Two fish in a tank.
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.....
......
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One says "You drive, I'll man the gun!"
:P
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Joke of the day
a boy walks into a chippy and say a want a f---ing bag of chips the lady behind the counter said unless you ask nicely you get nothing so the boy replied i want a f---ing bag of chips the lady replied i told you unless you asked nicely you get nothing the boy then replied give me a f---ing bag of chips now the lady said look i will show you you come round this side and i will go round that side of the counter so they changed placese the lady ask can i have a bag of chips please the boy replied f---off you wouldn't serve me
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
sharron
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
sharron
Quote by salt_n_pepper
a boy walks into a chippy and say a want a f---ing bag of chips the lady behind the counter said unless you ask nicely you get nothing so the boy replied i want a f---ing bag of chips the lady replied i told you unless you asked nicely you get nothing the boy then replied give me a f---ing bag of chips now the lady said look i will show you you come round this side and i will go round that side of the counter so they changed placese the lady ask can i have a bag of chips please the boy replied f---off you wouldn't serve me
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
:thumbup: now thats funny
x rache n peaches x
ohh got another
Man walks inot the pet shop and asks how much the parrots are
guy in shop says them ones up on the top are £200 them underneath are £150
guy looks for a while and says
how comes them ones are £200 and them ones are £150 they look the same to me
cause them ones up there are on higher purches says the shop man
:giggle:
Man walks inot the pet shop and asks how much the parrots are
guy in shop says them ones up on the top are £200 them underneath are £150
guy looks for a while and says
how comes them ones are £200 and them ones are £150 they look the same to me
cause them ones up there are on higher purches says the shop man
:giggle:
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be eight again." she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl
of
Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park:
* the Death Slide,
* the Wall of Fear,
* the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster,
* everything there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling
and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a
McDonald's
where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the movies:the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog,
popcorn,
all the Coke she could drink, and her favourite lolly and M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted.
He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
Well,
Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my
dress size, you f*ckin tw*t"
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong!
"I'd love to be eight again." she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl
of
Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park:
* the Death Slide,
* the Wall of Fear,
* the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster,
* everything there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling
and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a
McDonald's
where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the movies:the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog,
popcorn,
all the Coke she could drink, and her favourite lolly and M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted.
He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
Well,
Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my
dress size, you f*ckin tw*t"
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong!
An Indian goes into a chip shop with his mate and asks for a short back and sides.
The guy serving said, “don’t be stupid this is a chip shopâ€.
The Indian thinks for a moment then says “Ok, I’ll have a permâ€
The guy behind the counter says “look I’ve f***ing told you this is a F***ing chip shop now P**s off!â€
The Indians mate speaks up “ Don’t mind him, he can only speak hair do!â€
The guy serving said, “don’t be stupid this is a chip shopâ€.
The Indian thinks for a moment then says “Ok, I’ll have a permâ€
The guy behind the counter says “look I’ve f***ing told you this is a F***ing chip shop now P**s off!â€
The Indians mate speaks up “ Don’t mind him, he can only speak hair do!â€
Quote by McCloggie
A guy goes to the doctor, walks in and says:
"Doc, I've got a cricket ball stiuck up my arse"
Doc asks "Hows that?
Guy says " Don't you f******g start.
Boom Boom!
:giggle: :giggle:
A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.
"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."
"What about the other one?"
"They called back."
keith
"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."
"What about the other one?"
"They called back."
keith
woman gets up and puts on dressing gown
goes down stairs and takes cover off parrott
opens curtains and puts on kettle.
phone rings its the boyfriend to say hes coming over
so she turns off kettle closes curtains puts cover on parrot and goes upstairs and gets into bed. parrot says FUCKING SHORT DAY THAT WAS
goes down stairs and takes cover off parrott
opens curtains and puts on kettle.
phone rings its the boyfriend to say hes coming over
so she turns off kettle closes curtains puts cover on parrot and goes upstairs and gets into bed. parrot says FUCKING SHORT DAY THAT WAS
Sex God
A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?''
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?''
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
