit. Like you I wanted her to take an option that might have prolonged her life . Sadly one has to respect that the wishes of the diseased are paramount and dedicate ones time to making the most out of whatever time is given .
My thoughts are with you in this matter and if you ever need someone to chat to or just someone to throw dishes at drop me a line.
My thoughts are with you in this matter and if you ever need someone to chat to or just someone to throw dishes at drop me a line.
What a subject Minxy.
As you know my Father is currently not well, but I do not know how I would feel.
I would say from a medical point of view, their objective should be to keep the patient alive as long as possible. If the patient opted NOT to be treated and was terminally ill, would the hospital not be accused of possibly assisting that person in their death?
But I feel that it should be that persons decision, whether they want treatment or not. In cases where the patient is in extreme pain, should we have a right to intervene in what that person wants? In my opinion unless the patient is mentally ill, it should be up to them, as to how they want to spend their remaining days or weeks.
I hope I never have to go through this agonising thing.
As you know my Father is currently not well, but I do not know how I would feel.
I would say from a medical point of view, their objective should be to keep the patient alive as long as possible. If the patient opted NOT to be treated and was terminally ill, would the hospital not be accused of possibly assisting that person in their death?
But I feel that it should be that persons decision, whether they want treatment or not. In cases where the patient is in extreme pain, should we have a right to intervene in what that person wants? In my opinion unless the patient is mentally ill, it should be up to them, as to how they want to spend their remaining days or weeks.
I hope I never have to go through this agonising thing.
Quote by niceguysdoexist
My mother faced the same dilemma with lung cancer. She decided to opt for quality for her remaining few months a faced the disease with great fortitude and spirit. Like you I wanted her to take an option that might have prolonged her life . Sadly one has to respect that the wishes of the diseased are paramount and dedicate ones time to making the most out of whatever time is given .
My thoughts are with you in this matter and if you ever need someone to chat to or just someone to throw dishes at drop me a line.
Thank you for your response and kind offer. I have asked the question to possilibly help to place things in the right order in my mind.
Your words have helped me think, I might still take you up on the other offer at a later stage.
So once again,
Thanks
Minx
x
Sex God
Quote by Dave__Notts
Each to their own in this debate.
It would depend on what they have and what they are suffering from. In my own experience, the pain was intense and excrutiating but at no time did I want to die. I wanted to live to see my kids grow up.............and I still do.
Dave_Notts
I had the same experience and at one point I admit to thinking "I wish they would just turn off the machines" They didn't, and I am so glad. 3 months later I was home and three years well heres to the future :cheers:
Minx ultimately if your Mom is in a good mental state then she knows whats best for her. Hard times for you that i don't envy though :sad:
Sexpert
Minxi this is a subject very close to my heart….
My own personal view within the parameters of your topic is ‘Quality’
I too made a choice between them…Different circumstances…. But the same choice…..This was a huge journey for meand I have learnt much, so much that. I have chosen ‘Quality’ over quantity too…..
This is why I live my life to the full, enjoy every moment I can and don’t worry about the past or future…..just enjoy what I have now…..For I don’t know how long now is going to last (who does?!!!)……and I don’t care…It has been said many times, we are all gonna die facing this and not fearing the end of your experience here, gives you so much freedom. …And if there is something I haven’t done, it’s ok… cause I obviously wasn’t meant to…..and if I have do it…..well I had fun doing it……and I am happy…..
This was hard for me to get my kids to understand….. very hard at some times… but hey 2 out of 3 aint bad!
Don’t know if I have helped minx……hope I have tho…xxxx
My own personal view within the parameters of your topic is ‘Quality’
I too made a choice between them…Different circumstances…. But the same choice…..This was a huge journey for meand I have learnt much, so much that. I have chosen ‘Quality’ over quantity too…..
This is why I live my life to the full, enjoy every moment I can and don’t worry about the past or future…..just enjoy what I have now…..For I don’t know how long now is going to last (who does?!!!)……and I don’t care…It has been said many times, we are all gonna die facing this and not fearing the end of your experience here, gives you so much freedom. …And if there is something I haven’t done, it’s ok… cause I obviously wasn’t meant to…..and if I have do it…..well I had fun doing it……and I am happy…..
This was hard for me to get my kids to understand….. very hard at some times… but hey 2 out of 3 aint bad!
Don’t know if I have helped minx……hope I have tho…xxxx
Quote by Willow_female
Minxi this is a subject very close to my heart….
My own personal view within the parameters of your topic is ‘Quality’
I too made a choice between them…Different circumstances…. But the same choice…..This was a huge journey for meand I have learnt much, so much that. I have chosen ‘Quality’ over quantity too…..
This is why I live my life to the full, enjoy every moment I can and don’t worry about the past or future…..just enjoy what I have now…..For I don’t know how long now is going to last (who does?!!!)……and I don’t care…It has been said many times, we are all gonna die facing this and not fearing the end of your experience here, gives you so much freedom. …And if there is something I haven’t done, it’s ok… cause I obviously wasn’t meant to…..and if I have do it…..well I had fun doing it……and I am happy…..
This was hard for me to get my kids to understand….. very hard at some times… but hey 2 out of 3 aint bad!
Don’t know if I have helped minx……hope I have tho…xxxx
Willow,
That has really moved me but also I would like to think I would deal with it in the same way.
I have upmost respect for you and damn words can not express the way I feel right now.
You are an inspiration, one to look up to.
Thanks for sharing that with me. I for one am hoping you will be around for a long time to come.
Take care Hun,
Minx
xxx
Sexpert
Hey Minxi….
Life is good I am happy…. Everyone can have that…… it is only a thought process….
Now come on don’t bloody get soft on me lady…. None of that’s allowed……
Your mum must be a very strong beautiful woman….. My kids sometimes call me hard hearted… but god, if you cant talk about it with them when you have a clear head and share with them how want things to be… when can you….
Hey someone told me the other day, that there is a possibility that we could get the chance of a Para shoot jump…..I would love to do something like that…mmmmm but then when I think about it my feet fizz……lol….
We all have the right to do what we ‘feel’ is right for ourselves…..it is the people who understand us and our families (sometimes) that help and support easy for them either….. but you can all still have fun doing it……
Lub ya Lady XxX
Life is good I am happy…. Everyone can have that…… it is only a thought process….
Now come on don’t bloody get soft on me lady…. None of that’s allowed……
Your mum must be a very strong beautiful woman….. My kids sometimes call me hard hearted… but god, if you cant talk about it with them when you have a clear head and share with them how want things to be… when can you….
Hey someone told me the other day, that there is a possibility that we could get the chance of a Para shoot jump…..I would love to do something like that…mmmmm but then when I think about it my feet fizz……lol….
We all have the right to do what we ‘feel’ is right for ourselves…..it is the people who understand us and our families (sometimes) that help and support easy for them either….. but you can all still have fun doing it……
Lub ya Lady XxX
Minx, I lost my Mum 3 years ago, and as hard as it was, I would have wished quality over quantity any day, my Mum had a brain tumour and to be honest we weren't given all the facts, Mum had surgery and the tumour was alot worse than first thought and as much as possible was removed and for a month to six weeks after sugery Mum was great almost back to her old self, but then the radiotherapy began and so did Mum's and our slippery road to hell, all this was between December and October..
I will be honest I think my Mum had decided that she wanted to be with my Dad who had passed 2 years previous, but my Mum was 59 and having home help in twice a day to get her up and put her to bed and me and my sister helping her out during the rest of the day...
I would have rather had 2 or 3 good months with her than the 6 months we had that were awful for her and us, because she ended her life with no dignatiy in my opinion...
Sam xxx
I will be honest I think my Mum had decided that she wanted to be with my Dad who had passed 2 years previous, but my Mum was 59 and having home help in twice a day to get her up and put her to bed and me and my sister helping her out during the rest of the day...
I would have rather had 2 or 3 good months with her than the 6 months we had that were awful for her and us, because she ended her life with no dignatiy in my opinion...
Sam xxx
Quote by Willow_female
Hey Minxi….
Life is good I am happy…. Everyone can have that…… it is only a thought process….
Now come on don’t bloody get soft on me lady…. None of that’s allowed……
Your mum must be a very strong beautiful woman….. My kids sometimes call me hard hearted… but god, if you cant talk about it with them when you have a clear head and share with them how want things to be… when can you….
Hey someone told me the other day, that there is a possibility that we could get the chance of a Para shoot jump…..I would love to do something like that…mmmmm but then when I think about it my feet fizz……lol….
We all have the right to do what we ‘feel’ is right for ourselves…..it is the people who understand us and our families (sometimes) that help and support easy for them either….. but you can all still have fun doing it……
Lub ya Lady XxX
Willow
I am fine honest!
I really respect your honesty here and it really helped kicked me into touch, about the way I have been feeling about a lot of things of late.
So I would like to thank you fot that. xxx
You are so right it is a thought process and I am not scared of her going we have spoken about that.
I suppose it is more to do with holding onto what you have.
We have our humour to, which we are lucky, it sounds like you have a great relationship with your kids to.
About the parachute jump I have done one in my mad teens.
You have to do one!
The freedom you feel, it is one of the most amazing experiences of my life, one that I have been thinking about doing again as a rebellious 40+ year. :twisted:
Maybe I will came and hold your hand!
Quote by Samndave
Minx, I lost my Mum 3 years ago, and as hard as it was, I would have wished quality over quantity any day, my Mum had a brain tumour and to be honest we weren't given all the facts, Mum had surgery and the tumour was alot worse than first thought and as much as possible was removed and for a month to six weeks after sugery Mum was great almost back to her old self, but then the radiotherapy began and so did Mum's and our slippery road to hell, all this was between December and October..
I will be honest I think my Mum had decided that she wanted to be with my Dad who had passed 2 years previous, but my Mum was 59 and having home help in twice a day to get her up and put her to bed and me and my sister helping her out during the rest of the day...
I would have rather had 2 or 3 good months with her than the 6 months we had that were awful for her and us, because she ended her life with no dignatiy in my opinion...
Sam xxx
Sam,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss!
Thanks for sharing that with us!
You are right, it is all becoming straight in my mind.
My mind is a bit like spagetti junction at times and talking to others just helps me unscrabble the strands
Take care
Minx
xxx
Quote by Lost
Each to their own in this debate.
It would depend on what they have and what they are suffering from. In my own experience, the pain was intense and excrutiating but at no time did I want to die. I wanted to live to see my kids grow up.............and I still do.
Dave_Notts
I had the same experience and at one point I admit to thinking "I wish they would just turn off the machines" They didn't, and I am so glad. 3 months later I was home and three years well heres to the future :cheers:
Minx ultimately if your Mom is in a good mental state then she knows whats best for her. Hard times for you that i don't envy though :sad:
I for one am glad you are still here!
I might even play you chirpy later to celebrate that fact!
Sexpert
Quote by Theladyisaminx
Maybe I will came and hold your hand!
Would love you too..........
Fanks hun.... Hugs
Quality without a shadow of a doubt.
Remember that if somebody has chosen quality of life then it's probably freed them from more than physical suffering, pain and anguish.
It can be difficult to accept when it's somebody close to you and I think when people are so ill that it's not worth fighting the battle, but better to go with the flow and make every single second from that moment count for extra.
(this next bit I know what I'm trying to say and I don't want to upset anyone)
Remember that most people don't know when their times up, you could have an argument with a loved one and they could get run over by a bus an hour later. I think that knowing that its going to happen allows you to ensure that when it finally happens that it's a loving and peaceful end with no regrets or anything left unspoken.
Hugs to everybody who is ill or is having to deal with others who are ill. :therethere:
Remember that if somebody has chosen quality of life then it's probably freed them from more than physical suffering, pain and anguish.
It can be difficult to accept when it's somebody close to you and I think when people are so ill that it's not worth fighting the battle, but better to go with the flow and make every single second from that moment count for extra.
(this next bit I know what I'm trying to say and I don't want to upset anyone)
Remember that most people don't know when their times up, you could have an argument with a loved one and they could get run over by a bus an hour later. I think that knowing that its going to happen allows you to ensure that when it finally happens that it's a loving and peaceful end with no regrets or anything left unspoken.
Hugs to everybody who is ill or is having to deal with others who are ill. :therethere:
Sex God
I lost my Mum to cancer.
She told the rest of the family she hadnt long to live because she wasnt going to have any treatment. She didnt want me to know how ill she was, I was the baby of the family and she didnt want me upset. I didnt find out until near the end and couldnt believe she wasnt having treatment. At the time, I remember thinking she was being so bloody selfish. How could she deprive us of a Mum and her grandchildren of a Grandma?
She told me that she didnt want to be a burden and also, she didnt want to grow old. It was her choice and she went for quality of life. She was 62 when she died. She made the most of the time she had left and didnt want it any other way.
I never understood but 12 years on, I think I understand.
Its personal choice isnt it?
She told the rest of the family she hadnt long to live because she wasnt going to have any treatment. She didnt want me to know how ill she was, I was the baby of the family and she didnt want me upset. I didnt find out until near the end and couldnt believe she wasnt having treatment. At the time, I remember thinking she was being so bloody selfish. How could she deprive us of a Mum and her grandchildren of a Grandma?
She told me that she didnt want to be a burden and also, she didnt want to grow old. It was her choice and she went for quality of life. She was 62 when she died. She made the most of the time she had left and didnt want it any other way.
I never understood but 12 years on, I think I understand.
Its personal choice isnt it?
Hi Minxy,
It's good that you and your Mum can talk so openly, but I can understand you want to hang on to her for as long as possible.
My own opinion is quality over quantity every time. Not sure if this is going to come over right, but here goes .... A few years ago I was very seriously ill - one day I was fine, the next day rushed to hospital, and in excrutiating pain. I would rather go through dozens of childbirths than be in that pain ever again. Although I was in and out of consciousness, I was aware that I was in serious trouble and it could be the finish of me. I do vaguely remember thinking that if I died, then the pain would stop and that was a comforting thought at the time, not at all scary! The point I'm trying to make (and sorry I've rambled) is that if the pain wasn't going to stop, then I really didn't want to go on. So, yes, quality every time.
Thankfully, things turned a corner, and I'm still here to tell the tale, but death doesn't scare me any more.
Life is for living Minxy, although my heart goes out to you too.
Mrs 777 xxxxxxxxxxxx
It's good that you and your Mum can talk so openly, but I can understand you want to hang on to her for as long as possible.
My own opinion is quality over quantity every time. Not sure if this is going to come over right, but here goes .... A few years ago I was very seriously ill - one day I was fine, the next day rushed to hospital, and in excrutiating pain. I would rather go through dozens of childbirths than be in that pain ever again. Although I was in and out of consciousness, I was aware that I was in serious trouble and it could be the finish of me. I do vaguely remember thinking that if I died, then the pain would stop and that was a comforting thought at the time, not at all scary! The point I'm trying to make (and sorry I've rambled) is that if the pain wasn't going to stop, then I really didn't want to go on. So, yes, quality every time.
Thankfully, things turned a corner, and I'm still here to tell the tale, but death doesn't scare me any more.
Life is for living Minxy, although my heart goes out to you too.
Mrs 777 xxxxxxxxxxxx
for me its simple.
If anything happened to me which resulted in not being able to live the way i wanted id be off to another country for the final needle.
Doesnt matter if i had a terminal illness or loss of ability to live normally id be gone.
I wouldnt want anyone to suffer watching me degrade over i dont want people giving up their own life to look after me.
If anything happened to me which resulted in not being able to live the way i wanted id be off to another country for the final needle.
Doesnt matter if i had a terminal illness or loss of ability to live normally id be gone.
I wouldnt want anyone to suffer watching me degrade over i dont want people giving up their own life to look after me.
I've had cancer for the last 13 years. I am very lucky to live a healthy life in between huge operations...but I have had to prepare for the time when it will inevitably get a strong hold on me and lead me to my end. From what I've been through, it is so much worse for the people on the outside...such as you. The family who love you so dearly. For the person going through it, there is only one way forward and that is with reality and strength of love from all those around them. I really do feel for you. For me, quality of life is more important than anything else. xx
Quote by Theladyisaminx
I have written before about my mum and her battles with cancer.
She is on a trail medication to help prevent the cancer from coming back, but these are giving her side effects that are stopping her doing things she want to do.
She is on a slow daily dosage so she has no let up from the symptoms. She should be on the treatment for three years, has only been on them 6 months.
She had decided to talk to the hospital and give up the treatment as she said quality of life is better than quantity.
I have to think what is best for her and agree with her.
But there a selfish side to that just wants her here longer.
Do you have a view on this?
Is quality better than quantity?
Am I just being selfish with my own feelings?
If this was me, I would take the treatment for the three years, and look forward to the rest of my life. However it is as you said only to help stop the cancer coming back. Stopping the treatment does not mean a shorter life, it just changes the chances.
In the end it is down to the individual, only they can decide.
I have read all these responses it is such a hard subject to talk about with friends in the vanilla world, as sometimes you feel you don't want to burnden them with your own issues.
This is what I love about these forums that people will open up and express how they feel and their opinions.
This is helping me to gather my thoughts and put things in order.
I would like to thank you all in sharing with everyone here, what is, a very emotive topic.
Minx
xxx
This is what I love about these forums that people will open up and express how they feel and their opinions.
This is helping me to gather my thoughts and put things in order.
I would like to thank you all in sharing with everyone here, what is, a very emotive topic.
Minx
xxx
When my father died after a long battle with cancer I was glad. I was, dare I say, it happy and relieved. His suffering had ended. Of course I was sad as well but he was in a lot of pain and had suffered a great deal in the preceding months.
I think part of me had been selfish. Looking after him had been hard work, physically and emotionally and I was glad it was over and that I could get on with my own life.
But part of me still misses him. Barely a day goes past when I don’t think of him and wish he was still here.
But I wouldn’t want him at any price. The cost to him those last few weeks was too great.
I think part of me had been selfish. Looking after him had been hard work, physically and emotionally and I was glad it was over and that I could get on with my own life.
But part of me still misses him. Barely a day goes past when I don’t think of him and wish he was still here.
But I wouldn’t want him at any price. The cost to him those last few weeks was too great.
