Little Gem needs YOUR help . . (( i'm in so much shit! ))

6 Apr 2006

my fellow members . . .
it has come to my attention that a certain young lady of my acquaintance has, despite the direst warnings of consequences too awful to imagine, been logging into SH, and no doubt tarting bigtime with all and sundry, and quite probably perving at blokes and girlies in the chatroom! rolleyes

this simply will NOT do! mad

:x :x
"Why? whatever's the matter with that neil?" i hear you cry, in a bewildered kinda way? dunno

well i'll tell you shall i? little gem has exactly 4 weeks in which to complete 4 essays, totalling around 20 000 words, so she can pass her degree and go off and teach the 3 Rs to a load of 'orrible, snotty nosed, little oiks, that's what! quite why she'd want to do that is beyond me, but apparently it's her life's work, so it's my DUTY to ensure she completes her task!
somehow, i don't see that perving at willies will help her accomplish her goals, do you? not quite the kind of revision i had in mind? :dunno: so . . . i'm putting my foot down so i am, and I WILL BROOK NO ARGUMENTS!!!!!
"Why neil, that was very masterful of you that was, and well yes, neil, we take your point!" i hear you muttering in a slightly less bemused manner, "What exactly are you doing about this then?"
well yes, it was rather forceful wasn't it, but i've been practicing telling people what to do, and i'm getting quite good at it so i am, but that's another story . . . .
as for what i'm doing about it, well that's a good question, and i'll tell you! i have, as from last weekend, made THE supreme sacrifice, and unilaterally imposed a total sex ban on little gem, until such time as she can at least present me with ONE WHOLE COMPLETE ESSAY! little gem is then entitled to redeem said completed essay for ONE shag, no more, no less, possibly with a few snogs and a bit of preliminary fumbling thrown in for good measure, if i think it warrants it!
so . . . not only does little gem have to channel her rampant sexual frustration into her essay writing, she also has to contend with the guilt of knowing that i too am sexually frustrated in a rampant kinda way, and no doubt beating myself to a bloody pulp on her behalf, thereby adding to her desire to complete said essay and administer to my every whim just to make up for it!
i'm sure you'll agree, this is a cunning plan indeed! :smug:
"Why yes neil, that is very, very noble and selfless of you neil, and indeed it is cunning beyond words, and we salute your razor like intellect" i imagine you saying, stroking your chins and nodding sagely.
well thank you for your appreciation, but i'm not here to bask in the warm glow of your admiration, so i'll move swiftly on . . . .
"How can we help you neil, PLEASE tell us, cos this is getting to be a rather long post again isn't it neil, as is your wont?" i expect noone is saying at all!
*glowers*
well . . . i'm glad you asked, cos i have made it very, very easy for you! :smug:
all you have to do, is CLICK THIS LINK and check when little gem was last online. then check this thread, and if she's been online since the last posted time, post it here! ((( that's a bit convoluted that is eh? but you get my drift? )))
every time i catch her logging in here, i will phone her to administer a verbal smackbottom

and tell her "GET YOUR BLOODY ARSE OFFLINE YOU AND GET YER 'EAD IN THEM BOOKS", or words to that effect. if that don't quite cut it, i will enlist the aid of a sympathetic mod, and request a temporary deactivation, not exceeding 24 hours, until i'm satisfied she has at least written the requisite 500 words a day!
i thank you for your help in advance, knowing you will all do your bit! biggrin

neilinleeds x x x ;)

6 Apr 2006

Last online: 1 hours ago
Get yer phone going mate. wink

BTW is this to be done before the Notts Munch or are you two not coming?
BTW2 Bloody long post mate. I had to go and get a coffee half way through. Are you making up for your complete lack over the last few months (while I've been post ing like a madman :smug: redface

*gets coat* )
Nice to see you back bud :cheers:

6 Apr 2006

Quote by neilinleeds
........imposed a total sex ban on little gem

That does explain a lot Mr Neilinaslightnortherdirection. there has been a distinct change in tone of her posts/pm's/msn style etc. today she was under the illusion she was virginal and uncorrupted and seemed to argue that she'd never even heard of a todger, nevermind seen/touched/gobbled down like the last meal on earth some throbbing manmeat. i think it's already taking toll on her fragile mind and i shall do my best to prod her lightly in the direction of her studies.
one last thing, are we still allowed to send her seductive text messages detailing some of the fun and frivolities she might well look forward to upon completion of each essay, as she did seem to enjoy the last one innocent

6 Apr 2006

why thank you easy, i knew i could rely on you! biggrin

the phones ringing as we speak! mad

sadly, in line with the total sex ban, socials are also off the agenda. those who wish to see gem at a munch near them anytime soon, should follow your shining example, and grass her right up ! :P
as for posting like a madman? the less said about the better. i've chucked me troll stick away! ;)
neil x x x ;)

6 Apr 2006

Quote by easy
(while I've been post ing like a madman :smug: *gets coat* )

Sorry, who are you dunno

easy :kiss:

Quote by easy
Nice to see you back bud :cheers:

Nice to see Neil and yourself posting biggrin

6 Apr 2006

I think I've given her temporary bans before to make sure she got some work done! Can't recall if they actually worked :shock: !
Gem- -you know you need to get those essays out the way, just go for it!!!!
Mal
(skiving from accounts to post this! redface

)

6 Apr 2006

Look, just shag the poor girl THEN make her get on with the essay ! :giggle:
She might find it easier to concentrate after one shag and the promise of more :twisted:

6 Apr 2006

OMG! :shock: I can't believe you posted this! :shock:
I wasn't here ok bolt

And if anyone can find a reference to a book written by Bob/Robert Fox in 2003 about ICT, the reference would be very gratefully recieved cos then I've one essay finished! biggrin

Gem. x

6 Apr 2006

Quote by little gem
OMG! :shock: I can't believe you posted this! :shock:
I wasn't here ok
And if anyone can find a reference to a book written by Bob/Robert Fox in 2003 about ICT, the reference would be very gratefully recieved cos then I've one essay finished!

Gem. x

Don't know if this will help hun

:kiss:

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren
Don't know if this will help hun

I love you! biggrin

Thankyou

:D And thanks for sticking up for my right to sexual pleasures too! :D
:bounce: essay number one down and 2,000 words off the list of things to do! :D
Yay! :D

6 Apr 2006

see, see, what did i tell you! the evidence is there for all to see! rolleyes

sooooooo busted!!!!
*sorry shake of head*
clearly this is why gem refused to answer her phone, knowing she was right in the shit! :roll:
*tuts quite loudly*
meaty? i'm not sure who gem thought she was fooling with her virginal lark, but if saucy text messages add to her frustration, well knock yaself out mate! ;)
neil x x x ;)

6 Apr 2006

Quote by little gem

Don't know if this will help hun

I love you! biggrin

Thankyou

:D And thanks for sticking up for my right to sexual pleasures too! :D
:bounce: essay number one down and 2,000 words off the list of things to do! :D
Yay! :D
Glad I could help in some small way hunni :kiss: If I can be of further assistance, let me know :rascal: innocent

6 Apr 2006

Quote by neilinleeds
see, see, what did i tell you! the evidence is there for all to see!
sooooooo busted!!!!
*sorry shake of head*
clearly this is why gem refused to answer her phone, knowing she was right in the shit! :roll:
*tuts quite loudly*
meaty? i'm not sure who gem thought she was fooling with her virginal lark, but if saucy text messages add to her frustration, well knock yaself out mate! ;)
neil x x x ;)

so true, I was so busted! biggrin

ops:
But please...... don't enlist people to tease me with sexual promises and the like or I'll burst! sad

:cry:

Gem. x

6 Apr 2006

I can always wave my magic mod buttons and make little gem disappear for a short period of time!!
:shock: :shock: :shock:
I need a poll!
:eeek: :eeek: :eeek:

6 Apr 2006

Instructions on getting out while there's still time:
Collect all 4 essays, one box of matches, some lighter fuel and a metal waste bin.
* Put essays in bin
* Pour lighter fuel over essays
* Ignite match and drop in bin
* Bask in the warm glow of a job well done (and a real fire)
* Look in MEN for a better paid and less stressful job (after a celebratory shag)

Failing that click the little x on the top right of yer browser window and get back to work ...
xxx

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Jags
I can always wave my magic mod buttons and make little gem disappear

:smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom:

6 Apr 2006

Quote by meat2pleaseu
I can always wave my magic mod buttons and make little gem disappear

:smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom: :smackbottom:
Promises Meaty, promises!!
:happy:

6 Apr 2006

Thank goodness wink

Thought it was just me.......I have an essay and 2 other assignments to complete & keep getting sooooo distracted (usually by the chatrooms)
I keeping trying to be disciplined but you know how it is................you need to do a bit of online research & your fingers just do their own thing.........automatic pilot to swinging heaven login innocent

Before you know it.....................darn that's another few hours gone :rascal:
Wont do though......has to be done :jagsatwork:
But maybe all is not lost......one assignment on use of ict in classroom , so thanks Sassy for that helpful link :happy:
Good luck Gem be worth it in the end but do soooo sympathise with you :therethere:
Well back to work.....only a few more thousand words to go :notes:

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Jags
:shock: :shock: :shock:
I need a pole!
:eeek: :eeek: :eeek:

What? To dance around???? lol

6 Apr 2006

I think she meant

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Mal

:shock: :shock: :shock:
I need a poke!
:eeek: :eeek: :eeek:

What? To dance around???? lol

oke:

6 Apr 2006

Quote by Waterbabe
Thank goodness
Thought it was just me.......I have an essay and 2 other assignments to complete & keep getting sooooo distracted (usually by the chatrooms)
I keeping trying to be disciplined but you know how it is................you need to do a bit of online research & your fingers just do their own thing.........automatic pilot to swinging heaven login
Before you know it.....................darn that's another few hours gone :rascal:
Wont do though......has to be done :jagsatwork:
But maybe all is not lost......one assignment on use of ict in classroom , so thanks Sassy for that helpful link :happy:
Good luck Gem be worth it in the end but do soooo sympathise with you :therethere:
Well back to work.....only a few more thousand words to go :notes:

oh dear! well that was silly of you wasn't it?
my fellow members . . .
*insert my previous post here, but replace little gem with waterbabe*
:P
neil x x x ;)

6 Apr 2006

Neil, are you going to allow her 'time out' for partying? I'm just thinking, it could mean that you had to be the receiver of all Gem's pleasure/pain at a party quite soon (ie before the 4 weeks are up) lol

6 Apr 2006

Quote by freckledbird
Neil, are you going to allow her 'time out' for partying? I'm just thinking, it could mean that you had to be the receiver of all Gem's pleasure/pain at a party quite soon (ie before the 4 weeks are up)

shush you! this is clearly an added incentive to her essay writing!
i've allowed for a bit of stretching, and she is allowed to go out on the 29th, possibly, cos obviously by that time i'll be bleedin' rampant, and she wouldn't want me to miss out on that would she?
blue's party = 2 complete essays, then we'll think about it! ;)
neil x x x ;)

6 Apr 2006

Arhh bless Little Gem, I know how you feel. I had to go through all this, this time last year. Want some tips?
research-
how many peeps can you get as servants?
You need one to please, one to tease, one to feed you strawberries n cream
& one to write your assignments!!
Good luck kiss

6 Apr 2006

Remember this:
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
innocent

6 Apr 2006

Quote by hisandhers
how many peeps can you get as servants?
You need one to please, one to tease, one to feed you strawberries n cream
& one to write your assignments!!
Good luck

hisandhers, well i'm shocked . . . . nay disgusted . . . .
if i didn't know better, i'd almost believe you were suggesting we all cheat on this . . .
i.e.
some motivational guru type person dangles a rather larger carrot than i can provide . . . redface

some better informed type person writes essays . . . . possibly for sexual favours . . .
some less scrupulous type person scabs on the total sex ban, and undermines me completely . . .
i'm quite sure NOONE would ever stoop so low . . . . but rest assured, i have ways and means of discovering the truth, and should i discover that someone has tried to undermine the solidarity of members vis a vis my complete lack of sex, i will make it my MISSION in life to make their lives a living hell . . . oh yes! mad

glad we all understand eachother! :(
neil x x x ;)

6 Apr 2006

Quote by neilinleeds
how many peeps can you get as servants?
You need one to please, one to tease, one to feed you strawberries n cream
& one to write your assignments!!
Good luck

hisandhers, well i'm shocked . . . . nay disgusted . . . .
if i didn't know better, i'd almost believe you were suggesting we all cheat on this . . .
i.e.
some motivational guru type person dangles a rather larger carrot than i can provide . . . redface

some better informed type person writes essays . . . . possibly for sexual favours . . .
some less scrupulous type person scabs on the total sex ban, and undermines me completely . . .
i'm quite sure NOONE would ever stoop so low . . . . but rest assured, i have ways and means of discovering the truth, and should i discover that someone has tried to undermine the solidarity of members vis a vis my complete lack of sex, i will make it my MISSION in life to make their lives a living hell . . . oh yes! mad

glad we all understand eachother! :(
neil x x x ;)
you bet innocent

this got me through my degree last year lol

6 Apr 2006

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Aww bless! biggrin

Waterbabe, keep going and we can make it! :D
Thanks Jags ...... erm..... I think dunno

.......for offering to ban me! :uhoh: :D lol

My will power is ok still and I think I've got the little red cross as a friend right now! :D
Unlike Neil who has no idea what is going to happen when I get my hands on him. :twisted:
I think I'll print an extra copy of each assignment and then do the ritual burning once theyre handed in. It sounds like far too much fun to miss out on! :D Not that I'm a pyromaniac or endorse the unecessary combustion of paper materials for pleasurable gain one tiny little bit.
Can I have time off in the evenings to perve..... I mean browse through the site?? bolt

6 Apr 2006

LITTLE GEM ALERT!!!!!
Gem has been spotted in the steam room in her jimjams.
report submitted 21:13hrs :smug: