making approaches....

1 Mar 2005

I've been pondering this a while and was wondering what you all thought. How do you approach someone at a party/club who you would like to have sex with? I tend to wait for someone elses advances on me before I do anything, but if there is someone I really fancy, I daren't come on to them! I feel silly admitting it, after all, everyone is there for the same reason, but not everyone will fancy everyone else.
How do I get over that hurdle and get into someones pants??? redface

:twisted:

1 Mar 2005

Quote by MQ
but if there is someone I really fancy, I daren't come on to them!:

you find out that answer you make sure to tell me ffs cuz I freeze out big time as soon as I get within a metre of somebody I fancy big time
I can just about manage the chat side, but the "wanna have fun" side just kills me everytime, either I gotta get drunk/stoned enough to not care anymore about being shy ( in which case its watch out floor cuz here comes my nose, closely followed by the rest of me) or wait and wait and wait and hope

1 Mar 2005

Well, with a 50/50 chance of success, I find the old "give us a feel of yer tits love" approach works - sometimes lol

1 Mar 2005

Quote by Jon
Well, with a 50/50 chance of success, I find the old "give us a feel of yer tits love" approach works - sometimes

That'd work for me :twisted: :twisted:
Get ya coat Jon you've pulled ;) ;)
C x

1 Mar 2005

Quote by Calista
Well, with a 50/50 chance of success, I find the old "give us a feel of yer tits love" approach works - sometimes

That'd work for me :twisted: :twisted:
Get ya coat Jon you've pulled ;) ;)
C x
Jeeze!!! That's the first time it actually *did* work :roll: :lol:
T-J

1 Mar 2005

Quote by Calista
That'd work for me :twisted: :twisted:
Get ya coat Jon you've pulled ;) ;)
C x

See, Told ya lol

1 Mar 2005

Quote by RedHot
Well, with a 50/50 chance of success, I find the old "give us a feel of yer tits love" approach works - sometimes

That'd work for me :twisted: :twisted:
Get ya coat Jon you've pulled ;) ;)
C x
Jeeze!!! That's the first time it actually *did* work :roll: :lol:
T-J
:doh: now you tell me !!!!
C x

1 Mar 2005

And it was only the second time I'd used it lol

:lol: :lol:

1 Mar 2005

i find the walk up and take the bull by the horns aproach works well
:twisted:
men are so bad at pickin up signals from women
:shock:

1 Mar 2005

flirting flirting flirting and being a blatent flirt does wonders did i mention flirting

1 Mar 2005

you have the most amazing eyes ....can i touch them :crazy:

1 Mar 2005

Quote by rachel-lane
you have the most amazing eyes ....can i touch them :crazy:

I love you.

1 Mar 2005

Quote by redstilletto
i find the walk up and take the bull by the horns aproach works well
:twisted:
men are so bad at pickin up signals from women
:shock:

you can say that again!! redface

ops:

1 Mar 2005

Quote by MQ
I've been pondering this a while and was wondering what you all thought. How do you approach someone at a party/club who you would like to have sex with? I tend to wait for someone elses advances on me before I do anything, but if there is someone I really fancy, I daren't come on to them! I feel silly admitting it, after all, everyone is there for the same reason, but not everyone will fancy everyone else.
How do I get over that hurdle and get into someones pants??? :twisted:

Feel free to practice on me.
lol

1 Mar 2005

Quote by MQ
I've been pondering this a while and was wondering what you all thought. How do you approach someone at a party/club who you would like to have sex with? I tend to wait for someone elses advances on me before I do anything, but if there is someone I really fancy, I daren't come on to them! I feel silly admitting it, after all, everyone is there for the same reason, but not everyone will fancy everyone else.
How do I get over that hurdle and get into someones pants??? :twisted:

MQ I'm kinda the same as you. Except I'll flirt a bit but leave the advances to them. Fear of rejection or something along those lines, who knows. dunno

You could always try some of Blue's vodka jelly for dutch courage first, just mind it doesn't have the opposite effect and you end up shagging everyone but the one you're interested in confused

Sorry no real help to you, but just wanted to say, you're not alone in this one hun kiss

1 Mar 2005

I think (and I'm no expert) if you feel like that and let's face it most do, the only thing to do is make absolutely sure that your body language is sending out the right signals - there was a good thread on this recently with some fascinating links (Google does it). The great thing about body language is that you can sort of turbo-charge it by how much you feel in order to get the message across - short of whipping yer knickers off and shoving 'em over his/her head.
The problem is that some blokes are crap at picking up the signals on occasions so it can even help to let the person alongside him know what's up. Women are much better at it - why is that?

1 Mar 2005

Good question MQ
I can manage the flirting part and depending on my mood, alcohol levels, clothing and sense of humour I can get a bit outrageous.
One thing though is that I am crap at reading signals given off by others, just can't work it out. mad

1 Mar 2005

When it comes to reading signals it is weird that i can read others so when i am with other people i am fairly good at reading it when it doesn't involve me....... god bless all that people watching...
but when it comes to me, unless a woman has a big neon sign about her head saying "i like you, want a shag????" i haven't got a clue.......
and as a lot of you can probably testify... i am useless at making the first move.....
i sort of envy a lot of the "utlra-confident" people that i see on line and at munches....but i suppose it would be boring if we were all the same....
sean xxxxxxxxxxx

1 Mar 2005

Quote by fabio grooverider
and as a lot of you can probably testify... i am useless at making the first move.....
i sort of envy a lot of the "utlra-confident" people that i see on line and at munches....but i suppose it would be boring if we were all the same....

Sometimes it's not all about confidence though - I wouldn't say I'm lacking in confidence at all (forward bint I can be) but as Libra Love said it can be a fear of rejection and/or other things

1 Mar 2005

Quote by Lil_Bunny

and as a lot of you can probably testify... i am useless at making the first move.....
i sort of envy a lot of the "utlra-confident" people that i see on line and at munches....but i suppose it would be boring if we were all the same....

Sometimes it's not all about confidence though - I wouldn't say I'm lacking in confidence at all (forward bint I can be) but as Libra Love said it can be a fear of rejection and/or other things
i find it interesting that women say it i s the fear of rejection.... because i would tend to say that men in general are the ones who are suppose to make the first move... so you tend to be the rejectors...rather than the rejected!! if that makes sense......
if anything comes out of this then i hope that women have a better sense for what us guys go thru everytime we ask you.......so next time you turn down that nice bloke, just remember how much nerve it has taken......
sean xxxxxxxxxxx

1 Mar 2005

Guys usually respond to the 'big eye'. ie you give the guy a really obvious full on confident stare. I am a very visually oriented guy (you know eyes like Roger Rabbit and va va voom) so I often miss the subtle signs. I would also feel uncomfortable with someone who had been discreetly watching me, then made a surprise and shifty approach.

1 Mar 2005

Quote by fabio grooverider
i find it interesting that women say it i s the fear of rejection.... because i would tend to say that men in general are the ones who are suppose to make the first move... so you tend to be the rejectors...rather than the rejected!! if that makes sense......
if anything comes out of this then i hope that women have a better sense for what us guys go thru everytime we ask you.......so next time you turn down that nice bloke, just remember how much nerve it has taken......
sean xxxxxxxxxxx

not being nasty here Sean but it does work both ways and women get turned down too. Doesn't matter whether you are male or female it's still a blow.
Yes maybe it is more the men that are seen to make the first move I'll agree there.
My fear of rejection stems probably from the amount of guys who I've met, seen once and never heard from again even after they've asked me to text or call them.
A knock back or let down to either sex can change their views and way they go about trying to chat/pull someone they fancy

1 Mar 2005

I'm pretty crap at picking up signals if someone fancies me. I hadn't a clue that Mr Redbird fancied me when I first met him. He fancied the arse of me and I thought he was just being friendly.

1 Mar 2005

If I'm with someone at a Munch and I'm feeling confident then I find saying "Give us a snog" usually works...... LoL

1 Mar 2005

Quote by westerross
The problem is that some blokes are crap at picking up the signals on occasions so it can even help to let the person alongside him know what's up. Women are much better at it - why is that?

According to a seminar thingy whotsit I went to once, the reason goes back to good old nature (and to all those real psychologist people out there - I am only saying what they said - but it did seem to make sense confused

)
Women have naturally stronger "senses" (call it intution if you want), and a physically wider visual arc becuase of their need to look out for and protect their children. And before anyone starts the obvious - that men are single fathers etc - we are going back to raw nature here - without social canges. Women are biologically better at pickng up signals of danger etc. (and believe it or not - there is also a biological reason behind map reading skills too!!)
Sorry - not a very long explanation - but I am err workng :?
As for the original question:- I always thought I was hopeless at flirting, but apparentely I am not! But talking that extra step and saying "wanna take it further?". Umm - nope - I just can't do it dunno

I will always wait for the other person/s to make that first move. I put that down to being shy - and, to be perfectly honest - a fear of rejection. Which is silly really! Having never been to a club I am not sure how I would be in that sort of situation.

1 Mar 2005

Quote by Redbird
I'm pretty crap at picking up signals if someone fancies me. I hadn't a clue that Mr Redbird fancied me when I first met him. He fancied the arse of me and I thought he was just being friendly.

Same here Red.... I am a very social person and quite confident with it, but with regard to picking up signs, I dont see them....
MQ, got to say hun I would be in the same boat as you.... Those that have met me will testify that I am no retiring wallflower, but approaching someone for sex in a direct manner is something that I wouldn't know how to do..... It is easier online rather than face to face as they are unable to see your embarressment...
Now I seem to recall Rachel mentioning flirting (I could be wrong wink

) and thats something I can do for England and Australia, but converting it into a straight out "Want a shag" question is another thing :lol:
Seems like there are alot of us with this dilemma, which considering we are on a swingers website seems really bizzare confused

Shireen
xxx

1 Mar 2005

Quote by Rainbows
Women have naturally stronger "senses" (call it intution if you want), and a physically wider visual arc becuase of their need to look out for and protect their children.

Makes us good at spotting a bargain in the sales too!! biggrin

Fee
XX

1 Mar 2005

Quote by LadyFeeBee

Women have naturally stronger "senses" (call it intution if you want), and a physically wider visual arc becuase of their need to look out for and protect their children.

Makes us good at spotting a bargain in the sales too!! biggrin

Fee
XX
Umm - I think I mised out on that particular "shopping" gene confused

. Don't shop. Hate hopping. Sales just scare me!!! :D

1 Mar 2005

have to say for me flirting with someone is not a problem but i would never ask if we could take it further becauce i am far too shy for that and of cource theres always a chance i would get knocked back and thats difficult for anybody to handle but it does happen.i'm a coward i know but if the lady is interested then i'm sure she will let me know unless shes just as shy as me :doh: dunno

.mrs pleasure is totally different to me as ppl who have met us will very outgoing and loud and she knows what she jane is interested in you she uses strong eye contact if she notices you jane is deaf picking up a conversation with a stranger can be difficult but she never has a problem pulling if she wants too i just wish i had her confidence.

1 Mar 2005

you could always buy The Definitive Book of Body Language: The Secret Meaning Behind People's Gestures its a cracking read and you get to know if ppl are genuine and not feeding you full of crap .